bob_sapp

You have 24 days and are getting into a relationship? Kiss sobriety good bye. I have seen it happen, and I have been the guy half of the equation myself. It doesn't end well. People go back drinking, and both parties get hurt.

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Wow..are you the woman I'm sponsoring?? Thank you for this thread..it reaffirms what I've been suggesting to her.

Good job on using your toolbox!!!

Pinkcuda

I can only imagine the girls that have had the hots for me in A.A. Must be in the thousands by now!
I stay my distance for a couple of reasons. One being that I'm married and two because I respect their desire to get sober. If I didn't respect that and wanted more from them, that would make me a scumbag in every sense of the word.
I would hope that girls would have better sense than to fall prey to a scumbag that would take advantage of the situation.
Get sober girl! Us guys are a dime a dozen. Guys that go for fresh meat in an A.A. meeting are worth even less.

BP44

First, feelings are NOT facts. They are not based on anything real. And I have found it best not to make any decisions based on what I feel. Second, what I think and what I feel really doesn't matter. What matters is what I do. There is a reason why a good sponsor "drums" the first step into us.....because if we are a real alcoholic, it needs to be drummed into us. I sat down with a new sponsee the other day who is a week sober to get his story on how he got here. In the process, he said, I think I've got steps 1,2,and 3 down, I'm really ready for the 4th step. I said, that's nice, but we haven't even opened up the book together. I suggested that we spend some time on the 1st step, and explained that it is crucial to have a thorough understanding of not only powerlessness, but particularly of unmanageability. This is critical work and in my experience must be done to the point of hopelessness. Unless I am hopeless, I will never.....I say NEVER do the rest of the work.

Signal30

Even if the romance is genuine, it is clouded by many confused and extreme emotions that we are still trying to tame and figure out when we first get sober. The simplest way to sort things out, I have found, is to remember that our primary purpose is to stay sober and help others achieve sobriety.

A newcomers concerns are to listen, be open and honest, and be willing to go to any lengths to achieve sobriety. There is plenty of step work to keep a newcomer busy.

The focus should be on you and your recovery.



Tom

sobergirl77

Thanks for all of your suggestions you all... I've made it to 25 days now.

I can't believe how powerful alcohol really, truly is... it is awful. If I had any doubts I was an alcoholic, I certainly don't now. After my phone call earlier, I went and picked up a fellow AA member and took her to the meeting. But all through the meeting I still wanted/craved a drink. After the meeting, I had a heart-to-heart with my sponsor... told her everything. Everything. Even after that, I STILL wanted a drink (although the desire had lessened). So she told me to go get the 12 and 12 book, and together we read Step 3.

About 2 pages before the end, I literally felt - yes, FELT - my addictive voice slink back into hiding. All of a sudden, it was all lifted from me - the unhealthy preoccupation with that guy and my desire to drink. Like BAM and it was gone. I stayed and fellowshipped with a few people and stayed for the 9pm meeting.

But upon leaving that meeting, all the feelings came back...

I am so confused and miserable right now. So depressed and feeling full of despair. I don't want to drink, but my stupid AV sure does, and it is being awfully cruel. I am going out of my mind now. I guess it's time to pick up that damn phone once again...

CarolD

The Serenity Prayer is what I suggest.
Over and over until you are calmer.

And....
Bubble Bath and ice cream too.
Soothing music...Chopin does it for me.

sobergirl77

OK... two phone calls later and I am OK... damn this stuff is hard. (Thanks for the suggestions, Carol! I put 2 of them into use along with what my sponsor and other friend told me).

I wanted to add that the "guy" issue is over and done with. I was honest with him and told him that I am confused, feeling things I shouldn't and need to spend time away from him. He was a complete gentleman and understood. We may meet up at the state conference to get our chips together this weekend (me 30 days, him 7 months) but that's probably it for a while. No more late-night chats or spending time alone together.

I am completely and utterly serious about my recovery from this awful disease, and I now know better than to become too friendly with a guy in the program - or elsewhere - until God makes it happen in the future when I am ready!

ken67

Ok....this is the hardest share I've ever done, either here or at the tables, but here it goes.

I am on Day 18, and 3 nights ago, I did exactly what Carol described above, except it was Mozart in the CD player.

Normally I'm a shower kind of guy, but it worked!!! LOL

Good job Sobergirl!!!

Tazman53

Sobergirl I just read this entire thread, I have been moved close to tears a few times as I have seen you do all the right things!

Zanthos said it well:
Sobergirl I am very thankful I was already married when I got sober, I do not want to even try to imagine adding the dating game into the equation, it was hard enough as it was for me.

Big BIG hugs for you, keep following those suggestions, keep a bag with you in case your butt falls off wanting a drink, that way you can put your butt in the bag and take it to a meeting instead of to the liquor store!!!!

RufusACanal

When you said you wanted what we had, you said you would go to any lengths to get it. These are some of the lengths you must go in order to live free. Alcohol does not call you, you call for Alcohol; remember you are responsible. This AV? Get rid of this term. It is you, not some disassociated person, you want to drink, but you are refusing to drink with all of your power; your unaided power will not last. Only the Power Greater than you can sustain through the turmoil; people can be the voice of a Greater Power, listen to the winners. There will be more times like this when you will not have any defense against the first drink; each victory will make you stronger. Time to work Steps Two and Three and start getting the protection that only God can deliver. Don't Stop, don't give up or in. You must work to insure your recovery. Love you much !

Music

That's the girl. You hang on to that attitude and you'll be just fine. Nothing, absolutely nothing is as important as your recovery. God will let you know when you're ready to pay attention to things other than your sobriety, but for now, it's a matter of survival. If you drink again, you may not survive. Don't take that statement too lightly.

sobergirl77

Your replies all made me smile... thanks so much once again for replying.

I am doing better today. I have no desire to drink. I am feeling kind of empty and depressed (but not unmanageably so) and also feeling like I am coming down with a head cold, but that's OK. I am sober and that is what counts! I have two back-to-back meetings planned for today, one of them a new one where I hope to meet some new people.

I am in the process of taking step 3 for those of you that asked... my sponsor has given me a couple of things to read in the Big Book and 12 and 12 and then we are going to do the 3rd step prayer.

Rufus, I say my AV is separate from ME because when the overwhelming desire to drink is upon me, it's not ME who wants to drink... it's that awful compelling voice. It's an awful battle going on in my mind. You all know what I mean.

Anyway, it's calmed down for now.

tennis71

It really is a roller coaster isn't it!

sobergirl77

It is indeed a roller coaster!

Just a quick update to say I am doing OK... had a few hard days, but have been in touch with fellow sober people. I had to let my sponsor go because she wasn't calling me back, wasn't taking my calls and wasn't helping me with the steps! That in itself was a blow, but I know I'll find another one.

The OK state conference is now in session... there are marathon meetings and special speakers all weekend and I am going to be there!