"I F@@Up Yawl"
FreeSpirit
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Inside My Spirit
Posts: 1,274
"I F@@Up Yawl"
I Can't no more I just Can't I try
only God knows I try I just couldn't
hold on any more my heart is aching
I'm so f@@ng along is been the worst
week of my recovery journey I couldn't
hold on no more
there are no excuses I F@@@kd up
I'm not looking for Sympathy or pity
I just F@@kd up Man, I Drank
my husband walk out on me since
tues haven't heard from him
emotionally I broke down
is no excuse for what I did
but it's the true my heart is aching
is the 4th of july weekend and I'm so lonely
I fail :sorry
only God knows I try I just couldn't
hold on any more my heart is aching
I'm so f@@ng along is been the worst
week of my recovery journey I couldn't
hold on no more
there are no excuses I F@@@kd up
I'm not looking for Sympathy or pity
I just F@@kd up Man, I Drank
my husband walk out on me since
tues haven't heard from him
emotionally I broke down
is no excuse for what I did
but it's the true my heart is aching
is the 4th of july weekend and I'm so lonely
I fail :sorry
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
I read in another thread that you go to meetings. Do you have a phone list? If you do, I urge you to use it, and if you don't, I urge you to get to a meeting and make some contacts.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Peace & Love,
Sugah
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
Originally Posted by Sugah 
I read in another thread that you go to meetings. Do you have a phone list? If you do, I urge you to use it, and if you don't, I urge you to get to a meeting and make some contacts.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
butterfly...so sorry this is going on for you. Please call your sponsor if you have one. And a meeting would be good too....you are a very strong person, i have seen that in you.
please take care of yourself....I am thinking of you and hoping for you.
please take care of yourself....I am thinking of you and hoping for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,002
Originally Posted by BUTTERFLY-7
I Can't no more I just Can't I try
only God knows I try I just couldn't
only God knows I try I just couldn't
My suggestion is to use the energy your consuming on calling yourself a failure and divert it full on into the program off AA. Call your sponsor (if you don't have one, get one), tell her what happened. Go to meetings and LISTEN. If you have a sponsor, jump into your step work. AA isn't just about going to meetings. Step work, meetings, and service work are just some of the actions required to acheive the promises that the 9th Step proclaims.
The only failures to staying sober are those who died actively drinking/using. And even the dead succeded when their death ended their suffering.
Now may be the time (only you can decide), to really start working the AA program. You will be surprised at the results you get when you simply have faith. I know you can get sober if you really want to. You just have to do it.
Tom
FreeSpirit
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Inside My Spirit
Posts: 1,274
Originally Posted by Signal30
Stop trying. AA works when to do it, not try. If I only tried to make it to a meeting or tried to call my sponsor, with my alcoholic mind, I probably wouldn't be successful very often at either.
My suggestion is to use the energy your consuming on calling yourself a failure and divert it full on into the program off AA. Call your sponsor (if you don't have one, get one), tell her what happened. Go to meetings and LISTEN. If you have a sponsor, jump into your step work. AA isn't just about going to meetings. Step work, meetings, and service work are just some of the actions required to acheive the promises that the 9th Step proclaims.
The only failures to staying sober are those who died actively drinking/using. And even the dead succeded when their death ended their suffering.
Now may be the time (only you can decide), to really start working the AA program. You will be surprised at the results you get when you simply have faith. I know you can get sober if you really want to. You just have to do it.
Tom
My suggestion is to use the energy your consuming on calling yourself a failure and divert it full on into the program off AA. Call your sponsor (if you don't have one, get one), tell her what happened. Go to meetings and LISTEN. If you have a sponsor, jump into your step work. AA isn't just about going to meetings. Step work, meetings, and service work are just some of the actions required to acheive the promises that the 9th Step proclaims.
The only failures to staying sober are those who died actively drinking/using. And even the dead succeded when their death ended their suffering.
Now may be the time (only you can decide), to really start working the AA program. You will be surprised at the results you get when you simply have faith. I know you can get sober if you really want to. You just have to do it.
Tom
pain yeah! you are right I could of fought for my recovery
but I choose not so thats my mistake, and thats the prize
I have to pay but thanx!
Oh! by the way I never said I was a Failure
Failure is when you stop trying, I said I couldn't deal with the Pain I'm going trough that it hurt it so much I just lost site of everything
I never said I was going to give up Recovery.............
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
Posts: 201
Hi Butterfly....I relapsed bid time this week...pressure and being lonely sucks. My x left over a year ago. Of all things I wanted to stop and she did not want to...hang in there, do what you have to do and start over!
FreeSpirit
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Inside My Spirit
Posts: 1,274
Listen at this time this is all I need to here is you
talking to me in that manner, I do understand
were you coming from,
But please have some Respect
my relapse got nothing to do with not sticking to
my Recovery, and making meetings, so help you God
that you never have to come across a painful situation
that would rip your heart into pieces Oh!! and this is no excuse
some are Strong, and some are week, this Pain hit my week spot
weather I was working the program, or not, Pain whether
be mentally, or emotionally, you could make all the meetings
in the world have all the tools in front of you
have the greatest sponsor in the world call all the people
in the book But if you are week emotionally Baby
and when that Door hits behind you to face all the pain
and loneliness and memories you tell me who is the Big Guy
so when you are going to give a feed back think!!!of the persons pain I don't want yours or any body's sympathy
I just couldn't deal with the pain and yes I fail the test of time but no I'm not a failure I will make it Thanx you
talking to me in that manner, I do understand
were you coming from,
But please have some Respect
my relapse got nothing to do with not sticking to
my Recovery, and making meetings, so help you God
that you never have to come across a painful situation
that would rip your heart into pieces Oh!! and this is no excuse
some are Strong, and some are week, this Pain hit my week spot
weather I was working the program, or not, Pain whether
be mentally, or emotionally, you could make all the meetings
in the world have all the tools in front of you
have the greatest sponsor in the world call all the people
in the book But if you are week emotionally Baby
and when that Door hits behind you to face all the pain
and loneliness and memories you tell me who is the Big Guy
so when you are going to give a feed back think!!!of the persons pain I don't want yours or any body's sympathy
I just couldn't deal with the pain and yes I fail the test of time but no I'm not a failure I will make it Thanx you
FreeSpirit
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Inside My Spirit
Posts: 1,274
Originally Posted by ThisIsTheDay
Hi Butterfly....I relapsed bid time this week...pressure and being lonely sucks. My x left over a year ago. Of all things I wanted to stop and she did not want to...hang in there, do what you have to do and start over!
marry in jan. we were together for a year before we tide
the not so yeah it rip my heart apart it would of been better knowing that I wasn't marry which it would of hurt to
but married were I come from thats something sacred
I'm sorry about your ex too and thanx
FreeSpirit
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Inside My Spirit
Posts: 1,274
Originally Posted by AW2486
Butterfly ... are you still drinking right now?
and I know Tomorrow I would be drinking I have
whats call reservations I wish I could say yeah!!!
hurray I'm going to star over but my situation is so
Freaking painful I lost site is like I don't care anymore all I know my heart is aching and bleeding I can't think stray
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
B
I don't have the experience or qualifications to "lecture" you. I have no idea what triggered your setback. As I sit on my ranch in Idaho, watching the sun set over the Selkirks, eating my free range chicken, I feel pretty lucky. When I bought this place 25 years ago, I had a housekey. I lost it and haven't seen it since.
But two weeks ago, for various reasons, I felt like a gutter dog. It would be hard to feel much lower. I'd "relapsed," not in a big way, but I drank. I'm not sure why.
Today I feel great. Back to it. Enjoying both life and sobriety.
I do have a question. I ask it because it was important to me when I was feeling so low. Did you find anything in the bottle? Did it relieve anything? Did it make anything better? More importantly, did it make anything good in your life not so good? Did it make anything bad in your life worse?
My "relapse" did me a favor, in a way. I found nothing in that six pack. Absolutely nothing. It didn't begin to scratch any itch that I had. It didn't make the sunset better. It made NOTHING better. It did make some things worse, however.
I'm not going to suggest that relapsing is a great thing. It's not. But if we do, why not make it an F'ing powerful learning experience? I'd bet twenty acres that you got nothing but pain, grief, shame, and self hatred from it. SOOO? What does that tell us the next time we get an itch? It ain't gonna work, lady. The outcome is guaranteed. Guaranteed bad. And that can help us in the long term. There ain't nothing there!!
Pick it up where you left off, just a little bit wiser than before. A question within you has been answered once and for all. May a greater sense of peace be with you now that you know the answer to the lingering question. There AIN'T NOTHING THERE! Except for...Nah, I think I'll pass...
warren
I don't have the experience or qualifications to "lecture" you. I have no idea what triggered your setback. As I sit on my ranch in Idaho, watching the sun set over the Selkirks, eating my free range chicken, I feel pretty lucky. When I bought this place 25 years ago, I had a housekey. I lost it and haven't seen it since.
But two weeks ago, for various reasons, I felt like a gutter dog. It would be hard to feel much lower. I'd "relapsed," not in a big way, but I drank. I'm not sure why.
Today I feel great. Back to it. Enjoying both life and sobriety.
I do have a question. I ask it because it was important to me when I was feeling so low. Did you find anything in the bottle? Did it relieve anything? Did it make anything better? More importantly, did it make anything good in your life not so good? Did it make anything bad in your life worse?
My "relapse" did me a favor, in a way. I found nothing in that six pack. Absolutely nothing. It didn't begin to scratch any itch that I had. It didn't make the sunset better. It made NOTHING better. It did make some things worse, however.
I'm not going to suggest that relapsing is a great thing. It's not. But if we do, why not make it an F'ing powerful learning experience? I'd bet twenty acres that you got nothing but pain, grief, shame, and self hatred from it. SOOO? What does that tell us the next time we get an itch? It ain't gonna work, lady. The outcome is guaranteed. Guaranteed bad. And that can help us in the long term. There ain't nothing there!!
Pick it up where you left off, just a little bit wiser than before. A question within you has been answered once and for all. May a greater sense of peace be with you now that you know the answer to the lingering question. There AIN'T NOTHING THERE! Except for...Nah, I think I'll pass...
warren
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 700
I have felt that pain and hurt your feeling right now.. and your right.. nothing right now will make it feel any better. Having a drink or praying to your HP .. the pain is still there and it hurts. Time is the only thing that healed that pain for me. Its just a matter of how to spend that time. Drinking or working at recovery.
I'm glad you posted that your not going to give up on recovery.
Hang in there .. Praying for you tonight.
Andy
I'm glad you posted that your not going to give up on recovery.
Hang in there .. Praying for you tonight.
Andy
FreeSpirit
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Inside My Spirit
Posts: 1,274
Originally Posted by warrens
B
I don't have the experience or qualifications to "lecture" you. I have no idea what triggered your setback. As I sit on my ranch in Idaho, watching the sun set over the Selkirks, eating my free range chicken, I feel pretty lucky. When I bought this place 25 years ago, I had a housekey. I lost it and haven't seen it since.
But two weeks ago, for various reasons, I felt like a gutter dog. It would be hard to feel much lower. I'd "relapsed," not in a big way, but I drank. I'm not sure why.
Today I feel great. Back to it. Enjoying both life and sobriety.
I do have a question. I ask it because it was important to me when I was feeling so low. Did you find anything in the bottle? Did it relieve anything? Did it make anything better? More importantly, did it make anything good in your life not so good? Did it make anything bad in your life worse?
My "relapse" did me a favor, in a way. I found nothing in that six pack. Absolutely nothing. It didn't begin to scratch any itch that I had. It didn't make the sunset better. It made NOTHING better. It did make some things worse, however.
I'm not going to suggest that relapsing is a great thing. It's not. But if we do, why not make it an F'ing powerful learning experience? I'd bet twenty acres that you got nothing but pain, grief, shame, and self hatred from it. SOOO? What does that tell us the next time we get an itch? It ain't gonna work, lady. The outcome is guaranteed. Guaranteed bad. And that can help us in the long term. There ain't nothing there!!
Pick it up where you left off, just a little bit wiser than before. A question within you has been answered once and for all. May a greater sense of peace be with you now that you know the answer to the lingering question. There AIN'T NOTHING THERE! Except for...Nah, I think I'll pass...
warren
I don't have the experience or qualifications to "lecture" you. I have no idea what triggered your setback. As I sit on my ranch in Idaho, watching the sun set over the Selkirks, eating my free range chicken, I feel pretty lucky. When I bought this place 25 years ago, I had a housekey. I lost it and haven't seen it since.
But two weeks ago, for various reasons, I felt like a gutter dog. It would be hard to feel much lower. I'd "relapsed," not in a big way, but I drank. I'm not sure why.
Today I feel great. Back to it. Enjoying both life and sobriety.
I do have a question. I ask it because it was important to me when I was feeling so low. Did you find anything in the bottle? Did it relieve anything? Did it make anything better? More importantly, did it make anything good in your life not so good? Did it make anything bad in your life worse?
My "relapse" did me a favor, in a way. I found nothing in that six pack. Absolutely nothing. It didn't begin to scratch any itch that I had. It didn't make the sunset better. It made NOTHING better. It did make some things worse, however.
I'm not going to suggest that relapsing is a great thing. It's not. But if we do, why not make it an F'ing powerful learning experience? I'd bet twenty acres that you got nothing but pain, grief, shame, and self hatred from it. SOOO? What does that tell us the next time we get an itch? It ain't gonna work, lady. The outcome is guaranteed. Guaranteed bad. And that can help us in the long term. There ain't nothing there!!
Pick it up where you left off, just a little bit wiser than before. A question within you has been answered once and for all. May a greater sense of peace be with you now that you know the answer to the lingering question. There AIN'T NOTHING THERE! Except for...Nah, I think I'll pass...
warren
didn't take the pain away it just numb it for
a while, and yes I made it into a Powerful Experience!!!!!!
and no I don't feel ashame ,and no I don't hate my self,
that I feel F@@@kd up about it yeah!! cause I feel like and
azzz cause everything you said is true it didn't make nothing different Thanx!!!!!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Brooklyn, New York
Posts: 88
Butterfly,
You mentioned one thing above that is so true. Sure you relapsed, BUT you haven't lost your Recovery yet...you're still here, you're talking about with your SR family, and that shows a lot of strength and courage on your part. Just please, get up, dust yourself off, and hop on your horse again. I realize you are feeling so lonely and your heart is aching, but you can rise above this easier...if you stay sober.
My thoughts and prayers are with you!
You mentioned one thing above that is so true. Sure you relapsed, BUT you haven't lost your Recovery yet...you're still here, you're talking about with your SR family, and that shows a lot of strength and courage on your part. Just please, get up, dust yourself off, and hop on your horse again. I realize you are feeling so lonely and your heart is aching, but you can rise above this easier...if you stay sober.
My thoughts and prayers are with you!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
My opinion might not be popular....but I think you should be commended for stopping at one. I would not have stopped at one beer....in fact, in a similar situation, I didn't stop at all for 18 months.
You seem to have learnt something from this and that's great too - drinking just doesn't make it better...ever, B.
I'm sorry you're in such pain, but I hope things work out, and I hope that you realise that you are strong enough to deal with anything without running away by drinking.
I know you have a strong Christian faith - keep it and use it B
D
You seem to have learnt something from this and that's great too - drinking just doesn't make it better...ever, B.
I'm sorry you're in such pain, but I hope things work out, and I hope that you realise that you are strong enough to deal with anything without running away by drinking.
I know you have a strong Christian faith - keep it and use it B
D
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by BUTTERFLY-7
I Can't no more I just Can't I try
only God knows I try I just couldn't
hold on any more my heart is aching
I'm so f@@ng along is been the worst
week of my recovery journey I couldn't
hold on no more
there are no excuses I F@@@kd up
I'm not looking for Sympathy or pity
I just F@@kd up Man, I Drank
my husband walk out on me since
tues haven't heard from him
emotionally I broke down
is no excuse for what I did
but it's the true my heart is aching
is the 4th of july weekend and I'm so lonely
I fail :sorry
only God knows I try I just couldn't
hold on any more my heart is aching
I'm so f@@ng along is been the worst
week of my recovery journey I couldn't
hold on no more
there are no excuses I F@@@kd up
I'm not looking for Sympathy or pity
I just F@@kd up Man, I Drank
my husband walk out on me since
tues haven't heard from him
emotionally I broke down
is no excuse for what I did
but it's the true my heart is aching
is the 4th of july weekend and I'm so lonely
I fail :sorry
so sorry too for all that happening in your life right now, BUTTERFLY
better days ahead i am sure for you
:praying
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