St_Kurt

Lately I've found that I get my worst alcohol cravings during AA meetings. I thought it was my own special cross to bear until a friend mentioned the same thing happens to him.

What's up with that?

He says it's just a momentary flash, but in my case it sticks around all night. Last night it was so bad that when we stopped at a liquor store so he could get cigarettes and NA beer on the way home, (he doesn't agree that it's a bad idea and I'm not in charge of his life so...) I decided to stay in my car.

I was sitting there and all these people were pulling up, going in, and coming out with stuff. And there were all these signs on the door about how they checked ID for every purchase and their registers shut off at midnight and all I could think was "I can follow those directions". It was weird. I was practically hyperventilating.

If I make it to Tuesday, it will be 15 days - the longest I have been without a drink since August, but instead of getting easier, it's getting more difficult.

-e

stone

Hi St Kurt, I will be 15 days sober tomorrow and that will be the first time I have made it past 14 days since I started trying to quit seriously.
I go to outpatient rehab and always get my worst cravings when I come home from rehab, I assume it is all the talk of alcohol lol.
Keep strong mate, you just a beat a real big craVING AND NOW YOU KNOW YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN, sorry I hit the caps button by mistake lol.

GrouchoTheCat

Yep, it happens to me too.

Usually though it seems to go, away by the end of the meeting.

It is uncomfortable but in a way, the fact that I am craving booze after everything it has put me through is a pretty clear indication that I need to be in AA.

Ted

SaTiT

Just talking about drinking, drinking and what drinking did...
and all you hear is drinking.lol
It happens to almost everybody.
Sometimes i leave a meeting ****-off and i wasn't before i went...that happens too.

Just don't pick up on matter what.

GlassPrisoner

Those first days are the hardest in a way. .

My obsession was lifeted right around the third step. It was removed. After 6 months, I still have a twinge of a craving every now and then, but it passes quickly.

Hang in there, it gets better

Oh, and just wait till the promises start to come true !

TINLIZZY

I can totally relate -

I came home from outpatient, and for the first time in days, I just wanted a drink. I had tea instead, and the feeling was gone in short order.

TinLizzy

nanook2028

I can relate!!! I have 21 days sober. My first week I was driving along and bamm...It was like the "30 pack for $10.99" was in neon lights screaming to me. It stayed with me for the day. I was told in treatment it was a A" trigger " plus it was a Friday night. My first Friday night in years without partying....Thank God for treatment and AA or I surely would of drank.
Thanks
Nanook

Tazman53

The craving thank goodness left me after a few months, I still thought about how nice a cold one would taste as a passing thought for a long time, I have only had one occassion where if there had been a beer right there it would have been gone.

I now find it odd that talking about drinking so much now has actually removed the intellectual romance my brain had with alcohol, now alcohol is nothing but a heart ache to me and a plague to fellow alcoholics.

seekingpeace4me

When I was in outpatient we had to do at least one AA meeting a day and that was always the hardest time for me. My cravings were pretty mild then I would go to a meeting and have to sit on my hands, cross my fingers, and bite my lip not to run out of the meeting and go straight to the liquor store. Once I was out of the meeting, it was back to not really craving.

Now I am not really interested in alcohol at all, it just doesn't cross my mind, except for rare occasions, the last one being told of someone I know bringing a waterbottle full of vodka to an AA meeting while they were in rehab. In my mind I am so glad not to be doing things like that anymove, but part of me was, ohhh Vodka.

Hope

That happens to me too!

I go to outpatient rehab and the nights I have went, I left there craving alcohol.

It is kind of comforting to know that I'm not the only one.

GlassPrisoner

I had a twinge tonight. Someone was talking about taking shots in the middle of the night to get back to sleep.

The feeling passed.

St_Kurt

Actually - the fact that it is happening so much and so often is kind of turning me off to AA. It's making meetings really uncomfortable and afterwards, instead of feeling better (like a lot of people say they feel after attending an AA meeting) I'm completely stressed out and it takes me hours to calm down.

The result is that I'm getting around 2 hours of sleep a night and I'm totally exhausted.

My sponsor has no suggestions either other than to "keep coming back".

But to be honest, I don't know if I have the stamina anymore. I was so tired today that I fell asleep while taking an exam and that's not cool at all.

-e

Tazman53

Kurt I wish I had some advice, I don't. I always feel better after a meeting, even when I would go to a meeting when I really did not feel like it.

Have you thought about bringing that very thing up as a topic, I am sure there are others that have experienced it and found a way of getting through it.

Debaucher

PMA dude! Positive Mental Attitude... it is more than just believing you can... sometimes we have to change what it is we are doing...

if you tell someone NOT to do something they automagically start wanting to do it... like don't press that button... (now you want to see what happens don't you)

Try this on for size... Try thinking about it as... I will be sober today instead of I will not drink today.

For me... thinking about it as me doing something...instead of not doing something really makes me feel empowered and like I am accomlishing something... instead of depriving myself.

I choose to be sober, and I like it!

--- WHat is this "If I make it to Tuesday" stuff... quit it! you mean WHEN you make it to Tuesday... ---

Believe in yourself! Trust yourself. Be strong!

bye_bye_vodka

I think AA has helped me in the short time I've been dealing with sobriety. In the very beginning I had difficulties too, but it seemed to come from whenever the was a topic that seemed stressful to me. Now I have seemed to be passed that stage now.

In your first post though you mentioned you went to a liquor store and a friend bought himself NA beer. I can only speak for myself, but I think I would be freakin out too. Maybe tell your friend that you will stop at a convenience store and not a liquor store. Also it might be time to find a new meeting. I have meetings down here in Tampa that didn't work for me, but others have helped.

Tazman53

BBV speaks the truth, AA meetings all have different personalities as we all do, I have been to a few where all the talk seemed to be about thier drunkalogs, to me these meetings are useless. I am an alcoholic, I do not need lessons in how to get drunk and do stupid stuff, I have 40 years experience in that.

The meetings I go to I learn how to deal with life in general sober, not drunk, this helps me to not even want to drink.

St_Kurt

That's exactly it - when I'm at school, doing what I feel I'm supposed to be doing, studying in the library or at home, etc... I feel fine. I don't even think about drinking or not drinking - I just concentrate on what I'm doing, I enjoy it, and I'm happy. Even if things are difficult, I still feel good about what I'm doing.

It's not until I split my evening up by stopping everything to go to a meeting that things change. After that I can never get back in the groove of schoolwork, I feel anxious, and I can't sleep.

Last night I got invited out with some classmates who were going out to hear a band at a bar in town. I wanted to go and since I was leaving to go to the bar from a meeting it was suggested I bring a bunch of sober friends with. I said, "sure, sounds like fun". I tried to introduce them around to my classmates and my classmates were totally happy to have them join us, but they made me really uncomfortable. Instead they sat at their own table and said, "go hang out with your friends, we're fine".

I felt exactly like I'd been taken to the park by my parents who stayed behind the fence to watch and make sure I played nice with the other kids. It was awful. I left early, took them home, and couldn't fall asleep until it was light out.

I know they were trying to be unobtrusive and helpful, but ... I can't go through life with chaperones. I know none of my classmates knew what was going on, but I felt humiliated and miserable anyway.

It's not that I even want to drink most of the time. In fact, now that drinking and studying doesn't work anymore I don't really think about it - except at AA meetings.

I just don't think this is working for me. Not that anything I say matters since it all just sounds like excuses to "leave the program and go back out". Which is not what I want. I want to sleep and to smile again. My grades have dropped since I started attending AA. I've been attending meetings since December (January locally) and ... this isn't the kind of change I was hoping for.
-e

Tazman53

Have you spoken to your sponsor or any one else in the program that goes to school with you? I am really at a loss myself, but obviously you are not alone in this and there are folks who have remained sober while attending these same meetings.

fraankie

yep
for years i did it
went to AA
well, all these people do is talk about drinking
so
hey, hey
i'll buy a beer on the way home

it wasn't till i went to Aa
sat up front
and
instead of focusing on the beginning of the qualification
where the speaker talked of his drinking
and
started focusing on the latter part of the qualification
where the speaker shared of the wonderful things that came into his life
after stopping drinking
did i gather strenght to make it to the next meeting
and

com'on, now,
oh, danny boy, oh, danny boy
sitting in a parking lot of a package store
with all those buds staring at you from the window
as in
people, places and things
that's like going to disneyland for a job interview
but
buying an all day ticket to ride the roller coaster
and
then, shucks, the employment office is closed
so
i'll go ride the roller coaster some more and go home
or
something like that


best
fraankie

St_Kurt

I don't normally sit in front of liquor stores... Why would I if I don't want to drink? I didn't say I gave into the cravings, just that I had them.

Anyway. Surgery lab ran late tonight and so I stayed after to study with friends rather than going to the meeting I normally go to on Thursday.

It was the most pleasant evening I've had in a while.

And I do sit up front in AA meetings. I even keep a little notebook with me because people say some awesome things and I like to write them down so I don't forget.

My sponsor thinks AA is fantastic and can't figure out why I haven't become instantly happy, joyous, and free. I think I know the answer though. AA is a great program of recovery, but one size does not fit all. It's not AA's problem, it's mine. I can't figure out why it's not working, just that right now, it's not.

I'm not going to quit, or give up, but I am going to look for things that can change.

-e