I go to two ACOA meetings and they are very different. One is so serious about cross-talk that they hand out a flyer to newcomers that explains in no uncertain terms what they consider cross-talk to be. You get the feeling that even showing visual interest or raising your eyebrows could be cconsidered cross-talk! I keep going though because the content is really good and helpful to me. I just am really careful about how I phrase what I say.
The other meeting I go to is a little more laid back and people generally expect you to excercise good manners and good judgement.
Find a better meeting. This guy sounds like he has some issues. I don't blame you for feeling hurt, but don't let it deter you from taking care of yourself in whatever way is best for you.
--K