A question I guess.
Sunny Side Up
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
A question I guess.
Originally Posted by SaTiT 
The insanity of it all was when I relapsed...i actaully thought i wasn't
an alki anymore after the first drink...and this is after 11 years of being
clean and sober..
i had problems and life was a bit rough..but after that first beer i was
a gonner..My entire mindset changed even when i wasn't drunk.
Seriousely..i thought the entire recovery thing was a bunch of bull.
The only problem was..i got physically sicker than I ever had.
i went from whine coolers to taking straight hard liquar within a week..
i skip the the entire beer and mix drinks thing.
The next think i know, i was asking co-workers where i can score weed.
it's if as if , I nevered stopped or it actaully got worst.
While my living problems was bad...not life threaten or nothing.
A relationship problem.. i wasn't depressed..i was upset or hurted.
But man O man...i got stupid depressed and started having anxitey
attacks again after i got drunk.. Even at that piont..i still didn't think
i had a drinking problem or was an alki...
And honestly..it ran across my mind for a week before i pick up the first drink.
an alki anymore after the first drink...and this is after 11 years of being
clean and sober..
i had problems and life was a bit rough..but after that first beer i was
a gonner..My entire mindset changed even when i wasn't drunk.
Seriousely..i thought the entire recovery thing was a bunch of bull.
The only problem was..i got physically sicker than I ever had.
i went from whine coolers to taking straight hard liquar within a week..
i skip the the entire beer and mix drinks thing.
The next think i know, i was asking co-workers where i can score weed.
it's if as if , I nevered stopped or it actaully got worst.
While my living problems was bad...not life threaten or nothing.
A relationship problem.. i wasn't depressed..i was upset or hurted.
But man O man...i got stupid depressed and started having anxitey
attacks again after i got drunk.. Even at that piont..i still didn't think
i had a drinking problem or was an alki...
And honestly..it ran across my mind for a week before i pick up the first drink.
OK you go through all of this Over and Over , Year after years. You have lost all your family, nearly your home , no job, no family. you are severely depressed, sweats, shaking, vomitting, in pain all over your body. Scared to be alone, dont trust your doctor, every time something upsets you it gives you an excuse to drink.
You have been in and out of rehab and detox so many times. You know you cant detox by yourself at home.
How the bloody hell does someone get out of this hell hole. Surely its more than going to an AA meetings and having the desire to want it.
Help. I hear all saying go to AA, get a sponsor, What are the processes of getting better.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by justjo
Surely its more than going to an AA meetings and having the desire to want it.
Help. I hear all saying go to AA, get a sponsor, What are the processes of getting better.
Help. I hear all saying go to AA, get a sponsor, What are the processes of getting better.
Yes it is more then going to AA meetings. It is listening while there and taking the suggestions that others have tried and found worked then put them into use in your own life.
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Originally Posted by justjo
Surely its more than going to an AA meetings and having the desire to want it.
"We found we had no choice except to completely change our whole way of thinking or else go back to using. When we give it our best, it works for us as it has worked for others."
So, how does one go about completely changing their whole way of thinking? There are probably many ways, but what I did was work the 12 steps of A.A. (and/or N.A.) to the best of my ability - going to meetings, doing the reading, getting a sponsor, doing the daily meditation, developing a belief in something besides myself, and generally practicing for sobriety. It sounds weird to say that I am practicing for sobriety but most things worth doing require practice and for me, at least, sobriety has definitely been worth it.
There is no doubt that my thinking about using, about recovery, and about life has dramatically changed. It did not magically happen overnight, or even after I had attended my 90th meeting. It wasn't like changing the color of the paint on my house, as if one morning I woke up and I was suddenly in full blown recovery. It is very much a process that doesn't stop. And it also sounds weird to say that I am either recovering or I am relapsing but that's kind of how I see it today.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: anomaly
Posts: 2,180
I ran out of excusses.
I ran out of family and friends
I ran out revoling doors
I ran out crutches
I ran out of money
I got sick and tire of being sick and tired of running..
Surely if i can draged my butt to a bar or liquar store in the shape i was
in...I can drag my butt to an AA meeting...AA was only two doors down from
the bar.
i slept in my car..i didn't cared what people thought of me anyways
at that point..i just didn't care about a lot of things so it wasn't really
a big deal going to AA..well it was summer time and it was hotter than
hell sleeping in my car..AA or NA had A/C or i hung out in the library and
read...i was searching for answers...and those where the only place
with the doors open...I burnt my bridges..AA had meetings 3-4 times
a day..1 in the morning, 1 at lunch, 1 in the evening.
The thing about it was..i had nobody telling me to do that..
i had no court cards..i bascially went right through the cracks or system.
but it was the best thing for me on the inside.. for a person like me, becuase
the rehab thing would just had been going through motions just to get
people off of my back. I'm hard headed
As bad as it might seem or as bad as it was..it didn't happened overnight.
I had a lot of emotional problems of course..well, it's painful to lose everything.
it was a constant battle from moment to moment..
i relasped over and over again even in AA..but i kept going back.
"Keep coming back no matter what"
That's all that madesense to me...You couldn't feed any more than that
to me at that piont..i didn't comprehend it and i didn't want to comprehend it.
There was no one for me to cry to and no one to bitch at me after i relasped
But it was freedom at the core. Even at that piont..i had to make chioces
wheater i was going to get f-up for the day or go to AA.
When i mess up..i had to sit or deal with my own ****..there was no one
to pick me up and no one around to blame. it was a learning process at
the core of my being..it was cut and dry and direct. I became less and
less confused. As f-up as i was..that part of it started to get clearer.
Well having an addictive and obsessive personality disorders..
I started getting addicted to going to AA or i looked forward to
the meetings..i had to get out of the 115 degree heat.
The thing about those meeting was...no one told me to do anything
and i sense peace in the rooms of AA..i just went and staired at the walls..
I was allowed to do that. The people in AA love me unconditionally..
The people love long enough so i learn to love myself again..
I was in my rags and flety half of the time..i was sleeping my car, ya know..
When i was ready to come out of shell..i came out..I did that for
3-4 months..
well... then a hot single babe drove up in a mustang oneday and started
talking to me...that gave me more of an incentive to clean up and keep
going back to those meetings and stay sober. She gave me a braclet
and her number..So i had to go dig out the BB in the bottom of the trunk
of my car to at least know some of recovery stuff when I'm talking to her.lol
and somewhere in my thick skull..i knew i had to work on my problems...
becuase she was well..She was sweet, but didn't mind pionting out some of
my crap...but I wanted to live again...
Maybe it was possible to live or find someone to get involve with that didn't
drink or use and actaully understands me...i made friends again
i had a desire..she was a knock out....clean and sober knock out.
A clean and sober version of my ex-wife or what i thought my ex-wife would be..
Obvilously..I had an inccentive to go out and look for my own place to live again..lol
I ran out of family and friends
I ran out revoling doors
I ran out crutches
I ran out of money
I got sick and tire of being sick and tired of running..
Surely if i can draged my butt to a bar or liquar store in the shape i was
in...I can drag my butt to an AA meeting...AA was only two doors down from
the bar.
i slept in my car..i didn't cared what people thought of me anyways
at that point..i just didn't care about a lot of things so it wasn't really
a big deal going to AA..well it was summer time and it was hotter than
hell sleeping in my car..AA or NA had A/C or i hung out in the library and
read...i was searching for answers...and those where the only place
with the doors open...I burnt my bridges..AA had meetings 3-4 times
a day..1 in the morning, 1 at lunch, 1 in the evening.
The thing about it was..i had nobody telling me to do that..
i had no court cards..i bascially went right through the cracks or system.
but it was the best thing for me on the inside.. for a person like me, becuase
the rehab thing would just had been going through motions just to get
people off of my back. I'm hard headed
As bad as it might seem or as bad as it was..it didn't happened overnight.
I had a lot of emotional problems of course..well, it's painful to lose everything.
it was a constant battle from moment to moment..
i relasped over and over again even in AA..but i kept going back.
"Keep coming back no matter what"
That's all that madesense to me...You couldn't feed any more than that
to me at that piont..i didn't comprehend it and i didn't want to comprehend it.
There was no one for me to cry to and no one to bitch at me after i relasped
But it was freedom at the core. Even at that piont..i had to make chioces
wheater i was going to get f-up for the day or go to AA.
When i mess up..i had to sit or deal with my own ****..there was no one
to pick me up and no one around to blame. it was a learning process at
the core of my being..it was cut and dry and direct. I became less and
less confused. As f-up as i was..that part of it started to get clearer.
Well having an addictive and obsessive personality disorders..
I started getting addicted to going to AA or i looked forward to
the meetings..i had to get out of the 115 degree heat.
The thing about those meeting was...no one told me to do anything
and i sense peace in the rooms of AA..i just went and staired at the walls..
I was allowed to do that. The people in AA love me unconditionally..
The people love long enough so i learn to love myself again..
I was in my rags and flety half of the time..i was sleeping my car, ya know..
When i was ready to come out of shell..i came out..I did that for
3-4 months..
well... then a hot single babe drove up in a mustang oneday and started
talking to me...that gave me more of an incentive to clean up and keep
going back to those meetings and stay sober. She gave me a braclet
and her number..So i had to go dig out the BB in the bottom of the trunk
of my car to at least know some of recovery stuff when I'm talking to her.lol
and somewhere in my thick skull..i knew i had to work on my problems...
becuase she was well..She was sweet, but didn't mind pionting out some of
my crap...but I wanted to live again...
Maybe it was possible to live or find someone to get involve with that didn't
drink or use and actaully understands me...i made friends again
i had a desire..she was a knock out....clean and sober knock out.
A clean and sober version of my ex-wife or what i thought my ex-wife would be..
Obvilously..I had an inccentive to go out and look for my own place to live again..lol
Last edited by SaTiT; 06-13-2007 at 07:02 AM.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
How the bloody hell does someone get out of this hell hole. Surely its more than going to an AA meetings and having the desire to want it.
That's where I started. And it works. It's so simple, and always right there. Why we wait until there's nothing else to try I'll never understand. Pride, most likely.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
justjo as others have said I will throw my 2 cents in also.
If it were simply the AA meetings that kept alcoholics sober then there would be no reason for the 12 steps, it is the whole package that keeps this old drunk sober and happy.
1. It is the fellowship of AA
A. The meetings
B. The AA activities
C. The friends made in the rooms
D. The love both in and out of the rooms
E. The things you learn in meetings about solutions other alcoholics have used.
2. The 12 Steps if worked with a sponsor are IMHO more important then going to meetings, if worked with brutal honesty will lead with time and continued work to every promise made in the BB.
You know I am really doing a lot of typing when all I need to do to answer you question is quote the first line in Chapter 5 of the BB which says:
I bolded thoroughly followed our path for a very important reason, if one does not thoroughly work their program or stop working thier program they may very well be lining them selfs up for a relapse!
My sponsor drilled Step one into my head to where I would thoroughly believe and remember that I am powerless over alcohol, I do the same with my sponsee's. The most dangerous thing a recovering alcoholic can do is to start thinking they are not an alcoholic!
If it were simply the AA meetings that kept alcoholics sober then there would be no reason for the 12 steps, it is the whole package that keeps this old drunk sober and happy.
1. It is the fellowship of AA
A. The meetings
B. The AA activities
C. The friends made in the rooms
D. The love both in and out of the rooms
E. The things you learn in meetings about solutions other alcoholics have used.
2. The 12 Steps if worked with a sponsor are IMHO more important then going to meetings, if worked with brutal honesty will lead with time and continued work to every promise made in the BB.
You know I am really doing a lot of typing when all I need to do to answer you question is quote the first line in Chapter 5 of the BB which says:
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.
I bolded thoroughly followed our path for a very important reason, if one does not thoroughly work their program or stop working thier program they may very well be lining them selfs up for a relapse!
My sponsor drilled Step one into my head to where I would thoroughly believe and remember that I am powerless over alcohol, I do the same with my sponsee's. The most dangerous thing a recovering alcoholic can do is to start thinking they are not an alcoholic!
Sunny Side Up
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
Gee I dont know how to respond, its so emotional sometimes. I know she will either survive one day or die so I guess I am trying to understand all of this for my own benefit too.
She has been in rehab so many times too and repeats things that others tell her and she says sometimes sitting around all day talking about their problems is the actual problem for her. It makes her think about booze too much. Sounds like alot of negativity in there aswell. I guess you are right though that she has to want it soooooo bad. She has last 3 months in one place and then started smuggling it in, so who knows whats going on in her head.
Love you guys
Joanne
She has been in rehab so many times too and repeats things that others tell her and she says sometimes sitting around all day talking about their problems is the actual problem for her. It makes her think about booze too much. Sounds like alot of negativity in there aswell. I guess you are right though that she has to want it soooooo bad. She has last 3 months in one place and then started smuggling it in, so who knows whats going on in her head.
Love you guys
Joanne
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