Elizabeth2007

Help.

Does anyone else feel triggered when they feel even the slightest hint of rejection??

I struggle with this. I've grown so much in my self-worth but I was on another quit site and have mostly left it but still go back to check in on a few good friends. However, I still feel intense hurt from some people I trusted and believed in there. People who helped me in the beginning of my quit. I feel abandoned and rejected too.

I don't know why it still hurts.

But its not just about that site its about ... I think its even when my husband doens't really like something I'm eager to share with him, silly things like that. I feel hurt.

Then ... I feel triggered. Like I want to drink.

Anyone have any similar reactions or feelings or situations??

nandm

I can understand what you are saying although I have not found that to be a trigger for me personally, I can see how it could be a problem. Have you considered doing some work through Co-dependents Anonymous? What you are describing is something that they help people deal with. You might check it out as drinking is not an option for an alcoholic. I think you will find that there are many people who work more than just the AA program in their llife. I have found ALANON to be useful for me. Take care and remember, if you don't drink you don't get drunk.

sugErspun

Are you alcoholic Elizabeth?

The reason that I ask is this. The symptoms you are describing are that of untreated alcoholism - some people call it 'dry drunk' or white knuckle sobriety.

A little more on 'why' you are on a 'quit site' would be helpful.

Tks

Justme57

Rejection was HUGE for me , when I first got sober. I feared I would have to battle it all my life.
it wasn't til I completed my 4th step, and really got down to the nitty grtty , that it left me

I have no idea where it went, or why, but it is wonderful to be free of it!

I think it had to do with my self worth, and pride, self pity, and arrogance

I dont know if you are an AA person or not, but if you are , talk to your sponser about doing your 4th, it makes such a HUGE difference

HUGX
Leigh

nandm

Elizabeth has been on this site for nearly a month now. She has stated she is an alcoholic. Many alcoholics also suffer from more problems than just alcoholism and that does not mean they are a dry drunk. Even the Big Book says to seek outside help when needed.

Elizabeth2007

sugar - a 'quit' site is a site nearly identical to this one, except minus the moderation / rules and it is only for people who are trying to or have quit drinking.

and yes .. i'm an alcoholic. i would think that my signature stating my sobriety date and that i'm posting in the alcoholic forum would lead one to believe that.

anyway - i'll be sober 8 months tomorrow i have the book regarding co-dependency called the Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie. I really like it.

thank you nan. i appreciate your support understanding and compassion.

i'm a little boggled by some of the other responses. truly.

self pity ... arrogance. what ?? because I have been hurt and struggle with rejection??

dry drunk?? white knuckling? perhaps some of you should stick to the AA forum .. i don't appreciate prostelatizing when it is done in such a terse tone. i have nothing but respect for AA but i have found that many AAers do a true disservice to AA by thier lack of compassion sensitivity and total inability to see that there are OTHER ways to get and stay sober. anything that thinks it is the ONLY way to do something has the makings of a cult.

anyway enough of my bitching.

another lesson learned. i think i'll keep things to myself about myself from now on.

thanks anyway.

1963comet

Feeling rejection is a pain. But please don't let people get you down. You said yourself that you were feeling better about yourself.

You do not need approval from other people to feel good about you.

nandm

I have the same book as well as the next in that series. I used them every day for the first two years of my sobriety. I found I was so raw with emotion early in recovery that I needed the extra support that her books gave me. Helped me see I could make it through the changes that were happening to me.

It does get easier, just hang in there. I have found that my skin has thickened considerably in sobriety. It helps me to keep in mind that "what other people think of me is none of my business." Keep posting and just be prepared to take what you can use and leave the rest. I truly believe that the majority of the people here are here to get and give support and help.

sugErspun

Maybe my post came across wrong?

Advice was asked for and I cannot offer advice sometimes without asking questions. I was not pointing fingers or being critical, at least it was not my intention.

Congratulations on the 8 months.

How have you stayed sober thus far?


The 'quit site' question was that I have never heard of it put that way before..wasn't sure what you were talking about. Thank you for the clarification.

nandm

Just like I said in my last post, the majority of people here are here to offer and recieve support and help, sugar is one of those people.

Thanks for clarifying your post sugar. It can be quite difficult sometimes get across what we mean when we are not face to face. Words can be interpreted differently according to the person's experience.

sugErspun

Please read my orignal reply again.

I said the symptoms you describe sound like untreated alcoholism, I forgot to explicity say that this was purely my opinion, I thought those days were behind, but maybe not.

So..that is my opinion.

Then I continued to state that some people refer to this as dry drunk or white knuckle.

I did not call you either of those.

I cannot control how you choose to respond to a genuine inquiry, and I do not see that this has to do with AA or that forum.

All the best.

Elizabeth2007

i stay quit through some AA, some SR, some RR, some Carr. put it in a blender and it all works well for me.

i have a deep faith in God and my heart has be re-opened as i've stayed sober longer but i'll confess that in that has come a great deal of sensitivity and being way too tenderhearted.

its hard .. i was always a tender person .. sensitive .. and i hardened up after much abuse and a hard life but now that i'm sober God is softening my heart again

its frightening

AA? because the terms dry drunk and white knuckling are standard AA terms used for folks who don't work the steps and don't go to a meetings all the time. that's why.

saying something is "your opinion" doesn't somehow remove you from responsibility from the consequences of those words. does it?? perhaps i misread tone and intention in some posts but it struck me as very harsh.

anyway ... i will say this ... i think any "quit" site - like this one or the other i was involved in is likely not the best place for me to open up about my own hurts and struggles. i think this is the final lesson in that regard. i don't know why i don't ever learn. i suppose its the straw that broke the camel's back as it were.

i'm just upset .. i posted upset .. i posted hurt .. i really don't know what i expected. i just don't. not this. i don't know anymore.

i am more than happy to support and encourage others but ultimately, it seems, whenever i open up i feel like i get kicked in the teeth ... but its likely just me.

i'll stick to opening up to my therapist.

thank you nan and others for your many kindnesses. good luck to you each.

Rowan

Hey Elizabeth,

For what it's worth, I'm glad you shared. I struggled mightily with rejection, and still do on occasion. Any intense emotion triggered me to drink, but especially rejection. I haven't felt that way in a long time, thank God.
Your post helped me. Thank you.

Anna

Elizabeth,

I think that having a hard time dealing with rejection is really tough to deal with. That was a big problem for me and I would try really hard to be what people wanted me to be, so that I wouldn't be rejected. But, what I found was that I lost myself. I guess what I'm saying is that as you continue to develop confidence in yourself, which you are already doing, you will be less hurt by other people.

curliQ

I too have a hard time with rejection. Rejection and stress make me want to drink to drown out any discomfort or pain. In the short run, it makes it feel better. In the long run, it doesn't make me deal with the pain.

chip

Hi Elizabeth
I just want to chime in here and thank you for your post. I can relate. Rejection isn't a very nice feeling. I havn't been "triggered" in a while, but I can understand how rejection could be a trigger. Certainly when I still drank, I'd "drink away" feelings of rejection, lonliness, self pity, etc....

For me, drinking was my #1 soulution to dealing with my feelings. In sobriety, I've needed to face these feelings and deal with them in other ways. At first, I'd think about drinking when I was upset for sure...

I also realized that some of my reactions are distorted.. That is to say that sometimes when I feel rejected, it isn't the other person's intention to make me feel that way. My addiction crys out "drink drink drink" for what ever reason is at hand... and it sometimes "helps" me believe a small thing is really a BIG thing.

Today, at 27 months, this has gotten better for me. I can see where you are coming from and I understand about feelings triggering an addictive behaviour. AA or not, we all can see the connection between our feelings and our addictions.

AA has helped me deal learn how to handle my feelings. You don't need AA to share with other alcoholics or addicts... but sharing is good for most of us. I'm glad you are here and I'm glad you feel comfortable to share.

The only advice I will dispense is something that you are already doing quite well.... keep working at it. You are doing well with your recovery...every day sober is an accomplishment. I hope you have a place to go for affirmation when you feel rejected. If you need people to *talk* with, this site is a great place to find support.

I hope you feel better soon?
chip

Treasure2Find

My trigger is that I am an alcoholic. Anything outside of myself that needs addressing is done so by living the steps of recovery and relying upon God to solve my problems.

When I have issues like the one you described I pray, talk to another alcoholic and make amends for any wrong done. I have made a decision to seek help outside of AA with a therapist and have made a decision to check out Al-anon. I’m a die hard AA so the Al-anon should prove interesting. I wish you well with your rejection issues….

All Good Things

jimhere

The emotional hurt resulting from being rejected is a normal human reaction. It is not connected in any way with alcoholism, except in the fact that it is rooted in deep self-centerdness. And alcoholics are known to be thin-skinned. By the way, co-dependancy is just a fancy term for self-centered.

That being said, if emotion takes to you to a drink, maybe you are not alcoholic. Maybe you are just an emotionally unstable person who drinks when feelings of distress or hurt come up-an emotional drinker.

Triggers have nothing to do with alcoholism. The term has been sold to us by the treatment industry. For a true alcoholic, no triggers are needed. Alcoholics drink for all kinds of reasons and with every reason not to. Maybe the best reason is no reason at all.

I have been sponsoring some one who has been seeing a therapist. Elizabeth, your reactions are similiar to this person's when they ask a question and I don't give them the answer that they want to hear. Then they go complain to the therapist about how mean I am. The therapist backs them up. Meanwhile they are withering on the vine, dying the living death of an untreated spiritual malady. I guess the deal is, if you don't want to know, don't ask. I had to let this person go because I do not intend to be in competion with the therapist.

I don't think the two are incompatible, but it does no good to bring this stuff up unless a person has a way of facing and being rid of it.

Lastly, and I admit that it is unsolicited-you mentioned that you are doing a hodgepodge of methods for treating alcoholism. You say it works well, but the evidence seems to be to the contrary. It explains why you are all over the place. I'm not against anything that helps an alcoholic recover, but have you considered picking one method and sticking with it long enough to get some real results?
Jim

Jim

CarolD

The interesting thing about Discussion Boards
for me is the varied responses posted from our
perceptions and experiences.

We simply never know who we are helping
We have many guests as well as members.

That is why SR is a vital part of my recovery.

mtnmagic

I have been struggling to stay sober, so take my post for what it is worth...
I find your statement in the second paragraph of your post complete bullspit.
I would say more here, but know better then to open my heart where people seem to be lurking to pounce and jump with their own personal agendas.

For what that is worth...Elizabeth, I understand what you are looking for and the pain you have expressed in your OP. I honestly do not think Sugar was trying to hurt you in any way....again OHO...Maybe I will calm down here, look at what is disturbing so much in this thread and post at a later time. I just wanted you to know, you are not alone in your feelings and the pain it creates in your life.