A little bent...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
A little bent...
So here is the issue...I go food shopping with my 2 children this morning...my son is 19 and lives on his own...my daughter is 10. Once a month I take my son with me so I can stock his fridge...I live in N.Y. and between his rent and car insurance he has little left for food.
So anyway we are in the frozen food isle when I see a man I know from my time in aa coming our way. I nod politely and proceed with my shopping. He stops right in front of my cart and my kids and says..."Hey Dawn, I haven't seen you in a while has life gotten better out there?" So now I am stuck...what do I say? My daughter, being 10 says who is this Mommy? I say this is Pete from the church group I use to go to. Right away my son, God bless this child, says hey Em lets go get a cookie I am starving...and off they go...I was LIVID!!!! I said to him Pete what are you thinking? He replied I was worried about you...WTF? Worried about me? You don't even know me but for a few meetings where you tried to work your 13th step magic on me....Damn I am pissed. I told him it had gotten much better "out there" and that he should worry about himself and NOT approach me again EVER.
I suppose I now need a recovery program from the aa recovery program...so much for "Who you see here and what you hear here stays here." My poor son...it took alot for him not to tell this guy off...I am proud of him and his insight to the stupidity of a "sober" adult.
Sorry for the rant, but some members of aa need to keep themselves in check.
So anyway we are in the frozen food isle when I see a man I know from my time in aa coming our way. I nod politely and proceed with my shopping. He stops right in front of my cart and my kids and says..."Hey Dawn, I haven't seen you in a while has life gotten better out there?" So now I am stuck...what do I say? My daughter, being 10 says who is this Mommy? I say this is Pete from the church group I use to go to. Right away my son, God bless this child, says hey Em lets go get a cookie I am starving...and off they go...I was LIVID!!!! I said to him Pete what are you thinking? He replied I was worried about you...WTF? Worried about me? You don't even know me but for a few meetings where you tried to work your 13th step magic on me....Damn I am pissed. I told him it had gotten much better "out there" and that he should worry about himself and NOT approach me again EVER.
I suppose I now need a recovery program from the aa recovery program...so much for "Who you see here and what you hear here stays here." My poor son...it took alot for him not to tell this guy off...I am proud of him and his insight to the stupidity of a "sober" adult.
Sorry for the rant, but some members of aa need to keep themselves in check.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
True...some AA members are not socially adroit.
However...
as Pete had already tried to 13 Step you
he's a bad example of AA members.
To paraphrase Ms. stein
A jerk is a jerk is a jerk.
Glad to know your son is a cool young man.
However...
as Pete had already tried to 13 Step you
he's a bad example of AA members.
To paraphrase Ms. stein
A jerk is a jerk is a jerk.
Glad to know your son is a cool young man.
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
That is absolutely frustrating. Why is it assumed that since you left meetings, you must be drunk again? I say, think again.
I was outed twice about my drinking, both times by AA members, once in front of my son, once in front of co-workers. What ever happened to anonymity?
Often times, my meetings felt like a meat market. I was there to find sobriety, not a man. I guess we take the good with the bad. I'm glad I'm sober and AA helped me get there. It taught me how to stay sober and I use that today. I greatly appreciate that. The rest...I don't miss.
I was outed twice about my drinking, both times by AA members, once in front of my son, once in front of co-workers. What ever happened to anonymity?
Often times, my meetings felt like a meat market. I was there to find sobriety, not a man. I guess we take the good with the bad. I'm glad I'm sober and AA helped me get there. It taught me how to stay sober and I use that today. I greatly appreciate that. The rest...I don't miss.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
You know Carol you are right...he is a bad example, but it seems that people like him are becoming the norm.
In the 10 months that I was active in aa, I never would approach anyone from a meeting outside the program. I saw aa members everywhere...gas stations, supermarkets, Rite Aid...etc.
I could have understood it if I was alone, but I was with my kids...and his wording was so distorted...he assumed that since he had not seen me I was "out there."
Yes a jerk is a jerk!
My son loves his Mom, defects and all...like I love him defects and all...he saw my embarrassment and felt the need to defend.
In the 10 months that I was active in aa, I never would approach anyone from a meeting outside the program. I saw aa members everywhere...gas stations, supermarkets, Rite Aid...etc.
I could have understood it if I was alone, but I was with my kids...and his wording was so distorted...he assumed that since he had not seen me I was "out there."
Yes a jerk is a jerk!
My son loves his Mom, defects and all...like I love him defects and all...he saw my embarrassment and felt the need to defend.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
I hear you LMM...I am grateful for the opportunity I got in aa...but not only did he assume something about me that was untrue, but he didn't even consider I was with my children.
Arrrggggg...now I sound like a pirate!!! lol
Arrrggggg...now I sound like a pirate!!! lol
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 700
Sadly a lot of that 13th stepping we all see going on contributes to AA's lousy success rate.
But please remember.. there are a few bad apples in every bushel. Most of them can't and don't recover.
Hang in there & Take care.
But please remember.. there are a few bad apples in every bushel. Most of them can't and don't recover.
Hang in there & Take care.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
bballdad...no offense but don't act as if the meetings I went to are any different than yours. It seems like that is the typical...."that is not aa" response. It is aa.
AW...I agree lots do not recover...seems like many in aa do not, just act as if they do.
AW...I agree lots do not recover...seems like many in aa do not, just act as if they do.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
bugs....i am so sorry this happened to you! I am also so glad that you chose to say something to this man about it. It is a great part of recovery to discover that we can stand proud and set boundries. I have never been able to understand why people assume that if they don't see me in their meeting or even any they assume i must be drinking. I have worried about that with people at times (but never considered behaving as this man does). It usually comes from my fears (for myself) and perhaps a touch of the feeling of having been rejected.
when i see someone i have seen in meetings out an about town (that i don't know well or is no longer attending meetings), I always say hello, generally with a big smile to show i'm glad to see them, and say nothing more unless they choose to respond. Even then the very most I would say and not in front of others is that i miss seeing them in meetings.
As a member of AA i am sorry for your expereinces and really irritated at that one man's actions
when i see someone i have seen in meetings out an about town (that i don't know well or is no longer attending meetings), I always say hello, generally with a big smile to show i'm glad to see them, and say nothing more unless they choose to respond. Even then the very most I would say and not in front of others is that i miss seeing them in meetings.
As a member of AA i am sorry for your expereinces and really irritated at that one man's actions
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Omak WA
Posts: 1,049
Hi Bugs,
This happened to me kinda...sorta only the guy could not get any information about me from the other members of my AA groups...NOTHING....eventually I did talk with him at an AA Campout but I was not looking for a relationship then....I had to work on myself a whole lot before I would even consider it.
Then when I did start seeing this Southern Gentleman (I thought)...I found out he was a mean disgusting sober alcoholic....not mean or angry towards me most of the time but I did decide I had to get "RID" of him and I did....he then became so helpless and thought I was being mean to him.
He soon found himself another woman and went on his way....but I was proud of how the other male members did try to protect me.
kelsh
This happened to me kinda...sorta only the guy could not get any information about me from the other members of my AA groups...NOTHING....eventually I did talk with him at an AA Campout but I was not looking for a relationship then....I had to work on myself a whole lot before I would even consider it.
Then when I did start seeing this Southern Gentleman (I thought)...I found out he was a mean disgusting sober alcoholic....not mean or angry towards me most of the time but I did decide I had to get "RID" of him and I did....he then became so helpless and thought I was being mean to him.
He soon found himself another woman and went on his way....but I was proud of how the other male members did try to protect me.
kelsh
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Posts: 565
Here's a funny (I guess) AA story:
I interviewed for a job and was told they'd get back to me for a second interview. Next week, I'm in my home meeting and who walks through the door, court papers in hand? That's right, the guy who interviewed me.
Needless to say, I never got a call back or the job. Oh, the hypocrisy.
I interviewed for a job and was told they'd get back to me for a second interview. Next week, I'm in my home meeting and who walks through the door, court papers in hand? That's right, the guy who interviewed me.
Needless to say, I never got a call back or the job. Oh, the hypocrisy.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Yes, some people just don't get it. I started a new position at work recently, and on one of my first days, a guy I knew only casually leans against my cubicle and says, 'So have you talked to so-and-so recently? I'm worried about her.' - I had no idea who he was talking about - so he goes on to say, 'you know, from AA? She said she met you there. I'm a friend of hers.' AARRGGHH who knows who overheard?! I don't mind breaking my own anonymity but holy cow that one threw me!
I think that if I were to approach her about this, she would be surprised to hear she did anything wrong. Some people just don't 'get' boundaries or anonymity.
I think that if I were to approach her about this, she would be surprised to hear she did anything wrong. Some people just don't 'get' boundaries or anonymity.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Cumming, Ga
Posts: 665
That is NOT AA. Discount this truth if you want, but the experience you had is NOT an example of an effective member of Alcoholic's Anonymous in an effective group of Alcoholic's Anonymous. I run into people from my group all the time. The only ones I greet in these instances are active members that I know. Folks that I see who came for awhile and left I do not approach. I mean honestly, if they want the solution that we have to offer, they know where it is. Otherwise, may God bless you, go in peace. This truly boils down to sponsorship and teaching someone how to be an effective member of AA. I do not have to troll the supermarket for drunks. Nor do I have to promote the program in any fashion. The way that I live my life and conduct myself in the world serves as an attraction to what we do. The mere fact that this guy was 13th stepping really tells the basic truth. There is truly no crueler thing someone can do than to deprive someone their time in early recovery by this type of behavior. It is predatory behavior at best. And it is about the only reason why I will dissolve a sponsorship relationship with a sponsee. I'm sorry experienced this bugs.
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