Butterfly,
You mentioned one thing above that is so true. Sure you relapsed, BUT you haven't lost your Recovery yet...you're still here, you're talking about with your SR family, and that shows a lot of strength and courage on your part. Just please, get up, dust yourself off, and hop on your horse again. I realize you are feeling so lonely and your heart is aching, but you can rise above this easier...if you stay sober.
My thoughts and prayers are with you!