piscesdreamer

For many years i've been able to maintain the functional alcoholic lifestyle.In the last 2 months i've just really bottomed out to the point where i can't do anything without thinking twice about it(except for drinking).the only thing i do now where i'm content is drink,other than that everything is an effort and a hassle.i think i can now say my life is unmanagable.i'm supposed to be moving cross country but i can't get all the details together to do it.i keep putting everything off....the only thing i can manage to do is hit the liquor store.i'm a mess and in the worst mental shape i've ever been in.

CarolD

Welcome....and Hugs

When??????
When my mind was not clear....
alcoholic depression was my daily companion.

Sounds like you are there too.

miss communicat

Hi Pisces,

Welcome to SR! I am also from CT, and love coming here to read, share and learn about recovery from alcoholism.

I'm sorry you are feeling like a mess today. Try reading the Post ast the top of the page called "Excerpts from "UNDER THE INFLUENCE". Its really grounded, factual info about the progression of alcoholic changes to all levels of the person.

I, for one, stopped drinking fairly early in the game. I was still a functional drinker, but what bothered me was the phenomena of craving and the obsessive nature that my mind was going toward more and more.

I quit drinking, go to AA meetings, read and post here, have an AA sponsor and am now open minded and willing to change.

This works for me. I hope you stick around, and let us get to know you better and let us share our experience, strength and hope with you.

Pick-a-name

I am the recent ex-wife of a still fairly "functional" alcoholic. I'm curious about this,too.

p.s. piscesdreamer; glad you are here! It's a place full of wonderful people who are willing to share their E,S,and H (experience,stregnth, and hope ). Hope you stick around.

CarolD

And here is the link for "Under The Influence"

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

The info there convinced me to quit
by explaining why.

I do hope you will find answers

chimineria

Hi Pisces
You sound like you are in the same place I am right now.

For me it was when normal everyday events became life altering crisis,
that I couldn't ignore the truth (my life was unmanageable). I am pretty
competent professional (PhD in engineering) still high functioning in that
venue --- yet I actually walked EVERYWHERE for FOUR months because I
got a flat tire and couldn't cope with getting it changed. Couldn't deny
that something was wrong with that picture.

I hope you stick around - I have been lurking here awhile (posting for 2 days
dry for 4 ) and have found lots of ES&H here.
-P

parentrecovers

my daughter is 23 and an alcoholic/addict. she knew she had crossed the line when all her partying turned into black outs and she kept getting in serious trouble with the law, in relationships, at school, and with money. she is in early recovery, and trying to put the pieces back together.

to all the newcomers - good luck in your recoveries, the rewards are worth the work.

blessings, k

Rowan

I don't know that I was EVER a functional alcoholic.

But, drinking in isolation, and putting on a good game face in public, allowed me to live in denial a little bit longer. Then the mask slipped off, and I had to make some hard choices about my drinking and my lifestyle.

Tazman53

Well for me I realized it when all I was able to do was drink and work, there was nothing besides that I was capable of doing or wanted to do. I had stopped doing anything with my family or any thing I used to enjoy doing, I did not read any more, I did not hunt, fish or camp any more, all I did was drank and went to work.

At this point I had surrendered to alcohol, I had quit the fight and made the decision that I would just drink and quit hating myself for not being able to stop.

PurpleReign

I noticed I wasn't a "functional" alcoholic when I drank despite it not...
1. Being fun anymore
2. Being social anymore
3. Affecting my relationships (God, family, friends, GFs, business)

I have a problem with the whole "functional alcoholic" mindset. It's kind of like "friendly fire." Are bullets coming at you really "friendly" if they can kill you? I think "functional alcoholic" was invented by the alcoholic for the alcoholic as a way to alleviate responsiblity...a true alcholic is not functioning spiritually, mentally, or physically at levels they are capable of. My 2/100.

PR

Tazman53

PR I am not sure the term "Functional Alcoholic" was invented by an alkie, more then likely it was a classification to seperate the alcohlic who could not even begin to maintain a life style that could appear normal to someone who only saw a part of a persons big picture.

If it had been invented by an alcoholic like myself then there would be no classification like that, because if one can hold a job and not be in jail then they can not be an alcoholic.

PurpleReign

Taz,
Yeah - I don't know where the term originated but I still think it contradicts itself. How can a true alcoholic be functional? If the definition of functional is paying the bills, keeping a job, and just getting by - I might as well celebrate tonight with a case of beer. (Kidding of course - I just hate the term that's all.)

PR

ghostgirl

hey pices... do you HAVE to make that move right now? is it an idea that maybe you can stay and get into a recovery program... because you know what they say, no matter where you go, there you are.

i'm glad you see that you can't do it anymore... its a step in the right direction.

it took me over a year to seek out help once i realized that i needed it.

((()))gg

Tazman53

PR I think it is a good term, I was one for many years, that term allowed me to face the fact that I am an alcoholic early enough to where I did not wind up losing my family and every thing I own, it kept me from living on the streets and winding up in jail or being so advanced in my disease that I simply wound up drinking myself to death.

best

I realized it when my buddies would get angry at me in our first few months of our starting out drinking.
We would each buy a 6 pack. they would drink 2 beers each. I would drink my 6 and then start finishing off their remaining beers.
Knowing and accepting were two different things though. Took me another 5-6 years before I started to accept what I already knew and seeking solutions.
Took me a few more years to realize that dry doesn't mean sober and then working solutions to find a sober way of living came after that.

BBQBOY

Good Question.... When I would wake every 2 hrs to have a few oz,s of vodka so that I could sleep, was when I started thinking this is not "normal"..
As if everything else I was doing was "normal"...drinking before work, AT WORK, after work, b-day's, holiday's,monday,tues. weds. ETC.. Looking back I would need a BAC of .20-.25 to keep the shakes and anxiety away so I could "function" as a late stage 2 alkie. Having that tolerence would mean I didn't need to much more to increase my BAC into the .30's . If I over medicated ( didn't keep track of amount ingested) I would go from an externally normal person to a DRUNK, slurred speech, double vision , unable to concentrate. "Accidental over medicating " would happen more often with time making me USELESS.........

Finally with the help of many folks and hard work in recovery I am USEFULL...

AGAIN.... Maybe we should term us as"USEFULL or USELESS" alcoholics.......

Dreamer, do yourself a favor and get a concrete recovery plan for yourself and embrace it....your worth it............
NED

GlassPrisoner

I don't know when I realized it. That's the scary part. By the time you do, you're neck high in "stuff". It's that invisible line thing. You never notice crossing over, but one day in a brief moment of clarity, you realize you crossed it long ago.

Pilgrim

Because of the power of denial of my drinking, I had quite a few realisations. Extreme embarassment, terrible sick hangovers, suicide attempts or just wanting to be dead rather than carry on living that way. Small things were a struggle. Nothing gets done and if it gets done, I did it feeling sick. I could talk myself into being able to do my job in two hours a day because I was just so good at it!!! In the end I also had alarming physical symptoms to add to my list.

It all adds up and still, we can look back and say we can go back to it because (for example) - I never had a drink in the morning. It's power is overwhelming and we need help to stop drinking.

Alcohol tells us we can manage despite the evidence we can't. It is cunning, baffling and powerful and ...the only other thing to add is...patient. While we are in the rooms of AA, it is doing press ups in the car park waiting for us. I heard that at a meeting last night and for me, it is very true.

BP44

When I couldn't drink, and couldn't not drink. An utterly hopeless state of being. Thank God there is a solution.

GrouchoTheCat

I was an alcoholic long before I realized it. Oh, I had a lot of clues but I never could put them together.

Early on I would go out drinking and only bring so much cash so I wouldn't spend all of my money.

I clearly remember the first time I realized that I had had a blackout.

I promised myself I would NEVER drink on duty. I did and justified it.

Promised myself I would NEVER drink in the morning, I did and justified it.

This was a biggie: I swore that I would never ever touch a firearm if I had been drinking.Then the morning came along that I had to go to the shooting range and qualify. I drank that morning just to stop the shaking. I qualified.

Was that functional?