Hard Times and Thoughts of Booze
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
Hard Times and Thoughts of Booze
Hi Everybody.
I'm having a bit of a hard time with work. I'm in a university town, and this time of year is difficult. Last year, while all the "party-ing" was happening, I was realizing I have a problem and trying to moderate. This year, I'm sober. I'm 9 days away from being booze free for 1 year.
Gosh, I like the smell of booze. I like the way it looks in the glass. I like the look of the bottles. I like tasting wines, nosing scotch, and chugging beer.... I got to get this off my chest. I accept that I can't drink it. Sometimes I miss the sensation of that first sip and swallow. I remember the warmth in my gut and the numbness in my face.
Yeah, I'm an alcoholic. I cannot drink at all. I also manage a bar.
I have the combination of having a tough time at work + watching everyone around me get s**tfaced all the time + being around booze constantly.
Thanks for letting me share here.
Please don't tell me to get another job. I'm working a career plan which will allow me to fullfill all my family's dreams. Also, my wife doesn't work and we have 2 small children, a mortgage, and some nice cars. I'm going to run the bar untill my career plan points me in another direction.
I'm getting through. My sponsor tells me that every day I pray for a sober day, I'll probably get a sober day. When it's rough, I remind myself that God is my refuge. I'm really trusting God to get me through the month of September. It's a horrible time of year for this alcoholic.
On top of all of this, my wife has started drinking beer again. Sometimes she forgets to put her empties away, and sometimes she leaves them half drank. I really don't like this. She is also pretty mean to me on a regular basis. She is really nasty if I ask her to be considerate, or try to be nice.
She doesn't like being unemployed, and she isn't very nice about fullfilling her role at home. She says she is mean because she is "doing everything". The fact is that she isn't doing "everything" very well. In fact, I wish she would stop doing what she does, if it would mean that she could be nice to me. She doesn't try very hard to be nice. Her cooking isn't all that great and she constantly screws up my laundry. Throw in the beer bottle thing, and I have a nightmare at home.
My pants are suposed to be "wrinkle resistant". I don't know how she manages to get them wrinkled. Hamburger helper has directions on it. I don't know why I'm eating hamburger helper for dinner. I don't know how she can't prepare it right with the directions on the box. If I say anything, she screams at me.
Things suck at work, and there is lots of booze around. Things suck at home and there is beer around.
Without sounding mellow dramatic, it would be nice if I could die in my sleep.
chip
:uzi2:
EDIT:
I should mention that AA is really my main lifeline. I'm going to make sure I go to a meeting first thing in the morning.
I'm having a bit of a hard time with work. I'm in a university town, and this time of year is difficult. Last year, while all the "party-ing" was happening, I was realizing I have a problem and trying to moderate. This year, I'm sober. I'm 9 days away from being booze free for 1 year.
Gosh, I like the smell of booze. I like the way it looks in the glass. I like the look of the bottles. I like tasting wines, nosing scotch, and chugging beer.... I got to get this off my chest. I accept that I can't drink it. Sometimes I miss the sensation of that first sip and swallow. I remember the warmth in my gut and the numbness in my face.
Yeah, I'm an alcoholic. I cannot drink at all. I also manage a bar.
I have the combination of having a tough time at work + watching everyone around me get s**tfaced all the time + being around booze constantly.
Thanks for letting me share here.
Please don't tell me to get another job. I'm working a career plan which will allow me to fullfill all my family's dreams. Also, my wife doesn't work and we have 2 small children, a mortgage, and some nice cars. I'm going to run the bar untill my career plan points me in another direction.
I'm getting through. My sponsor tells me that every day I pray for a sober day, I'll probably get a sober day. When it's rough, I remind myself that God is my refuge. I'm really trusting God to get me through the month of September. It's a horrible time of year for this alcoholic.
On top of all of this, my wife has started drinking beer again. Sometimes she forgets to put her empties away, and sometimes she leaves them half drank. I really don't like this. She is also pretty mean to me on a regular basis. She is really nasty if I ask her to be considerate, or try to be nice.
She doesn't like being unemployed, and she isn't very nice about fullfilling her role at home. She says she is mean because she is "doing everything". The fact is that she isn't doing "everything" very well. In fact, I wish she would stop doing what she does, if it would mean that she could be nice to me. She doesn't try very hard to be nice. Her cooking isn't all that great and she constantly screws up my laundry. Throw in the beer bottle thing, and I have a nightmare at home.
My pants are suposed to be "wrinkle resistant". I don't know how she manages to get them wrinkled. Hamburger helper has directions on it. I don't know why I'm eating hamburger helper for dinner. I don't know how she can't prepare it right with the directions on the box. If I say anything, she screams at me.
Things suck at work, and there is lots of booze around. Things suck at home and there is beer around.
Without sounding mellow dramatic, it would be nice if I could die in my sleep.
chip
:uzi2:
EDIT:
I should mention that AA is really my main lifeline. I'm going to make sure I go to a meeting first thing in the morning.
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
You seem to be very angry at your wife, is there more of a reason than her cooking?? That is a lot of anger.
I vent all the time too. As long as you don't harbor that hate. Feel the feeling and then find a way to let it go.
I vent all the time too. As long as you don't harbor that hate. Feel the feeling and then find a way to let it go.
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
I know I have resentments against my wife. I know I have to let it go. It's hard not to fight back when she attacks me. I feel like she doesn't respect me. I'm not allowed to talk about my day or my problems with her. I know this makes her sound bad, but it's true. I don't feel like I get much emotional support from her. It feels like she makes my problems worse.
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I realize part of the problem is that I choose a woman who was cool with my drinking and drug habits. In fact, the main thing I liked about her was that she didn't ever say anything about how I lived. Now that I'm sober, her "quirks" are a bit much to handle. In the past, I could tolerate her much better when I was drinking and stoned all the time. I don't like her very much, and I don't think she even cares. I really don't see her make much of an effort to be likeable. You just would't believe how I'm treated after working my a** off to support this family. It just isn't right. I wish I had a woman who was nice. She doesn't appologize. She is cold to me. She yells at me and the children. She calls the children names. I hate to say it, but she's a real piece of work.
Chip
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
I was venting.
I know I'm not perfect either. I'm sure she could write a rant about me as well.
I might be a jerk for writing all that stuff, but I need to get it out somehow.
Thanks for being here for me.
chip
I know I'm not perfect either. I'm sure she could write a rant about me as well.
I might be a jerk for writing all that stuff, but I need to get it out somehow.
Thanks for being here for me.
chip
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
I'm not going to tell you what to do Chip, and I would never suggest you leave your wife and family but I will say this. Whatever you put in front of your sobriety, you'll eventually lose if you drink, so what's it all worth? The whole point of getting sober is to be happy living a new way of life which is what sobriety brings. If I had to be miserable in sobriety, what's the point?
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Newark,DE
Posts: 404
Hi Chip,
I'm sorry to hear about your situation, mostly because I have SOO BEEN THERE! I know the whole deal, all you spoke of, you really hit home with me with the part about being nice to you. My ex wife never had an ounce of respect for the s*** I sometimes crawled through to pay the bills, but they were paid every month. I spent time with the boys, I worked on the house & the yard. I drove a beat up old honda, and she a new SUV, I did all that so she could be a stay at home mom. And got nothing but grief for it. Yea, I drank, at times a 6 pack and a pint of popov vodka were all I could afford *turns green thinking about it* but I met every one of my responsibilities. I didnt mind the house was not all that clean, that I felt she could help me more with my business, that she gained a lot of weight, If she were just NICE to me, a little appriciation.
Sorry, this post is about you, but I wanted you to know you are not alone.
Where am I now? Remarried to my soulmate, and all that that implies
I hope things work out for you, I had to do what I had to do, maybe your relationship will fare better.
Take Care!
S
I'm sorry to hear about your situation, mostly because I have SOO BEEN THERE! I know the whole deal, all you spoke of, you really hit home with me with the part about being nice to you. My ex wife never had an ounce of respect for the s*** I sometimes crawled through to pay the bills, but they were paid every month. I spent time with the boys, I worked on the house & the yard. I drove a beat up old honda, and she a new SUV, I did all that so she could be a stay at home mom. And got nothing but grief for it. Yea, I drank, at times a 6 pack and a pint of popov vodka were all I could afford *turns green thinking about it* but I met every one of my responsibilities. I didnt mind the house was not all that clean, that I felt she could help me more with my business, that she gained a lot of weight, If she were just NICE to me, a little appriciation.
Sorry, this post is about you, but I wanted you to know you are not alone.
Where am I now? Remarried to my soulmate, and all that that implies
I hope things work out for you, I had to do what I had to do, maybe your relationship will fare better.
Take Care!
S
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: QUEENS, NY
Posts: 200
Hi Chip,
I am also nearing my 1st year of sobriety and I have often heard of people getting stressed out before an anniversay, I never did believe it, but I have been experiencing the same things as you lately. Fanticizing about alcohol, why can't I drink?? Crazy thoughts, I think I can smell booze all the time, very strange.
I have been talking about it at meetings, not to hear peoples responses but just to say it out load, takes the power out of it. I consol myself with saying its not that I can't drink, I could if I wanted to but "I choose not to for now", for me this helps me have a little more control and relieves the obsession.
I am not married so I don't really know what it is like to be in your situation but I have noticed that I have changed so much in the past year, I connect with different people and look for different values in them that I did when I was drinking. I am not surprised that your having these issues now, I have recently met up with a few people from my past (friends and exbf) and though I love them dearly, I have changed and they don't interest me so much.
Have a good day, Rose
I am also nearing my 1st year of sobriety and I have often heard of people getting stressed out before an anniversay, I never did believe it, but I have been experiencing the same things as you lately. Fanticizing about alcohol, why can't I drink?? Crazy thoughts, I think I can smell booze all the time, very strange.
I have been talking about it at meetings, not to hear peoples responses but just to say it out load, takes the power out of it. I consol myself with saying its not that I can't drink, I could if I wanted to but "I choose not to for now", for me this helps me have a little more control and relieves the obsession.
I am not married so I don't really know what it is like to be in your situation but I have noticed that I have changed so much in the past year, I connect with different people and look for different values in them that I did when I was drinking. I am not surprised that your having these issues now, I have recently met up with a few people from my past (friends and exbf) and though I love them dearly, I have changed and they don't interest me so much.
Have a good day, Rose
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 527
((((Chip))))) I'm sorry you're going through this right now. Have you tried to talk about these things with your wife? To me it sounds like she may have a bunch of issues of her own and she's taking her resentment out on you and the kids, which breaks my heart. Would she consider going to counselling with you?
Also, does she ever get a break from home and kids? Not all women are suited to be stay-at-home moms. (I would have given my eye teeth for the opportunity, but I know many who feel as if they've lost their identity by doing this.) If this arrangement isn't working, maybe she can work part-time and the kids can go into daycare for a couple of mornings per week or something. The kids aren't really benefitting if their Mom is calling them names.
It's certainly not easy to raise a young family without extra complications like alcoholism and anger. Add this to the stress at your work and I can certainly understand why you feel so badly.
But drinking for you is not an option and it won't solve anything at all and it's good to hear that you already know that in your heart. You are becoming a better, smarter, more feeling person. You have to nurture that for your own sanity and in order to be a good Dad to those kidlets.
Hugs and more hugs,
Chris
Also, does she ever get a break from home and kids? Not all women are suited to be stay-at-home moms. (I would have given my eye teeth for the opportunity, but I know many who feel as if they've lost their identity by doing this.) If this arrangement isn't working, maybe she can work part-time and the kids can go into daycare for a couple of mornings per week or something. The kids aren't really benefitting if their Mom is calling them names.
It's certainly not easy to raise a young family without extra complications like alcoholism and anger. Add this to the stress at your work and I can certainly understand why you feel so badly.
But drinking for you is not an option and it won't solve anything at all and it's good to hear that you already know that in your heart. You are becoming a better, smarter, more feeling person. You have to nurture that for your own sanity and in order to be a good Dad to those kidlets.
Hugs and more hugs,
Chris
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Hi Chip . Sharon an Alcoholic here.
First i commend you for staying sober for almost a yr now. Im sure it wasnt easy because ive been there.
Next....i hear you loud and clear with all u are saying. I am glad u came here to vent.
As for as the alcohol goes.....sure there isnt a one of us that is here that loves alcohol...that is why we r alcoholics....we love it toooooo much. As you describe how it looks, smells, tastes...every aspect of it....drives us crazy in love with it. I understand exactly how u feel about it....And sure I would still be drinking ALL of it today if it werent for a number of things that happened to me while i was drinking it. And im sure you must know what the results of alcohol does to us alcoholics. We all know, we all have been there...been standing in ur same shoes. So to speak of course.... : )
YET.....
I found out 16 years ago, I had NO CONTROL over my drinking habits because i loved it so much. It didnt matter how many times i got sick, drunk ...i went right back to the one thing that i could rely on, so i thought to make me feel good. To make me numb out feeling i didnt want to feel. To handle situations i didnt want to if i were sober. Face people i was scared of. Intimidated over. Loved.
YET.....
Alcohol turned on me 16 yrs ago when i tried to end my life. I really thought i was a gonner at that time....YET....SOMEONE CARED FOR ME....WHO???
MY FAMILY AND THE MAN UPSTAIRS.
They had other plans for me and it wasnt to die.
So thru a family intervention i was sent to rehab for 28 days where i picked up the tools of recovery and the knowledge of how to stay sober one day at a time by following 12 steps and sharing my story with others.
YEP, I continue to do that, even if its here in SR. It's keep me sober TODAY....
As for the alcohol....i work in a grocery store where i bag groceries and handle liquor thru out the day. Sure sometimes a bottle will get broken and i may have to clean it up...... YIKES..!
THE SMELL ITSELF IS HERRIFIC. POTENT....STRONG....
I learned early on in recovery that all there is in those beautiful pretty bottles of alcohol is .....POISON.....POISON.....POISON....SAY IT....LOUD....
POISON
There are skulls and cross bones on each of those bottles. That is all i can see or imagine.
When alcohol turned on me I hated it...i hated what it made me become...i hated how it made me feel....i hated that it wanted to take my life....to destroy me....
Today i have a purpose in life.....NOTHING ELSE...... that purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety by sharing my own ESH with them...YOU.
I was given a second chance in life....I should be ever so grateful for it....TODAY I AM.
That's all i have is TODAY. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow hasnt gotten here yet.....so why worry about anything.
Relatives, families, spouses dont understand alcoholics unless they one themselves.....For u and for me and others....this is a we program...a me program ...a selfish program....i have to stay sober for ME...and no one else....I have to work MY program in order to stay sober....I have to be willing to go to any lengths to stay sober for ME.
If anyone comes near me to pursuade me otherwise....well they r in for a rude awakening....MY PROGRAM TO STAY SOBER IS THAT IMPORTANT TO ME....U CANT TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME....AND IF U DONT LIKE IT ..THEN U KNOW WHERE THE DOOR IS.....
Im grateful that my family respects me enough not to drink in front of me. No one here in my family is an alcoholic and so they dont understand me, but they respect me and allow me to do what i need to do for myself...and that is to work my own program to the best of my ability and continue to stay sober.
Thanks for letting me share.
First i commend you for staying sober for almost a yr now. Im sure it wasnt easy because ive been there.
Next....i hear you loud and clear with all u are saying. I am glad u came here to vent.
As for as the alcohol goes.....sure there isnt a one of us that is here that loves alcohol...that is why we r alcoholics....we love it toooooo much. As you describe how it looks, smells, tastes...every aspect of it....drives us crazy in love with it. I understand exactly how u feel about it....And sure I would still be drinking ALL of it today if it werent for a number of things that happened to me while i was drinking it. And im sure you must know what the results of alcohol does to us alcoholics. We all know, we all have been there...been standing in ur same shoes. So to speak of course.... : )
YET.....
I found out 16 years ago, I had NO CONTROL over my drinking habits because i loved it so much. It didnt matter how many times i got sick, drunk ...i went right back to the one thing that i could rely on, so i thought to make me feel good. To make me numb out feeling i didnt want to feel. To handle situations i didnt want to if i were sober. Face people i was scared of. Intimidated over. Loved.
YET.....
Alcohol turned on me 16 yrs ago when i tried to end my life. I really thought i was a gonner at that time....YET....SOMEONE CARED FOR ME....WHO???
MY FAMILY AND THE MAN UPSTAIRS.
They had other plans for me and it wasnt to die.
So thru a family intervention i was sent to rehab for 28 days where i picked up the tools of recovery and the knowledge of how to stay sober one day at a time by following 12 steps and sharing my story with others.
YEP, I continue to do that, even if its here in SR. It's keep me sober TODAY....
As for the alcohol....i work in a grocery store where i bag groceries and handle liquor thru out the day. Sure sometimes a bottle will get broken and i may have to clean it up...... YIKES..!
THE SMELL ITSELF IS HERRIFIC. POTENT....STRONG....
I learned early on in recovery that all there is in those beautiful pretty bottles of alcohol is .....POISON.....POISON.....POISON....SAY IT....LOUD....
POISON
There are skulls and cross bones on each of those bottles. That is all i can see or imagine.
When alcohol turned on me I hated it...i hated what it made me become...i hated how it made me feel....i hated that it wanted to take my life....to destroy me....
Today i have a purpose in life.....NOTHING ELSE...... that purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety by sharing my own ESH with them...YOU.
I was given a second chance in life....I should be ever so grateful for it....TODAY I AM.
That's all i have is TODAY. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow hasnt gotten here yet.....so why worry about anything.
Relatives, families, spouses dont understand alcoholics unless they one themselves.....For u and for me and others....this is a we program...a me program ...a selfish program....i have to stay sober for ME...and no one else....I have to work MY program in order to stay sober....I have to be willing to go to any lengths to stay sober for ME.
If anyone comes near me to pursuade me otherwise....well they r in for a rude awakening....MY PROGRAM TO STAY SOBER IS THAT IMPORTANT TO ME....U CANT TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME....AND IF U DONT LIKE IT ..THEN U KNOW WHERE THE DOOR IS.....
Im grateful that my family respects me enough not to drink in front of me. No one here in my family is an alcoholic and so they dont understand me, but they respect me and allow me to do what i need to do for myself...and that is to work my own program to the best of my ability and continue to stay sober.
Thanks for letting me share.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Charlotte,NC
Posts: 167
Hard Times and Thoughts of Booze... They go together like peanut butter
and jelly at times.
The only thing that keeps me going is trying to have an Attitude of Gratitude when times get tough. It ain't easy, but I try.
The hamburger helper sucks, but at least you have food in your stomach.
The job sucks, but at least you have the physical ability to work.
The wife can be difficult, but at least she hasn't filed for divorce and froze all
your assets.
The list can go on and on. You're a lucky man Chip. Count your blessings.
Good luck and God Bless.
and jelly at times.
The only thing that keeps me going is trying to have an Attitude of Gratitude when times get tough. It ain't easy, but I try.
The hamburger helper sucks, but at least you have food in your stomach.
The job sucks, but at least you have the physical ability to work.
The wife can be difficult, but at least she hasn't filed for divorce and froze all
your assets.
The list can go on and on. You're a lucky man Chip. Count your blessings.
Good luck and God Bless.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
I just want to say I'm sooooo thankful for the responses. Thank you for not *beating me up* for whining about my wife.
The chip pity party continues. I had some good prayer time today, and that kept me sober and it kept me from going crazy.
How do you think my night at work started? Well, I was changing a stuborn keg of beer, and I was sprayed in the face and all over my shirt with beer. I briefly even had a beer taste on my lips, but I quickly washed my face and gargled with water. I've smelt like beer all night now. I couldn't leave to take a break or even sit in my office all night because I was hosting an event at the pub.
Last night I couldn't sleep. Racing thoughts. Crazy thoughts. I went to a meeting this morning, and I almost started crying. ALMOST is the key word here. I don't cry very often, and I think I should.
I ate a dessert tart with cheese cake filling. After I ate it, I realized that I have no idea if there was booze in the filling. It was only a freaking dessert tart, and it had no flavor of booze at all. I ended up obbsessing and worrying about it for a while.
I went behind the bar to get myself a nice glass of mixed fruit juices. I put it in a nice tall glass. A lady, assuming it was a *drink* started asking the bartender to make her a special *drink* which looked like mine. I know there was no confusion, but I became parinoid that I was drinking the wrong drink, or that someone spiked my drink. This was insane and unfounded because it never left my hand, let alone my sight. I ended up dumping it out.
I'm so afraid of drinking again.
When I prayed today I cried out to God to help me. I know God hears my crys, and I have confidence that he can help me.
It really is a miracle that I'm sober today. I'm very happy for that. I'm thankful for all the blessings God has given me, and I'm most thankful for my sobriety.
When I got home from work, I found out that my wife ate all my favorate snack crackers which I was looking forward to munching on.
Steve58 If I didn't know my wife was previously married or not, I might think she was your ex based on your description. Same deal.
I swear, if she could only TRY to be nicer, things would seem better.
Today I had a meeting with a guy at my bank. I'm trying to secure a home equity loan to buy some equiptment and pay off one of my vehicles. It was a stressful experience as well.
I'm all over the place here... Thanks again for letting me vent. Thanks for anybody who actually read what I wrote. At least it's the weekend and I'm all done working for the week.
Hey that's something to be grateful for: Most people in my line of work don't have the luxury of weekends. That's something I've always planned for myself, and it sure is nice.
Weirdly, I feel better.
chip
The chip pity party continues. I had some good prayer time today, and that kept me sober and it kept me from going crazy.
How do you think my night at work started? Well, I was changing a stuborn keg of beer, and I was sprayed in the face and all over my shirt with beer. I briefly even had a beer taste on my lips, but I quickly washed my face and gargled with water. I've smelt like beer all night now. I couldn't leave to take a break or even sit in my office all night because I was hosting an event at the pub.
Last night I couldn't sleep. Racing thoughts. Crazy thoughts. I went to a meeting this morning, and I almost started crying. ALMOST is the key word here. I don't cry very often, and I think I should.
I ate a dessert tart with cheese cake filling. After I ate it, I realized that I have no idea if there was booze in the filling. It was only a freaking dessert tart, and it had no flavor of booze at all. I ended up obbsessing and worrying about it for a while.
I went behind the bar to get myself a nice glass of mixed fruit juices. I put it in a nice tall glass. A lady, assuming it was a *drink* started asking the bartender to make her a special *drink* which looked like mine. I know there was no confusion, but I became parinoid that I was drinking the wrong drink, or that someone spiked my drink. This was insane and unfounded because it never left my hand, let alone my sight. I ended up dumping it out.
I'm so afraid of drinking again.
When I prayed today I cried out to God to help me. I know God hears my crys, and I have confidence that he can help me.
It really is a miracle that I'm sober today. I'm very happy for that. I'm thankful for all the blessings God has given me, and I'm most thankful for my sobriety.
When I got home from work, I found out that my wife ate all my favorate snack crackers which I was looking forward to munching on.
Steve58 If I didn't know my wife was previously married or not, I might think she was your ex based on your description. Same deal.
I swear, if she could only TRY to be nicer, things would seem better.
Today I had a meeting with a guy at my bank. I'm trying to secure a home equity loan to buy some equiptment and pay off one of my vehicles. It was a stressful experience as well.
I'm all over the place here... Thanks again for letting me vent. Thanks for anybody who actually read what I wrote. At least it's the weekend and I'm all done working for the week.
Hey that's something to be grateful for: Most people in my line of work don't have the luxury of weekends. That's something I've always planned for myself, and it sure is nice.
Weirdly, I feel better.
chip
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Weirdly, I feel better.
God is doing for you what you can not do alone.
Prayers and BlessingsP.S. Keep a clean shirt at work
Crackers in your car!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I am glad you feel better.
I am a lousy cook so it is better if I work and help provide for the meals and housekeeping.
Don't ask me what we eat. You wouldn't like it. LOL Lots of frozen meals, quick grab yogurts, cereal....and a nice dinner out when we feel like going out.
I don't know why my husband puts up with me. I think he loves me.
But I do hear your frustration, and that is a lousy feeling.
Me and hubs don't care what we eat. etc.
I understand that really you are stressed about many aspects of things. That is wearing.
And you sound quite worried.
Hope you have a good weekend! Maybe you can re-nourish yourself with your meetings.
I am a lousy cook so it is better if I work and help provide for the meals and housekeeping.
Don't ask me what we eat. You wouldn't like it. LOL Lots of frozen meals, quick grab yogurts, cereal....and a nice dinner out when we feel like going out.
I don't know why my husband puts up with me. I think he loves me.
But I do hear your frustration, and that is a lousy feeling.
Me and hubs don't care what we eat. etc.
I understand that really you are stressed about many aspects of things. That is wearing.
And you sound quite worried.
Hope you have a good weekend! Maybe you can re-nourish yourself with your meetings.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Newark,DE
Posts: 404
Chip,
Glad your feeling better!
Have a great weekend!
btw, for all it's worth, my Dad always said never go to the bank with your hat in your hand, remember, you dont need the money, it's a business decision to carry debt, and your bringing THEM your business, the same business many other banks would like to have!
Good Luck!
S
Glad your feeling better!
Have a great weekend!
btw, for all it's worth, my Dad always said never go to the bank with your hat in your hand, remember, you dont need the money, it's a business decision to carry debt, and your bringing THEM your business, the same business many other banks would like to have!
Good Luck!
S
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
Thanks for the encouragement folks.
Although I will be alcohol free for 1 year on Sept 24, I'm celebrating in January. I wasn't able to stop smoking pot right away, and I count January as my "clean and sober" birthday.
I feel alot better. Getting sprayed with beer in the face is sort of funny in a weird way. I'm just glad that I don't smell like beer in the morning, AFTER my shower. When I was drinking, the smell of beer ooozed from my pores.... at all times. I smelt like a brewery.
I'm not considering a career change at all. I really like other aspects of the job, and I enjoy people. Yes, as some one mentioned, watching other people get drunk can help me want to stay sober....most of the time. It can be a bit depressing at times. It's mostly a younger crowd, and I remind myself that good kids should be able to have fun. We run a very responsible operation, and we take care of the kids who come in. Also, there is alot of promise for my future in this business and eventually I hope to operate a number of businesses (not just a bar).
Anyway, I'm not here to talk about my career plans. I've been just venting a bit because I need to vent. It's hard being an alcoholic and running a bar. I'll bet it's just as hard doing other jobs too. When I'm in a good mind set, I actually enjoy my work.
Thanks for being here for me. It means more to me than you'll ever know...
chip
Although I will be alcohol free for 1 year on Sept 24, I'm celebrating in January. I wasn't able to stop smoking pot right away, and I count January as my "clean and sober" birthday.
I feel alot better. Getting sprayed with beer in the face is sort of funny in a weird way. I'm just glad that I don't smell like beer in the morning, AFTER my shower. When I was drinking, the smell of beer ooozed from my pores.... at all times. I smelt like a brewery.
I'm not considering a career change at all. I really like other aspects of the job, and I enjoy people. Yes, as some one mentioned, watching other people get drunk can help me want to stay sober....most of the time. It can be a bit depressing at times. It's mostly a younger crowd, and I remind myself that good kids should be able to have fun. We run a very responsible operation, and we take care of the kids who come in. Also, there is alot of promise for my future in this business and eventually I hope to operate a number of businesses (not just a bar).
Anyway, I'm not here to talk about my career plans. I've been just venting a bit because I need to vent. It's hard being an alcoholic and running a bar. I'll bet it's just as hard doing other jobs too. When I'm in a good mind set, I actually enjoy my work.
Thanks for being here for me. It means more to me than you'll ever know...
chip
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