Originally Posted by fish101010
here in the uk the student finance system forces certain people to be dependent on their parents, without them I would need to annually raise maybe 8000 pounds on top of university studies. I also dont want to walk out on the rest of my family
Maybe so, but the point is, being the drug police Is. Not. Going. To. Work. It will not stop... whatever is going on, from going on. You can't stop someone from drinking, using drugs, banging their secretary, or engaging in... whatever unhealthy behavior they want to do. Neither you nor other family members can stop your father from using drugs -- if that's what he's doing.
This is a hard concept to get your head around -- it certainly was for me, when I tried to make my parents stop drinking like fish, or tried to do something about how much my significant other was drinking, etc. The basic idea is that you can't change people -- which is exactly the opposite of what we grow up thinking. "How can you let her drink like that?," or "How can you let her smoke?," people used to ask me.
Hey, if there were a way to make someone stop, we would have it posted as a sticky at the top of this forum, every new visitor would read it first, and we could all be happy, joyous, and free, and get on with our lives. But that's not how it works.
My favorite way to explain it (e.g., at an Al-Anon meeting, which I attend weekly) is to note that I don't always behave in the most healthy ways -- I don't see my doctor often enough, don't get enough exercise, don't always eat the best foods, and so on. But how much am I going to change this based on advice from my well-meaning friends? Um, not at all. So who am I to think they're going to be more receptive to my advice? Not going to happen.
I'd second the recommendation of finding an Al-Anon meeting (they're all over the world -- I'm sure you can find one in your area, maybe even at school). As one of the group's standard welcome messages states, it will show you that "it is possible to find contentment and even happiness, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not." That, I can attest, is true!