NoMoBeer

As many of you already know, I decided to try some controlled drinking last week after 100 days sober.

Without going into the mental/spiritual details... I drank about 4 beers Thursday, felt very tipsy, slight hangover on Friday morning. Friday night I think I had the equivalent of 5 beers, same effect. Saturday I went to oblivion and puked, the whole 9 yards. Probably sucked down 16 or 18 beers when all was said and done. Like a good alcoholic, I kept going on Sunday. No puking, but probably drank upwards of 18 beers or so.

Since Sunday, I have not drank. Good start. Here's my question:

I am EXHAUSTED. I can't train (many of you also know I have been training for a triathlon I have on Dec. 13th), I am wiped out physically and mentally at work. I feel like I have been hit by a truck. Is it possible that I physically regressed b/c of this relapse? I was feeling great those 3+ months I wasn't drinking, now I feel completely beat up.

I'm supposed to run tonight, but I am just drained. Don't know quite what to do.... any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Ken

Adamus

Consult a doctor for medical questions.

Scrap "Don't Drink. Go to Meetings." Instead, try "Pray to a Power Greater Than Yourself for strength/ sobriety. Follow your sponsor's example so that you can attain a spiritual awakening by living the Steps. Carry the message in meetings."

If you don't have a sponsor, get one. If your sponsor doesn't live the Steps or doesn't want you to start living the Steps TODAY, get one that does. Meetings are not a sufficient substitute. And if any of us could NOT DRINK, why would any of us do anything more?

Glad you are sober today.

"Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. May God bless you and keep you - until then."

CarolD

you asked...

"Is it possible that I physically regressed b/c of this relapse? I was feeling great those 3+ months I wasn't drinking, now I feel completely beat up."

Since it happened to you...Yes it is possible.

I think you are feeling the effects from beer indulgence.

Ease back into health...start with short runs.

Onward and upward...:thumb

phoenix

Many feel that the disease progresses even when we aren't drinking.That as long as we abstain there is no problem.But that once we start again,we pick up where we left off...or worse,and rapidly slide downhill.There's a story in the BB about a guy who puts his drinking on hold until retirement.He saw he had a problem and that drinking interfered with his work.He managed to stop...but always with the notion that he would drink again when he retired.And he did.It caught up with him with a vengeance.Four years later he died of acute alcoholism.

It's been my experience too,that when I manage to quit and then start again,I end up worse off than before in no time at all.Smoking is a great example for me.I cut way back during pregnancy...down to one or two cigs a day.Always knew I'd start again.And in no time at all I was smoking more than ever.I finally quit entirely.And I still know,after all these years,that if I start again it will be 2+ packs a day,or more.That's the disease in action.

phoenix

Music

Hi Ken,
You wrote:
"I'm supposed to run tonight, but I am just drained. Don't know quite what to do.... any feedback would be greatly appreciated."

"DON'T DRINK AND GO TO A MEETING."**

Ken, maybe you can answer a question for me. Why did you "really" drink again??
I heard once that "all my intelligence could never stop me from taking a drink, but it can sure stop me from getting/staying sober." So, give my question some real deep thought and see if you can come with an answer that makes sense.

**PS...OR BETTER YET...RUN TO A MEETING

Jon

Ken,

When I first read your post i thought it must be a joke of some kind. So I read it again. And then I read it a third time. And now I'm glad you posted it. Because it reminds me that denial is very real, and very ugly.

Once I make the admission that I am an alcoholic, then there is no longer any logical reason to drink again. Yet I will use any reason as an excuse.

With 100 days sober, you probably did not suffer a relapse, as a relapse requires a measurable amount of actual recovery. What you did was make a conscious decision to drink again, despite everything you know about yourself.

Recognized by the AMA, alcoholism is a fatal disease; it can be arrested, but never "cured." The solution is in the first 164 pages of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, which is best read and studied with the help of a guide-otherwise known as a sponsor. AA meetings are a place to find strength and hope, and to meet others to trudge the sober journey with.

And I have to be up front with you-up until now I had never met someone willing to train so hard for an early death.

And jails, institutions and death are the finish line for untreated alcoholics.

Adamus

"...for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically."

Don't get the cart before the horse! Good luck!!! -Adam

NoMoBeer

...feels like I'm getting some of that here.

Hey, I'm not perfect, neither is anybody in our fellowship.

Music-- thank God, I did not drink and did go to a meeting. As for why I drank, I am trying not to beat myself into the ground. My sponsor simplified things for me and explained that I am in a grieving process, which I tend to agree with. I was a very high-bottom drunk, so it makes it that much more difficult to accept my disease. I internally have a battle to want the best of both worlds, but I now know that the "delusion that (I) am like other people...has to be smashed." Running will pick up again tonight, and still on track for my race 12/13.

Phoenix -- yes, the disease does progress while we are dry. I am proof of that. Until yesterday, I felt like a truck hit me, and hopefully that helped teach me a lesson.

Jon--no joke.

CarolD -- you always cheer me up without judgement or reservation, thank you for always being here.

Adamus -- Cannot always consult a Dr. for all medical reasons, especially our disease. I rely more on other alcohlics to validate things and have to go on that faith. Alcoholics are truly the educated ones when it comes to my disease, and I found my answers at my Home Group meetings. You are right on the spiritual plane, and the quote you mentioned in your last post regarding spiritual malady, is one we discussed deeply at Monday's step meeting.

To bring everyone up to speed, I finally feel somewhat normal today, and have received lots of support from the AA fellowship and my sponsor. One old-timer told me to park my a$$ on page 58, the first two paragraphs tell us who won't make it and who will. I will continue to work my program and thoroughly follow the path.

Thanks for listening.

Ken

Chy

Ken!

Glad your back and still seeking the solution! Best of luck!

docdave

Ethanol is a deadly poison...the reason it doesn't kill most of us is that the liver converts it to a less deadly substance...alcohol also impairs the absorption of nutrients and vitamins and minerals the very thing you need in abundance for the level of physical training that you do...did you regress physically...unquestionably...so if the training becomes more important then trying to drink normally than these problems will cease to exist...sounds like maybe more meetings and less training might be in order...dr dave