ClaudePepper77

im not sure how successful ill be. drinking is what i do. unfortunately, it has become my life.

but i must do something. my life is a mess. my health is a disaster. not just my physical health, but my mental and emotional health arent doing well either.

my life is in a ditch and i just dont see any way out. but i recognize ill never find the way out if i keep drinking.

im not going to make any announcements to my family. like i said, my odds of recovery arent high. i would feel like crap if i made a big announcement and then 'fell off the wagon'

beingjenagain

Have you ever been to AA? You really should give it a try. You can go to aa.org and find meetings in your area.
This website is awesome and has been so helpful to me.
Wishing you the best

Ang102

i found telling my family really helped. They give you so much support. And if you do slip up - I did - start again. Just keep in your mind about how **** you feel each time you drink and wake up the next morning. Family really do understand.

CarolD

Good to know you are willing to move into a
healthier ....positive future.

ClaudePepper77

ive been thinking of this for a while. ive known for some time that i have to do something about it. until now, ive just lacked the courage to do something.

it was something small that happened today that made my mind up. i was in bed (at 11am). feeling like hell...physically and mentally. in other words, the typical morning. and i had the radio on. the people on the radio were discussing something in today's newspaper that they had read. and it just dawned on me....i cant even get up in the morning and read a newspaper. that is how far ive fallen.

everything is gone from my life.

warrens

Aside from raising three kids, recovery has been the most difficult thing I've ever done. Graduate schools were nothing compared to the commitment that recovery necessitates.

So, I can't help but noticing how you seem to be hedging the outcome. Yeah, I could TRY to climb Mt Everest. I could TRY to dunk on Shaquille O'Neal. I suppose as long as I don't tell anyone, it doesn't really count if I don't make it.

I'm kidding of course. I just don't want you to think it will take anything but the best you have. This is a death march. We either make it or we die. The stakes are rather high.

You appear to have come to terms with acceptance. That's good. Next is to summon the willingness to do whatever is necessary and to sustain that willingness forever. Forever is a long time.

Good luck. If it weren't for the payoff (life), I could think of more entertaining things to do.

warren

ClaudePepper77

i am going to give it my best.

i have reasons for not wanting to bring it up to anyone. if i do fail, i fear it may be thrown in my face at some point in the future.

ive always liked to keep goals to myself. sometimes people can be less than supportive. i guess those people are called toxic people.

TriHarder

Claude- Just decide to win...today...even if the "other team" (booze) scores a few. Fight this fight now. We all have reasons not to share our goals, but mostly because of pride. You can do this, but probably not alone. Whether it's AA, SR, your family, or an accountability partner, please walk with SOMEone (and God), as you conquer this awful beast.

tennis71

The desire to quit drinking is a good start, what do you intend to do to remain sober?

Also, I am not saying that you have to bring up your goal to quit to anyone in your life, but once you stop worrying about failure you will be ready to succeed.

chip

Hi again Claude

We are here to support you as you reach for your goals. I understand about keeping these things private. I also found that it's good to find a supportive network to share with. I hope SR can provide you with some support. AA helped me, and it helped millions of other problem drinkers.

One thing I learned in AA is to focus on "one day at a time". Can you go 1 day without a drink? If you can, you can beat this. If you can't, pray that you can find the strength. AA or not, support is helpful. There are people who can quit without AA, and I certainly respect their choice. There are several options to help a person overcome alcoholism. You doctor will be able to help you. As it was mentioned in the other thread, seeing a doctor is a good idea. A medical detox is the best idea... remember: Detox can kill. Once you get through the detox, things get better.

I support you in your decision, and I applaud your honesty. It's hard to come out and say this stuff to another person. Getting honest here on SR is a solid step in the right direction. Are you ready to start a better life? It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

Stick with us...
chip

best

A story from memory...

A man is in the bottom of a hole and can't see how to climb out.
Another man walks by and seeing him, tells him to just climb out.
Another man walks by ( A man from AA) and he jumps in the hole with the first man.
Why did you do that? Now we are both in the bottom of the hole.
The AA man said...well together we can find a way out, follow me.

When you try to get out of that ditch and still can't find the way out...
The people at AA know how to get out and you do not have to do it alone.

The story reads much better in the original but I think you can see the point behind the story.
Been there, done that...know the way out. Your not alone on this journey.

Tazman53

Claude if you are at the point I reached you are willing to do what ever it takes to get and stay sober.

#1 is see a doctor and be totally honest about your drinking and then follow his advice.

My doctor put me into detox.

Detox suggested that if I wanted a chance at staying sober to go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor.

My sponsor in AA and the old timers in AA told me that if I wanted a chance to stay sober to work the steps.

I have worked the steps and have also taken a sponsee through the steps as well.

2 years ago I was like you, I was a useless piece of crap, thanks to getting sober, going to AA, working the steps and helping other alcoholics get and stay sober has resulted in me being happier with myself then I have in over 30 years.

ClaudePepper77

today is the start of day 2.

physically i feel great. waking up feeling good is nice. really nice. im actually clear-headed and rested, instead of my usual mornings which were foggy headed, sick and worn out.

the only problem ive had so far was trouble getting to sleep last night. obviously, im more used to passing out rather than falling asleep naturally. i guess i have to re-learn how to do that.

today im not going to drink. ill probably have to tell myself that 100 or more times during the course of today and tonight. i have somewhere important to take my son tomorrow. and for a change im not going to be irritable and hungover when i take him.

ClaudePepper77

as for me not telling anyone, im sure people will notice really soon that i havent been drinking. they will then ask me why.

so it isnt like it will be a secret for very long. i just didnt want to do the 'big announcement' thing.

Rimmy

First, don't worry about what other people think, worry about what you think. It sounds to me like you are stopping for your own reasons, and that is good. A lot of people quit for somebody else, or for the wrong reasons and it is hard to quit if you don't truly want to.

And like someone mentioned Mt. Everest before... You just can't climb that mountain in a day. But if you work your program again today (congrats on day two), and worry about today, you can get through today. It takes time, but your sleep cycles will level off, your emotional states will stabalize, you'll learn to deal with your feelings instead of drinking to nullify them. But it is a bumpy ride and some days are harder than others... but you CAN get to the top without falling down.

Keep going in the right direction

Tazman53

I get where you are coming from, I had to go into detox so I didn't have much choice in an announcement, it's kind of hard to hide the fact that dad has gone MIA for a week! LOL

tkdan

Claude, it can be as simple as that. The only reason sobriety seems complicated is because we make it that way. You've made a wise and courageous decision, staying drunk does not require work, living sober does. Anything worth having requires effort. Sobriety is worth the effort required to obtain it. Keep up the good work. Remeber there are many people here that have been through what you are going through and survived it.

Tazman53

This seems to be something I have found to be pretty common with us in not only sobriety, but a lot of other things in life. I know I have a habit of taking the most simple things in life and making them complex when there is no sane reason to do so!!! I catch myself doing this a lot more often then I used to. It used to be I couldn't see I was making the easy complex, sobriety has helped me to approach all things in a simpler manner and things go a lot easier.

ClaudePepper77

i have to break it down day by day.

forever is too long. too scary to think about. heck, a month is scary to think about.

but im absolutely certain i can make it through today without drinking.

im really tired of looking down on myself. im tired of feeling completely worthless. im tired of feeling ashamed of myself. for once in my life i want to do something that i can look back on and feel proud of myself. for once i want to feel pro-active instead of resigning myself to living in misery.

i know i have some hard times coming. but im determined to see this through.

gravity

I could have written identical words to your last post five months ago (I probably did write something similar).

I find it critical to my recovery to have ongoing support. I still have those tough times but I no longer run and hide in a bottle (I don't even consider drinking as an option anymore). Through AA, I have a sponsor, understanding friends I can call, and meetings. My wife, sister, and uncles know what I am doing and they believe in me. I pray - for the strength to help others and gratitude for everything that I have been blessed with. My perspective on life has changed and I keep learning.

Best wishes. Don