GlassPrisoner

As a recovering alcoholics , I am painfully aware of the devistation I've caused. Hence the 4th, 5th, 8th and 9th steps. I continue to make living amends my entire lifetime.

As far as the topic. Carol is right, it's better than being an active alcoh0lic, but not much. My ex wife used to say to me "Why don't you just go out and drink already ??!?". She was right, I was miserable.

best

I know them well. I put them there so I know them well.
Two things can happen... we can dwell on the past and remain dry drunks or dry in our codie behaviors or we can seek ways of moving past the past.

A dry drunk is one who continues with past behaviors.

Can you tell me what a dry enabler or dry codie is?

I have found a solid growth in my recovery from alcohol intake.
I am still working on my codie behaviors and still working on my enabling behaviors as I deal with others around me who are where I was at one time.
We can move on, move over or continue to stand in the dog dodo.
Forgiveness of the past can take time or we can give such in the moment.
Boundaries for the here and now help me grow in my own recovery actions towards others. With forgiveness and boundaries... my life finds peace.

icecream pete

Life has a mass of burdens and difficulties to over come as well as some blissful moments. If you keep beating yourself with that rod you will always wake up sore. Sometimes you have to let go, move on and pray for the courage to change.

M Jordan

I know I am a drunk, dry or wet. In the 4 1/2 months that I have been sober I have searched programs, changed my life in almost every way and I still struggle everyday to not take all those negative feelings that creep up and not take a drink. When I first stopped drinking I became much more inclined to speak my anger. For better or for worse, usually for the worst. I used to drink away anger, and everything else for that matter, so when I stopped I was not able yet to contain my emotions. It took time and effort. I am/was learning how to deal with anger issues. I was always very laid back, probably because I couldn't see straight, but now I have goals and speak my mind a little more.

I have heard folks talk about being a dry drunk but I am not necessarily sure what all that means either. I have tried to work AA with no avail. Yet I still go to meetings and try each day to find out what needs to be done. The biggest surprise to me about AA was that it really isn't about drinking, it's about what makes one drink. So if one just puts down the bottle doesn't mean anything will change. It is difficult and disparaging to take an honest look at ones self, but it is necessary to improve our lives.

So many times I have asked the question why is it that someone can just stop and another is unable...that can only be answered by yourself. Alcoholics do share many qualities that are the same but that is not one of them.

As an alcoholic I am not able to tell anything that is going to change your ex-husbands behavior but I do believe you should take care of yourself and not him. He will have to find his own serenity. And you find yours.

Anna

Miss Pink,

I totally agree with Carol on this one.

You need to try to move forward in your life and let go of the pain.

And, I am not alone in understanding how alcoholic behaviour devastates families.

I am also not alone is understanding that addicts and their families can move past that.

lovingseren

I don't like the term "dry drunk" , it smacks of judgementalism.

However, someone who ceases to drink, but does not in any way shape or form grow emotionally, or spiritually is a sad person indeed.

Being sober, and being in recovery are two different things, I believe.

Healing and opening up to new ideas is key to recovery, staying stuck in behaviours, attitudes, opinions and self righteousness is not indicative of healing, IMO.

One of the reasons I got sober was to really begin to live again, not a half a life in the shadows, but a full on life, with eagerness and hope, and my face to the sunshine.

Ceasing to drink was the very, very beginning of my recovery.

Seren

RufusACanal

I concur with CarolD Pink and I believe your response to her was unfounded. By taking responsibility for our lives through the Steps and turning over our will and our lives to a Greater Power, Alcoholics have the oppportunity to no longer suffer or cause suffering to others. Willingness to change is the key and acceptance of surrender is the answer; Alcoholics who refuse to be willing to change stay miserable. Families and loved ones of Alcoholics who refuse to change also stay miserable. I wish you well in your life.

Miss Pink

Isnt that obvious? "Dry" = doesnt drink alcohol.

Alcoholism IS a family disease. That means the entire family has the disease.
To what degree depends on the length and interaction.

The 3 components of alcoholism:

Physical allergy
Mental illness
Spiritual Malady

I have 2 of the 3. Obviously I dont have the physical allergy as I can drink without obsession and can control it.

But the other 2.....well, thats why we get called "Crazy".

A spiritually well family member is one who works a program of spiritual recovery, much like the AA. Your relapses are measured by only ONE recurrence of your symptoms....the drinking. But that is in error, IMO, as the relapse actually begins long before the drink is consumed.

It begins when the destructive, distorted thinking causes compulsive, resentful behaviors. Dropping out of meetings, commitments, not calling sponser and support group, stop performing service etc.

Those "symptoms" appear way before the drink returns, only no one can see it....except of course, the familiy members! LOL

tiburon88

I would rather be a dry drunk than a wet drunk. I have never been arrested before sober.

Tiburon