Feeling guilty cause I wished my mom would die
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 168
I used to hate my dad while he was heavily weekend drinking (plus any other excuse he could find to drink) SO MUCH, that not only was I suicidal, I wished he was dead so often to the point I had dreams about killing him.
It's still scary to admit that, as I'm grateful my dad and I are close now - thank-you Diabetes for making him cut back immensely - but I'm at a point where I can understand that what I felt was real, and it was caused by a very tragic reason. My father was ruining my life, wasn't able to show his love in a way that I could understand or see as not being fake, and had great disregard for his own life.
It's still scary to admit that, as I'm grateful my dad and I are close now - thank-you Diabetes for making him cut back immensely - but I'm at a point where I can understand that what I felt was real, and it was caused by a very tragic reason. My father was ruining my life, wasn't able to show his love in a way that I could understand or see as not being fake, and had great disregard for his own life.
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