PurpleDan

I'm not constantly thinking about alcohol. Thanks to the 12 steps, the problem has been removed. There is nothing to "fight". No carvings, obsession etc. Meetings along won't do that.

The god of my understanding knows what exists in the endless realm of possibilities. I have free will to choose which fork in the road I'll take, my HP knows what lies ahead on each path.

skg

You asked the question of free choice. The essence, as it relates to recovery, is that we need to begin to accept responsibility for our actions (past, present, and future) and that's where the Steps come in--determining where we went off the rails. God will not do for us what we can (are supposed to) do for ourselves as His creation. MY experience is that I needed to 'Clear The Mechanism," i.e., straighten out my thinking (through the Steps) and the get on with the business of following HIS program.

Hope this helps...

letitgo

I really appreciate this informatiom skg. That is very detailed and probably one of the best explanations i have seen.
In all honesty i am still searching for my higher power. I can't comprehend science and biblical texts. This may be the wrong thread area for my questions. I am not closed on the higher power or god even in the Christian sense. I am still exploring to see what makes sense to me. Anyway i appreciate your effort and willingness to help.

letitgo

Thats sounds great purpledan. Congrats on 18 years!! Sorry from the US and i was trying to use common core math to figure how long you have been sober

skg

You've heard, "Seek and you shall find," and the recovery material says, "He does not make hard the path for those that seek Him," along with others.

Personally, I had to realize that I'm not looking for a destination--an AHA! but a path whereby I can build a relationship with my understanding of my Creator. Not a 'borg-like' connection, but a sharing in the treasures of companionship with Him.

The fact that you're searching suggests you'll continue to find. The cool thing about looking for things is that I find so many other peripheral cool things along the way. Walk the journey, rely on Guidance, and enjoy the experience. Then look back in after a few weeks, months or years and realize how much growth has occurred...

And stay sobah along the way!!

Gottalife

This makes perfect sense to me. I had no feeling for a higher power when I came in. The problem was that I was blocked from the power. When I began clearing the blockages through the steps, that changed.

I was not one of those who found God in steps two or three. To me those steps where a choice for the spiritual path of recovery and a decision to do whatever was necessary to find that relationship with a higher power.

The first real feeling came immediately after step five, exactly as described in the fifth step promises. It was so strong I had no problem moving through the rest of the steps.

For me, a conscious relationship with God came as the result of the steps.

FlyerFan

I will think about alcohol daily with or without AA. That's just how my brain works. AA is there to help me think about not drinking instead of being on my own and thinking ONLY of that.

letitgo

I am lucky my cravings haven't been like that. They have actually gone done alot. We are all different and had different habits. I am glad AA is working well for you. I will.be starting the big book soon.

sg1970

I didn't find relief from my obsession with alcohol until I did my fifth step. The relief from the obsession is in the steps.

I spent 3 months trying to figure out what my higher power was. I finally started working the steps knowing only that I wasn't God. While I worked the steps my concept of a higher power formed and I had a slow spiritual awakening. I guess my point is you don't have to have a higher power nailed down to a "t" to work the steps. Just openmindedness and willingness.

tomsteve

tenth step promises

And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition

FlyerFan

Oh I don't really have any cravings anymore, but I think about my alcoholism daily because if i don't it will sneak up on me and pull me right back in! (watch out for that sneaky SOB! lol)

endlesspatience

This is what I think. AA is good for getting people to sober up. It introduces spiritual ideas, which is also good. But it doesn't have a particularly sophisticated system of theology or a well developed pastoral care approach, beyond the sponsor-sponsee system. For that you may need to turn to a church or another religious organisation. It's not that churches have all the answers - of course they don't. But they can frame the questions in a more enlightened way sometimes, based on many centuries of experience.

Gottalife

Fifth Step Promises:

" Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to feel the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the drink problem has disappeared will often come strongly. We feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe."

letitgo

How long does it take to work through the steps? Can i work virtually with a sponsor if i can't meet in person? Any thoughts.

Berrybean

A lot of the steps I'd say phone calls and e-mails might suffice, if the meetings you're getting to are developing your understanding and giving you a chance to talk about the steps. Step 4 and step 5 though, do tend to take quite a long session, and I can't imagine how step 5 in particular would work anyway other than face to face, real time.

As far as how long they take? Every one is different. It's not something you should rush, as each has a special importance. The first three tend not to take very long, but step 4 took quite a while.

Read the Big Book and it'll become clearer. Have you got the 12 and 12 to look at as well?

Berrybean

PS Sometimes trying to find definite answers is another way of trying to control (ie. trying to control the unknown, which can be fear inducing). But there are not always going to be straightforward, or readily available, or definitive answers. No matter how much we chase after them. This is where acceptance can save us so much energy and sanity, which can be used more effectively in developing new and sober habits instead. One of the biggest steps for me in this process was accepting that I will not always KNOW everything. It isn't my job to know everything. I'm not in charge, and I can just get on with being in the moment; keeping my side of the street clean; and let the God of my understanding (which for me is that I finally understand and accept that it is beyond me to understand God in the way that I understand more physical things: My flea on the back of a bear image) deal with the bits that are outside of my control.
I try to keep things one day at a time, and also one Step at a time. If we're on step one, we should focus on that. Give it our all. Not giving it just some of our attention, while the other bit of us is concerning itself with step 5, or Step 7, or the meaning of life, or whether Old so and so should do such and such. What ever step we are currently on, that's like the bit of street we should be keeping clean. Let Go (of the rest) and Let God (deal with that s**t). If I go to a meeting and they're discussing a different step, then maybe I'll hear something I need to. But equally, that may well be about a step I already thought I had wrapped up, as well as any I'll be working towards, and is not me trying to bring it about. It just 'happened'.

dox

When you have a sponsor, how quickly you work through the steps will be up to the two of you.
Remember: there is no 'one size fits all' recovery.

Do you foresee not being able to meet your sponsor in person?
I think that if you can get to meetings, you can get to your sponsor.

I believe that working with a sponsor face to face is far and away the best option, if at all possible.
Personally, I needed to get out there in the real world with real alcoholics and try to be rigorously honest.
Staying behind this keyboard just wouldn't work for me . . .
not for long anyway.

This forum does not transmit my tone of voice, let alone my facial expressions and body language.

Alcohol isolated me.
Or should I say: alcohol helped me to isolate myself?

AA set me free.
Or should I say: AA helped me, and helps me, to BE free?
Yes!

I humbly suggest that you attend more meetings, letitgo.
Try and find a sponsor that you can work with.
Work through the steps with honesty, openness and willingness -- in so far as you are able.

Don't wait for more answers to more questions.
Don't wait until you've read another book . . .
even the Big Book.

letitgo

Great points. I will read the big book. As far as a meeting i do not have many chances to attend local ones. I travel a ton for work. My family time at home fars outweighs any meeting in all honesty. My home time is very limited and crucial with my young children and wife. This has become an excuse for many things in life. So basically AA is in the list of to dos to check off. Maybe i could go to 1 meeting a week when home.

Really questioning if I am doing the right thing in life. I am leaving for another trip. I travel for significant periods of time. I have a ton of medical bills to keep up on. I am hurting myself and family by not being home on a daily basis.

This time i will be with a colleague and I am going to tell him i am sober so the temptaion doesnt come up. I was with hime the last time i relapsed and he is a drinker. We will likely go.out to eat which is fine. I will not go to a bar with him.

I know 3 things at least

My life is unmanageable if I drink.
I can not control everything.
I am grateful for what i have.

So any advice on either front is greatly appreciated.

WMJ1012

I believe God knew everything that would happen up to a certain point in my life (once I had an awakening through the Big Book). He knew all that would happen.
But after that, once I knew His will, it's up to me.

tomsteve

letitgo, id highly suggest lookin ahead to whever you are traveling and finding meetings to attend while on the road. only going to meetings when youre in your hometown isnt a requirement. you can go to meetings everywhere.