Here's my story...sorry so long
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: michigan
Posts: 92
Here's my story...sorry so long
I've been reading here for a week or so, and this is my first post.
My name is Ken, I'm 40 years old, and I need to make some changes.
I guess I'm what they call a high-functioning alcohol abuser. I drink about a pint of whiskey a night, and have done so for about 7 years.
Before that, it was 1/2 a pint for a few years, and have always drank in some shape or form for 20 years.
I own my own business, never had a DUI, never suffered financially. I only drink in the evening, and don't stop until I go to bed. Never needed that drink in the morning.....a lot of "YET's" that haven't happened in my life, but I see where the path is leading.
I usually leave work, grab a pint and a 7-UP, and drive the backroads.
I enjoy drinking, and I enjoy the feeling it gives me, but all the "yet's" are out there, and slowly creeping up on me.
I can't remember the last time I went 48 hours without a drink, but if I don't have something in me by 9pm each night, I start to get a little anxious.
I've been with my woman for 19 years, we're not married, and it's because I know I don't want to spend my life with her...yet here I am and I cannot come home to her sober.
We are polar opposites, we do not like each other very much, and we are headed nowhere. I have known this for a long time, but resigned myself to the fact that this is my path in life, drink up and try to squeeze a little happiness in when you can.
I've thought about going to AA many times since I turned 40, but never made it.
I pulled into the parking lot just the other night, went inside, and couldn't find the right door so I left.
Something new has happened recently in my life, and my outlook has changed. I'm beginning to realize that I don't have to live the rest of my life being unhappy in an unhappy relationship.
I met a woman, 32 years old, who has been sober and in AA for 7 years. Her story isn't pretty, and she either had to quit drinking or die.
She has shared her experiences with me, and has made me look inside myself to see the things that I have known for awhile.....my drinking isn't the problem, it's the solution.
I'm trying to work up the courage to attend a meeting.....being here and posting is my first step.
Thanx for listening.
My name is Ken, I'm 40 years old, and I need to make some changes.
I guess I'm what they call a high-functioning alcohol abuser. I drink about a pint of whiskey a night, and have done so for about 7 years.
Before that, it was 1/2 a pint for a few years, and have always drank in some shape or form for 20 years.
I own my own business, never had a DUI, never suffered financially. I only drink in the evening, and don't stop until I go to bed. Never needed that drink in the morning.....a lot of "YET's" that haven't happened in my life, but I see where the path is leading.
I usually leave work, grab a pint and a 7-UP, and drive the backroads.
I enjoy drinking, and I enjoy the feeling it gives me, but all the "yet's" are out there, and slowly creeping up on me.
I can't remember the last time I went 48 hours without a drink, but if I don't have something in me by 9pm each night, I start to get a little anxious.
I've been with my woman for 19 years, we're not married, and it's because I know I don't want to spend my life with her...yet here I am and I cannot come home to her sober.
We are polar opposites, we do not like each other very much, and we are headed nowhere. I have known this for a long time, but resigned myself to the fact that this is my path in life, drink up and try to squeeze a little happiness in when you can.
I've thought about going to AA many times since I turned 40, but never made it.
I pulled into the parking lot just the other night, went inside, and couldn't find the right door so I left.
Something new has happened recently in my life, and my outlook has changed. I'm beginning to realize that I don't have to live the rest of my life being unhappy in an unhappy relationship.
I met a woman, 32 years old, who has been sober and in AA for 7 years. Her story isn't pretty, and she either had to quit drinking or die.
She has shared her experiences with me, and has made me look inside myself to see the things that I have known for awhile.....my drinking isn't the problem, it's the solution.
I'm trying to work up the courage to attend a meeting.....being here and posting is my first step.
Thanx for listening.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
Welcome to the forum Ken. This is a good place to get support and friendship. I wish you the best of luck in your recovery. I've been going to meetings, tho not as many as I'd like, but I find the fellowship a great way to keep from drinking. I haven't gotten a sponsor yet but am looking. If you've been drinking that long you should get medical advice on detoxing, as that can be dangerous. I did it at home by myself, tho my doctor knew I was doing it he wouldn't give me any meds to calm down, so I drank lots of water and fruit juice and my herbal cleansing/calming tea with chamomile and milk thistle. But do talk to your doctor just to be safe. Good luck.:praying
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: 49 degrees north
Posts: 1,036
Ken
Lots of similarities to me 7-8 years ago. High functioning, a decaying marriage, drinking before I came home on backroads.
Depression, anxiety, stress, overwork, and 3 teenagers gave me cause (not reason) to crash and burn. I medicated with alcohol and it made me a shell of who I was.
You have a lot of issues on your plate. None is more important than becoming sober, however. No matter how high functioning you think you are, alcohol interferes with who you can be. In every area.
I am into my second recovery. It is to be my last. Whatever hand life deals me, I can now handle it. I am so much more effective as a human being.
Hope to see you here often. Hope you decide to do what is best for you. There is literally no issue that has not been experienced by someone (usually many) here. You found a good place.
warrens
Lots of similarities to me 7-8 years ago. High functioning, a decaying marriage, drinking before I came home on backroads.
Depression, anxiety, stress, overwork, and 3 teenagers gave me cause (not reason) to crash and burn. I medicated with alcohol and it made me a shell of who I was.
You have a lot of issues on your plate. None is more important than becoming sober, however. No matter how high functioning you think you are, alcohol interferes with who you can be. In every area.
I am into my second recovery. It is to be my last. Whatever hand life deals me, I can now handle it. I am so much more effective as a human being.
Hope to see you here often. Hope you decide to do what is best for you. There is literally no issue that has not been experienced by someone (usually many) here. You found a good place.
warrens
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: michigan
Posts: 92
Thank you both.
Least,
When the time comes, I will seek medical direction, I made that decision after doing a lot of research the last few months.
Warrens,
It sounds like we have a lot in common.....looking forward to talking with you more.
Least,
When the time comes, I will seek medical direction, I made that decision after doing a lot of research the last few months.
Warrens,
It sounds like we have a lot in common.....looking forward to talking with you more.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
ken welcome to SR, you are where I was at about 5 years before I finally quit because I saw my future, a slow death from alcoholism, if I was lucky a quick one from an auto accident! The longer we drink the worse it gets, you are so right about the "Yets"!
AA is what saved my butt, there are other programs out there that work, but if you are like me and need that face to face type of support and the ability to find the same almost any where you go in the world then I doubt you will find better then AA.
AA is what saved my butt, there are other programs out there that work, but if you are like me and need that face to face type of support and the ability to find the same almost any where you go in the world then I doubt you will find better then AA.
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
Ken,
Add 6 years in age to your story and the live in situation deduct 10 years as I only lived with my spousal alternative 8 years and you have my story. No DUI, my own business, all the stuff as in house, cars, the "good life" except I was miserable and was resigned to THIS IS ALL THERE IS.
Fast forward 8 years and life is great. Plenty of day to day challenges, but I am happy and look forward to the sunrise. It can be done and from where I sit it has been well worth getting sober. I did finally find the "right door" to AA and walked through it. Waiting on the other side was a life that I had forgotten existed. I hope that you will stick around and if you need help fitting the key into the door I would be happy to help. Others did the same for me.
Jon
Add 6 years in age to your story and the live in situation deduct 10 years as I only lived with my spousal alternative 8 years and you have my story. No DUI, my own business, all the stuff as in house, cars, the "good life" except I was miserable and was resigned to THIS IS ALL THERE IS.
Fast forward 8 years and life is great. Plenty of day to day challenges, but I am happy and look forward to the sunrise. It can be done and from where I sit it has been well worth getting sober. I did finally find the "right door" to AA and walked through it. Waiting on the other side was a life that I had forgotten existed. I hope that you will stick around and if you need help fitting the key into the door I would be happy to help. Others did the same for me.
Jon
Naturally Occuring Phenomenon
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 437
Hey Ken,
I'm a 24 year old male alcoholic, no shame in saying it especially around here. Quite frankly I don't care what anyone thinks about my problems with alcohol or drugs as they are mine and I have chosen to deal with them in a positive way. I have seen and participated in enough of the insanity to know that I won't have it be mine anymore. It is stupid, ignorant and selfish to drink like a maniac. There are people who have non reversible problems and literally have no hope for life, they are doomed to a painful death. My dead mother, God rest her soul, be one of them (among many).
I & many others here and abroad understand the hopelessness and pity of the "ism," it is a lonely desolate road of shame and fear. However, it does not have to be this way. It took courage for others & myself to reach out for help. We did and together, we beat this thing. I encourage you to go to an AA meeting, reach out and seek help. There is a better life waiting for you if you choose to fight, embrace your own loving spirit and the loving spirits of others.
Best wishes to you and your quest for a better life. Don't let the man in the glass down.
Through Death to Life,
Reed
I'm a 24 year old male alcoholic, no shame in saying it especially around here. Quite frankly I don't care what anyone thinks about my problems with alcohol or drugs as they are mine and I have chosen to deal with them in a positive way. I have seen and participated in enough of the insanity to know that I won't have it be mine anymore. It is stupid, ignorant and selfish to drink like a maniac. There are people who have non reversible problems and literally have no hope for life, they are doomed to a painful death. My dead mother, God rest her soul, be one of them (among many).
I & many others here and abroad understand the hopelessness and pity of the "ism," it is a lonely desolate road of shame and fear. However, it does not have to be this way. It took courage for others & myself to reach out for help. We did and together, we beat this thing. I encourage you to go to an AA meeting, reach out and seek help. There is a better life waiting for you if you choose to fight, embrace your own loving spirit and the loving spirits of others.
Best wishes to you and your quest for a better life. Don't let the man in the glass down.
Through Death to Life,
Reed
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Albuquerque, New Mexico
Posts: 565
Wait a second...you've been with the woman for 19 years but you know you "don't want to spend your life with her?" Sounds like you are spending your life with her.
Make some changes! Go to that meeting and talk to that woman (meanwhile talk to the one you're living with too). Walking through that door was the toughest and most rewarding thing I've ever done. I'm new at it too.
Make some changes! Go to that meeting and talk to that woman (meanwhile talk to the one you're living with too). Walking through that door was the toughest and most rewarding thing I've ever done. I'm new at it too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: michigan
Posts: 92
Originally Posted by Texasblind 
Wait a second...you've been with the woman for 19 years but you know you "don't want to spend your life with her?" Sounds like you are spending your life with her.
Make some changes! Go to that meeting and talk to that woman (meanwhile talk to the one you're living with too). Walking through that door was the toughest and most rewarding thing I've ever done. I'm new at it too.
Make some changes! Go to that meeting and talk to that woman (meanwhile talk to the one you're living with too). Walking through that door was the toughest and most rewarding thing I've ever done. I'm new at it too.
I know....sounds funny huh???
After 19 years, I'm afraid of commitment!!! LOL
But seriously, I knew early on that this was not the woman I wanted to spend my entire life with, yet I was resigned to doing just that, and I have been miserable, hence my solution.
There's a meeting tonite at 8pm....hopefully I find the right door....I'm working up the courage to go.
Jfanagle,
Thank you for your kind offer, I may take you up on it.
Just thinking about going tonite scares the hell out of me.
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
Ken,
Most the folks I know in AA are so busy trying to keep our world right side up that you won't be the "out of place oddity" that your mind is telling you that you are going to be.
If you don't mind, go to the meeting and then report back here tomorrow and tell us if at least one person didn't come up to you and try and make you feel welcome. It usually works that way.
By the way, here is the big secret; the whole place is lousy with alcoholics and they are used to us "misfits" because they are one!
Good luck,
Jon
Most the folks I know in AA are so busy trying to keep our world right side up that you won't be the "out of place oddity" that your mind is telling you that you are going to be.
If you don't mind, go to the meeting and then report back here tomorrow and tell us if at least one person didn't come up to you and try and make you feel welcome. It usually works that way.
By the way, here is the big secret; the whole place is lousy with alcoholics and they are used to us "misfits" because they are one!
Good luck,
Jon
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: michigan
Posts: 92
Ok.....I'm gonna leave work in about 20 minutes and point my truck in the direction of the meeting.
I know I'll stop and buy a pint of whiskey and a 7-UP on the way, and may have a sip or three before I get there.....probably not the smartest thing to do, but I'm just being honest.
I hope I find the right door this time, and find the courage to go through it.
I know I'll stop and buy a pint of whiskey and a 7-UP on the way, and may have a sip or three before I get there.....probably not the smartest thing to do, but I'm just being honest.
I hope I find the right door this time, and find the courage to go through it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 872
From one ken to another,
WELCOME!
Thanks for sharing your story... yes, it is intriguing that you don't want to spend your life with someone you've been with for 19 years... and I can relate to your friend in AA -- as can many of us -- it was quit or die.
Ken, I came into AA with a lot of "yets," thank you for noticing those and for being so honest about them. Right now you still have a choice, keep progressing in active drinking and at some point you will lose the choice...
Please let me know if I can help...
Ken
WELCOME!
Thanks for sharing your story... yes, it is intriguing that you don't want to spend your life with someone you've been with for 19 years... and I can relate to your friend in AA -- as can many of us -- it was quit or die.
Ken, I came into AA with a lot of "yets," thank you for noticing those and for being so honest about them. Right now you still have a choice, keep progressing in active drinking and at some point you will lose the choice...
Please let me know if I can help...
Ken
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Southern New Hampshire
Posts: 746
Welcome Ken, Sounds like you are doing some reflecting and looking for answers, there is plenty of support here for you.
AA put me on a path and opened up a world I never knew existed. Maybe it will work for you.
A bit of unsolicited advice, the little head, won't get the big head sober.
AA put me on a path and opened up a world I never knew existed. Maybe it will work for you.
A bit of unsolicited advice, the little head, won't get the big head sober.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
Welcome to SR, Ken.
I'm another guy who came here looking for answers, when I still was drinking. It was through this website, and attending AA that I was able to quit. One day at a time, my life has gotten better.
I hope you find the answers and support you need to make a positive change in your life.
Please keep us posted.
chip
I'm another guy who came here looking for answers, when I still was drinking. It was through this website, and attending AA that I was able to quit. One day at a time, my life has gotten better.
I hope you find the answers and support you need to make a positive change in your life.
Please keep us posted.
chip
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: michigan
Posts: 92
Well.....I found the door.
I walked in, took a seat in the back, and started counting heads. There were almost 60 people in the room.
Somebody was reading something and I couldn't hear a word he said, then the man running the meeting made a couple of announcements, and then said that in the 15 years he had been running this particular meeting, he had never seen anywhere close to this many people in attendance.....he said there must be a reason, and asked if there were any newcomers.
I didn't raise my hand, but God pushed it up in the air for me.......and I was the only one.
Holy sh!t, was I scared.
He asked my name, and I told him, then he looked around the room and asked who wanted to start.
From that point on, EVERYONE in that room talked directly to me, addressing me by name, and looking right in my eyes.
It was overwhelming, in a good way, and I kept thanking God for giving me the courage to step through those doors.
I'm going back.....I'm not ready to stop drinking yet, I feel as if I need to get this relationship over and done with, otherwise I will be setting myself up for failure.
The road to life is taken a step at a time, and I feel as if I have taken my first step on the road to a new and better chapter in life.
I know it's going to be an uphill climb, with a lot of bumps and potholes, and I'm scared as hell......but I don't have to do it alone, and for that I am thankful.
I walked in, took a seat in the back, and started counting heads. There were almost 60 people in the room.
Somebody was reading something and I couldn't hear a word he said, then the man running the meeting made a couple of announcements, and then said that in the 15 years he had been running this particular meeting, he had never seen anywhere close to this many people in attendance.....he said there must be a reason, and asked if there were any newcomers.
I didn't raise my hand, but God pushed it up in the air for me.......and I was the only one.
Holy sh!t, was I scared.
He asked my name, and I told him, then he looked around the room and asked who wanted to start.
From that point on, EVERYONE in that room talked directly to me, addressing me by name, and looking right in my eyes.
It was overwhelming, in a good way, and I kept thanking God for giving me the courage to step through those doors.
I'm going back.....I'm not ready to stop drinking yet, I feel as if I need to get this relationship over and done with, otherwise I will be setting myself up for failure.
The road to life is taken a step at a time, and I feel as if I have taken my first step on the road to a new and better chapter in life.
I know it's going to be an uphill climb, with a lot of bumps and potholes, and I'm scared as hell......but I don't have to do it alone, and for that I am thankful.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,002
Originally Posted by ken67
I met a woman, 32 years old, who has been sober and in AA for 7 years. Her story isn't pretty, and she either had to quit drinking or die.
That's how most of us were introduced into the program of AA. We learned that we were in a mode of complete self-destruction and that we in fact were going to die if we didn't do something about our drinking.
When a doctor tells you that your drinking is killing you it's pretty humbling.
When the doctors a coroner and lists alcohol abuse as the cause of death, it's too late.
Tom
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