I have failed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 7
I have failed
I am new to this site, but I hope to make new friends. I have failed myself in being sober. I was doing great in being sober, but after 7 days of sobriety I couldn't stand being sober anymore. I went and bought a case of beer earlier today.
For the first couple of days, it wasn't bad. Then on my 5th day of being sober, I started to get upset at my family. I cursed at them, made them feel bad about themselves, then went into my room and cried. I couldn't take it anymore, so I went out and bought beer.
I gave up on myself, and am currently drinking. I know I made a big mistake doing what I did. But I feel like I bond closer to my family while drinking, especially my father.
My father and I have had some good times, especially when we drink. My father has the big "C" as you like to call it, and just about everything else. I don't know how he can continue to drink the way he does, but he just...does.
I feel like I can't go on anymore, drinking the way I do. If somebody could just talk to me, I would appreciate it.
I'm not sure if I'm allowed to give my AOL Instant Messenger screenname out, but it is FLARNGUS.
Please, somebody talk to me and let me know that I can overcome my drunkenness.
For the first couple of days, it wasn't bad. Then on my 5th day of being sober, I started to get upset at my family. I cursed at them, made them feel bad about themselves, then went into my room and cried. I couldn't take it anymore, so I went out and bought beer.
I gave up on myself, and am currently drinking. I know I made a big mistake doing what I did. But I feel like I bond closer to my family while drinking, especially my father.
My father and I have had some good times, especially when we drink. My father has the big "C" as you like to call it, and just about everything else. I don't know how he can continue to drink the way he does, but he just...does.
I feel like I can't go on anymore, drinking the way I do. If somebody could just talk to me, I would appreciate it.
I'm not sure if I'm allowed to give my AOL Instant Messenger screenname out, but it is FLARNGUS.
Please, somebody talk to me and let me know that I can overcome my drunkenness.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our recovery community...
I too had false starts before I found solid sobriety.
Sooo...consider this to be a false start instead of a failure.
Gee...sorry your Dad is ill.
Prayers for you and your family coming your way.
I too had false starts before I found solid sobriety.
Sooo...consider this to be a false start instead of a failure.
Gee...sorry your Dad is ill.
Prayers for you and your family coming your way.
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Welcome to SR
Stopping drinking alone will only keep you miserable until you learn to deal with the issues as to why you drink.
Drinking is just a symptom of underlying issues that we are trying to numb with alcohol.
For me, I had to go to intensive outpatient treatment as well as AA. I am a firm believer that a dry drunk, someone who stops drinking without working on their issues, is more miserable than an active drinker.
I highly encourage you to find meetings in your area and hook up with some people in the Program. Continue to post and share on here. That's what SR is all about. . . alcoholics/addicts helping other alcoholics/addicts
God Bless,
Judy
Stopping drinking alone will only keep you miserable until you learn to deal with the issues as to why you drink.
Drinking is just a symptom of underlying issues that we are trying to numb with alcohol.
For me, I had to go to intensive outpatient treatment as well as AA. I am a firm believer that a dry drunk, someone who stops drinking without working on their issues, is more miserable than an active drinker.
I highly encourage you to find meetings in your area and hook up with some people in the Program. Continue to post and share on here. That's what SR is all about. . . alcoholics/addicts helping other alcoholics/addicts
God Bless,
Judy
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
hey flarngus,
oh it's possible
I struggled for 15 years - quitting every week - lasting a few days, then falling back into old habits again. I had the ritual things - hanging out with my friends - and drinking was compulsory.
Eventually I got so sick so often I really had to make the choice to live or die. I chose to live - it's been 14 months now - it's been hard (especially when you used beer like I did to accompany *every* activity and every little stress or bad feeling) but coming here and reading what other people write, and helping other people too, does help. A lot.
I won out eventually because I never gave up on one day being sober. You can't lose until you stop fighting
hope to see you around some more
welcome
D
oh it's possible
I struggled for 15 years - quitting every week - lasting a few days, then falling back into old habits again. I had the ritual things - hanging out with my friends - and drinking was compulsory.
Eventually I got so sick so often I really had to make the choice to live or die. I chose to live - it's been 14 months now - it's been hard (especially when you used beer like I did to accompany *every* activity and every little stress or bad feeling) but coming here and reading what other people write, and helping other people too, does help. A lot.
I won out eventually because I never gave up on one day being sober. You can't lose until you stop fighting
hope to see you around some more
welcome
D
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
I wanted to add something to my last post.
You're not a failure. . . sounds like you're an alcoholic.
I struggled with this disease for many years. I first went into treatment in 1980, right after I graduated High School. I struggled and kept thinking that I was a failure. Thinking that way only kept me drinking.
Please don't think it's hopeless.
I seriously have never met anyone who, on their first try, has remained clean and sober on that first try.
Keep coming back!
One Day at A Time,
Judy
You're not a failure. . . sounds like you're an alcoholic.
I struggled with this disease for many years. I first went into treatment in 1980, right after I graduated High School. I struggled and kept thinking that I was a failure. Thinking that way only kept me drinking.
Please don't think it's hopeless.
I seriously have never met anyone who, on their first try, has remained clean and sober on that first try.
Keep coming back!
One Day at A Time,
Judy
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
Posts: 201
Hi flarngus, First off you have not failed! And you will make lots of friends here this is a great place for help! I have a resent relapse and know what your going thru.
I too feel like I can't go on anymore, drinking as much as I do...but we will do this ! Stay strong and welcome to anew start in your new life!
Dave
I too feel like I can't go on anymore, drinking as much as I do...but we will do this ! Stay strong and welcome to anew start in your new life!
Dave
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 449
Welcome to the forums...
You CAN stop drinking. You haven't failed, you have just relapsed. I truly believe - even as a struggling and still sick alcoholic myself - that we can all stop. There is a very simple solution for everyone but it takes total honesty and commitment to the program.
I am going to IM you on AIM right now!
You CAN stop drinking. You haven't failed, you have just relapsed. I truly believe - even as a struggling and still sick alcoholic myself - that we can all stop. There is a very simple solution for everyone but it takes total honesty and commitment to the program.
I am going to IM you on AIM right now!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 7
Thank you to everybody who replied.
Indeed, I have had a false start. But hopefully tomorrow morning, I can pick myself up again and begin the road to sobriety. I still feel bad about being short with my family, but I hope they understand.
As for my father, I feel there is no hope for him. He continues to drink, despite the big "C" and everything else that's associated with it.
I have known him to have the dry heaves, and even six seizures. It seems as though nothing will persuade him to stop drinking, even though he has been to many AA meetings.
I do appreciate everybody who has been helping me through my alcoholism and I do hope to find a new light and the end of the tunnel. But I know that my father will crack that beer open tommorrow morning, and I wll be right there to drink it as well.
What can I do? I've been biting my fingernails to not have another drink. I just wish my father would follow my example, but like I've said, there's no hope for him.
Indeed, I have had a false start. But hopefully tomorrow morning, I can pick myself up again and begin the road to sobriety. I still feel bad about being short with my family, but I hope they understand.
As for my father, I feel there is no hope for him. He continues to drink, despite the big "C" and everything else that's associated with it.
I have known him to have the dry heaves, and even six seizures. It seems as though nothing will persuade him to stop drinking, even though he has been to many AA meetings.
I do appreciate everybody who has been helping me through my alcoholism and I do hope to find a new light and the end of the tunnel. But I know that my father will crack that beer open tommorrow morning, and I wll be right there to drink it as well.
What can I do? I've been biting my fingernails to not have another drink. I just wish my father would follow my example, but like I've said, there's no hope for him.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
Posts: 201
"But hopefully tomorrow morning, I can pick myself up again and begin the road to sobriety"
There is hope for all of us...Even your Father!
PS... I bite my fingernails also...
Hope to read your progress on this board!
There is hope for all of us...Even your Father!
PS... I bite my fingernails also...
Hope to read your progress on this board!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 449
Please call the local AA hotline number I gave you via our IM conversation. They can arrange for someone to take you to a meeting if you are still drinking and/or don't have transportation.
If your father can see you start to get better, perhaps it can give him some hope.
You are still alive... and you have the desire to stop drinking. That's all you need to begin your journey into sobriety. My next suggestion would be to go to a local meeting and openly ask for help. I did that in my first meeting - told them I was hopeless, miserable and desperate - and ended up having lots of people eager to help me. And they did. (And still are).
:ghug2
If your father can see you start to get better, perhaps it can give him some hope.
You are still alive... and you have the desire to stop drinking. That's all you need to begin your journey into sobriety. My next suggestion would be to go to a local meeting and openly ask for help. I did that in my first meeting - told them I was hopeless, miserable and desperate - and ended up having lots of people eager to help me. And they did. (And still are).
:ghug2
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Sorry...
I don't know what info SG gave you
and she has left for now.
Please check this link and find your area
Florida Intergroup of Alcohlics Anonymous
This is from my files....not sure its still there
National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service available at
1-800-662-HELP
This service can provide you with information about treatment programs in your local community and allow you to speak with someone about alcohol problems
Good Luck...
I don't know what info SG gave you
and she has left for now.
Please check this link and find your area
Florida Intergroup of Alcohlics Anonymous
This is from my files....not sure its still there
National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service available at
1-800-662-HELP
This service can provide you with information about treatment programs in your local community and allow you to speak with someone about alcohol problems
Good Luck...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I'm sorry for the situation with your father, but I agree with sobergirl - you stopping may in fact give your father some hope.
In any case, you can only make your choices for yourself, just as your father makes his.
D
In any case, you can only make your choices for yourself, just as your father makes his.
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Virginia, USA
Posts: 449
This is the website I referred you to: Palm Beach County Intergroup of Alchoholics Anonymous
And this is the phone number! 561-655-5700
And this is the phone number! 561-655-5700
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 410
My best advice would be to not give up hope. With each failed attempt at staying sober, I'd feel guilty and pissed at myself. That cycle of thinking only drove my entire emotional state lower, allowing me to give in to alcohols pull.
When I found hope and believed I could do it, each failed attempt became a stepping stone towards sobriety, because instead of beating myself up, I'd pick up the pieces sooner. I'd allow myself to forgive myself and work on making my life positive.... to see where I could be instead of where I was. Hope and belief are strong, and they are also free. You too can have it.
So hang in there.
When I found hope and believed I could do it, each failed attempt became a stepping stone towards sobriety, because instead of beating myself up, I'd pick up the pieces sooner. I'd allow myself to forgive myself and work on making my life positive.... to see where I could be instead of where I was. Hope and belief are strong, and they are also free. You too can have it.
So hang in there.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Welcome to SR flarngus, the only way anyone can be a failure at anything is when they quit trying to succeed!
I have walked in your shoes, I wanted to quit so badly and for 5 years I would do as you did, I would quit for a week or 2, become miserable, irratable, & discontent to the point where I was left with no choice mentally but to drink again telling myself "I will control it this time!", I never could, I always was right back to drinking as much if not more then before.
During those 5 years all I did was stop drinking, I changed nothing about me, well I drank, that is what I knew how to do, that is who I was, so I always wound up drunk again!!! As those 5 years passed my ability to stay stopped for even a whole day dissappeared! I reached the point where I had no choice mentally or physically, I had to drink to feel what I felt was normal, I did that for 5 more years!
At the end of those 5 years I was so physically addicted to alcohol that I could not go a day without drinking and it took quite a bit of booze on a daily basis for me to exist, I had no physical choice.... I had to drink!!!
I hated myself and everything about me, I hated the world! The world as I knew it was as close to collapsing as it could be without an actual collapse, I had no idea what to do so I finally called the Alcohol and Drug Abuse hotline for my insurance company.
Well I saw a doctor the next day, I was totally honest with him about my drinking, TOTALLY HONEST!!!! He told me that in order for me to stand a chance of stopping I needed to be medically detoxed, well at this point I had already had a moment of clarity where I saw my future if I continued to drink.......... lose of everything and then a slow death from alcoholism, so I was willing to do what ever it took to get and stay sober.
I went to detox, they told me that if I wanted a chance to stay sober after I left there to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor, well I was willing to do what ever it took to get and stay sober so I did that.
In AA they told me that if I wanted a chance at long term sobriety that working the steps with my sponsor in AA was key, well I was willing to do what ever it took to get and stay sober so I did that.
Today I have not found it neccessary to have a drink in 21 months, I like myself today, my family respects me and loves me today, I help other alcoholics get and stay sober, I am happier then I have been in over 30 years and the obsession to drink has been lifted from me.
That sounds like a lot, but in reality I have spent far less time doing all of that then I would have spent drinking and I am free!!!!!
Look AA is not the only program of recovery out there, try AA, if after you work at it for a few months you find it is not working for you, try other programs. Heck you could go to AA while working another program. There are no rules in AA, only suggestions! The only requirement for AA is a desire to stop drinking.
You can quit AA any time you want to, you can come back to AA anytime you want to and we will not say "We told you so!" we will say "Welcome back, we are glad to have you!"
I have walked in your shoes, I wanted to quit so badly and for 5 years I would do as you did, I would quit for a week or 2, become miserable, irratable, & discontent to the point where I was left with no choice mentally but to drink again telling myself "I will control it this time!", I never could, I always was right back to drinking as much if not more then before.
During those 5 years all I did was stop drinking, I changed nothing about me, well I drank, that is what I knew how to do, that is who I was, so I always wound up drunk again!!! As those 5 years passed my ability to stay stopped for even a whole day dissappeared! I reached the point where I had no choice mentally or physically, I had to drink to feel what I felt was normal, I did that for 5 more years!
At the end of those 5 years I was so physically addicted to alcohol that I could not go a day without drinking and it took quite a bit of booze on a daily basis for me to exist, I had no physical choice.... I had to drink!!!
I hated myself and everything about me, I hated the world! The world as I knew it was as close to collapsing as it could be without an actual collapse, I had no idea what to do so I finally called the Alcohol and Drug Abuse hotline for my insurance company.
Well I saw a doctor the next day, I was totally honest with him about my drinking, TOTALLY HONEST!!!! He told me that in order for me to stand a chance of stopping I needed to be medically detoxed, well at this point I had already had a moment of clarity where I saw my future if I continued to drink.......... lose of everything and then a slow death from alcoholism, so I was willing to do what ever it took to get and stay sober.
I went to detox, they told me that if I wanted a chance to stay sober after I left there to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor, well I was willing to do what ever it took to get and stay sober so I did that.
In AA they told me that if I wanted a chance at long term sobriety that working the steps with my sponsor in AA was key, well I was willing to do what ever it took to get and stay sober so I did that.
Today I have not found it neccessary to have a drink in 21 months, I like myself today, my family respects me and loves me today, I help other alcoholics get and stay sober, I am happier then I have been in over 30 years and the obsession to drink has been lifted from me.
That sounds like a lot, but in reality I have spent far less time doing all of that then I would have spent drinking and I am free!!!!!
Look AA is not the only program of recovery out there, try AA, if after you work at it for a few months you find it is not working for you, try other programs. Heck you could go to AA while working another program. There are no rules in AA, only suggestions! The only requirement for AA is a desire to stop drinking.
You can quit AA any time you want to, you can come back to AA anytime you want to and we will not say "We told you so!" we will say "Welcome back, we are glad to have you!"
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