BackToSquareOne

I quit drinking about a year ago after having been a hard core binge drinker for most of my adult life. The main thing that has kept me from starting again is the thought of the horrible periods of withdrawal, to say I've been to hell and back again in withdrawal would not be an understatement. Anyhow about a month ago I was out shopping and drove past a liquor store and bought a case of vodka. I thought having it on hand and still not using it would be some sort of accomplishment. It's crazy but it's always on my mind now, even as I type this it seems to be calling out to me. I havn't started because I know that I won't stop until the case is done and I'm a complete mess again. At this momement I'm debating if I should go down to the basement and just have a few, the year of being sober has been great and I don't know why I'm even considering this but I am. Stupid, I know.

chip

Welcome to SR, BackToSquareOne.

Do you want your suffering to come back? You know the right thing to do. I don't think anyone here will tell you that you should drink that vodka. I think that's the worse thing that you could do.

So you bought the vodka, you had it on hand, and you didn't drink. That is an accomplishment...but why torture yourself? I say get rid of it somehow.
chip

StayinAlive

you said it.....crazy, Its the insanity of the disease. To buy a whole case, not just one bottle to have as an accomplishment if you didn't drink it.......seriouse???..wow. Your in a bad spot right now. I hope you can safely dispose that.

Good luck

BackToSquareOne

Thanks Chip, I know your right and after rereading my post I realize it's not even a question. I guess it's a stupid title for a stupid post.

BackToSquareOne

StayinAlive, I always bought it by the case, was always too afraid of getting busted for drunk driving. By the time the case was done I was usually too sick to worry about driving, strange logic isn't it.

StayinAlive

ya..... for i while i would only buy 3 beer at a time so i would only drink 3 beer. Well you know what happend......i wore a path to the beer store(wich was in walking distance) So your logic is typical lol....

what can we do to keep you mind of it for now....are you going to be ok

barb dwyer

Man,
I can't even sit still in the house if I've got an unopened jar of pickled asparagus...

BackToSquareOne

Oh, I'll be okay don't know why I even consider it. I was even thinking that I have a cigar box full of Valium, Librium and Temezapam so I have the withdrawal bases covered. Don't know why I'm even thinking about it.

Conez

Hi welcome to SR! ur not backtosquareone today. i know this may not be helpful...

yes its an accomplishment to have it sit there on hand and not drink it.
as StayinAlive put it ur in a bad spot right now, hope u can dispose of that safely....

What are u gona do with that case?
i cannot bring myself to pour money down the drain, so i would try dispose of this in way of barter or swap with a non-alkie friend or family member who can understand my plight of not returnin to the drink and old ways. so i don't feel i wasted my money.

ur not stupid!! u know exactly what will happen if u go down the basement to have a few.
glad u posted @SR first... don't touch that vodka... just for today... get it out of ur home asap! -think u've proved ur accomplishment, now get rid of it the best way u can without torturing urself any further.

forget that cigar box coz u don't even want those horrid withdrawals (thats an understatement for u)... its the first drink that will bring u to ur knees so don't even.
best wishes :ghug

BackToSquareOne

Thanks for all the responses, it's just crazy how your mind works though. I think of the withdrawal and that's what really has kept me from drinking this long. The next thought that pops into my head is "well you have enough benzo's on hand so what's the problem". Almost like I'm trying to talk myself into it, even though my rational mind knows it makes no sense at all.

Conez

well i think needing enough benzo's to be able to binge drink urself into withdrawals... its obvious why ur rational mind thinks this makes no sense at all.
if u could safely drink a few -not needing the benzo's coz u over did it...
u wouldn't have posted a "strange question" even if its just ur own internal reflection.
u know a yr of sobriety has been great.... don't think ur gona find positive in following this exercise of drinking n benzo's.

think about the pro's n con's of where it will get u....

u already know what will happen after that first drink.... is it really worth it?

this turmoil u put in ur path, without even cracking one yet... while u are still rational... ur messing with ur head enuff.

taking a drink will only make matters worse is all

barb dwyer

Now there's something *I* wouldn't be able to stop thinking about ...

I'd be like



what asparagus????????????????????

Man - that'd be like living in a Nuclear reactor for me.

crutch0108

This made me remember of all those times I'd have 3 beers left and reason to myself that I needed to go get another case just so those wouldn't go to waste. Having that stuff in the house is bad, that's probably too expensive to dump so hand it off to someone or sell it. It's just a ticking time bomb.

And speaking of buying three beers at a time I used to go to three different liquor stores in town so none of them would know I was a drunk. As if my pale complexion and shaky hands weren't fine enough giveaways.

least

For me, I could not have wine in the house and not drink it. So I stopped buying it. I also made a list of all the things I hated about drinking: withdrawals, shakes, agitation, money wasted... and so on. So when I was tempted to drink I'd read my list til the craving went away. So far it's working great and I'm not having so many cravings now but I still read my list every day, just in case. I would also get rid of the vodka in the house. That's a very powerful temptation there. I wouldn't want it in the house while I was not drinking. :ghug3

Bard

HA! That's what I use to do. Got tired of it after gas prices were getting way to outrageous though. I'm saving all my pennies for my poison, not my gas!

But man a whole case of vodka you say? Damn, I couldnt even keep my empty bottle collection in my house or my beer cap opener on my my key chain without that sparking some cravings. Hate to pit myself in that situation. Hopefully you make the right choice and sell or give away that vodka in your house. You really dont want to do this to your self.

Tazman53

Pardon me for being blunt, but you are in some deep crap right now my friend, you are just a short walk to a major relapse.

Any one who says they had a slip is lying to them selfs, if they look at every thing that led to it they planned that relapse long before it happened.

Read what you have posted, you are going to do one of 2 things, you are either going to relapse very soon or you are get rid of all of the booze and the detox pharmacy!

I know you see the writing on the wall, do you want to go back to square one?

I am sure you know every detox is worse then the last one, could this be the one that kills you?

Stroke? Heart attack? Falling down the stairs? Pick your possible death!!!!

You are setting your self up to drink again, you know it and I know it.

Call someone and get rid of the booze, and dump your home detox kit down the toilet, you know that is your step one to going on another binge.

sugErspun

I have to agree with Taz -making sure you have ready access to large amounts of liqour just to show yourself how strong you are is not really healthy sobriety is it?

Not to mention you already have a backup plan for the withdraw?

Get real - dump it down the sink and call someone that you are accountable for on your sobriety. My friend, you are in a delusional state right now.

reyarturo

It all seems to me like a perfect prelude for a relapse. Still, you decided to write this thread which indicates that somewhere inside you, you want to be stopped. You're not only playing with fire, you're doing it surrounded by gasoline fumes.

Tazman53

Yep you are in the frying pan right now.... will you jump in the fire?

2Step

I would just ditch the vodka. It's cheaper than drinking it... Or give it to a friend, lol, then again who gives someone a case of vodka out of the blue.

I look at it this way. A case of vodka in an alcoholic's home is like putting a pedophile on an unsupervised playground.