Why can't I admit it?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
Originally Posted by RedFox 
I'm not using sleep to escape. I believe it was about 1:30am when I posted that and since I had to get up at 9 for class I thought I better get some sleep. I wasn't hoping recovery would simply be there when I woke up either, I was hoping the urge wouldn't be so strong. I wouldn't say drinking is my entire lifestyle. During the week I'm like any other student on campus. It's the weekends that I need to change and I'm working on that.
You make it sound like I'm not doing anything to fix the problem, when if fact I've been seeing a therapist about things for 4 months now and I am going to make an appointment with the substance abuse counselor on campus. Whether I've been posting and telling everyone what I've specifically been doing, I can't really remember. But I do believe I said was going to avoid the bars and parties and I know for a fact that I said I'm talking to my therapist about this.
I know I need to work a little harder, but at least I'm doing something. I'm not just sitting on my ass wishing for this to go away.
I do go to class and I do study, granted not as much as I should, but I do it. And who said I study in bars? I sure never said that.
You make it sound like I'm not doing anything to fix the problem, when if fact I've been seeing a therapist about things for 4 months now and I am going to make an appointment with the substance abuse counselor on campus. Whether I've been posting and telling everyone what I've specifically been doing, I can't really remember. But I do believe I said was going to avoid the bars and parties and I know for a fact that I said I'm talking to my therapist about this.
I know I need to work a little harder, but at least I'm doing something. I'm not just sitting on my ass wishing for this to go away.
I do go to class and I do study, granted not as much as I should, but I do it. And who said I study in bars? I sure never said that.
I never said YOU study in bars. Ive heard a million stories about people that do. What would you have me say? Like the cute little 1970's inspirational poster of the kitty cat...."Hang in there"? People want to get sober, but, they dont want to face any hard facts about themselves in the process. "Just give me the generalized statements and promises that it will get better,...but dont tell me any truths" That sugar coating technique hurts people. Badly. Instead of getting offended, why not use that time to ponder what Ive said? Actually 'consider' it before getting defensive. You have to understand, we hear about people "threatening to recover" all the time telling tales of how they are "going to call next week" or "Im going to an AA meeting tomorrow,...I promise" only to never do any of them. Im not saying you are yet another one,...but, actions always speak louder than plans. NOW is the time to attack this thing. Not next week. Right this very minute. Going to a meeting. Helping OTHER newcomers in AA. Getting out of yourself helps so much. I want good things for you,...I really do.
Coffee Drinker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Lobstah Land
Posts: 1,122
Originally Posted by RedFox
I drink purely to numb myself and it is impossible for me to just have 1 or 2 (my minimum is 5). I'm not an alcoholic am I?
Originally Posted by RedFox
I've mentioned to my therapist that I've had some control problems when I drink, but we haven't been able to go into detail yet.
Originally Posted by RedFox
Now that I'm blacking out on "normal" (for lack of a better word) drinking nights it's starting to worry me a little more.
Originally Posted by RedFox
why do I keep denying it?
Originally Posted by RedFox
I'm tired of arguing with myself.
Fox, there is a way out for all of us. I am now sober a little over 90 days and life in all aspects is improving day by day.
Don't worry about tomorrow, just shoot for midnight.
Hang in there, your journey is just beginning.
Ted
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Why can't I admit it!"
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Santa Monica
Posts: 137
Originally Posted by Tazman53
You know when I first saw that something popped into my head but I wasn't sure what, well I just figured it out! That very statement was what was in my head, and until I admitted it I stayed drunk! I am an ALCOHLIC!!!!
Isn't that great - when you're able to go to the party, politely decline the drink and when asked why, with a smile confidently reply "because I am an alcoholic"?
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Isn't that great - when you're able to go to the party, politely decline the drink and when asked why, with a smile confidently reply "because I am an alcoholic"?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Santa Monica
Posts: 137
Best feeling in the world
Best feeling in the world, acceptance with out shame that I am an alcoholic, that is a huge part of the freedom AA offers.... the freedom of being released from shame of being what I am, an RECOVERING / RECOVERED (I would add) alcoholic. 
.
.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 183
Originally Posted by findingout
did you check on those campus meetings?
Originally Posted by Talluleh
RedFox, how are you doing today? I am proud of you, please post and let us know how you are doing.
How are you doing?
Originally Posted by earlybird
What would you have me say? Like the cute little 1970's inspirational poster of the kitty cat...."Hang in there"?... Instead of getting offended, why not use that time to ponder what Ive said? Actually 'consider' it before getting defensive... NOW is the time to attack this thing. Not next week. Right this very minute.
I'm waiting for next week because the substance abuse counselor isn't here on campus on weekends, so I have to call on Monday morning to make an appointment. I'm done putting this crap off, I need to deal with it now.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Deinze, Belgium
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by RedFox
I'm waiting for next week because the substance abuse counselor isn't here on campus on weekends, so I have to call on Monday morning to make an appointment. I'm done putting this crap off, I need to deal with it now.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Toronto Ontario
Posts: 336
Good job Redfox!!! I am doing well, thanks for asking. The first Saturday and Sunday in a long time that I can remember that I have not woken up hungover. I feel good and got a ton of stuff done with more plans for the same today. I have been here reading and doing so much thinking.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 666
Hey RedFox,
Keep reading and keep posting. There's been some wise and serious stuff posted on this thread. I'll just share this...
I knew this guy about fifteen years ago. A railroader. He drank a little too much, but was a nice quiet guy. So we thought. He woke up one morning with a hammer in his hand. It was a little sticky and he wondered why he had brought it to bed. He got up to wash his hands and tripped over the dead body of his wife. She had been bludgeoned to death. He swore in court that he didn't remember a thing.
Blackouts, huh? Only you can decide.
Keep reading and keep posting. There's been some wise and serious stuff posted on this thread. I'll just share this...
I knew this guy about fifteen years ago. A railroader. He drank a little too much, but was a nice quiet guy. So we thought. He woke up one morning with a hammer in his hand. It was a little sticky and he wondered why he had brought it to bed. He got up to wash his hands and tripped over the dead body of his wife. She had been bludgeoned to death. He swore in court that he didn't remember a thing.
Blackouts, huh? Only you can decide.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
Originally Posted by RedFox
I looked around online today and didn't find anything. I'll have to dig around some more this weekend when I have some time.
I'm doing fine. Just got back from hanging out with some coworkers. The majority of them were drinking, which wasn't the original plan, but I had a feeling it would happen. I wasn't the only sober person there though so that made it easier. I actually had a lot of fun.
How are you doing?
I'm not looking for candy coated sweet little responses. I'm a blunt person myself, that's not what bothered me. It just seemed like you were making assumptions based on stuff that I didn't say. A blunt response is sometimes what I need, I won't deny that.
I'm waiting for next week because the substance abuse counselor isn't here on campus on weekends, so I have to call on Monday morning to make an appointment. I'm done putting this crap off, I need to deal with it now.
I'm doing fine. Just got back from hanging out with some coworkers. The majority of them were drinking, which wasn't the original plan, but I had a feeling it would happen. I wasn't the only sober person there though so that made it easier. I actually had a lot of fun.
How are you doing?
I'm not looking for candy coated sweet little responses. I'm a blunt person myself, that's not what bothered me. It just seemed like you were making assumptions based on stuff that I didn't say. A blunt response is sometimes what I need, I won't deny that.
I'm waiting for next week because the substance abuse counselor isn't here on campus on weekends, so I have to call on Monday morning to make an appointment. I'm done putting this crap off, I need to deal with it now.
Why are you waiting for a counselor to get back to anywhere?? There are millions of substance abuse counselors in the world. This it my point. Right now,....means right now. Not right now, like, next monday. Next Monday is next Monday,,.....not right now. Also,...why in the world would you, with what? .....a couple days sober?....hang out with people who are drinking???? That is recovery-suicide. How can you say that you are done putting this crap off,....but then immediately hang out in a bar or just 'with' people who are drinking? And why are you putting this in the hands of some counselor? He or She will just tell you that this is something YOU need to work on. They can give you information and advice,..but, thats it. This is up to you. And you can bet your backside that he or she will begin by asking what you have done in the last fews days to turn your life around. You write your last post as if to say that come Monday,...this is all going to be handled.
But, okay,...fine......good,...the counselor gets back on Monday. What are your plans to ensure you stay sober until then? Anything?
Hope3
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,155
I am so happy to see you going after your truth and
happiness Redfox. I am a teacher, and I have always found that
if you give a man a fish, he eats one meal. If you teach a man to
fish, he eats for life.
I don't think anyone needs a fish shoved down their throat, to learn
'
how to catch them.
I disagree with the way earlybird gives great information, but it is
pretty great information...
However, if I were to tell a student he has to learn his math because thats the only way he is going to get through this class, and why doesn't he just get that through his head, study, work harder, and get over it. I don't know why, but it doesn't seem to open his mind, and it rarely works.
However, if I tell the student that, yes math is a difficult subject, and many students have trouble with it, and ask the student what I can do to help him
get better at math, for some reason the student opens up.
All of a sudden, I learn all kinds of things that can help me to understand what particular part he is stuck on, and point (help) him in the right direction...some times, less is more.
Redfox, I'm glad you are ready to face your problem, keep an open mind
and seek information that you need to know. Ask questions, there are
no stupid questions, thats for sure...
Besh wishes, ((((((((((((((((hope3)))))))))))))
happiness Redfox. I am a teacher, and I have always found that
if you give a man a fish, he eats one meal. If you teach a man to
fish, he eats for life.
I don't think anyone needs a fish shoved down their throat, to learn
'
how to catch them.
I disagree with the way earlybird gives great information, but it is
pretty great information...
However, if I were to tell a student he has to learn his math because thats the only way he is going to get through this class, and why doesn't he just get that through his head, study, work harder, and get over it. I don't know why, but it doesn't seem to open his mind, and it rarely works.
However, if I tell the student that, yes math is a difficult subject, and many students have trouble with it, and ask the student what I can do to help him
get better at math, for some reason the student opens up.
All of a sudden, I learn all kinds of things that can help me to understand what particular part he is stuck on, and point (help) him in the right direction...some times, less is more.
Redfox, I'm glad you are ready to face your problem, keep an open mind
and seek information that you need to know. Ask questions, there are
no stupid questions, thats for sure...
Besh wishes, ((((((((((((((((hope3)))))))))))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 183
Originally Posted by earlybird
Why are you waiting for a counselor to get back to anywhere??
why in the world would you, with what? .....a couple days sober?....hang out with people who are drinking???? That is recovery-suicide. How can you say that you are done putting this crap off,....but then immediately hang out in a bar or just 'with' people who are drinking?
And why are you putting this in the hands of some counselor? He or She will just tell you that this is something YOU need to work on. They can give you information and advice,..but, thats it.
You write your last post as if to say that come Monday,...this is all going to be handled. But, okay,...fine......good,...the counselor gets back on Monday. What are your plans to ensure you stay sober until then? Anything?
I'm working on a paper for class and meeting with my group today to work on our presentation. I don't have time to drink. My biggest obstacles aren't when I'm sitting in my apartment doing things, it's when I go to bars (which I'm not doing anymore) and when I go to parties (which I'm not doing either) that it's impossible for me not to drink. Just hanging out with a small group of people who happen to have some people drinking, really doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me. Maybe I'm the type to have to learn the hard way?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 183
It's going pretty well so far. The first week was incredibly difficult. It seemed like alcohol was consuming my thoughts. This last week or so went really well, probably partially because I barely had time to breathe, let alone think about anything besides work and school. I'm starting to realize how much better I feel when I'm not drinking. I would only drink one or two nights a week but now that I look back I notice that it seemed to have an affect on me for days afterward and make things so much harder. Hopefully I can keep going this way.
I started reading Under the Influence and I really like it. I'm home for the weekend so I don't have it here with me. But there was a specific page that struck me when I was reading. I know it was page 68 but my memory is failing (what else is new?) on what it said. I'll have to look when I get back to my apartment tomorrow.
Thanks for asking, how are you doing?
I started reading Under the Influence and I really like it. I'm home for the weekend so I don't have it here with me. But there was a specific page that struck me when I was reading. I know it was page 68 but my memory is failing (what else is new?) on what it said. I'll have to look when I get back to my apartment tomorrow.
Thanks for asking, how are you doing?
Coffee Drinker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Lobstah Land
Posts: 1,122
Hey RF,
Hang in there, It sounds to me like you are trying, and more importantly, you are doing.
As far as hanging out somewhere that people are drinking, I might suggest that you have a way out if you get uncomfortable. I guess what I mean is drive yourself (if possible) so you can leave if you need to.
Just a suggestion,
Ted
Hang in there, It sounds to me like you are trying, and more importantly, you are doing.
As far as hanging out somewhere that people are drinking, I might suggest that you have a way out if you get uncomfortable. I guess what I mean is drive yourself (if possible) so you can leave if you need to.
Just a suggestion,
Ted
Hope3
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 2,155
Glad to hear from you redfox, yes page 68 of under the influence is about
the increasing misery of the alcoholic, the shame and remorse he/she feels when repeated attempts to quit has failed.
No matter wh they swear to their wife, husband, mother, clergyman, etc that they will cut down, and still drink...He/she believes they shoul be able to handle this, they start to feel like less of a person, their self esteem goes down the tubes..
He doesn/t know that his own body and brain has failed him and he feels desperate...
thats some of it anyway...
Yep, powerful science. bless you redfox, hope3
the increasing misery of the alcoholic, the shame and remorse he/she feels when repeated attempts to quit has failed.
No matter wh they swear to their wife, husband, mother, clergyman, etc that they will cut down, and still drink...He/she believes they shoul be able to handle this, they start to feel like less of a person, their self esteem goes down the tubes..
He doesn/t know that his own body and brain has failed him and he feels desperate...
thats some of it anyway...
Yep, powerful science. bless you redfox, hope3
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
