Hey. A question for all you alcoholics.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 38
Hey. A question for all you alcoholics.
I've identified lately that what's bringing me a lot of negative behavior from other people is - can you guess?
My own negativity.
I'm unhappy.
That's why a few weeks ago I knew on some level to ask myself the question, "What would make me happy?"
I didn't relate everything until tonight. Duh. I'm unhappy. And angry.
I looked up the opposite of "angry" in the dictionary, and it says "good-humored" (I need some humor!), and "peaceful" (I need to not take everything so seriously!)
So I've been thinking tonight about what would make me happy. I honestly don't know what I want.
So let me ask you, what makes you happy?
My own negativity.
I'm unhappy.
That's why a few weeks ago I knew on some level to ask myself the question, "What would make me happy?"
I didn't relate everything until tonight. Duh. I'm unhappy. And angry.
I looked up the opposite of "angry" in the dictionary, and it says "good-humored" (I need some humor!), and "peaceful" (I need to not take everything so seriously!)
So I've been thinking tonight about what would make me happy. I honestly don't know what I want.
So let me ask you, what makes you happy?
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
hi Sarah,
i don’t concern myself much with what might make me happy....happiness comes to me in unexpected moments in the middle of any other kind of thing.
i wouldn’t know how to plan for it, though i certainly try to not do stuff that will ultimately make me unhappy.
yesterday, in the midst of pissed-off-ly sitting in my newly fenced backyard (a small yard fenced by co-op decision with a six foot high solid fence which now feels like a high-walled fortress!!) suddenly a hummingbird was only about 18 inches away, feeding from sage blossoms on a plant i had planted specifically for that purpose.
very happy-making!!
i am not american, and never grew up with the concept of the pursuit of happiness being of any importance much. maybe that has something to do with it.
do you know what you are unhappy and angry about?
i don’t concern myself much with what might make me happy....happiness comes to me in unexpected moments in the middle of any other kind of thing.
i wouldn’t know how to plan for it, though i certainly try to not do stuff that will ultimately make me unhappy.
yesterday, in the midst of pissed-off-ly sitting in my newly fenced backyard (a small yard fenced by co-op decision with a six foot high solid fence which now feels like a high-walled fortress!!) suddenly a hummingbird was only about 18 inches away, feeding from sage blossoms on a plant i had planted specifically for that purpose.
very happy-making!!
i am not american, and never grew up with the concept of the pursuit of happiness being of any importance much. maybe that has something to do with it.
do you know what you are unhappy and angry about?
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I feel like being happy initially took an intentional effort, then it started to take on a life of its own.
Gratitude is huge. That means being content with the situation. I have my health (number one), then I have water/food, protection from the elements.
Then it gets more selfish. I have money in the bank and nice things. Not too nice, but nice enough.
I constantly try to do nice things for folks and try to be courteous. I expect nothing in return.
I try to help folks all the time and donate anonymously.
I watch funny movies and try to laugh as much as I can.
After quitting being a drunk, it took a few years for my body to get back to being happy for no reason.
I relate it to a 4 year old, playing with their toys, happy for no reason.
Thanks.
Gratitude is huge. That means being content with the situation. I have my health (number one), then I have water/food, protection from the elements.
Then it gets more selfish. I have money in the bank and nice things. Not too nice, but nice enough.
I constantly try to do nice things for folks and try to be courteous. I expect nothing in return.
I try to help folks all the time and donate anonymously.
I watch funny movies and try to laugh as much as I can.
After quitting being a drunk, it took a few years for my body to get back to being happy for no reason.
I relate it to a 4 year old, playing with their toys, happy for no reason.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: casablanca
Posts: 282
I found out that I can not base my life or recovery on me being happy, but rather on having purpose. Happiness comes and goes. I needed to find meaning to my life and purpose. so I guess what makes me happy would be finding purpose and meaning I guess.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
I looked up the opposite of "angry" in the dictionary, and it says "good-humored" (I need some humor!), and "peaceful" (I need to not take everything so seriously!)
I thought alcohol made me dance better. WRONG! I thought alcohol made me more witty. WRONG! I thought I needed alcohol to fit in. WRONG! The list goes on and on. I got rid of my inhibitions only by being sober. SO WHAT THE HELL DO I KNOW ANYWAY?
In recovery, I needed a job. I got one...and then complained about my boss. Nez, go back to fall back question "WHAT THE HELL DO I KNOW ANWAY?" The list goes on and on.In recovery I get what I need. which is not to be confused with what I want.
Being angry is exhausting. Being peaceful is not. I try and stay out of my own way. Instead of trying to fit the universe to Nez, I try to fit Nez into the universe. It is a lot less exhausting. Not taking things too seriously, especially myself, helps me towards my goal.
I will never be happy by searching for what makes me happy. Happy shows up all on its own from being not searching.
“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”
― Dalai Lama
― Dalai Lama
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Well, we all have "reasons" to be unhappy and angry, if we look far enough. Being unhappy and angry is a choice.
Every person has had betrayals and traumas.
I could dwell on those, but it's better for me if I just don't.
I hope you find a way to let go of whatever is affecting you and find joy in small things. Continuous sober time will give you a natural defense - so stick with it.
Every person has had betrayals and traumas.
I could dwell on those, but it's better for me if I just don't.
I hope you find a way to let go of whatever is affecting you and find joy in small things. Continuous sober time will give you a natural defense - so stick with it.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
I also find the reward of gratitude is that I'm happier. 
Being grateful for all my blessings gives me a feeling of contentment and peace of mind. I'm also happy with little things/events. Walking my dog makes me very happy just to watch her in all her 'dogginess'. I don't think happiness can be pursued, so much as created. I make my own happiness, just by being content with my life. Another benefit of being grateful is that I keep finding more to be grateful for. It doesn't have to be a huge event/thing. I am just as happy with small blessings as I am with big ones.
That's not to say I don't have room for improvement, there will always be that. I just focus much more on what's good in my life and am happier as a result.
Read this article from a few years ago. It's really good.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post6682692 (Good article about gratitude and how it rewards us.)
Being grateful for all my blessings gives me a feeling of contentment and peace of mind. I'm also happy with little things/events. Walking my dog makes me very happy just to watch her in all her 'dogginess'. I don't think happiness can be pursued, so much as created. I make my own happiness, just by being content with my life. Another benefit of being grateful is that I keep finding more to be grateful for. It doesn't have to be a huge event/thing. I am just as happy with small blessings as I am with big ones. That's not to say I don't have room for improvement, there will always be that. I just focus much more on what's good in my life and am happier as a result.
Read this article from a few years ago. It's really good.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ml#post6682692 (Good article about gratitude and how it rewards us.)
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
Posts: 1,000
Yay! Great topic.
I have learned, since being an active and sober participant in life, that happiness is not the point. WAIT! WHAT?
Happiness, as it turns out (for me), requires some external input which, when removed leaves a sense of longing for more. There's emotion attached to lack of fulfillment when it's gone.
Joy. That inner sense that everything is exactly as it should be, is derived from within regardless external stimuli. It amounts to a personal relationship with God as I understand Him. Peace coupled with knowing, I guess, that I no longer need those fleeting emotional highs (and insufferable lows) because I am cared for and cared about.
How does it work? When I can be filled with sorrow and joy at the same time, I know I am on the right path. I thank AA for that--and God for AA.
In a time of uncertainty and calamity, I can be at rest (and my MIND can be at rest), I know I am in the care of My Creator.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
I have learned, since being an active and sober participant in life, that happiness is not the point. WAIT! WHAT?
Happiness, as it turns out (for me), requires some external input which, when removed leaves a sense of longing for more. There's emotion attached to lack of fulfillment when it's gone.
Joy. That inner sense that everything is exactly as it should be, is derived from within regardless external stimuli. It amounts to a personal relationship with God as I understand Him. Peace coupled with knowing, I guess, that I no longer need those fleeting emotional highs (and insufferable lows) because I am cared for and cared about.
How does it work? When I can be filled with sorrow and joy at the same time, I know I am on the right path. I thank AA for that--and God for AA.
In a time of uncertainty and calamity, I can be at rest (and my MIND can be at rest), I know I am in the care of My Creator.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Nothing made me 'happy', I guess why I eventually drank too much. I had all the outside trappings of what I thought years ago, would bring me happiness. What they brought me, was an addiction, to chasing the 'dragon' of happiness in a glass, bottle, pitcher of alcohol. I was chasing the 'happy' dragon. I didn't catch it and instead fell into a pit of despair, anger, resentment, self-hate.
So, I switched off from chasing the 'outcome/pursuit of happiness', which didn't fare well. I stopped drinking and instead engaged in the process of doing 'the next right thing' (in my estimation). And in so doing, my self-esteem built up, and I tried mightily hard to just let go of anger, resentments, self-pity etc. I threw everything at equanimity, even prayed to a HP, that I still am not sure exists, but I hope so.
I practice gratitude daily, even if it's just to say thank you for my waking up, thank you for food, water, and more importantly, for my pets. Least's link is great, and reading it years ago, set me on the gratitude path. And in doing so, moments of peace and joy simply arise naturally, an antic of my dog, a bee on a flower I planted (by forcing myself to do 'the next right thing', cooking and eating a vegetable that I planted, something occurring that I wished for, someone thanking me and smiling at me.
I became an all-day, every-day drinker and cared for nothing but alcohol. Now I listen to that small still voice inside, and it guides me, and I feel peace, even when sad.
So, I switched off from chasing the 'outcome/pursuit of happiness', which didn't fare well. I stopped drinking and instead engaged in the process of doing 'the next right thing' (in my estimation). And in so doing, my self-esteem built up, and I tried mightily hard to just let go of anger, resentments, self-pity etc. I threw everything at equanimity, even prayed to a HP, that I still am not sure exists, but I hope so.
I practice gratitude daily, even if it's just to say thank you for my waking up, thank you for food, water, and more importantly, for my pets. Least's link is great, and reading it years ago, set me on the gratitude path. And in doing so, moments of peace and joy simply arise naturally, an antic of my dog, a bee on a flower I planted (by forcing myself to do 'the next right thing', cooking and eating a vegetable that I planted, something occurring that I wished for, someone thanking me and smiling at me.
I became an all-day, every-day drinker and cared for nothing but alcohol. Now I listen to that small still voice inside, and it guides me, and I feel peace, even when sad.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
I’m human and have negative thoughts like everyone else..
As an alcoholic / drug addict I live in recovery 24x7. sometimes my best escape is getting into a book or just watching any drama or comedy movie from the unlimited streaming movies I have at my finger tips.. It helps me escape my negative thoughts for 1.5 hours. When I’m done I face my real world issues and 99% of the time it works for me..
ran across these quotes in the daily readings today I think that are pertinent to the OP and wanted to share..
Be gentle with yourself, learn to love yourself, to forgive yourself, for
only as we have the right attitude toward ourselves can we have the
right attitude toward others.
--Wilfred Peterson
"Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn,
whatever state I may be in, therein to be content."
--Helen Keller
"There is no one giant step that does it. It's a lot of little steps."
--Peter A. Cohen
As an alcoholic / drug addict I live in recovery 24x7. sometimes my best escape is getting into a book or just watching any drama or comedy movie from the unlimited streaming movies I have at my finger tips.. It helps me escape my negative thoughts for 1.5 hours. When I’m done I face my real world issues and 99% of the time it works for me..
ran across these quotes in the daily readings today I think that are pertinent to the OP and wanted to share..
Be gentle with yourself, learn to love yourself, to forgive yourself, for
only as we have the right attitude toward ourselves can we have the
right attitude toward others.
--Wilfred Peterson
"Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn,
whatever state I may be in, therein to be content."
--Helen Keller
"There is no one giant step that does it. It's a lot of little steps."
--Peter A. Cohen
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 38
Originally Posted by fini 
hi Sarah,
i don’t concern myself much with what might make me happy....happiness comes to me in unexpected moments in the middle of any other kind of thing.
i wouldn’t know how to plan for it, though i certainly try to not do stuff that will ultimately make me unhappy.
yesterday, in the midst of pissed-off-ly sitting in my newly fenced backyard (a small yard fenced by co-op decision with a six foot high solid fence which now feels like a high-walled fortress!!) suddenly a hummingbird was only about 18 inches away, feeding from sage blossoms on a plant i had planted specifically for that purpose.
very happy-making!!
i am not american, and never grew up with the concept of the pursuit of happiness being of any importance much. maybe that has something to do with it.
do you know what you are unhappy and angry about?
i don’t concern myself much with what might make me happy....happiness comes to me in unexpected moments in the middle of any other kind of thing.
i wouldn’t know how to plan for it, though i certainly try to not do stuff that will ultimately make me unhappy.
yesterday, in the midst of pissed-off-ly sitting in my newly fenced backyard (a small yard fenced by co-op decision with a six foot high solid fence which now feels like a high-walled fortress!!) suddenly a hummingbird was only about 18 inches away, feeding from sage blossoms on a plant i had planted specifically for that purpose.
very happy-making!!
i am not american, and never grew up with the concept of the pursuit of happiness being of any importance much. maybe that has something to do with it.
do you know what you are unhappy and angry about?
But I think it's serenity I aspire to have. Peace. Feeling God. Maybe that's what I have to asl myself about.
I would like a partner at this stage of my life. And something/someone else to love. I'd like a cat. Maybe a few nice friends would be nice too.
I think what I want is to love, and be loved. And live in a place that's peaceful instead of with harassing landlords. I'd like to feel; safe. Thanks, you're helping me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 38
Originally Posted by D122y
I feel like being happy initially took an intentional effort, then it started to take on a life of its own.
Gratitude is huge. That means being content with the situation. I have my health (number one), then I have water/food, protection from the elements.
Then it gets more selfish. I have money in the bank and nice things. Not too nice, but nice enough.
I constantly try to do nice things for folks and try to be courteous. I expect nothing in return.
I try to help folks all the time and donate anonymously.
I watch funny movies and try to laugh as much as I can.
After quitting being a drunk, it took a few years for my body to get back to being happy for no reason.
I relate it to a 4 year old, playing with their toys, happy for no reason.
Thanks.
Gratitude is huge. That means being content with the situation. I have my health (number one), then I have water/food, protection from the elements.
Then it gets more selfish. I have money in the bank and nice things. Not too nice, but nice enough.
I constantly try to do nice things for folks and try to be courteous. I expect nothing in return.
I try to help folks all the time and donate anonymously.
I watch funny movies and try to laugh as much as I can.
After quitting being a drunk, it took a few years for my body to get back to being happy for no reason.
I relate it to a 4 year old, playing with their toys, happy for no reason.
Thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 38
Originally Posted by shakeel
I found out that I can not base my life or recovery on me being happy, but rather on having purpose. Happiness comes and goes. I needed to find meaning to my life and purpose. so I guess what makes me happy would be finding purpose and meaning I guess.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 38
Originally Posted by skg
Yay! Great topic.
I have learned, since being an active and sober participant in life, that happiness is not the point. WAIT! WHAT?
Happiness, as it turns out (for me), requires some external input which, when removed leaves a sense of longing for more. There's emotion attached to lack of fulfillment when it's gone.
Joy. That inner sense that everything is exactly as it should be, is derived from within regardless external stimuli. It amounts to a personal relationship with God as I understand Him. Peace coupled with knowing, I guess, that I no longer need those fleeting emotional highs (and insufferable lows) because I am cared for and cared about.
How does it work? When I can be filled with sorrow and joy at the same time, I know I am on the right path. I thank AA for that--and God for AA.
In a time of uncertainty and calamity, I can be at rest (and my MIND can be at rest), I know I am in the care of My Creator.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
I have learned, since being an active and sober participant in life, that happiness is not the point. WAIT! WHAT?
Happiness, as it turns out (for me), requires some external input which, when removed leaves a sense of longing for more. There's emotion attached to lack of fulfillment when it's gone.
Joy. That inner sense that everything is exactly as it should be, is derived from within regardless external stimuli. It amounts to a personal relationship with God as I understand Him. Peace coupled with knowing, I guess, that I no longer need those fleeting emotional highs (and insufferable lows) because I am cared for and cared about.
How does it work? When I can be filled with sorrow and joy at the same time, I know I am on the right path. I thank AA for that--and God for AA.
In a time of uncertainty and calamity, I can be at rest (and my MIND can be at rest), I know I am in the care of My Creator.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Originally Posted by SarahSmiles12
That's #1. A relationship with God. Thank you.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ung-letter.jpg
]
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
Nothing can make me happy, or unhappy, or angry or loving either. I have all kinds of moods, and honestly I'm not fully in control of them. But sobriety has taught me how to act right, so I don't have so many bad experiences. SR & AA taught me to resolve my anger by looking within. Gratitude and meditation help steady me and promote mental health. So even in negative moods, when nothing seems to please me, i know everything's going to be okay.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,781
Originally Posted by courage2
SR & AA taught me to resolve my anger by looking within. Gratitude and meditation help steady me and promote mental health. So even in negative moods, when nothing seems to please me, i know everything's going to be okay.
This is really good! As you said, I know everything is going to be ok and this funky feeling will pass.. it reminds me of the old slogan, “Stinking Thinking,” I still get / have stinking thinking but now I have the tools to remove it, hopefully as fast as I got it..
i hope everyone has a great week!
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