adore79

I said before that I didn't know if I was an alcoholic. But yes, it has its claws in me once more! I am soo weak; emotionally, spiritually, physically. I had a job interview today but instead of going I bought vodka and went home, telling them that I was no longer interested in the job. I like staying home, because for one, I have social phobia, but more than that I think it is so I can drink. ARGH, I'm such a lazy b****. I hate myself. I deserve whatever I get.

Signal30

Well if you believe your an alcoholic and drinking is making your life unmanageable, that is the first step in AA. Go to a meeting and have an open mind. Recovery is possible when you have the willingness. The willingness is possible and even easy when you finally surrender yourself to alcohol.



Tom

29a

Don't be to hard on your self felly, no one said recovery was easy
you'll get there. Like signal said, you just took the first step

now get a sponsor and do it for real ;-)

Astro

Hmmm, I'm thinking you must have a desire for sobriety if you're posting here to tell us about it. So you meet the 3rd Tradition in AA....

3. The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking.

Now is a good time to surrender. How about it felly?

adore79

I just can't do AA, too scary. Maybe rehab but i don't know.

Astro

OK, I understand. I didn't think I could do AA either, but I finally realized that I couldn't stay sober alone. In 2005 I went to my first AA meeting, and in spite of my fears I continued to go. 3 years later I can honestly say that I couldn't have done it any other way.

I know you'll find something that works for you.

CAPTAINZING2000

Depending on what rehab you go, you'll be doing AA in there.

Quit hating yourself.

God doesn't make junk,


Do you really want to quit??

caraway

Hi felly - I'll say it aswell - don't be too hard on yourself. You know, you can just ring up AA for a chat (well, you can where I am so I expect you can where you are too). Also you can ask to have someone go with you to a meeting. It is very daunting. It is for everyone. Everyone has had a first meeting! Perhaps you could sit at the back - near the door for a quick exit if your social phobia becomes overwhelming. Anyway, I won't go on about it (don't want to put you off!).

Personally, I would find rehab more scary but if you think that would help you I'm sure theres lots of people here with experience of that to talk to.

Hope you keep posting and letting us know how you're getting on. :ghug3

CarolD

Mixing your meds with alcohol is so dangerous.
That frightens me when I see you are doing that.

You know you need the meds
You know you don't need the alcohol.

Please be safe ...the life you save will be your own.

reed

yeah, you definitley shouldn't skip a job interview & drink vodka unless you physically need the vodka. I used to do this stuff all the time. Drink vodka all day long, blast tunes, smoke and eat crackers. & then I was physically addicted to alcohol, no good. Now I'm way off track of intended plans but I don't do the vodka anymore. Find the right rehab and go. If you are not ready now, you will be. I put myself in the hab, now AA everday. Staying casual.

adore79

Do you have to talk in front of everyone at your first AA meeting?

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

NO!!! The only thing that you have to do is walk in and sit down. Keep walking in to meetings and sitting down. Oh, and listen.

big hugs,

Karen

Signal30

No, Just listen. Listening is one of the most important action you can do at a meeting. Then after the meeting if you want to talk to someone go for it, or not.

I personally suggest that you just go to meetings and simply listen.


Tom

Texasblind

I totally understand about the skipping a job interview to drink. Alcoholism is just that kind of disease. Nothing is as important as that drink.

The last job interview I had, I was pretty drunk, but pretty charming apparently. But, that is also the job I am currently on leave from for "drinking on the job." So what does that tell you?

I'm very glad that my new job search can be done in sobriety.

And to answer your question, in my experience, you never have to speak in an AA meeting. But, something tells me after a meeting or two, you'll be ready.

Rimmy

Someone the other day... maybe this morning mentioned AA to be a "softer path to recovery". That sounded rather comforting. I was encouraged when I joined SR in 2005 to attend a meeting and I just wouldn't do it. It took me over two years to figure it out my way, all the while being miserable, and only recently seeing the other side.

I never did go to the meeting, but I read and still read the big book because I find it inspirational. I've also read and tried many other things over the years, but it was what I read in the Big Book that changed my thinking. I wish I had just gone to a meeting years ago and I still may go one of these days just to laugh at myself for being so foolish for so long.

So hang in there and know there is another side... I'd take the "softer path" though.

collinsmi

The way I was living was scary. Well, that's not entirely accurate. At least not scary in the sense of opening the door and seeing Michael Myers with mask and knife. Scary like having a millstone around my neck since practically forever, dragging me further and further down into a sea of $#!%, until I was wore out, could see no way out, no friendly direction. Out of airspeed, altitude and ideas.

90% of all those scary things I'd heard about AA were complete nonsense, and the other 10% weren't too scary to do when the time came.

collinsmi

The most appropriate thing to say at your first meeting is "Hi, I'm Felly and I'm an alcoholic" when the time for introductions comes. Everyone else will be doing it. Then, listen, thats the trick.

chip

Hi Felly,
I thought I couldn't go any lower when I was ready to admit that I'm an alcoholic. I didn't think AA was for me either. I did realize that I need other people to get sober, and stay sober. I went to AA with my tail between my legs.

I did alot of listening at AA, and I kept hearing parts of my story in other people's stories. I realized that I'm not alone. Being an alcoholic seemed like the end of the world for me...but...it turned into a new beginning. Once I got past the initial discomfort of early sobriety, and I started getting into the AA program...things really started getting better for me.

I hope things will get better for you too. It sounds like you are at a turning point in your life. I urge you to give AA a try.
chip

Tazman53

Felly first off if you can do rehab do it, it will at a minimum get you sober enough to be able to think semi clearly and give you a fairly good idea of what alcoholism is.

One thing to prepare you for though is rehabs are not cures!!!!! They are a beginning to recovery and that is it!

Every single rehab/detox facility in the country is going to tell you that the second you leave there you need to get into a long term recovery program, most will tell you to go to AA, others will simply tell you to find one you like and that works for you.

When I was in detox they told us over and over again "If you want a chance to stay sober go to at least 90 AA meetings in 90 days and get a sponsor!" I did that and I thank God today that I listened to them, because not only am I sober today thanks to AA, I am a far better person then I have ever been and I am happy.

Absolutely not!!!! You do not even need to introduce yourself, if you do decide to introduce yourself you do not even have to say you are an alcoholic, you can simply say "Hi I am Felly." If some one ask you to share just say "No thanks, I am new and I just want to listen." Trust me no one will be upset, most people do not say a word for several meetings, I know one guy who went to at least a meeting every day for over a year before he even introduced himself at a meeting.

There is only one rule in AA and that rule is there are no rules!!! The only requirement to be a member of AA is a desire to stop drinking!

AA in the long run is I have found to be the easier softer way for me.

SF69

Same here. My opinions of AA came from what I saw in TV and Movies (where it's a dark, smoke filled room filled with mopey people. It's not!), and my uncle who worked the AA/NA program and ended up becoming a Jesus freak* for quite awhile. I was worried that this would happen to me. After attending meetings for awhile, I don't see that happening.



*once he was clean and found God, he started sending me cassettes of sermons saying I would go to Hell because of listening to Heavy Metal, after seeing Iron Maiden and Motley Crue posters in my bedroom as a teen. He's calmed down quite a bit since then.