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06-03-2013, 03:20 PM

# 21 (permalink)

Fernaceman

Trudger of Happy Destiny

Join Date: Jun 2012

Location: Naperville, IL

Posts: 1,918

Quote:

Originally Posted by GroupOfDrunks18

I am new in recovery, and am having a problem. I used again, and right before My 4th step, had it written out and everything and was supposed to meet with my sponser and do 4th and 5th, but I can't bring myself to face everyone at my meetings, I feel a lot of pressure from the people since I am young they all are gunning for me and saying how they wish they got it at my age, and how it looks like I am really getting it this time, and I hate that ****, as weird as it sounds, I'm nervous to get back and face all those people again. I havent talked to my sponser either because I don't know what to say to him and what if he bails and quits sponsering me? I ****** up real quick this time, had a job to kill for that my dads boss just got me, gaining trust back, feeling good. Then I ******* drove to my old dope man, blew all my money and god knows how many braincells, after that continued to use klonopin and and weed and ****** up my job and got fired, family found out I was using, in a ******* weeks time I ****** up all that. Now I don't know what to do.

You sound just like me. Your experience was my experience for many, many years. I started coming to AA at 19, fast forward to nearly 10 years later, I still feel like I'm just beginning to break the surface of what the program has to offer.

If there is one thing I didn't do that drove me absolutely nuts (until very recently; see my "Honesty and Thoroughness" thread), it is absolute honesty. I let my pride and ego get in the way of telling people what really happened, caring too much of what they might "think" of me. But as it's been said above, it doesn't matter what they think. You need to get honest for yourself. Ya don't HAVE to stop doing these things, ya just have to be willing to accept the consequences. BUT, if the consequences aren't something you want anymore, the people in the rooms can help. It starts with being honest. You (and they) can't help you fix something if the whole picture ain't being revealed.

I do wish you the best.

06-05-2013, 02:36 AM

# 22 (permalink)

GroupOfDrunks18

Member

Thread Starter

Join Date: Jun 2013

Location: florida

Posts: 10

did what you guys said and told everyone and got another white chip, gonna need some salsa to go with all these bastards if I don't figure this **** out haha

06-05-2013, 03:03 AM

# 23 (permalink)

GroupOfDrunks18

Member

Thread Starter

Join Date: Jun 2013

Location: florida

Posts: 10

Quote:

Originally Posted by muvinon

Have you tried NA? I wonder if you've honestly even identified in AA with others. I just noticed that you only mention the drugs.

Might go and listen, anyway.

yeah in my first rehab, I personally didn't care for it, my sponsor in AA is a recovering heroin addict (actually theres a lot of drug addicts that attend the AA around here, plus I am an alcoholic as well but I could get drugs easier than liquor, I drank a lot of the time in combination to the drugs was using too, lots of blackouts and a totaled honda thanks to booze.). Drugs are what ruined me fast I guess, I can't believe I am still alive sometimes, I got reminded of that thought I had a-lot of nights this time, "I don't think I will wake up from this one, God, if you're real please don't send me to hell". I don't understand why I keep going back to that.