NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Hi Dee,

Hang in there hon! It DOES get better. The first two weeks that I was sober were a nightmare! My emotions were all over the place. You are doing what you need to do, keep hitting meetings, keep reaching out. I took a lot of bubble baths..

When I got a sponsor and started really working on the steps, I would take my work out when I was feeling the way you are, and by diving into it, I found that I felt better. Now, I have tools that help me when I'm angry/depressed/irritable. I am completely amazed that I can now handle things in a much better way. Each time that I do, I say to myself "wow, look what I just did!".

I'll be thinking of you today..

Karen

Dee_Sober4today

Still sober.
Haven't been to a meeting in 2 days.
I have a cold, or allergies or the flu or something accompanied witha persistent headache and painful cold sore.
Ironic....I was NEVER sick when I drank...
Still here...hanging on.
Thanks everyone

collinsmi

For me, words like acceptance, honesty, humility and love had a lot more fluid definition than they do for me now. What changed was I took the steps. They can seem intimidating but you don't do them all at once and each one prepares you for the next. It was (is) a lot of work but it's the most worthwhile thing I've done in my life.

jimhere

What if told you that you could be well? That you wouldn't have to stay sick in AA, always "recovering'? That you will never have to be alone the way you've been alone? That you will never have to drink alcohol again in your life? That that yawning hole of emptiness inside can be replaced by a life that makes sense and means something? That there those of us here who can show you precisely how we have recovered?
Jim

Dee_Sober4today

Still sober.....
Although I'm...
Still lethargic
Still scared
Still anxious
Still isolating
Still hating myself
Still angry
Still grieving
Still sad
Still crying
Still fat
Still jobless
Still lacking any self esteem

Sigh.....but, I'm still sober
:sorry I know my posts are less than uplifting lately. I'm just trying to be honest and not play the "perfect" happy person like I used to. I guess I should offset the above with a gratitude list.....

Still have my beautiful son..and he's happy and healthy
Still have my life
Still have my home (for now)
Still have.......I, I can't think of anymore and my tears are blurring my vision.
:praying

shaktee

You Still have us who care a great deal and share in both your joys and sorrows.

You Still have this moment right now, and you Still have today. And God willing, tomorrow too.

Hang in there Dee...

I found this earlier today.. and for some reason, it resonated a great deal.

"Up to a point a man's life is shaped by environment, heredity, and movements and changes in the world about him. Then there comes a time when it lies within his grasp to shape the clay of his life into the sort of thing he wishes to be. Only the weak blame parents, their race, their times, lack of good fortune, or the quirks of fate. Everyone has it within his power to say, "This I am today; that I will be tomorrow. " - Louis L'Amour

"But I know somehow that only when it is dark enough can you see the stars" - Dr. Martin Luther

Dee_Sober4today

Got told today that I had TOO much experience for a job.

Sometimes I feel like a character in God's sitcom.

Still sober....
just feeling numb.

CarolD

....It just was not the right job Dee

I found a great job by talking
about my situation with my AA friends.
Have you considered doing that?

Keep in focus...Well done on your sober time!

Tazman53

Dee have you brought up your feeling to your sponsor or some one else? I know you felt a degree of relief simply posting:
What you need to focus on IMHO right now is the isolation, get to meetings, call people in your network, go out for coffee. For me the most dangerous place for me to be is in my own head, I find myself focusing on everything that is wrong in my life and as a result found early in sobriety that my old solution to my problems would pop into my head and I would wind up picking up a drink to cure my ills.

Many of the feelings you are experiencing right now are perfectly normal early in sobriety, focus on the good and not isolating.

Krissy2007

Dee - how are you doing? Just checking in!

Dee_Sober4today

Haven't drank but still not feeling better emotionally either. Wanted to post to say hello. Been reading posts but have no desire to really post.
No desire to do anything really.
Wishing you all a safe and sober New Year's Eve.
Dee:praying

NoelleR

Hey Dee --

After going back and reading this whole thread, I noticed that you mentioned: 1) a woman who spoke to you at a meeting and 2) a woman who called you in the AM to see how you were doing......BUT

Tazman53 made a good question/suggestion when he wrote, "What you need to focus on IMHO right now is the isolation, get to meetings, call people in your network, go out for coffee..."

I will just add....when I was in early sobriety, my sponsor, a very action-oriented woman, had me get at least two phone numbers at every meeting I attended, and then to call three people every day....and no leaving messages on machines either.....now, I didn't have to have a full-out conversation; I could just say something like, "Hi, this is Noelle, and this is one of my AA calls for today." This got me in the right frame in case I ever got into a 'spot' where I needed to call someone, then I would just go on and do-it.....

Anyway.....just a suggestion...... (o:


NoelleR
DOS: 6/23/86

P.S. If you think getting those numbers and making those calls is sorta silly.....well we never know when something we do (like a silly phone call) is just what the other person may need.

barb dwyer

hi -

I think Noelle makes a great point.

WHen I started out in recovery - I was up to my armpits with the Fellowship.
If I wans't at a meeting - I was on this website.
I was completely saturated with the Program, and the Fellowship.
And there were plenty of days I didn't post - and didn't feel like it ... all that.

And I *still* have days I don't feel like doing anything.

Rimmy

Yeah, even doing too much of positive things can turn you around and bonk you on the back of the head once in a while. I hope you are feeling better dee.

collinsmi

The better part of my first year sober was pretty much an emotional mess. When I met my sponsor for the first time, he said "are you willing to do whatever it takes" and I said "yes", knowing that was the "correct" answer. Of course he was talking about step work, and I did enough to keep him off my butt, and not any more. Whenever I would see him, I'd tell him about my "problems". He'd respond by asking "That's fine, but what are you doing about the step you're on?". It was infuriating!

Towards the middle of October of that year (I had my last drink in February and started working with my sponsor in May) he suggested I start working on the 10th and 11th step in addition to continuing on with the 4th step I was working on. At first I was skeptical to say the least, and in no hurry to do anything else. My life had turned in to such a train wreck by that time (or perhaps only appeared to have reached that state) I became willing, even eager, to do the extra step work.

From that point on, generally, I started feeling better. My life didn't turn into an endless sequence of blissful events, but then again I'm extroardinarily lazy. I've had rough spots, but worked through them with the help of the steps.

From that experience, I learned:

1). Working the steps will make me feel better.

2). If I'm feeling bad, I need to do more than what I'm doing and be patient.

The fellowship didn't help me, doing the steps did.