Sad
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
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I feel for you nuudawn. I've been there. Remember The Promises:
*Hugs*
...We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on it..
No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benifit others
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Nuudawn and any one else who gives a hoot, I only post here while I am at work, so if it is a federal holiday or the weekend it will be rare you will find me here.
Prayer can also lead to the light!
Prayer can also lead to the light!
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: California
Posts: 1
Nuudawn... I know how you feel. As I am 41 and in the same space, thinking about all the time I wasted and the things I don't have - such as you... And being newly sober, I still have those thoughts daily.
The good thing is, we are sober. It gives us a chance at stopping the creation of a bad past. Others before me created a positive life and are living the promises... I want what they have.
Thankfully, we're not alone! Sending warn thoughts and wishes....
___________
"nothing changes, if nothing changes"
The good thing is, we are sober. It gives us a chance at stopping the creation of a bad past. Others before me created a positive life and are living the promises... I want what they have.
Thankfully, we're not alone! Sending warn thoughts and wishes....
___________
"nothing changes, if nothing changes"
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
Hi ND, sorry to hear things are such a struggle at present. I woke up with that realization too... I was thirty six, no home of my own, no lover, no dates, no children, nothing. I rented a room from my sister and paid her mortgage.
Three years later, I own a home, have a wonderful spouse and we are looking to have children, I have a renewed joy in my job, life is good.
In short, don't give up, as you sober up, life gets better. It just takes time. If you are feeling suicidal thoughts please talk to someone here or a counsellor or a doctor ... anyone.
Peace Levi
Three years later, I own a home, have a wonderful spouse and we are looking to have children, I have a renewed joy in my job, life is good.
In short, don't give up, as you sober up, life gets better. It just takes time. If you are feeling suicidal thoughts please talk to someone here or a counsellor or a doctor ... anyone.
Peace Levi
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
Nudawn,
These tough times pass. You have hope in sobriety. For me, I was without real hope when I drank...I was hopeless. I like what Levi just shared. Things DO get better. You are doing so well with your recovery. You are feeling normal feelings that everyone feels.
When we stop drinking, we really start feeling again...at least I did. For me, without the constant "self medicating", my pleasant numbness was replaced with pain. This is pain I must deal with as a human being.
I look at my life, and how I made alcohol the centre. Everything else sprung out of my journey to each next drink. My whole career is based on the sale of alcohol. One of the main reasons I chose my spouse was that she never complained about my drinking. All this stuff, now that alcohol is out of the picture, must be dealt with sober. It ain't easy.
Getting sober is the hardest thing we can do. Staying sober is tough. I'd say it's worth the rewards. The pain I feel today reminds me that I am alive and human. I am the cause of most of my suffering. I want to work on myself so I can get better at enjoying each moment I have.
It's a real gift to have our lives back. We now have the opportunity to make the most of what is left. For me, I'm looking at acceptance as my main goal.
If I can have unconditional acceptance, happiness will be within my reach.
chip
These tough times pass. You have hope in sobriety. For me, I was without real hope when I drank...I was hopeless. I like what Levi just shared. Things DO get better. You are doing so well with your recovery. You are feeling normal feelings that everyone feels.
When we stop drinking, we really start feeling again...at least I did. For me, without the constant "self medicating", my pleasant numbness was replaced with pain. This is pain I must deal with as a human being.
I look at my life, and how I made alcohol the centre. Everything else sprung out of my journey to each next drink. My whole career is based on the sale of alcohol. One of the main reasons I chose my spouse was that she never complained about my drinking. All this stuff, now that alcohol is out of the picture, must be dealt with sober. It ain't easy.
Getting sober is the hardest thing we can do. Staying sober is tough. I'd say it's worth the rewards. The pain I feel today reminds me that I am alive and human. I am the cause of most of my suffering. I want to work on myself so I can get better at enjoying each moment I have.
It's a real gift to have our lives back. We now have the opportunity to make the most of what is left. For me, I'm looking at acceptance as my main goal.
If I can have unconditional acceptance, happiness will be within my reach.
chip
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
I have found that living as much in today as I can keeps me out of dwelling on what could have been.
I feel good about myself as I see myself slowly changing mentally and physically. The mental part is not only a clearer head, but by working the steps a better understanding of myself with a primary focus on the improvements I am making versus the damage I did in my past.
Good leads to good and bad leads to bad.
If I sit around and think about my past this leads me to start thinking about the negatives that still remain part of me.
If I focus on the positive things I am doing, I find myself feeling better about myself which leads to me working on more positive things.
One thing I just learned as I typed the above was, is with the bad there is no action..... just sitting around, with the good there is action involved, I have to do something to get something which leads to me being happier and doing more and getting more.
It is said several places in the big book that the steps are actions, the program is a program of action!
I feel good about myself as I see myself slowly changing mentally and physically. The mental part is not only a clearer head, but by working the steps a better understanding of myself with a primary focus on the improvements I am making versus the damage I did in my past.
Good leads to good and bad leads to bad.
If I sit around and think about my past this leads me to start thinking about the negatives that still remain part of me.
If I focus on the positive things I am doing, I find myself feeling better about myself which leads to me working on more positive things.
One thing I just learned as I typed the above was, is with the bad there is no action..... just sitting around, with the good there is action involved, I have to do something to get something which leads to me being happier and doing more and getting more.
It is said several places in the big book that the steps are actions, the program is a program of action!
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Location: Canada
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Thanks Taz.
There is something I am unsure of in your post...that bad does not lead to action. I don't know what you mean by "bad". I just spent a few days wallowing in some darkness....negativity, self-pity, exercising ego wounding (and I do mean exercising...giving negative strength to..not exorcising). That darkness had something very, very important to show me. I didn't not want to stay in darkness and I was wondering where my peace went. The darkness showed me precisely the "action" I need to take in order to leave it. I have a paralyzing fear I must face ....I will attempt to do that today. If I fail, I will try again tomorrow...and the next day..and the next day...until I have the opportunity to look my fear directly in the eye. I'm terrifed. I know that I must do this...I must stand vulnerable and without ego and let God give me the answers from there. This is what the darkness showed me. I was in the dark because I was not doing what "Spirit" was niggling me to do. I was even using the "preservation of my sobriety" as a reason not to do what I must. That was just one more "cop out" to soothe my ego and not face up to my fear. This emotional conundrum has plagued me for about two weeks. Today I will surrender simply to faith in order to move forward.
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
There is something I am unsure of in your post...that bad does not lead to action. I don't know what you mean by "bad". I just spent a few days wallowing in some darkness....negativity, self-pity, exercising ego wounding (and I do mean exercising...giving negative strength to..not exorcising). That darkness had something very, very important to show me. I didn't not want to stay in darkness and I was wondering where my peace went. The darkness showed me precisely the "action" I need to take in order to leave it. I have a paralyzing fear I must face ....I will attempt to do that today. If I fail, I will try again tomorrow...and the next day..and the next day...until I have the opportunity to look my fear directly in the eye. I'm terrifed. I know that I must do this...I must stand vulnerable and without ego and let God give me the answers from there. This is what the darkness showed me. I was in the dark because I was not doing what "Spirit" was niggling me to do. I was even using the "preservation of my sobriety" as a reason not to do what I must. That was just one more "cop out" to soothe my ego and not face up to my fear. This emotional conundrum has plagued me for about two weeks. Today I will surrender simply to faith in order to move forward.
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
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Nuudawn we are told not to close the door on our past for several reasons, one of them is in early sobriety one must examine thier past to learn how to put it behind them, that is one reason why a lot of folks have a hard time doing the 4th step.
Examining the bad things from ones past to learn from it and to get over it is a good thing, you are taking action that will help you become a better person as you work through steps 4-9.
Bad is simply wallowing in guilt and pity over your past for no other reason then guilt and self pity.
Do you see the difference? If not please let me know and I will try to explain how I view it better.
Nuudawn I will pray that God speaks to you and gives you the strength to face it. Once you have faced it and it is behind you the weight will be lifted and you may well wind up wondering "Why was I scared of that?".
Examining the bad things from ones past to learn from it and to get over it is a good thing, you are taking action that will help you become a better person as you work through steps 4-9.
Bad is simply wallowing in guilt and pity over your past for no other reason then guilt and self pity.
Do you see the difference? If not please let me know and I will try to explain how I view it better.
Nuudawn I will pray that God speaks to you and gives you the strength to face it. Once you have faced it and it is behind you the weight will be lifted and you may well wind up wondering "Why was I scared of that?".
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Originally Posted by Tazman53 
Nuudawn I will pray that God speaks to you and gives you the strength to face it. Once you have faced it and it is behind you the weight will be lifted and you may well wind up wondering "Why was I scared of that?".
Big smile when I read that Taz..thank you. And yes, I do understand.
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Location: UK
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Originally Posted by Tazman53
Bad is simply wallowing in guilt and pity over your past for no other reason then guilt and self pity.
.
I have not healed at all from anything it seems just repressed things.
This is why just quitting isn't enough, we need to find our way forward in a sober life.
I guess I should have started my own thread to say this but I just hit 'reply' and wrote. sorry Nuudawn
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Good day Stonerat,
I don't think it's new thread...same thing...your post is about "struggle" just as mine was/is. We have a lot to face with the clarity of sobriety. In my case, it all seems to be coming on fast and furious. I simply can't imagine dealing with it all without my spiritual faith and the fellowship and wisdom of both AA and SR. I am quite certain this healing adventure will prove to both the most difficult and rewarding thing I have ever, ever done.
I don't think it's new thread...same thing...your post is about "struggle" just as mine was/is. We have a lot to face with the clarity of sobriety. In my case, it all seems to be coming on fast and furious. I simply can't imagine dealing with it all without my spiritual faith and the fellowship and wisdom of both AA and SR. I am quite certain this healing adventure will prove to both the most difficult and rewarding thing I have ever, ever done.
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In my best cheap movie native American accent let me say "Nuudawn speaks powerful words"!
Stonerat as Nuudawn suggested get to an AA meeting, talk to folks who have been exactly where you are at now. The early days of sobriety were when my disease did not pull any punches, it knew I was very vulnerable, it tried to give me every reason in the world to drink, it wanted me to feed the beast, the beast I call alcoholism! It told me things and made me feel things that screamed for me to feed it!
Mentally it beat the hell out of me, but I was not alone, initially the folks in de-tox helped me fight off the beast, once I got out of de-tox and into AA I found once again, I was not alone, I had people that had walked in my shoes, they knew the hell I was going through.
The folks in AA had what I wanted badly, happy sobriety, not self willed white knuckled dry drunk sobriety. I asked them how to get that and they gave it to me freely and lovingly. I know have 122 days of sobriety without a single relapse, for me the miracle has happened, I no longer have the urge/need to drink and I am happier then I have been in 30 years and I have my Higher Power and the fellowship of AA to thank for that.
Stonerat as Nuudawn suggested get to an AA meeting, talk to folks who have been exactly where you are at now. The early days of sobriety were when my disease did not pull any punches, it knew I was very vulnerable, it tried to give me every reason in the world to drink, it wanted me to feed the beast, the beast I call alcoholism! It told me things and made me feel things that screamed for me to feed it!
Mentally it beat the hell out of me, but I was not alone, initially the folks in de-tox helped me fight off the beast, once I got out of de-tox and into AA I found once again, I was not alone, I had people that had walked in my shoes, they knew the hell I was going through.
The folks in AA had what I wanted badly, happy sobriety, not self willed white knuckled dry drunk sobriety. I asked them how to get that and they gave it to me freely and lovingly. I know have 122 days of sobriety without a single relapse, for me the miracle has happened, I no longer have the urge/need to drink and I am happier then I have been in 30 years and I have my Higher Power and the fellowship of AA to thank for that.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
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As far as spirituality goes, I don't believe in a god but I do sense some form of spirituality and I think I understand what you mean about surrendering the ego.
I feel some form of spirituality when I just 'let go' a bit like meditation, everything to do with it feels positive.
To me, if there is something you could call god then we are it as is the rest of the universe, it isn't a seperate entity.
I haven't found the words to describe what I mean yet, in fact I am still grappling with what I do mean.
I feel some form of spirituality when I just 'let go' a bit like meditation, everything to do with it feels positive.
To me, if there is something you could call god then we are it as is the rest of the universe, it isn't a seperate entity.
I haven't found the words to describe what I mean yet, in fact I am still grappling with what I do mean.
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stonerat whether you know it or not you have found your Higher Power of your understanding, you have that beginning that will lead you to a very happy sober life.
By working the steps you will find that your HP loves you and will help you when you ask for sobriety and the ability to do what he leads you to do. Remember that the answer.... "the solution" in AA to maintain sobriety and to become a happier better person is "SPIRITUALITY", not religion as some of those who do not know profess.
Religous people go to church because they are scared of going to hell.
Spiritual people have been through hell and do not want to go back.
stonerat there is no reason for you to explain what your HP is to any one else, if you understand your HP that is all that you need.
By working the steps you will find that your HP loves you and will help you when you ask for sobriety and the ability to do what he leads you to do. Remember that the answer.... "the solution" in AA to maintain sobriety and to become a happier better person is "SPIRITUALITY", not religion as some of those who do not know profess.
Religous people go to church because they are scared of going to hell.
Spiritual people have been through hell and do not want to go back.
stonerat there is no reason for you to explain what your HP is to any one else, if you understand your HP that is all that you need.
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I just went a faced a fear...a big old heartounding, make me want to run screaming down the road with my hair on fire fear. I had to go a face someone. I was soooooo hoping he wasn't home. I actually know that he was just as scared as facing me. His car was in driveway so he was home. He would have looked out the window when he heard me knocking but he would not come to door...but of course he always leaves it open. I wanted to turn around and leave so badly...but I knew I couldn't. At any rate, it was terrifying and awkward (for him just as much as I). Because my perceptions are so warped...I was really expecting anger and dismissal on his part...dunno why (cuz that's just my head I guess).
Turned out absolutely fine...I had nothing to fear (as Taz so aptly suggested I would feel after). There were things I did not say that I had planned on..but I think that is absolultely fine...just being "real" and honestly "me" for probably first time with this man...in the moment and without ego...risking to look like big ole fool was enough. WHEW.....
And yes, I prayed and asked my HP to guide me through before I went as I had no idea what I was going to do or say...I left that script up to Him.
And Stonerat...about ego...you might find this page interesting...starts out a little dry..but I found it fascinating.
http://www.cliftonunitarian.com/todd...leggomyego.htm
Turned out absolutely fine...I had nothing to fear (as Taz so aptly suggested I would feel after). There were things I did not say that I had planned on..but I think that is absolultely fine...just being "real" and honestly "me" for probably first time with this man...in the moment and without ego...risking to look like big ole fool was enough. WHEW.....
And yes, I prayed and asked my HP to guide me through before I went as I had no idea what I was going to do or say...I left that script up to Him.
And Stonerat...about ego...you might find this page interesting...starts out a little dry..but I found it fascinating.
http://www.cliftonunitarian.com/todd...leggomyego.htm
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Great link Nuudawn, and thanks for writing. I know that you know that it's very important for us alcoholics to see the example of people letting go and letting G*d, daily. I still carry many fears. Sometimes I get the chance to confront them. Your writing helps me to do that.
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