lifelong936

I am new in recovery (just a few days). I feel very low about myself and to add to the feeling of low self-esteem I work in an office with a man that constantly puts me down everyday. He considers himself joking but it cuts at my heart when I hear everyday that I'm lazy, that I'm a sorry excuse for a human being, if he does something wrong in the job he tells others that it was the training he received (I trained him). This is the way that he's does everybody but I get a direct blow because I sit in the room with him. By the time I leave work everyday I feel like crap and I hate him. I have tried having normal conversations with him but he is so negative. If I say it's black he says it's white. He has to right about everything. I find myself choosing my words carefully so he doesn't lash out at me with his "joking" comments. I am getting so I believe what he says because I did relapse so I must not be the best person in the world. Yesterday I left work wanting to drink after hearing how sorry I was most of the day. I have told him about this a long time ago but he slowly started doing the same thing over time.

Ozark

First, sit him down, shut the door, and tell him enough is enough. If that doesn't work, then suggest he meet you off work premises and you punch his lights out. Would be good for both of you......bring him down, and you up, a peg or two. You seem to be feeling sorry for yourself a bit here. Like battling the bottle, it's up to you to instigate a change sometimes. This may not set well with others here, but that's what I'd do. Good luck.

lifelong936

I am feeling sorry for myself. If I weren't a woman punching his lights out would make me feel a lot better but I can't beat him. LOL

Thanks for the response.

Anna

You need to explain the situation to the management or the owner of the company that you work for. Go to your superior. Clearly verbal abuse is against the law in a work place.

Take care of yourself.

Ozark

Physically, you may not be able to punch the ol lights out, but a hard slap accross the face would probably get his attention.

Tazman53

Lifelong this is just my opinion, but I would first pull the jerk aside and politely tell him you need him to stop his crap because if he does not you will take it to his supervisor.

No one deserves to be harassed in any manner in the work place be it thier coworker, boss, or owner.

Oh yea one more thing, call your sponsor and get to a meeting.

teej

I agree with what Taz says!! A slap across the face sounds REALLY good, but violence wont really solve anything. You don't want to be getting in trouble. You want HIM to get in trouble if he doesn't stop.

GlassPrisoner

I've heard this in the rooms, and can relate.

I have a HUGE ego, and itty bitty self-esteem.

As far as your co-worker, keep your side of the street clean. Never mind what he says or does. Focus on your sobriety.

kats

Violence is never the answer and will do nothing to fix the situation -- in fact, it could make it worse. In my opinion it's always better to rise above your baser instincts. This guy sounds like a real jerk so I doubt confronting him directly will do you any good and anyway it doesn't sound as if you're in a place emotionally where you could handle such a confrontation. I would go to your immediate supervisor and let him/her know what's going on and how you feel at the end of each day after working with this guy. If you can't get any satisfaction from your superiors, for your own good, you may want to consider looking for new employment. No one needs to go through their days feeling like you have been feeling. And not for nothing, you are setting yourself up, each and every day, to relapse as a way of coping with your work stress. Your sobriety has to be top priority.

Good luck!

Kats

Tazman53

GP for the most part I totally agre with what you are saying, but in this case it is in the work place and an alkie has every bit as much right to work in a place that is harrassment free.

CarolD

Anna and I totally agree

stone

Perhaps you could ask to be moved to a different office/room and when they ask why you could say what you have said here. What he is doing is a form of bullying (my god I hate bullies and can understand people suggesting hitting him but we aren't kids or gangsters).
He might well not be intending to bully you and might just be someone who can only relate to people in that way, but that is his problem and not yours.
Don't let your addiction turn this fool into an excuse to drink, even when you have sorted this problem out your addiction will find another excuse.
Don't forget the best revenge is living well! Good Luck!

Tazman53

So true stone, the one thing alcoholism will do is help one find an excuse to drink, the secret to real recovery I think is when you reach the point where the urge/need to drink is gone and the triggers/excuses to drink either are no longer there, or mentally are automatically supressed with no real thought process. Right now I am at that point and I know as long as I am working and living the steps and following directions I will stay there, the day I stop doing those things is the day my disease will once again start truly enticing me to pick up again, and I could let my disease convince me that "I can now control my drinking." Then I will return to the hell I was in a little over 5 months ago.

scorpy

There is a reason why this guy is harassing you. Because you put up with it. If you are new into the workforce then this is called work experience. There are jerks out there as co-workers, and it's just a matter of time when you had enough of it and told them to back off. You need to change yourself so others won't find you as an easy target to pick on. Get help with those self-help books to become a more assertive person.

kats

Wow -- are you serious? Scorpy, if it was just a matter of "changing ourselves," wouldn't we have done that a long time ago? And are you really telling this person who is hurting and struggling that all she needs to do is buy some self-help books and become more assertive? I mean, WHAT?

I'm assuming that you're here in this forum because you're an alcoholic, and if you are, then you know it's not as easy as growing a thicker skin or buying a book. That kind of attitude is denigrating and judgmental. What, exactly, were you trying to accomplish by posting your message?

Kats

wozzek

[QUOTE=lifelong936;1218872]I feel like crap and I hate him.[/QUOTE


Is he your boss now or?

care4uNJ

Have you ever heard the old saying that 'you teach people how to treat you'? The more you allow this person to treat you like that the longer he will continue to do so. As an HR professional I can tell you that his behavior is totally UNACCEPTABLE in a place of business and would not be tolerated! Harrassing another employee is grounds for dismissal -- plain and simple. Before going to HR, I would first give him the opportunity and warning that you will not longer tolerate this kind of abuse. Hopefully this will rectify the situation -- the ball will then be in his court. If no avail, then go to HR or over his head. Jo

hope3

Hi 936, welcome. Yes, you need to draw the line with him. Tell him that he needs to stop harrassing you, you don't find it funny even if he says I'm just kidding.
If not take it to management, he has no right, it's a type of bullying.

((((((((hope3)))))))

Jbh5058

I can relate. This stuff is the hardest part of sobriety for me. I'm dealing with a couple of similar though less intimidating situations myself. Setting boundries is what I've been told to do. Easier said than done Calling my sponser and praying for that person work as a starting point in my experience. Thanks for your post. It's nice to know I'm not the only one.
Jenn

Tazman53

Jenn thank God we are "not the only one" in a lot of things. We have power when we have a common bond and work together towards a solution.