Lauriejess

I kid you not this has wrecked my day. I'm going to post this in the ACOA forum too, but I wanted to get your opinions as well. I went to an ACOA mtg. at 10 a.m. today. I went to that meeting months ago but havn't been lately. Anyhow, the mtg. was cancelled due to the place it is held needing the space or something. Therefore, most regulars were not there but about 10 of us showed up who didn't know about the cancellation. A meeting was held anyway and all but one shared. Some guy who admitted he was out of the rooms awhile and came back today was somewhat managing the mtg. I guess.

So at the end of the meeting after all had shared, there was about 10 mins. left and I raised my hand again (someone else had spoke twice too) and said if no one minds I just have a couple things to add. Everyone nodded fine. So basically what I said was "thank you to so and so because I could relate" and then I said "thank you to so and so for mentioning your success in your other program (AA) as you mentioning that you are two years sober reminds me that the programs work." Before I said anything else the guy who was "managing" the meeting turns to me and in a very hostile voice says "THIS SOUNDS LIKE CROSS TALK TO ME!!" Truthfully, I was very taken aback. I looked at him and said "No, I'm simply thanking the folks for their sharing". So he goes "WELL, WHATEVER!" So I looked at the rest of them and said "and thank all of you for sharing because you've been very helpful." Then I just didn't say another word. This guy goes "Let's close with a prayer." Unfortunately, I had to stand next to him in the circle and I didn't want to! I made it out to my car and began to cry. He felt so mean to mean and untrustworthy.

I didn't really feel I did cross-talk. So, I'm asking you folks with lots of experience, did I do something wrong?

The other comment I wanted to say was that I realize how that encounter just ruined my day. How mean people just upset me so.

Thanks.

Laurie

ps: I also went to an AA mtg. from Noon to 1 but didn't say a peep. Actually, I usually don't speak much at mtgs. Something I was going to try and work on but after this morning . . .I don't know??

parentrecovers

i'm sorry, laura. maybe you should try a different ACOA meeting? i've been to/go to alanon meetings i really like, and then others that i don't relate to at all. blessings, k

wezzy55

He was being totally an ass..The good news is: You dont have to keep company with people like that..Keep your chin up...

best

I like what you did and said. How many people did you encourage today? 8 of 10 / 9 of 10?
Take what happened as an example of what can be when inexperienced people try to do things.(need work with what was available) If he reflects on his day and thinks through his actions, your actions will help him grow greatly.
You also grew. You handled things well and did a good job. You are stronger for the experience of the day.
I think all will find growth by what was done today. You did good.

Lauriejess

[QUOTE=best;1289889]You are stronger for the experience of the day./QUOTE]

Thanks for your encouragement. I'll try and remember that. I just don't feel strong, in fact I feel weak, because this guy's comment reduced me to tears.

Laurie

Lollipop

Hi Laurie,
Im sorry about the meeting. IMHO it sounds to me like HE didnt like the fact that you were thanking them....sounds like he wanted to be "in control" and I agree with wezzy, he was being an a$$! Dont let him get you down.....dont let him discourage you from sharing and speaking in the future, he is the one with a problem!

~HUGS!~ Liss

RedFox

You handled that so much better than I would have. I would've snapped right back at him, probably wouldn't have been pretty. I don't know whether you did something wrong or not. I don't know what an ACOA meeting is. But that guy definitely sounded like a jerk. Probably trying to make himself feel better by taking someone down.

Raineydae

The guy sounds like he has a few issues to me. Aren't the rooms supposed to be about fellowship and isn't our common welfare meant to come first? Sounds to me like you were supporting both of these traditions and he wasn't. I can understand why you were upset. I struggle with stuff like that myself. It's really hard not to get down about these kind of things. We don't go to meetings to get upset. They can be hard enough as it is. I'm sure the others appreciated your fellowship. Your sharing and company is certainly welcomed here!

GlassPrisoner

Remember, we are dealing with sick people. Some sicker than we are. We get comfortable, feel accepted and normal, and we tend to forget who we are and where we came from.

Did he make you feel uncomfortable ? Yes. Was he out of of line ? Yes. Is it surprising ? No.

Nuudawn

Ya know...I was at an AA meeting once and after all the shares, the Chairperson took it upon himself to "answer back" to a couple of the evening's "shares"...mine being one of them. He starting spouting something about none of what either myself or another woman shared was in the Big Book. His tone was both pompous and vehement. I felt shamed and was very upset..vowing to never go to that particular meeting again.

I gotta tell you...what the dude said reared a great big ugly anger monster in me. I obsessed on it until it actually got to what I was truly ticked about. Although he was out of line, I eventually became almost grateful to the jerk because it triggered something in me...and his spew got me to the source. I came to believe that my HP actually had something to do with this guy singling me out...that it actually became something to my benefit. Everything happens for a reason. He was simply a messenger.

I had no problems going back to that meeting. I still gave that guy a wide berth despite my gratefulness for the experience.

Iwanttobe1

Have have been to AA meetings that were awesome and some that really unnerved me. I find myself returning to the helpful ones and finding new ones to replace the ones that weren't.

AA is a large group and has members of all kinds. Stick with the ones who are supportive and avoid the ones who aren't.

You deserve the very best.

Carol

socalgal

I go to two ACOA meetings and they are very different. One is so serious about cross-talk that they hand out a flyer to newcomers that explains in no uncertain terms what they consider cross-talk to be. You get the feeling that even showing visual interest or raising your eyebrows could be cconsidered cross-talk! I keep going though because the content is really good and helpful to me. I just am really careful about how I phrase what I say.

The other meeting I go to is a little more laid back and people generally expect you to excercise good manners and good judgement.

Find a better meeting. This guy sounds like he has some issues. I don't blame you for feeling hurt, but don't let it deter you from taking care of yourself in whatever way is best for you.

--K

GrouchoTheCat

I have to wonder who put him in charge.

Never been to ACOA, but in AA around here I don't think that would have happened and if it did, that person would have been pulled aside and talked to after the meeting.

Sounds like he has some control issues.

JHust don't let one idiot ruin a good thing.

Ted

Lauriejess

Ted:

I think he put himself in charge. Thanks for the support. In retrospect I wish I was able to say something to him myself after the mtg., but I was too upset.

I just may go back there and address the issue though with him. I'm still thinking it over.

I may just forget it. If this ever happens to me again though I will be prepared. It is not likely it will as that was the first time that ever happened and I've been to alot of ACOA mtgs. over the years.

Laurie

Sugah

I don't know that much about ACOA meetings, but from the sharing here, it sounds as though that man was exactly where he was supposed to be.

Pray for him.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

TINLIZZY

I don't know what an ACOA meeting is, but I can think of NO circumstance where saying thank you would be inappropirate.

It sounds as if you handled it well.

Surlyredhead

You did nothing wrong at all, you did the right thing handling it the way you did. What would you have accomplished if you did the same thing back? You would have become what you hate.....bravo to you for taking the high road!!!

Hugs to you...and don't let some horses a** steal your joy...be grateful you are the sweet person you are!!!

Cathy