Step 3 What does it mean?
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Step 3 What does it mean?
What does it mean to hand your will and life over to your higher power.
How do you go about it? What do you think?
I don't believe in God. I hear people say use "group of drunks" or "good orderly direction" as your higher power. Realistically, I know they aren't going to provide me any answers on how to live or deal with problems, no matter how often I ask them as they aren't there.
How do fellow non believers approach this?
Is it just about reflecting on things and reminding ourselves to be on our best behaviour?
By writing this post asking fellow addicts for advice, am I doing step 3?
How do you go about it? What do you think?
I don't believe in God. I hear people say use "group of drunks" or "good orderly direction" as your higher power. Realistically, I know they aren't going to provide me any answers on how to live or deal with problems, no matter how often I ask them as they aren't there.
How do fellow non believers approach this?
Is it just about reflecting on things and reminding ourselves to be on our best behaviour?
By writing this post asking fellow addicts for advice, am I doing step 3?
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Stockport/Greater Manchester/Cheshire
Posts: 911
From what I’ve readin other posts it sounds like taking a leap of faith.
Going against your instincts to do one thing and doing another.
But don’t quote me, I still struggle with that lingo.
Sorry not very helpful.
Going against your instincts to do one thing and doing another.
But don’t quote me, I still struggle with that lingo.
Sorry not very helpful.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Hi Gerard,
On an agnostic level, step three is about making a decision to change our motives and choices (will) & actions and outcomes (life) to something outside of our old way of living. Rather than having the satisfaction of our immediate desires as the focus of our lives, we decide to try to see things in a broader sense - both in the needs of others and in terms of time.
When I first came to the rooms, I thought all the talk of ego/god/one-day-at-a-time was irrelevant happy clappy horse #. I just wanted to quit drinking, and once I could achieve that, I was certain things would be fine and I could go on to live my regularly scheduled life with great success. After a few months of sobriety, my sponsor started talking about ‘emotional sobriety’ – which annoyed me on two fronts: 1 – it was moving the goalposts after the game started, and 2- it had nothing to do with not drinking. Eventually, in the course of working the later steps I came to understand that in fact, my THINKING was as big if not bigger problem than my drinking. Nothing was ever good enough – I eventually got tired or dissatisfied with everyone and everything in my life. Drinking was a way of soothing that seething *meh* that always seemed to lurk in the back of my head. No success was too good that it didn’t need a chemical boost to make it truly satisfying, no assault or insult was too small to justify the reward of a good buzz, and ordinary days were just boring without getting hammered. This me-centered, short term, and largely fear based feedback loop was the foundation of my addictive behaviors. These repeated loops over time led me to become physically addicted, at which point there was no return to normal drinking.
The way forward is to be willing to allow that perhaps our actions had some role in the insanity that created all the unmanageability in our lives. If we can reach this semi-conclusion, than the next step (3) is to decide to try another approach. If you truly believe that something outside of you (the group, the steps, a sponsor) can help restore you to sanity… then you are in a place to make the decision called for in step 3.
Does that make sense?
On an agnostic level, step three is about making a decision to change our motives and choices (will) & actions and outcomes (life) to something outside of our old way of living. Rather than having the satisfaction of our immediate desires as the focus of our lives, we decide to try to see things in a broader sense - both in the needs of others and in terms of time.
When I first came to the rooms, I thought all the talk of ego/god/one-day-at-a-time was irrelevant happy clappy horse #. I just wanted to quit drinking, and once I could achieve that, I was certain things would be fine and I could go on to live my regularly scheduled life with great success. After a few months of sobriety, my sponsor started talking about ‘emotional sobriety’ – which annoyed me on two fronts: 1 – it was moving the goalposts after the game started, and 2- it had nothing to do with not drinking. Eventually, in the course of working the later steps I came to understand that in fact, my THINKING was as big if not bigger problem than my drinking. Nothing was ever good enough – I eventually got tired or dissatisfied with everyone and everything in my life. Drinking was a way of soothing that seething *meh* that always seemed to lurk in the back of my head. No success was too good that it didn’t need a chemical boost to make it truly satisfying, no assault or insult was too small to justify the reward of a good buzz, and ordinary days were just boring without getting hammered. This me-centered, short term, and largely fear based feedback loop was the foundation of my addictive behaviors. These repeated loops over time led me to become physically addicted, at which point there was no return to normal drinking.
The way forward is to be willing to allow that perhaps our actions had some role in the insanity that created all the unmanageability in our lives. If we can reach this semi-conclusion, than the next step (3) is to decide to try another approach. If you truly believe that something outside of you (the group, the steps, a sponsor) can help restore you to sanity… then you are in a place to make the decision called for in step 3.
Does that make sense?
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Eddiebuckle, thank you I was with you 100% until the second last sentence.
Fundamentally, I don't believe there is anything outside me that can restore me to sanity. The change can only come from within me and where I need to change my thought processes.
Fundamentally, I don't believe there is anything outside me that can restore me to sanity. The change can only come from within me and where I need to change my thought processes.
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Join Date: Dec 2014
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For me(i've never formally taken the steps and not religious) it was a 'sense' of just letting go and tossing away all the pointless 'stress'/nonsense of trying to control everything that I have zero control over, You know how we say "F'it!" when we drink?..That's basically what I did at step 3 with my control of people/places/things... (of course we have to own up to the "f'it" moments in the next couple steps). 
Edit: "In step three of AA you are making a decision: it’s that simple. You make decisions all day everyday, right? Making a decision to turn your will over to God or a “Higher Power” can be just like putting on a new pair of glasses and seeing everything more clearly."
Seeing everything more clearly,to me; was how utterly powerless I am over anything except my own actions.
Edit: "In step three of AA you are making a decision: it’s that simple. You make decisions all day everyday, right? Making a decision to turn your will over to God or a “Higher Power” can be just like putting on a new pair of glasses and seeing everything more clearly."
Seeing everything more clearly,to me; was how utterly powerless I am over anything except my own actions.
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Originally Posted by Gerard52 
Eddiebuckle, thank you I was with you 100% until the second last sentence.
Fundamentally, I don't believe there is anything outside me that can restore me to sanity. The change can only come from within me and where I need to change my thought processes.
Fundamentally, I don't believe there is anything outside me that can restore me to sanity. The change can only come from within me and where I need to change my thought processes.
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Originally Posted by August252015
So, you are not willing to accept step 3 and move forward, according to working the steps AA.
I can't pretend to believe there is some higher power that I can hand things over to. It just doesn't exist for me.
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No, those were my words as what step three asks of us. It is clear and not about pretending to believe something you don't.
There are plenty of programs for getting sober and lots of people around here tell us about using AA as a learning tool or some kind of companion to another program. Or part of a collective school of thought, so to speak, that is the base of their recovery.
I am not saying you are wrong. I am simply saying what AAs step three is about.
There are plenty of programs for getting sober and lots of people around here tell us about using AA as a learning tool or some kind of companion to another program. Or part of a collective school of thought, so to speak, that is the base of their recovery.
I am not saying you are wrong. I am simply saying what AAs step three is about.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Indon’t Believe in a religious god. The answer given by my Sponsor was simple. “ Do you really want to get sober?’ Then you damn well better do your 4th Step, followed by the 6,6,7,8,9 10,11, and 12th. Clean up, clean house, help others. Don’t worry about the god stuff.
That was 40 years ago. Still not drinking nor worrying about the god stuff.
Do you really want to get sober???
That was 40 years ago. Still not drinking nor worrying about the god stuff.
Do you really want to get sober???
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What is the objective of step 3, it is needed if you do 6 and 7. Which is asking god to remove defects etc..
The objective is to make you feel better about yourself.
I suppose that is why service is recommended.
The objective is to make you feel better about yourself.
I suppose that is why service is recommended.
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Originally Posted by Gerard52
Fundamentally, I don't believe there is anything outside me that can restore me to sanity. The change can only come from within me and where I need to change my thought processes.
The way it is often said in the rooms is "my best thinking got me here." If we remain adamant that we alone have the answer to this problem, then we are screwed. If I was unwilling to accept the things I was taught in school and anchored my thinking only in what I could conceive myself, I'd probably still think the world was flat. It takes time to shift our perspective away from what we "know." The truth is, I think/feel constantly but I know very little.
How many times have you been baffled after a bender, not entirely sure how you ended up drinking as much as you did? You got there by relying solely on your compass. After ending up on the reef enough times, eventually I was ready to concede that maybe my compass was a little wonky. At that point, I could either decide to knowingly rely solely on a flawed instrument, or I could add another tool to improve my navigation process. This is the third step - it needn't be about god or religion at all, it is simply acknowledging an obvious truth:
We are often wrong but rarely uncertain.
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Join Date: May 2012
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i see the words "to the care of" as very important in this step. i still have my will and my life, but have decided to turn it over to the care of something greater than my ego-insecurity-driven "self".
if you have the BB, in the appendix it mentions an "unsuspected inner resource"; others speak of their better, higher nature, or their guiding inner light, or...in any case, to me it meant very clearly a commitment to do the rest of the steps, regardless of my interpretation of god-as-we-understood-him.
if you have the BB, in the appendix it mentions an "unsuspected inner resource"; others speak of their better, higher nature, or their guiding inner light, or...in any case, to me it meant very clearly a commitment to do the rest of the steps, regardless of my interpretation of god-as-we-understood-him.
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Hi Gerard?
Have you read step 3 in the 12 and 12? One thing it mentions is to have a 'willingness' to believe. Even if you don't believe in god, or a higher power, are you WILLING to believe that there are forces in the universe greater than yourself?
If so, that is a good start.
Have you read step 3 in the 12 and 12? One thing it mentions is to have a 'willingness' to believe. Even if you don't believe in god, or a higher power, are you WILLING to believe that there are forces in the universe greater than yourself?
If so, that is a good start.
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Originally Posted by Gerard52
What is the objective of step 3, it is needed if you do 6 and 7. Which is asking god to remove defects etc..
The objective is to make you feel better about yourself.
I suppose that is why service is recommended.
The objective is to make you feel better about yourself.
I suppose that is why service is recommended.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
What is the objective of step 3, it is needed if you do 6 and 7. Which is asking god to remove defects etc..
The objective is to make you feel better about yourself.
it is needed to do ALL the following steps. it is the necessary precursor, and its objective is not about making us feel better about ourselves.
from what you've written, it sounds like your troubles are with step 2, which of course precedes step 3, so my thought is that grappling with step 3 , and its objective, is premature when you are having a basic disagreement and objections to step 2.
The objective is to make you feel better about yourself.
it is needed to do ALL the following steps. it is the necessary precursor, and its objective is not about making us feel better about ourselves.
from what you've written, it sounds like your troubles are with step 2, which of course precedes step 3, so my thought is that grappling with step 3 , and its objective, is premature when you are having a basic disagreement and objections to step 2.
~sb
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I made a decision to be cared for when I worked my step 4 and beyond.....
After I worked through step 7, that is when step 2 "came to life" for me.
It's an experience. I found my higher power at that point.
After I worked through step 7, that is when step 2 "came to life" for me.
It's an experience. I found my higher power at that point.
It`s ok to stay sober
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Location: Central NC
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to me it was a life and death matter to stay sober,not to feel good about myself.
so I ran into some problems with the God stuff,the problems was me and my old ideas.Finally i became willing to try to believe there was something else and in the spiritual appendix it means a Inner resource as fini mentioned above
that inner resource is a power greater than myself,also see page 55
so I ran into some problems with the God stuff,the problems was me and my old ideas.Finally i became willing to try to believe there was something else and in the spiritual appendix it means a Inner resource as fini mentioned above
that inner resource is a power greater than myself,also see page 55
No Dogma Please
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Originally Posted by Gerard52
Eddiebuckle, thank you I was with you 100% until the second last sentence.
Fundamentally, I don't believe there is anything outside me that can restore me to sanity. The change can only come from within me and where I need to change my thought processes.
Fundamentally, I don't believe there is anything outside me that can restore me to sanity. The change can only come from within me and where I need to change my thought processes.
My experience is that few people get and stay sober without some sort of help from outside sources. It may not be the whole "Higher Power" jazz, but there is all kinds of help other than 12 Step, and even within 12 Step groups you don't HAVE to "work the steps." The only requirement is a desire to stop drinking.
There is no way that my sobriety 100% came from within. I got LOTS of help and took it from wherever it was offered.
Originally Posted by August252015
So, you are not willing to accept step 3 and move forward, according to working the steps AA. There is indeed more discussion and contemplation of this step for plenty of folks, but in a nutshell, there you go.
I had a huge problem with Steps 2 and 3 as well as usually understood within various 12 Step fellowships, which is why I ultimately went elsewhere. Still, the concept that I don't have all the answers is very valuable.
I'm using some of the framework for Steps 4-10 in my work with a therapist who also went through recovery for sex and love addiction. But I found trying to work the steps in a traditional 12 Step program, given my issues with the whole Higher Power thing, like trying to force a square peg in a round hole. Since there are other ways, I decided to try some of them.
Originally Posted by Eddiebuckle
Gerard, thanks for your candor - that's even more fundamental to your recovery: the principal of the first step is honesty.
The way it is often said in the rooms is "my best thinking got me here." If we remain adamant that we alone have the answer to this problem, then we are screwed. If I was unwilling to accept the things I was taught in school and anchored my thinking only in what I could conceive myself, I'd probably still think the world was flat. It takes time to shift our perspective away from what we "know." The truth is, I think/feel constantly but I know very little.
How many times have you been baffled after a bender, not entirely sure how you ended up drinking as much as you did? You got there by relying solely on your compass. After ending up on the reef enough times, eventually I was ready to concede that maybe my compass was a little wonky. At that point, I could either decide to knowingly rely solely on a flawed instrument, or I could add another tool to improve my navigation process. This is the third step - it needn't be about god or religion at all, it is simply acknowledging an obvious truth:
The way it is often said in the rooms is "my best thinking got me here." If we remain adamant that we alone have the answer to this problem, then we are screwed. If I was unwilling to accept the things I was taught in school and anchored my thinking only in what I could conceive myself, I'd probably still think the world was flat. It takes time to shift our perspective away from what we "know." The truth is, I think/feel constantly but I know very little.
How many times have you been baffled after a bender, not entirely sure how you ended up drinking as much as you did? You got there by relying solely on your compass. After ending up on the reef enough times, eventually I was ready to concede that maybe my compass was a little wonky. At that point, I could either decide to knowingly rely solely on a flawed instrument, or I could add another tool to improve my navigation process. This is the third step - it needn't be about god or religion at all, it is simply acknowledging an obvious truth:
We are often wrong but rarely uncertain.
Again, even though I didn't give myself to God and/or a Higher Power, it was essential to get the eff out of my own way and my own head.
If nothing else, my 12 Step work and my inpatient and outpatient rehab stints taught me a great deal about humility. I am bigger than my DOCs, but to assume that they are powerless is a dangerous place to be.
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Originally Posted by Gerard52
What does it mean to hand your will and life over to your higher power.
How do you go about it? What do you think?
How do you go about it? What do you think?
This to me is key to Step 3: (quoted from page 60 big book)
(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought.
Don't over complicate what that means. My conception of "God" has changed over time. Right now, I am viewing "God" as a strength from within me. God does not have to be the big man in the sky with the white beard.
I don't believe in God. I hear people say use "group of drunks" or "good orderly direction" as your higher power. Realistically, I know they aren't going to provide me any answers on how to live or deal with problems, no matter how often I ask them as they aren't there.
"Group Of Drunks"--well I've heard you can use this in the beginning. No human power can solve your alcoholism, BUT you can use the Group Of Drunks to guide you and direct you to recover.
I've also heard "Guider Of Decisions". Ever hear that we have the answers within? Again, you can tap into that to guide you, and call it your Higher Power/God or whatever you want to call it. The whole key is to stay out of the mind/ego that'll always make decisions based on self centered fear.
Is it just about reflecting on things and reminding ourselves to be on our best behaviour?
By writing this post asking fellow addicts for advice, am I doing step 3?
Another idea I've heard, is to write a list of what you would want your God to be like, if you thought that a God existed. Then, let that list be your God or Higher Power. For example, it could be like an image of a perfect parent--all loving, forgiving, accepting, patient, calm, kind, warm, guiding, teacher, encouraging, supportive, and with a good sense of humor.
But to do Step 3, you should have a willingness to just be open minded to some sort of "higher power", tap into that higher power, and start writing Step 4 immediately with your sponsor's guidance.
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