GroupOfDrunks18

I am new in recovery, and am having a problem. I used again, and right before My 4th step, had it written out and everything and was supposed to meet with my sponser and do 4th and 5th, but I can't bring myself to face everyone at my meetings, I feel a lot of pressure from the people since I am young they all are gunning for me and saying how they wish they got it at my age, and how it looks like I am really getting it this time, and I hate that ****, as weird as it sounds, I'm nervous to get back and face all those people again. I havent talked to my sponser either because I don't know what to say to him and what if he bails and quits sponsering me? I ****** up real quick this time, had a job to kill for that my dads boss just got me, gaining trust back, feeling good. Then I ******* drove to my old dope man, blew all my money and god knows how many braincells, after that continued to use klonopin and and weed and ****** up my job and got fired, family found out I was using, in a ******* weeks time I ****** up all that. Now I don't know what to do.

Justfor1

Actual, I feel bad for that you have to come into AA at such a young age. But it is good that you have hit a bottom early. In my teens & early 20's I did not have a alcohol problem & had a lot of fun with it. Don't worry about what others will say about your slip. Recovery is a process not an event for some. I struggle with relapse but keep coming back and my life is a little better than a few years ago.

tomsteve

1st things 1st: throw out the arse kikin machine. it aint doin ya any good.

i would highly suggest callin yer sponsor and sayin everything ya wrote here.

got any YPAA meeting in yer area?

theres more old farts in AA that werent old farts when they got sober than ya know. thats how the old farts became old farts.

totfit

You are not the first one to get screwed up while in the process of the 4th step going to the 5th. Don't know how deep you got, but sometimes the **** is too deep for "amateurs". You are also not the first person who ever seemed "like they had it now" that has screwed up. Stop doing what you are doing and start again. Find some other activities in which to get involved. Find your "passion" and pursue it. If it weren't for the screwing up part and the damage that drugs and alcohol do in peoples lives, no one would be in recovery. What's done is done. All you have is today. Do what you can today and plan for better things to come. Don't live in yesterday or tomorrow, but make the best of "now".

GroupOfDrunks18

what is YPAA? thanks for the responses guys

Tamerua

Call your sponsor. I doubt that you will get fired. May people fall off at this point and many don't go back, don't be one of those.

Kathleen41

Young People's AA

Kathleen41

Suggestions:

Get off the pity pot.

Get on you knees, ask God for help.

Eat a slice of humble pie.

Get to a meeting.

Pick up a 24hr chip.

Call your sponsor.

Get honest with yourself, your family, and you sponsor.

Work the steps, starting with #1.

Journal about your relapse.

Dont pick up a drink or drug, no matter what.

Wow, thats lots of stuff!! No time for whining, you've got work to do!!

artsoul

Welcome GroupofDrunks -

Sorry to hear about the relapse and the job.... I imagine most of the people in any AA room know what you're going through because they've been there (or worse) and will admire you for getting back on track.

It's not easy to admit we messed up, I know, but once you do, you'll be relieved.

DayTrader

They are naturally incapable of grasping
and developing a manner of living which demands
rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average.
There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional
and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if
they have the capacity to be honest.

Open, honest and accountable sharing of what's really going on in my life is usually the last thing in the world I want to do. Usually I want to present to the world my favorite stage character - the one I think everyone will respect, like, and treat favorably.

muvinon

Have you tried NA? I wonder if you've honestly even identified in AA with others. I just noticed that you only mention the drugs.

Might go and listen, anyway.

Alraihani

I have been in an almost identical situation, just substitute weed for alcohol. I would go back, right away. Just stay. If your sponsor fires you, don't worry, that means you need a new sponsor. I would pray a lot, surrender to God deep down with in. God hears prayers from the sincere. And remember its willing to go to any lengths, i immersed myself in the big book, three meetings a day, lots of spiritual seeking, listening to open talks, service work. If i can simplify it...Experience God than experience recovery.

Alraihani

Young people meetings. What part of florida do you live in? If you're near south florida, boca raton speaker meeting on wed nights, and the cocaine anonymous meetings at crossroads has a strong group

Dave42001

We're not saints.. As some other members mentioned. Be honest with yourself and get back in the rooms.. Wishing you the best!!

StevenT

I am 21, have been in the rooms since 2011. I have relapsed many times, now am sitting at just over 4 months. I have not been exactly where you are at, but I can identify with the guilt and shame of going back into the rooms, around the people that were rooting for me, showing me kindness and love. I know what it is like to raise my hand for less then 30 days again, to admit to all of the people that I used again, that I drank again. What I was told is that it is my natural state to be under the influence, and it is a miracle to not be. If people beat you up for NOT being a miracle, they are not the ones you need to listen to because they don't understand that. You need to go back for you, not for them. So what they think is none of your business, what you think is. Same as what they do is none of your business, but what you do is.

And as far as your sponsor firing you, can't fire someone that isn't paid, and if he decides to stop working with you then he isn't the person you want to work with.

Simple, but not easy. You don't need willpower, you need wantpower. Want this thing, and do this thing.

Bubovski

Age isn't an issue.
After 50 years of alcohol and benzos, just back into A.A. this year, I sort of feel the reverse to you.
I was like the man who kept hitting his head with a hammer because it felt so good when he stopped, only to start again.
Planning to do my fifth step with a guy twenty years my junior.
Keep it simple and don't get too fazed out.

Alraihani

Alcohol, benzos and dope is a deadly combination

Threshold

Honesty is the only road to sobriety (for me). I've relapsed a few times too. Keep coming back, working the program, staying honest. If you want it you will get it if you DON'T GIVE UP!

We would rather see you step up for a white chip 100 times than to not see you back at all!

PS..early on I got fired by a sponsor for using. It was an opportunity to get with a sponsor who was able to guide me through that situation with calm and encouragement.

Db1105

I got sober when I was 17 quite a few years ago. In all my years I have never seen anyone berated, yelled at, or condemned in any way for picking up a drink. What is happening is your disease talking conning you to keep at it. If your sponsor condemns you, then find another sponsor. Just put the plug in the jug and get your ass to a meeting.

Alraihani

You know God and the fellowship do care about you, and we are pulling for you. Get well, soon. Your life is on the line.