Originally Posted by Stayingsassy

my husband stopped buying white liquor because I'd mix gin or vodka into diet soda all day on every workday I had off, until it was just gone, white liquor never lasted more than a day and a half in my house. So he'd buy whisky or bourbon, but when my beers or hard seltzers ran out after 12 units or so in a few hours, I'd start in on anything, so i developed a taste for whisky...then he started buying the really expensive stuff, and I'd clean that out too, even his $40 bottles of wine were never safe around me.

I was weird in that I never believed I'd drink more than 12 trulys or beers and I never bought anything stronger. I didn't believe I'd keep drinking. I always did, though. The house was stocked. And I'd keep drinking for days. And they would stretch out into horrible half lived, half remembered eerie snippets of episodes lasting days and nights, all remembered moments of just utter despair, and the blackest existence of all when I would come to...when I would begin to sober up. A dark, death like existence.

When I quit I picked up every bottle and every bar glass and the wine rack and the bar tools and buried them in the back of the cabinets in the garage and frantically told my husband to never put alcohol in front of my face again, it was killing me, destroying me, and I would leave him in a heartbeat if alcohol in the home got in the way of my lasting sobriety, I saw a glimmer of a new life and no way was I letting it slip through my fingers.

Originally Posted by scarly

Nope.....mouthwash.....for me...was the lowest circle of hell....

Originally Posted by Kellye C

I agree with what others have written about untreated alcoholism being the lowest circle of hell. I know for me personally I was facing certain death from organ failure and scared out of my mind of the withdrawals that I started having after going more than 2 or 3 hours without a drink.

Having said that vodka does offer especially hellish memories for me. That is what I had to try and swig as quickly as possible on lunch breaks to stop the shakes. I hated it so bad and mixed it so strong that it would meet itself coming back up as I tried to swig it down. Almost four years sober now and I get almost physically ill at the mere thought of any of it but especially vodka.

For me though the lowest circle of hell was seeing what my drinking was doing to my kids and mom, going to work still drunk, driving my kids to school drunk, getting utilities shut off and eviction notices and telling my kids there was no money to give them clothes or shoes but writing hot checks to make sure I had my booze. It was making horrible choices with men. It was being so deathly sick that I couldn't eat for days. It was buying enough booze to last me through Saturday and Sunday only to wake up on Sunday morning and realize that I had drank it all and would spend the day in withdrawals. It was trying to recover from alcohol poisoning over and over and trying to maintain some sense of dignity. It was swearing every morning that I wasn't going to drink that day, hitting the afternoon and salivating at the thought of 5:00 and getting to the liquor store. I could keep going but I'm sure you get the picture.

Everyone's bottom is different but I hope you find yours soon. Remember your bottom is whenever and wherever you stop digging.

Best wishes,
Kellye