RobbyRobot

thanks Pagekeeper. yup, your're right when yous' right and ya y'all is right! hmmm, how many other ways can i agree with you?! draw attention? get some pity? do we alcoholics do THAT?! hahaha you kill me pagemaker. your alright you know that! "it's simply the reality of my situation." -- sweeeeet!

well i got empathy for you. i am a dropdead blackout survivor too. scary **** that. once is enough you'd think of course, but no, i still found ways to justify my way from the truth and give repeat performances as i made my rounds. that **** really wrecks your social life. couple years of that and i was swimming with the bottom feeders i hate to say it today, but there it is anyways.

guns. yup. i put my daddy's 12 gauge shotgun in my mouth and pulled the trigger. i was just 16 years old that summer. it was an especially bad year that one because of how bad the summer before was: my 6 year old sister was walking her bike and a drunk run her down in 1972. [R.I.P Cathy i still love you so much] yeah the numbness slows things down and they build up, and they explode out at the worse possible times.

so ok the gun fit and i could work the trigger. ok this could happen. the shells were right beside me on my bed. i didn't load though because then i would have pulled and i'd be dead now. you know, i was sooo f**ked up i was'nt even sure being dead would stop the hurt. i was just sooo f**king deep in my hates all i knew was wrongness. i was a mess. i put that gun back away that day. the shells and i went for a walk in the woods near our home and i buried them shells under a little maple leaf tree that was just eye-level to me. i never did the gun thing again. i thank God i'm alive today. pain brought me to the edge and pain backed me off. its all hardcore when your pains and hurts can mess with you like that. i guess, eh.

checked into a mental ward. yup. did that when i was 18. but i got no more guts n' tears left for that message now. time to just soak on this an live with the moment.

Pagekeeper, what can i say? your messages got me good. i hope i returned the favor. don't pick up. your not alone. you rock.

Robby

RufusACanal

ruch,

If you are truly insulted, you might want to share that sentiment with your Sponsor; hate for you to build a resentment. If people stopped drinking when they wanted to ruch, there would be no need of recovery based programs. A Power Greater than me solved the drink question in my life only after I acknowledged his presence coupled with the realization I had drank all I ever need drink. This worked for me and thousands of others, so I am confused, do you take offense at the preceived obsurdity of my ESH or your lack of serenity? I do wish you well.

Cupcakes

Nobody knows if they are done. If you do, you know about the future.

You can use AA as a revolving door becuase you can get away it.
You get babied and feel well enough to go out and do more drinking.
Then you come back to AA to get baby again and again becuase it's
easy. AA or recovery is just another quick fix for you.

You get drunk becuase you feel you can get away with consiquences
or are willing to pay, put up with the chaos or at the very least take a chance.
You take a chances becuase you got away with it in the past.
Plus it's socially acceptiable and everyone is doing it.

You lack integrity, self discipline, self control, self worth, self commitment,
self knowlege, self love and accountabilties. This is why you're so self absorbing.
You live in total denial of this fact.

Don't worry, recovery will be all about you too.
Your sponsor, your meetings, your relapse,
your spiriatual awakening, your steps, your GOD.

You don't really make amends, that would be accountabilities.
You just tell everyone that you do becuase you can get away
with it. Nobody knows if your done or exactly what you do.
You just tell everyone what they want to hear. It's easier this way.

To thy ownself be true, that's another way of saying integrity.
That's how I know.

RobbyRobot

powerful posting Cupcakes, and welcome to SR. your message is a been there did that message. that's how you know, eh. hope your doing better now. keep posting.

ruch

So basicly we have no choice? So if a person has yet to "have had enough of drinking" but they really need to or their life will end they cannot do it?

I take that rediculous cliche as meaning: "Go drink because if this doesn't work for you you deserve to die." Give me a break. The belly full cliche is insulting and should be put to rest.

P.S. Thouasands of people have used AA and it didn't work for them. It works for people who want it to work for them, period.

RobbyRobot

well, that's a typo or some kinda Freudian slipup there, cause i was 21 and not 18. like that the exact date matters really 30 friggin' years later but anyways. lol. carrion.

BackToSquareOne

[QUOTE=ruch;1832042]So basicly we have no choice? So if a person has yet to "have had enough of drinking" but they really need to or their life will end they cannot do it?

I take that rediculous cliche as meaning: "Go drink because if this doesn't work for you you deserve to die." Give me a break. The belly full cliche is insulting and should be put to rest.


How would you apply the drink until your done thing to a binge drinker? I was always done with that binge but it was only a matter of time until my next.

ruch

When someone is successful with AA it's because they were done. If someone uses AA and is not successful it's because they haven't yet had their "belly full". AA takes 100% credit for someone who succeeds and 0% blame for someone who fails.

Sounds good to me.

LosingmyMisery

For me, I found when the consequences grew larger, I tried harder. When I felt death looming, I knew I better give it my all or I would die. It was that simple. It took quite a few belly fulls before I finally figured it out. I guess it takes what it takes.

Cathy31

It takes what it takes- and I agree with Ruch AA shouldn't take the blame if someone fails, and obviously the credit (AA meaning Higher Power too which is really the point) if someone succeeds - it's a program that works if you work it. FACT.

I, and millions of others are proof of that - that I can't but God could and would if he were sought...

I am so grateful to be sober today. I am so grateful that I have absolutely no desire to drink today. I have a life beyond my wildest dreams and every day it gets better.
The Promises come true if you work at it.

Work is the keyword - it's a program of action.


As mentioned I doubt I was 'done' when I finally came in although I was at least certain I was an alcoholic (good start) but as mentioned, I faked it, kept it in the day, got a sponsor, worked the steps, hung out with other AA'ers and the miracle happened.


Cathy31
x

Pagekeeper

Thanks everyone for the feedback.

Update: Yesterday I talked to my sponsor at great length and we are getting together again next week to start going back through the book and steps. I've been hitting 2 meetings a day. This seems to be what I need right now.

bugsworth

Pagekeeper that is wonderful! Keep true to yourself and don't pick up...things will fall into place.

BackToSquareOne

For me it always seemed that if the desire to drink was stronger than the desire not to drink then I would usually drink. If the desire not to drink was stronger then I would not drink, no real magic in that equation though.

RobbyRobot

that is super news, Pagekeeper!!

bugsworth

Backtosquareone... the key is regardless how strong the desire to drink is one who wants sobriety does not drink. You are right no magic in that equation!