DKS

I know exactly how you feel. I did the same thing for years and years. Posting here and asking for help is a good first step. So is admitting you have a problem. That was huge for me, to come here and put it in writing "publicly". Sharing with our family therapist also helped because then I had someone else besides my family to be accountable to. Good luck with quitting drinking. You'll be so glad you did.

Carrrie

splendra, okay here's some things about me. i have been drinking 9 or 10 beers every night, alone at home. i never drink and drive, i hold down a job. i am in my early 40's, this has been going on about 20 years. today is the day i walk away from it for good. i'm gonna do this.

Carrrie

2ala2, thanks so much for writing. i can't do real meetings because of shyness. i have social anxiety, and seriously freak when in those situations.

DKS, thank you for your encouragement - - it truly helps.

splendra

((((Carrrie))))

One thing that most of us here have found is that we have to treat our minds like a bad neighborhood and never go there alone.

Addiction grows in solitude and darkness.

Keep posting get out of your head we are here for you...

2ala2

Hey Carrie,
I am just like you anxiety-wise. It is one of the main reasons why I drank or did drugs. I found loads of people like me in AA/NA and i take 2 meds for the anxiety, they help. Go to a therapist. I know I gotta quit the coffee.
I found meetings with smaller groups/ usually no more than 10 worked for me. Shop around.

Zanthos

This is my first post too.

I, too, really wanted to quit. Swore off every morning. Drank every night. Hundreds of times. Day after day, week after week, month after month. When winter came around, and the days got shorter, and the night came sooner, I began to drink earlier and longer. I was drinking more than I was eating.

Before I knew it, the holidays were approaching. I began to think of another holiday season of being alone, of feeling disconnected, of hating who I was, of hiding away. In a lifetime of lows, it was a new low.

Finally, a strange new thought: I need help. Every instinct had been to do it alone, fix myself, make things right on my own. Every instinct had been to hide away, for how could I reveal to anyone else how much pain I was in? But somehow that moment of clarity, that second of sanity, found its way to the surface and I knew I couldn't do it alone.

And so I reached out and asked for help. Which kickstarted a lot of change.

You've reach out, Carrie. What you'll see if you choose to see is that the world is full of people just like you. And just like me. Who drank and couldn't stop. Who lived but tired of living. Who wished for happiness but could only feel despair.

And then things changed. We reached out and asked for help. And found a community who had solved their problem of drinking and living.

I swear upon a soul of life-long misery that I had no idea, no idea whatsoever, that it could feel so good to be alive. That I could know joy and peace from time to time. And that I could accept with courage and hope the struggles and difficulties that remain a part of any life.

The solution to my problem, a problem not so much of drinking as it was of living, was there all along. The key to finding that solution was admitting, first, that I really wanted something more, something better for myself, and second, that I didn't know the answer, that I had to look outside myself and learn from others how they did it.

I hope you find what in your heart of hearts we all really want, which is to accept ourselves, love ourselves, and enjoy and appreciate the fact we are alive. The answer is all around you.

DKS

I can understand about the meetings. I don't have major social anxiety and I don't seriously freak in those situations, but I'm pretty shy and don't feel very comfortable trying to make conversation with strangers. I just hit the one year sober mark on the 12th of June and I've never been to an AA meeting, but have been considering it lately to see if the recovery program would be helpful in remaining sober and in other areas of my life. You and I have a lot in common. I'm 43 (was 42 when I finally quit drinking for good), I have a very good job, I had been drinking 10-12 beers every single night, never drank and drove, always drank at home every night, and it had been going on for about 20 years.

Congratulations on your decision to make today your first day sober! You can do this, and we'll be here for you.

mpr

good luck on your day 1

Barto

Yes, coffee and anxiety are a bad mix. And you might be surprised at how easy it is to go to a meeting with a bunch of ex-drunks and maybe some drunks (alcoholics) who are just like you.

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

You can read this until you go.

CarolD

Zanthos....Welcome to our SR
Alcoholism Forum!

leeside

Carrie,

You sound like you have a lot of resolve. It will be hard to keep it, so you will probably have to work on it as you go, so you dont relapse.

GlassPrisoner

Welcome !

Another AA here. Zanthos pretty much sums it up for me. Stubborn and self-reliant, I was sure I could do this on my own. I always believed "I could do anything I set my mind to". Until alcohol kicked my ass from one side of the street to the other, repeatedly.

Good Luck to you. Listen to what others have to say, don't try it on your own. There's a certain feeling of security in knowing others have been there done that.

Nae

Carrie, welcome.

Carrrie

I can't get over how many people so generously give their time to read and thoughtfully respond here. I truly thank you. This is not a "substitute" for human interaction - - it is real!

I'm cringing, it's hard to say this, after people here have been so generous. I drank last night, so "day 1" turned into "day zero". As always, it's morning and I am declaring today "Day 1", and, as always, I actually believe it!

I am sorry if I let anyone down. I am going to keep reading stuff here, and I will keep my commitment today. Today, I will not drink. No drinking today.

PurpleReign

Welcome Carrrie and Zanthos,

I hope you can stop before you reach the point I reached and begin to lose things that are important to you, I wouldn't wish my situation on my worst enemy but with God's grace I'm getting by sober and good things are starting to happen.

So take this as you will, but I heard today in mass, "Don't ask God to make your cross smaller, ask God to make your shoulders broader. God carved, weighed, and warmed the very cross you carry so that you could take it up and follow Jesus."

Peace to both of you - sooner than later I hope.

PR

BP44

I have found that stopping isn't the problem. It's staying stopped, and living sober. That's the problem in a nutshell. The first drink always gets me drunk. The only place I have found appropriate to use the word "never" is that I will never drink normally again. I broke to amny promises to say I'll never drink again. But for this 24 hours, I can do that. So far today, I've said morning prayers and meditation, I went to a 9:00am meeting, I called my sponsor, and I talked to another alcoholic on the phone. I plan on hitting a meeting tonight at 7:00pm, and if I don't do anything real stupid over the next 10 hours or so, I'll have another 24 hours. Of course, it's Sunday, but that never stopped me before. I would have to do a little more work than the recovery deal. It's work to hang out in a bar long enough to get loaded. The only other option would be to run out of the convenience store or a grocery store with a case of beer since they don't sell on Sunday here in Ga. See what I mean? Recovery is a little more simple. Not that stealing booze is beneath me, it's just not in the cards for this day.

DKS

Welcome Zanthos!

Carrie, keep coming back and keep reading. You'll find lots of good advice here. You can do this!

Barto

Maybe you are powerless over alcohol (like me)?

mpr

depending on a persons strength the forum may be sufficient but if you find yourself weak when it comes to your addiction seeking out real time help would also be a good option... the forum can only do so much the rest is up to you, ball is in your court make your play

BP44

I stayed drunk for a long time with the notion that I was either weak or strong willed. When I was convinced that I am POWERLESS over alcohol, that my life had become UNMANAGEABLE, then and only then was I in a position to come to believe...... The first step is the only one that we can get 100% right, and as it turns out need to get 100% right. If I were just strong willed, I could perhaps drink normally again. NEVER gonna happen!!!!!