perrybucsdad

Gang, I'm having a hard time doing step four. I'm trying to wrap my arms around the forth column method. Yes, I do have a sponsor, but I'm having a hard time understanding what he is telling me.

From what I understand here is what I know...

Column 1 - Person, place or thing goes here
Column 2 - Why
Column 3 - Here I am confused? What goes in column 3? Is it how does this make me feel or something?
Column 4 - He hasn't told me about this one yet, so I have no idea what goes in four.

Any help would be appreciated.

basIam

Ok... here's the problem most have with the forth step... the convolute 3 seperate directions into one.


The first instruction, from the big book is...

"First we listed the person, institutions priciples".... (going from memroy here so wording may be incorrect)


Have you done this yet?????

Remember... first things first

perrybucsdad

Yes, I have listed teh person, etc. That was my column 1 (People, Places, or things). I have also listed Why I listed them. For example...

Column 1 = Joe Doe
Column 2 = Because he bounced my paychecks multiple times

Now my question is, what comes next, as I'm having a hard time following it in the book.

basIam

What I am asking is.... did you finish all of column 1 before beginning column 2?

basIam

My concern is people do it horizontal instead of vertical...

They write:

1 joe stole my check book. pocketbook, security,

And then
2 sally. Cheated on me. Self esteem



But that is not the instruction

perrybucsdad

Yes, I did column 1 before column 2. So I wrote Joe, Sally, John, etc. Then I went and added column 2, the why I am mad/angry/resentful, etc. What I am asking now is what is column 3?

basIam

Bottom of page 64 to top of page 65.

I would suggest you look up every word that follows each occurance of "our" so you are clear on what a word really means.

And then adhere to the statment "we were usually as definite as this example"

We are simply doing an inventory, not a rumination. "I the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values"

Simply pick up the item and attach the value to it. The more I try to contextualize it and reflect, I begin to become sentimental which feeds my resentment and allows me to not get to the truth.

Finally, forgive me for going back to the column one/column two thing. I just wanted to be clear as to what the insturctions said.

The only way some one can truthfully say AA worked or didn't work for them is if they follow PRECISELY the actions the authors describe.

This particular action (doing column 1 and then column 2 and then column 3, etc...) is one that I find people misunderstand. There is quite an effect experienced doing it this way, as opposed to the 'horizontal' method, and it is quite an eye openner.

Good luck... and feel free to pm if you get stuck!

perrybucsdad

But what goes in column 3? I've read those two pages over and over again, and each time, I get more confused.

And lastly, what will go in col 4 once I get done with col 3?

Also, I am curious, why is it better to do Col1, then 2, then 3 then 4 better than doing it horizontally? I don't doubt that it is better (I have learned not to question things in AA), but I am curious.

rockworm

Top of page 65, before the example.

On our grudge list we set opposite each name our injuries. Was it our self esteem, our security, our ambitions, our personal relations or our sex relations. (Emphasis added)

In the third column, we list beside each name (column 3), which of the bolded injury(s) applied. There may be more than one, as can be seen from the example in the Big Book.

Once you have done this, then come back for the 4th column. It is much easier to do one column at a time. We can get distracted trying to do the whole row at a time. We have to change our thinking for each column. Doing the columns first allows us to retain the thought process.


All quotes from the Big Book are from the First Edition.

basIam

Don't worry about column 4!!! As my sponsor would say, "hell, you might not even get there, knowing you, you'll probably drink first"

He is so loving

Why vertical instead of horizontal? I don't know that it is better, its just the precise instruction.. if I want what they have I do what they did.

TTOSBT

My biggest confusion has come from why the amends list comes from Step 4. I had lots of people I need to make amends to that are not listed on my inventory as I had no resentment with them. The other thing is that some on my inventory I do not feel I need to make amends to (for instance, resentful at my Dad for walking out..I had no part in that)

Can anyone help explain the complete correlation between Step 4 & Step 9?

basIam

The list is step 8... but when you get there it will be clear.

Not everyone in column 1 is on step 8.
Not everyone on step 8 is in column 1. Some also come from column 4

rockworm

When doing step 4 resentments, the 4th column asks us to look at our part in why we have the resentment. It is from this we have part of our amends list. If I did something that I need to make amends for, I identify the person to whom it is owed.

There are two more categories of inventory, that of fear and sex. There may be a fear, but no resentment, that relates to something you have done to somebody and you want to make amends to clear the fear.

Finally, there is the sex. Think of this in terms of people who you have harmed. It may not always be a sexual situation.

The amends list come from all three categories.

Finally, while you had no part in your father walking out, you held the anger for years. I suspect this interferred with any relationship you may have had with him. My father passed away when I was 6. There were times I was angry at him for being the car that had the accident. I was the one carrying the anger, therefore I contributed to my own spiritual illness.

Hope this helps

All quotes from the Big Book are from the First Edition.

perrybucsdad

Okay, thanks everyone, it is more clear now.

McGowdog

I do this. There may be something useful to you in there.

As far as doing row after row and not columns, this is my experience; I do column 1 and 2 together on each resentment till I'm done with the rows. Then I come back and do the 3rd column until that's done. While I'm sitting down and doing inventory, other stuff comes to me and I add to the list.. in column 1/column 2 format. Sometimes I'm writing in fear and a resentment comes to mind. I go back to the resentment inventory and jot it down.

I don't judge my work. I just try to keep it neat and take it serious because we are dealing with Power here. The line between the 2nd column and the 3rd column is the line between how I view you and how I view me... while I'm playing God. So I write the 3rd column from the positive. I Am... I Need... I want... Men ought... Women ought... Money is...

When we're done, we turn the line between 2 and 3 into a lie. I am NOT God. But when I'm blocked from God, I become god... and that doesn't work. That's when page 52 becomes operative and why we're doing 4-9. If your sponsor wants you to do a 4th column, I'd let him/her show you that part. You're a ways away from it now.

As you sit, you're ok because you're in God protection and care with complete abandon... so go well.

TTOSBT

rockworm, thanks, that was very helpful.
basIam, lol, I have finished my steps and I followed the Big Book with a sponsor, I just mistyped the number. I have just never received a complete answer on this topic and therefore, was interested in the feedback.

sugErspun

In a 'regular' (ie - not expanded 3rd column) inventory my 3rd column pretty much looks like this:

P,SR,PR,SE,PB - (whichever of those "bolded" are applicable).

This is what part of me it affected. It's important that I get a sense of something in ME that is affected or thinks it's affected by column 2.

Expanded 3rd columns are a little different as I go into precisely why my "pride" was affected...but if this is your first 4 column, it's mostly about getting the biggest pieces out of the way.

Gypsy Feet

if it makes you feel any better, I was totally lost, had no freakin clue what my sponsor was saying (over and over and over). I puzzled out some, shes going to show me an example maybe, and some Im just writing and she can make me redo it later if she hates it, what ever ;P

FanofJoeMcQ

Wow, I thought I was seriously mentally handicap because column three stumped me bad. My sponsor and counselor at the time. Kept asking me to show them completed column one. Then, they sent me away and would say bring it back when two is done. It took me a couple of weekends. I was done! Yipee. Then I got so baffled. The dreaded column three....
then my counselor elaborated. Which part of self caused the fear...
Social Instinct: which is self esteem; personal relationships.
Security Instinct: which is material; emotional
Sex Instinct: which is acceptable sex relations; hidden sex relations
Ambitions: social; security (monetary); or sexual.

That helped me! I couldn't figure out HOW to describe the instincts/mis use.

Then column four was explained: Which is the exact nature of my wrongs, faults, mistakes, defects or shortcomings

Selfish?
Dishonest?
Self Seeking/Frigtened ?
Or Inconsiderate?


Hang in there. I swear my step four could have turned into a Harry Potter series ~ thankfully my sponsor and counselor where very understanding.
And once I was done, step 5....6 and 7 went fast! I felt amazing! Fear was lifted from me that very weekend.