Dave31

Update: well I have had a drink today. Before the 30 days was up.

I last had a drink on Saturday September 23rd, so I abstained for 25 days.

It wasn't that I felt I couldn't manage to go another five days, it was more because I didn't really see the point - I think I have proved to myself that my drinking was not irrevocably out of control, by the relative ease with which I abstained, and the absence of any ill effects or withdrawal symptoms. I hope people here won't be too disappointed in me or disapprove too much but I am just being honest.

I am going to keep a record of my drinking from now on, to make sure that I keep my drinking under control. I know that I must abstain again if I cannot moderate my drinking to a safe and sensible level. The only way to know if I am keeping to that level is to keep a record so that's what I will do.

I hope you don't feel like I have let you down

CarolD

You did not let anyone down David.

It is your lofe and your choice.

Glad to see you have worked this out to your
satisfaction.

I wish you all the best

Dave31

Thanks Carol - David is a bit formal though

That remains to be seen! I have totally taken on board all the comments from people in this thread, and I am aware of the pitfalls of the path I am embarking upon.

I will continue to visit the forum and I will update this thread if there are any more developments.

To all who have posted in the thread, your advice and encouragement are very much appreciated, thank you.

laurie6781

That sure seems like a lot of work to me, however, yes please do that for a while...........................anything to help you get a handle on exactly what is going on. I must say though that I personally have never seen a 'normal' drinker have to keep a record, lol.

Just keeping it light Dave............................you will figure it out eventually. Keep posting, let us know how you are doing, we do care.

Love and hugs,

Dave31

True But then again, just because a lot of normal drinkers don't think that their drinking is excessive and harmful, it doesn't mean they are right... the truth is that even my level of drinking before my period of abstinence was quite mild compared to what an awful lot of people in this country do every weekend, or several times a week. A lot of those people will think nothing of it, and certainly wouldn't entertain the idea that they are alcoholics. But that doesn't mean that they aren't of course.

Thanks, I will do

EllieB

Hi Dave,

I've been following this thread with interest. I always considered myself a normal, occasional drinker, never worried or thought that I had a drinking problem. Then I went through an extremely stressful year and suddenly found that I was drinking a 1/2 bottle of wine a day, then 3/4 bottle and sometimes a whole bottle. I was aware that I was self medicating to get through the stress.

After awhile though, when the stressful events in my life diminished, I was still drinking 3-4 glasses of wine a day. I was worried I had developed a problem. I began recording the number of drinks I had a week, and this helped me to cut back so I was only having 4 to 5 drinks a week. I have been able to maintain this level for the past 9 months, but it is a struggle. I often find myself wanting to drink more. It seems I have crossed a threshold, and I can't go back to non-obsessive drinking. Perhaps this will be true for you as well.

I think I should stop drinking altogether because, even though I'm not drinking to excess any more, I now worry about each drink, and this takes away a lot of its pleasure. I see how alcoholism can sneak up quickly on a person. If you can nip it in the bud (no puns intended) why not try?

Also, driving drunk, whether one is an alcoholic or not, is an indicator that you can not be trusted with alcohol. I have driven drunk in the past and am very ashamed of this fact. Last year my friend's parents were killed by a drunk driver. Lives can be ruined in a split second.

I wish you the best,
Ellie


P.S. I have been lurking for a long time. This is a wonderful site, and I want to thank everyone for all the help and advice. God bless you all.

hoobie

EllieB, our stories are so similar! Except my drink of choice is usually beer.

dave65

i think if you have to think about controlling your drinking and keeping records then you defiantly have a problem, i'm speaking from experience i can only drink a few time a week but it takes so much energy and will power to do so i'm not sure it's worth it

CarolD

Welcome to SR Ellie!

I am please to see you de lurked!


Blessings

jimhere

Hi,
Just be honest with yourself and answer these simple questions to YOUR own satisfaction. If, when you honestly want to, can you stop drinking for any reason? By that, I mean stay stopped. Or do you find yourself drinking despite the reasons not to, or even when you don't want to drink?
And, when drinking, do you have little control over the amount you drink once you start? If you can answer these questions to the postive, your are probably alcoholic. Remember, you are really the only one who can diagnose yourself.
Jim

Dave31

I'm sure many or most people here would agree with you But is it necessarily true? Think about it. If someone keeps a record of their household spending for example (as I have always done incidentally) - does that mean they have a problem with money? Or does it just mean they are being prudent, and like to see where their money is going.

For what it's worth, I think I could keep my drinking to a moderate level without keeping records. But, unless I keep records to prove it, how will I know for sure? I think keeping a drinking record - as advised on the moderation.org website - is a prudent and sensible thing to do for anyone who wants to drink but not damage their health - or their wealth. I am using the government guidelines for drinking safely, both units per day and per week. On top of that, I have set my own set-in-stone maximum upper limit that I can spend on alcohol per month - which is at a fraction of what I was spending before, when I was drinking like I described at the start of this thread.

Dave31

Well I managed to totally abstain for 25 days easily enough, and I didn't start drinking again because I was climbing the walls and desperate for a drink

No problems in that regard so far. I meant what I said earlier in the thread - I am determined not to drink excessively any more, and to retain my self respect. That is a stronger motivating factor than the drink because without self respect what have you got really...

I think I'd have to say that I am not alcoholic. I was certainly demonstrating much of the classic behaviour of one until recently, and I was on the slippery slope - but I think and hope I have learned my lesson which is to treat alcohol - and my body and myself - with more respect.

Anyway if I do fall flat on my face, and start drinking excessively again I will come back and sheepishly tell you all about it

barb dwyer

When you say these words - you're an alcoholic.
when you hear someone else say these words - you're LOOKING at an alcoholic - and those words are ....

"I can control my drinking." (Sean A. - AA speaker)


When I first came into the rooms, someone gave me a handful of the Sunday Morning Roundup speaker tapes, and Sean A. was one of them. 5 years later - I'm still listening to him, his story was so like mine - except HE had 15 years sober at the time.
Non-alcoholics don't even ask if they drink too much. Not even heavy drinkers. They don't even ask. In 8 years tending bar, the only thing I ever heard non- alcoholics, even 'heavy drinkers' consistently say was, "no, thank you - I"ve had enough."
-?-
How bizarre is THAT ???
I've never EVER had enough.
Until that one. That one ... was enough.

Dave31

So non-alcoholics never say ' I can control my drinking ' ? That's like saying anyone who says ' I don't have a drink problem ' must have a drink problem

Sorry if I don't automatically accept the conventional wisdom on this issue, but some of it does not make sense to me. You are saying that someone who regularly drinks heavily but doesn't ask himself if he is drinking too much, isn't an alcoholic. But someone who drinks moderately but keeps a record of it and considers how much he is drinking, must be an alcoholic? That doesn't seem logical to me. Just because a lot of 'normal' drinkers consider their drinking to be acceptable and don't think they have a problem, it doesn't mean they are right does it?

FWIW I have never just kept drinking and I have always stopped when I've felt I'd had enough.

Seriously, I think that to broad brush everyone as an alcoholic, who says 'I can control my drinking' is really silly

midgetcop

Dave - for your sake I absolutely hope that you're right, and that you don't have a problem with drinking. But I know you're facing a lot of concern from people on here, and I gotta say that I feel the same way.

The fact that you're on an addiction-related message board in the first place and asking advice as to whether you have a drinking problem is not something that a 'normal' drinker would ever think of doing.

Also, keeping a log of how much you drink shows a (I would say 'obsession', but you'd probably deny that) a lot of TIME spent thinking about the act of drinking, which 'normal' drinkers don't do either (and this is not something that you compare to logging finances).

I think you're trying to downplay your drinking because you're not ready to stop. 25 days isn't really a long time, and I think many alcoholics can abstain for that period of time without going bonkers (I know that I've gone even longer). You say in one post that you are not going to drink excessively anymore, but then you say that you've never kept drinking and that you know when to stop. So which is it? I don't think you're being truly honest....and hey, it's not like anyone's feelings here are getting hurt, but in the end you're going to have to be honest to yourself.

I hope that you're the exception to the rule. And if you can get a handle on this thing, then all the power to you. If not....we're still here for you.

Dave31

All I meant was that I've never just kept drinking and drinking until I pass out. barb dwyer seemed to be saying that alcoholics never ever say they've had enough, or refuse another drink.

I'm not saying I have got my drinking under control. I don't know yet because it's only been a couple of days since I ended the abstention period and it's too early to say. This is a learning curve for me and I might learn that I can't drink moderately, I either abstain totally or drink too much. I don't accept the logic though, that just because someone is concerned about their drinking, automatically means that they must be alcoholics.

I get the feeling that some people forget or ignore that drinking, unlike say smoking or taking drugs, is not harmful per se. It is only harmful if done to excess. A moderate consumption of alcohol is harmless. A moderate amount of smoking or drugs is still harmful so the only sensible course of action is to quit entirely. Alcohol isn't in that category.

JaySee

It certainly is for me. This is because I react to the drug differently from the majority. My physical reaction to the drug alcohol is what defines me as an alcoholic.

"they cannot start drinking without developing the
phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have
suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy which
differentiates these people, and sets them apart as a distinct
entity."

Doctor's Opinion - Alcoholics Anonymous

I can't start drinking without that happening - I accepted that some while ago. What I then needed to do was work on why I kept telling myself that I wasn't like that.

If you can start drinking and stop -great !! Enjoy !! But if you can't - it will just get worse and worse, well it did for me.

Tell us how it goes Dave.

much love
JC

EllieB

It seems that there are degrees of alcoholism. For some, one drink and it's off to the races. If these folks start drinking young they could be full blown alcoholics by their twenties. Others seem to drink more moderately, but fairly steady. They may cut down or quit for awhile, but by midlife they usually have, health, financial, marriage problems etc., and they will find themselves progressivley drinking more. Then there are those of us who all of a sudden go through an intense period of drinking, catch ourselves and wonder what happened. Do we have a problem? Are we alcoholic? Are we just hyperaware individuals into record keeping?

This is what I've been trying to figure out for the past 9 months. I can stop at one or two drinks, but it takes willpower. A bottle of wine in the frig makes me nervous. Drinking is getting to be a pain in the neck. I am afraid that if I continue to drink it will become progressive. Dave, if you can have a bottle of vodka sitting on your shelf for a few days and then have a glass or two, put it back on the shelf for a few days, and not think about it too much in between, then I would say you are a normal drink. Just my opinion.

Having said all that, I find comparisons with other drinkers futile. There are people I know who drink way more than me, and don't consider themselves alcoholic. Most of the folks on this forum seem to have drunk way more and longer than me. I have to do what is right for me, and not wait until I catch up with the others before I admit I have a problem.

All the best,
Ellie

Note to CarolD: Thanks for the welcome and all the good will you offer folks!
Note to Hoobie: Hope you are doing well.

earlybird

Let me ask you this.......if you had kids and you went out to dinner or whatever and left them home with a babysitter, and when you arrived home you found out that the babysitter kept and made your kids follow a strict playtime or activity chart or record she had written down in a steno-pad, wouldnt you find that really odd? Obsessive? Obsessing about "controlling" your drinking is STILL obsessing over alcohol. Still being preoccupied with it. And no,...keeping track of your money isnt even in the same vacinity or catagory of being an alcoholic or not. You have negative outcome from drinking. Yet you still WANT to drink. That,....my friend,...is a problem. And by the way,......keeping a drinking chart only creates the appearance of self-respect. YOU still know you cant drink normally without keeping a chart,...and how can you have self-respect while doing that??? You have a drinking problem in my opinion,...yes. And it is only going to get far worse from here.....no matter what half-baked schemes you come up with. Trust me,.....Ive done it. My story is pretty bad. You should look it up sometime.

doorknob

I can control it for a while, having a couple of beers a day, but eventually it's 3 or 4, then it's 5 or 6... and soon I'm blacking out, suffering extreme hangovers, and wanting to start on that six pack in the morning. I couldn't even guess how many times I've been through this cylcle.