Mark75

Freedom from what? Alcohol?

Last year at this time I was sober 3 months. Holiday parties and yuletide by the fireside wasn't what I was used to. I felt self pity and resentment. I couldn't have that "yuletide" and people were laughing and singing and enjoying those holiday drinks. It was tough. I had not yet recovered.

Yet, I was free from Alcohol. What was the problem?

I was not yet free from self. I was suffering from un-recovered alcoholism. I still had the warped perception that I was the center of my own universe. I was suffering from Egoism... It's a word, look it up ... Everything was still about me... ISM.... I Self Me... as you so often hear it said it that way....

I am not the center of the universe, never was... But for me, while suffering from alcoholism... active and then untreated... I was still in the center of that universe, that limited range of thought that extended only as far as the end of my nose.

This year... I am beginning to be free of self. I'm not there yet completely, I never will be, it is a journey, one of progress, not perfection. I am not important to myself... I no longer matter to me... Well, I'm trying anyway... I do however matter... I matter to my children, my wife, my family and to many others... but not to myself. If you know what I'm trying to say.

I've heard it said this way... we are all a part of the body of Christ... we have our own, special, unique place in God's universe... and we are important... we are precious in God's sight... we are part of His whole... When we have untreated (un-recovered) alcoholism we are part of our own severely limited whole...what a lonely and meaningless place it was for me.

So my thoughts for those of you going through your first holiday season. Get outside yourself... see yourself for what you really are... reality... you are part of a beautiful plan that may include your loved ones, your neighbors, your co-workers.... Celebrate that. Bring yourself to holiday gatherings as part of Gods light and love... You matter, but not to yourself.

Happy Holidays...

And for the Agnostics... substitute Higher Power for God if it helps

Mark

Astro

Thanks for a thought-provoking post Mark. For me, the holidays just keep getting better. In spite of financial struggles and not being able to give as much as I'd like, it just doesn't seem all that important anyway. To share life with family and friends, to be free from the bondage of alcoholism, to have a God of my understanding who loves and cares for me, those are the greatest gifts of all.

McGowdog

Thank you Mark!

You are free. We can all be free. I don't thing that we overcome self with worrying away our selfishness, but by sheding light on the truth of us...

Here, I'll help you get out of self... think about me for a minute. Just kidding.

Happy holidays and a Gloria in Excelsis Deo!

rockworm

Thank you Mark. To be free was only a dream at one point. Now it is real. Like Astro, every Christmas gets a little better.

rockworm

On a lighter note: My goal is to be on as many resentment lists as possible. All those people praying for me can't be all that bad, can it? JK

Sugah

I spent last night in a bar in the Oakland section of Pittsburgh. I bought two draft beers and a gin and tonic...for my three colleagues and an iced tea, lemon, no sugar for me.

You know, they are fully aware that I don't drink, and when I suggested we hang out for awhile after class, one was very gracious to suggest a coffee shop about two blocks away. I couldn't walk that far, and parking is a nightmare, so I suggested Hemingway's, a bar right around the corner. A second one said, "Are you sure?" There are some seriously sweet normies out there.

Guess what the conversation was about? Or, what conversation we could have above the din of a crowd of Pittsburgh Penguin fans? Alcoholism! One of the ladies asked if I'd mind talking about it, as her best friend's boyfriend is in treatment. So, we talked about how it's really not so sad, that some of the finest people I know are the finest people I know because they're alcoholic (I had to explain that one). We talked about the difference between recovered and cured -- how I could sit there while they were drinking and not want one (god, booze stinks...I never noticed it when I was drinking), but that if I did, and if I managed to walk out after one, my first stop would be the beer store for a 12-pack, and soon after, I'd be pacing the floor asking myself why I hadn't bought more. It was enlightening, and I thought -- how cool that I was able to answer her questions and share some E, S & H instead of showing her a grizzly side of me.

So...freedom? Oh, freedom!

Peace & Love,
Sugah

facing2day

Thanks Mark. Awesome post. And thanks to all of you for your support at this forum. Hard time for peeps like us. Praying for all through the season of Christmas and New Year.