Gerard52

About to start step 4. I am thinking this about identifying anything that may cause us guilt and shame and also recognise negative patterns of behaviour.

Grateful for advice on step 4 objective.

DontRemember

What's the "cause US guilt?" in your 4th step?

Edit: It 'should' be,from my understanding..what YOU feel guilty for..Not anyone else.

Gerard52

Same thing. I can only experience my own guilt.

August252015

I used worksheets I found online for step 4. Making the suggested columns was a great start to organize what Ineeded to do. Instructions came with so it was very simply laid out. There are a number of these available online.

fini

hi Gerard,
the book is pretty clear, i think.
resentments, fears, our part, sex inventory....

do you have a sponsor to sit down with about this?

when i started step 4, i really had no clarity on a lot of "my part" in my resentments and people/situations where i had basically felt predominantly like the victim.

Dave42001

I suggest doing as the book tells us. Having an advisor / sponsor is really the best way to have it explained. Here’s a great link that’s has downloadable worksheets all from the B.B.!

A.A. 4th Step Work sheets!

4th Step Inventory A.A. 4th Step Work sheets 12 Step Guides

Hooe this helps!!

August252015

I would also add that I found it useful to listen to my sponsor when she said I did not have to "know" all my answers at once. While she advised me to go back to childhood and trace from there - and surprising to me at the time, to make sure to include myself in that resentment group- she also said that it was likely that more things would surface as I progressed in recovery.

I have heard a lot of people share that experience since and many do the steps again in total, and some just revisit four and five. I am 29 months sober and I plan to do them again in my third year.

tomsteve

good on ya for wanting to do the 4th, gerard. ive seen quite a few people get to this step and stop the work or skip to step 12. nearly all ended up drinking again.



objective-something aimed at or sought; a goal.
the objective of the 4th step is
a fact-finding and a fact-facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock-in-trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly and without regret.

a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.

searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our failure.



step 4 is laid out in the BB pretty simply, but so simple i had to have someone else explain it to me.
i did a resentment inventory just as shown in the BB.
did the fear inventory with the same column set up.
did the sex invenotry with the same column set up.

it truly is a simple program and very wise to have a sponsor to guide ya.

Fly N Buy

Step 4 is our vigorous and painstaking effort to discover what these liabilities in each of us have been and are. We want to find out exactly how when and where are natural desires have warped us. We wish to look squarely at the unhappiness this has caused others and ourselves.

Twelve Steps andcTwelve Traditions

August252015

Just making sure- you did a thorough 1-3 with a sponsor first?

RoverVA

Hi Gerard, I am happy for you to make it so far. You and I are in about the same stage in sobriety. I am also doing Step 4 and Step 5. I found this video on the YouTube from Father Martin. It has tremendously helped me with this step.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icUx...9iWiPfUnOCkJ3m

Stay strong !!!!

uncle holmes

Stick with focusing on the Big 2 - your resentments and fears!!!

On a sheet of paper, make 4 columns. Column 1. List people, principles, institutions with whom you are angry.

Column 2. List the cause of the anger.

Column 3. Which 8 basic life issues were threatened or interfered with? Was it your 1. Self-esteem 2. Pride 3. Personal relationships 4. Material security 5. Emotional security 6. Acceptable sexual relationship 7. Hidden sexual relationship 8. Ambitions (plans for the future).

Column 4. What was your part in the resentment? What motivated you to do it? Was it selfishness, dishonesty, fearfulness, inconsiderateness.

Do the same thing with your fears! If your'e honest, the Big 2 will make up much of your inventory!!!

Berrybean

How are you getting on Gerard? Have you looked over the sheets with a sponsor? It on d it helpful to do a couple of example entries for each sheet with my sponsor before going off to do the rest on my own.

BB

DontRemember

In your column 3. How would you look at it/them if it was all 8? Where do you go from there beside forgiveness?

uncle holmes

Many of your resentments and fears will effect more than one of these 8 instinctive needs.

Where do you go from there? It doesn't matter if your resentments were justified or unjustified. They block you off from the will of a Higher Power. And they can cause you to go back to drinking and/or drugs.

So yes. Forgiveness is where you go from there. On the bottom of page 66, the BB tells you exactly what to do to master your resentments. It's definitely not always easy to do.

But recovery means destruction of self-centeredness. The only reason why it's hard to pray for somebody you're mad at is because your self-centeredness is in the way.

DontRemember

Thanks! I've never formally taken the steps. That's the way I 'saw it' though. Forgiveness and 'letting go' sure go a long way in recovery..Thanks again.

lizinaussie

Took me a long time to learn the 4th and 5th really is about getting to know myself good and bad because in active addiction I always reacted to other people rather than acted. I.e the lie: he did this to me so I drank. The truth: I was an alcoholic with no life skills so drank to fix my problems.

Something I have done with a sponsor in the last 5 years when doing a 5th has been asking myself, what could I have done instead, when I have behaved badly. Has really helped me find alternatives to behaviour that’s hurt me and other people.