Anyone else's sponsor OBSESSED with God?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Anyone else's sponsor OBSESSED with God?
I am scared.
I worry my sponsor is mentally ill. Or addicted to God. She only reads spiritual literature. Only watches movies on spirituality. Everything is God, God, God. Her free time is Bible study and retreats. She's always turning EVERYTHING into something to do with God. It's all she talks about. LITERALLY that is IT. She says that I need to understand that when she gives me a direction to do something it is not HER giving it to me...but GOD himself because he speaks through her. And according to her, he will speak through me if I sit still and listen to him. I have been with her for 14 months (I'm 17 months sober) and am getting more and more freaked out!
I sometimes question myself...like maybe she's not crazy, maybe I'm the one who is crazy here...
I don't know which end is up and I am terrified.
I worry my sponsor is mentally ill. Or addicted to God. She only reads spiritual literature. Only watches movies on spirituality. Everything is God, God, God. Her free time is Bible study and retreats. She's always turning EVERYTHING into something to do with God. It's all she talks about. LITERALLY that is IT. She says that I need to understand that when she gives me a direction to do something it is not HER giving it to me...but GOD himself because he speaks through her. And according to her, he will speak through me if I sit still and listen to him. I have been with her for 14 months (I'm 17 months sober) and am getting more and more freaked out!
I sometimes question myself...like maybe she's not crazy, maybe I'm the one who is crazy here...
I don't know which end is up and I am terrified.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Well, has she walked you through the steps? I'm not sure being terrified is really necessary but maybe its time for a new sponsor? I know, much easier said than done. If being the mouth piece of God is how she stays sober, well, okee dokee. Yeah, sounds over zealous for sure and wouldn't be for me. If its really bugging you (and I can understand that) just tell her you're looking to broaden your recovery by working with another sponsor.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
Originally Posted by Ariesagain 
I thought you fired her after the hair shirt thing?
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Your instincts have been hollering at you for months and months...listen to them.
Healthy people of sincere faith don't borrow God's authority to control others. Period. It's pretty arrogant and disturbing that she's convincing you God is speaking through her.
Run.
Healthy people of sincere faith don't borrow God's authority to control others. Period. It's pretty arrogant and disturbing that she's convincing you God is speaking through her.
Run.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
i thoroughly believe God speaks to me through others. sometimes He is sayin,"yo,tom! time to change who ya hang with!"
if im uncomfortable ina situation , thats God telling me something needs to change.
if im uncomfortable ina situation , thats God telling me something needs to change.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
Posts: 1,000
The Last Great Addiction?
First, congratulations on your sobriety. As I've managed to take suggestions I considered to be completely stupid, I've stayed sober and found a relationship with God as I understand Him, not a religion that doesn't understand me.
Second, and I want to be careful how this comes across, I am by no means an advocate of 'shoving the Dove' to convey the message of love, mercy and Grace that's at the forefront of true Christianity even though I am forever grateful and will always be willing to feed His sheep. Mercy, not sacrifice...
I have sponsored many alcoholics and addicts using THE PRINCIPLES of the Twelve Steps (Honesty, Hope, Faith, Courage, Integrity, etc.) and how to apply them as my sponsor taught me the same using the Big Book. Agnostics, staunch religious church goers of various denominations, naturalists, and those who have stayed sober have taken various paths to grow in their respective faiths, sobriety, and usefulness to their fellows.
What does it matter what she believes so long as she's carrying the message of sobriety? The whole point of The Steps is to have a spiritual awakening (see Step 12) and what that means to me may be entirely different from your perception today--and it will continue to evolve and change for both of us. The spiritual life is not a theory, we have to live it. One Day At A Time. You need only take a look at the chronological list of stuff I read in one of these threads to see where I was lead. I continue to seek that which feeds my hungry soul.
When you were in your addiction, did you give a damn what someone else was using in theirs? When you were getting loaded, did it matter what you had in your glass as compared to the drunk next to you? Of course not, and it shouldn't matter now. I'd be more concerned about WHY I was so violently opposed to someone else's relationship than what they were reading, quite frankly.
If I am staying sober while reading spiritually uplifting material; if I am staying sober by prayers and meditation to a loving God of my understanding; if I am having a relationship with Christ in galoshes, what does it matter to you?
I have never told a sponsee what to believe, how to believe, when, why or who. My sponsor had some wacky perspectives on living, and some that frankly sickened me, but he was staying sober and had a working knowledge of the principles behind the steps of AA. And the S.O.B. was happy. I wanted that and was willing to go to any lengths to get it.
Turns out he was just another drunk trying to stay sober. Judging him didn't help me get sober; doing the steps did.
Second, and I want to be careful how this comes across, I am by no means an advocate of 'shoving the Dove' to convey the message of love, mercy and Grace that's at the forefront of true Christianity even though I am forever grateful and will always be willing to feed His sheep. Mercy, not sacrifice...
I have sponsored many alcoholics and addicts using THE PRINCIPLES of the Twelve Steps (Honesty, Hope, Faith, Courage, Integrity, etc.) and how to apply them as my sponsor taught me the same using the Big Book. Agnostics, staunch religious church goers of various denominations, naturalists, and those who have stayed sober have taken various paths to grow in their respective faiths, sobriety, and usefulness to their fellows.
What does it matter what she believes so long as she's carrying the message of sobriety? The whole point of The Steps is to have a spiritual awakening (see Step 12) and what that means to me may be entirely different from your perception today--and it will continue to evolve and change for both of us. The spiritual life is not a theory, we have to live it. One Day At A Time. You need only take a look at the chronological list of stuff I read in one of these threads to see where I was lead. I continue to seek that which feeds my hungry soul.
When you were in your addiction, did you give a damn what someone else was using in theirs? When you were getting loaded, did it matter what you had in your glass as compared to the drunk next to you? Of course not, and it shouldn't matter now. I'd be more concerned about WHY I was so violently opposed to someone else's relationship than what they were reading, quite frankly.
If I am staying sober while reading spiritually uplifting material; if I am staying sober by prayers and meditation to a loving God of my understanding; if I am having a relationship with Christ in galoshes, what does it matter to you?
I have never told a sponsee what to believe, how to believe, when, why or who. My sponsor had some wacky perspectives on living, and some that frankly sickened me, but he was staying sober and had a working knowledge of the principles behind the steps of AA. And the S.O.B. was happy. I wanted that and was willing to go to any lengths to get it.
Turns out he was just another drunk trying to stay sober. Judging him didn't help me get sober; doing the steps did.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
If you've followed Bunny's story, this isn't really about her sponsor's choice of reading material. There have been multiple instances of verbal abuse that go well beyond a simple difference of interpretation. It's not my story to tell, so forgive me, Bunny, if I'm overstepping, but from everything you've said about this sponsor you've stayed sober in spite of her, not because of her.
You deserve support and kindness, not condemnation in the name of God.
IMO, this woman is not well enough to be a healthy sponsor for you or anyone.
You deserve support and kindness, not condemnation in the name of God.
IMO, this woman is not well enough to be a healthy sponsor for you or anyone.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Mgm, AL
Posts: 1,000
Originally Posted by Ariesagain
It's not my story to tell, so forgive me, Bunny, if I'm overstepping, but from everything you've said about this sponsor you've stayed sober in spite of her, not because of her.
Two things: When using the term 'but,' you negate everything previous to it; and sponsor's are not responsible for others' sobriety--merely delivery of the steps. The Steps are a pathway to sobriety, not sobriety itself, and something must be working if the OP is staying sober.
I absolutely hated my sponsor before he came up to me and suggested I choose him to help me. He was an arrogant, conceited, multi-relapsed over-educated a$$ who would tell me I didn't know anything about getting sober. And he was absolutely what I needed to open my ears and hear the message, not the mess. He is still all those things--and I'm sober. Message received.
Oh... and instincts? I attend AA everyday because MY instincts are full of self, flesh, and fear. I have learned that my instincts are NOT my best set of tools in staying sober... And let's not even talk about 'good ideas...'
Just sayin'...
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Skg, since you don't know the history here, this isn't merely a question of Bunny being challenged by her sponsor or being made emotionally uncomfortable with the goal of being remade in the AA recovery model.
This sponsor has done things that would be against the Geneva Convention, let alone not being in line with any constructive recovery program.
Not all people should be given the role of guiding others, much less be given absolute power.
This sponsor has done things that would be against the Geneva Convention, let alone not being in line with any constructive recovery program.
Not all people should be given the role of guiding others, much less be given absolute power.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,627
I often suggest, to those having doubts about their sponsor, that they see if they can reconcile what their sponsor is telling them with the program in the big book.
An example might be an insistence that the sponsor hear your fifth step. It doesn't say that in the book.
When I read your post I can see how much of what your sponsor is saying reconciles quite well with step 11. The practice of prayer and meditation,
Seeking the right thought or action for a given situation, an inspiration, a course of action, does, with practice, become a working part of the mind. And the third step promises where we make a deal with God. If He takes away our difficulties, we will bear witness to that fact, i.e. Give God the credit for our success.
When I am working with someone, in a tight situation, or maybe about to speak at a meeting, I often ask for the right words. I have heard many others talk about the same thing, standing up at a meeting with no idea what they are going to say, having said a little prayer that whatever they say will be helpful to someone. And they often speak brilliantly.
So you may have a crank for a sponsor, or you may have a sponsor who teaches step eleven. Not many do that. How does it all fit with the book?
An example might be an insistence that the sponsor hear your fifth step. It doesn't say that in the book.
When I read your post I can see how much of what your sponsor is saying reconciles quite well with step 11. The practice of prayer and meditation,
Seeking the right thought or action for a given situation, an inspiration, a course of action, does, with practice, become a working part of the mind. And the third step promises where we make a deal with God. If He takes away our difficulties, we will bear witness to that fact, i.e. Give God the credit for our success.
When I am working with someone, in a tight situation, or maybe about to speak at a meeting, I often ask for the right words. I have heard many others talk about the same thing, standing up at a meeting with no idea what they are going to say, having said a little prayer that whatever they say will be helpful to someone. And they often speak brilliantly.
So you may have a crank for a sponsor, or you may have a sponsor who teaches step eleven. Not many do that. How does it all fit with the book?
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 936
Originally Posted by skg
Oh... and instincts? I attend AA everyday because MY instincts are full of self, flesh, and fear. I have learned that my instincts are NOT my best set of tools in staying sober... And let's not even talk about 'good ideas...' Just sayin'...
Just sayin'...What's happening is that Bunny's sponsor seems to be overstepping her boundaries and Bunny is confused as to what to do because this woman has helped her get sober, but she seems to be spiritually sick herself in her own sobriety.
I do appreciate your posts a lot, skg, so I hope you do not take this personally. It's not meant to be as such.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Alcoholics are notoriously bad at balance. God, AA, SR, politics, friendship, family,meditation, growth, solitude are potions of my life but none control my life.
It sounds like your sponsor is outside the rumble strips of balance
It sounds like your sponsor is outside the rumble strips of balance
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 936
[QUOTE=Gottalife;6210707
So you may have a crank for a sponsor, or you may have a sponsor who teaches step eleven. Not many do that. How does it all fit with the book?[/QUOTE]
Quoting Mike above, Bunny, I agree with his question and suggest you ask yourself "where in the book does it say to do xyz" the next time your sponsor tells you to do something outlandish.
The group you're in does AA by the big book, yes? I've never been instructed to do anything that wasn't in the book, and if it was something my sponsor would think would be useful to me (but never outlandish), she'd say something like this: "Saying the Set Aside Prayer may help you...but fyi it's not in the big book". I hope that makes sense.
So you may have a crank for a sponsor, or you may have a sponsor who teaches step eleven. Not many do that. How does it all fit with the book?[/QUOTE]
Quoting Mike above, Bunny, I agree with his question and suggest you ask yourself "where in the book does it say to do xyz" the next time your sponsor tells you to do something outlandish.
The group you're in does AA by the big book, yes? I've never been instructed to do anything that wasn't in the book, and if it was something my sponsor would think would be useful to me (but never outlandish), she'd say something like this: "Saying the Set Aside Prayer may help you...but fyi it's not in the big book". I hope that makes sense.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
