Tazman53

You know I heard someone say in the rooms that AA is teachs us what our parents tried to teach us or should have taught us, I find this very true.

My mother always told me that I should not say anything if I can not say something nice.

I do find myself slipping on this bit of advice here every once in a while, but for the most part I now try and follow her advice, for fear that I may something that may hurt to badly for some folks treading on thin ice in their sobriety.

When I was drinking I would not hesitate to point out some one elses blunder or misconception, this still raises it's ugly head for me on occasion.

Are there others here who fight that same battle?

I can be a hard arse here on occasion when it is warranted, but sometimes like today on one thread in particular I typed at least three times in three different ways a reply that in one way I felt needed to be said, but my HP made me not hit the submit button every time.

I guess my HP is telling me to let them learn on thier own, even if it may be a course in the school of hard knocks.

came2believe

I think a a certain point we have to let go after having explained what we can and having given what we can. We can't make someone accept what we have to say. There are a couple threads here I just can't reply to anymore because I have already said what I can say and the person does not want to hear it. BUT, I am glad the person is here.

Usually in the AM I pray to my HP: "Let me help some, and hurt none." We won't be able to help all we encounter. But who knows. Someone may read these threads a year from now and what I said may 'click' with them. Sometimes the best we can do for the person today is to be sympathatic, avoid sarcasm and directiveness, and let go and let God.

Great thread! xx

Hush007

I'm always quick with replies in real life, and sometimes I regret what I've said just seconds after I say it. I should think before I answer but it is kinda my second nature I guess. Sometimes it puts me in awkward situations.

doorknob

I can relate to all of that ('cept the HP stuff). It's not so much what you say, but how you say it. Most people will not be receptive to a message if it is condescending and patronizing. I'm pretty good about not doing that so long as I'm not drinking. LOL!

Nuudawn

You're on to something there Taz. Yep, I truly believe that we are all free to make our own choices and in doing so, live with the consequences of same. I know that I'm the type who might be told not to touch the hot stove..but I gotta do it anyway to know for myself. We need to respect the choces and journeys of others. It's tough tho. I'm reading an excellent book on Boundaries right now and I was suddenly made aware even more so of my codependent tendencies. I have to allow consequences for others in order from them to learn and grow. I know that in my past relationship I tried to anticipate and correct before my ex faced consequences. That was wrong of me.

parentrecovers

sometimes i just think we want it SO BAD for other people, that we push?

for me, boundaries = respect.

k

Missymae737

Hi Taz,

Everything I have read from you is very encouraging, without judgement, and you are a good teacher!!

I think anyone that cares about other peoples feelings, should try to be careful on how they say things. The golden rule, treat others how you want to be treated, should apply when it comes to conversation. Because we are imperfect, things are not always said with careful thought.

Great topic!

Golfman

Very well said Taz. This is a clear example of what I want to be when I grow up.

Tazman53

You and me both Ed, thank goodness it is progress and not perfection!!! LOL

Raineydae

Another great thread, Taz.
I guess we need to ask ourselves when we're replying: Are we trying to convince ourselves or help others?
Take care. Still thinking of you & your family.

Tazman53

We should be trying to help others no matter what program they have chosen, not trashing other peoples programs simply because they can not live up to the standards that the program they are trashing. The really sad thing is I know of no program that views a certain topic the way this person wishes they did.

collinsmi

Sounds like a personality change Tazman, maybe a whole new outlook on life. I know the thread you're talking about. Initially I had the same reaction, but for me that kind of thinking is a bit like how I used to drink. Sure at first it feels good, but wind up feeling like $#!& later on.

Raineydae

It sounds like what you read was a real expression of that person's insecurity, based in fear. You're right, Taz, it is sad. I guess it's easier for them right now to be angry than face their fear.