I relapsed. But I am determined never to do it again.
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I relapsed. But I am determined never to do it again.
I started feeling guilty and made contact again with my abusive family of origin, with predictable results - more abuse.
I am standing firm this time. I finally had the courage to stand up to the most abusive member of the family - my sister - and the result was that she is getting the rest of the family to shun me and turn against me.
Now, I don't have anything against her children or her husband - they are nice people - but the loss of them is not going to make me come crawling back to her. In fact, seeing how vindictive she is has helped me to see that her only interest in me, all my life, was to do as much harm to me as possible.
No more. No mas. Nicht mehr.
I will never contact her again or respond to any e-mails, calls, letters, or gifts/cards from her or from any person currently shunning me.
She really did me a favor by being so vindictive - I don't have to feel any guilt about going no contact with someone who is so blatantly abusive to me!
So, here I am again - this time free of self-doubts, free of guilt. And very, very, very determined to never get sucked back into the crazy-making again. I don't care if she turns every single person in the world against me - I will not have anything further to do with her.
I'm making this post partly to share my story, partly to reread if I ever have a moment when I'm unsure of myself or start feeling guilty.
I am standing firm this time. I finally had the courage to stand up to the most abusive member of the family - my sister - and the result was that she is getting the rest of the family to shun me and turn against me.
Now, I don't have anything against her children or her husband - they are nice people - but the loss of them is not going to make me come crawling back to her. In fact, seeing how vindictive she is has helped me to see that her only interest in me, all my life, was to do as much harm to me as possible.
No more. No mas. Nicht mehr.
I will never contact her again or respond to any e-mails, calls, letters, or gifts/cards from her or from any person currently shunning me.
She really did me a favor by being so vindictive - I don't have to feel any guilt about going no contact with someone who is so blatantly abusive to me!
So, here I am again - this time free of self-doubts, free of guilt. And very, very, very determined to never get sucked back into the crazy-making again. I don't care if she turns every single person in the world against me - I will not have anything further to do with her.
I'm making this post partly to share my story, partly to reread if I ever have a moment when I'm unsure of myself or start feeling guilty.
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Part of what really makes me determined this time is that I've been reading a book, "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft. The title says "he" but it can be applied to any bully in your life.
It describes the games they play - alternating between nice and nasty to keep you hooked, pulling at your guilt strings, all the tricks they use to control you - and once your eyes are opened, it becomes so obvious and so clear. And I am never falling for the tricks again!
It also opened my eyes that not all alcoholic families are abusive. That really bad abuse in a family is actually a whole different issue than AA/Al-anon issues and needs separate treatment.
The funny thing is, my sister tells me to go get therapy because I tell the truth about the horrendeous abuse from my childhood and also object to continuing abuse and the reality is, therapy is what has enabled me to identify the abuse in my family of origin and tell the truth about it instead of being intimidated into silence.
I asked my husband if she really thinks (she's a pastor, so she has some training in this area) that therapy will make me shut up and be a good little compliant victim again and he said, "no, it's just one more way for her to put you down again."
It describes the games they play - alternating between nice and nasty to keep you hooked, pulling at your guilt strings, all the tricks they use to control you - and once your eyes are opened, it becomes so obvious and so clear. And I am never falling for the tricks again!
It also opened my eyes that not all alcoholic families are abusive. That really bad abuse in a family is actually a whole different issue than AA/Al-anon issues and needs separate treatment.
The funny thing is, my sister tells me to go get therapy because I tell the truth about the horrendeous abuse from my childhood and also object to continuing abuse and the reality is, therapy is what has enabled me to identify the abuse in my family of origin and tell the truth about it instead of being intimidated into silence.
I asked my husband if she really thinks (she's a pastor, so she has some training in this area) that therapy will make me shut up and be a good little compliant victim again and he said, "no, it's just one more way for her to put you down again."
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This page is really giving me some good instructions on how never to be sucked back in. I am going to follow these to a "T" and hopefully they will work...
http://www.amazon.com/gp/richpub/syl...R3EWPIM0KKA4TM
http://www.amazon.com/gp/richpub/syl...R3EWPIM0KKA4TM
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You have to be very wise around that sister who is a pastor. I remember some of your other dilemmas involving her understanding of scripture and using it against you. I am glad you got the message that now you can be guilt free from her. I had to stand up to one verbally abusive relative. It took 2 years before we spoke again and now things are way better. She knows I won't stand for it and she doesn't go there. Of course as she ages I know it will get worse and I am preparing for that. Like water off a duck. I know it will be hard but I am determined to not let anything said upset me.
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Thank you so much! I have tried in the past to beg her not to be abusive to me anymore, tried taking breaks from her, etc. Nothing has worked, because she chooses to continue to abuse me. So at this point, it really is done, and done forever. I don't care if she's dying - I won't go to see her or contact her in any way. I won't go to her funeral. I have no connection to her at all, any more than I would to any other person who wishes only to harm me.
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You are welcome. Just because she is difficult and mean to you, you don't have to be mean back to her. You don't have to even be around her but don't let animosity dwell within you either. That will only eat you up inside. You can administer the opposite spirit to her if you ever get into it again with this scripture:
"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to them who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you. Luke 6:27-8
Don't let her bring you down to her level. I totally understand the separation and it is vital for your health. I have siblings I have nothing to do with other than the occasional wedding or funeral. A couple of them insist nothing ever happened. I regret the absence of a relationship with them but it's just false and too painful to enter in for me.
"But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to them who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you. Luke 6:27-8
Don't let her bring you down to her level. I totally understand the separation and it is vital for your health. I have siblings I have nothing to do with other than the occasional wedding or funeral. A couple of them insist nothing ever happened. I regret the absence of a relationship with them but it's just false and too painful to enter in for me.
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Happy Now, we all fall, every one of us, the important thing is that we get back up and that we learn from it.
Why people believe we have to tolerate such indignities in the name of "family" is beyond me, people say blood is thicker that water, well so is grease and dog crap but that does not make me want to rub them on myself!
You are a wonderful person who deserves good things, you have tried harder than most and have turned the other cheek only to be struck on it.
You have people here who care about you and you can create your own family.
I have this quote on my computer as a reminder to myself.
Family is not always blood. It is the people in your life who want you in theirs. The ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile, and who love you no matter what.
Why people believe we have to tolerate such indignities in the name of "family" is beyond me, people say blood is thicker that water, well so is grease and dog crap but that does not make me want to rub them on myself!
You are a wonderful person who deserves good things, you have tried harder than most and have turned the other cheek only to be struck on it.
You have people here who care about you and you can create your own family.
I have this quote on my computer as a reminder to myself.
Family is not always blood. It is the people in your life who want you in theirs. The ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile, and who love you no matter what.
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Good for you ACoAHappyNow, sounds to me like you have awesome determination. I'm sorry that you got hurt by your bully-sister, but am glad that you are dealing with it so well.
In ACoA we don't usually use the word "relapse". Feel free to use it if you care to, it's just that it's more relevant to the disease of addiction. What we ACoA's do is more like picking at an old wound that still needs time to heal, like running out of patience and peeking under a bandage knowing full well that it's not ready for exposure.
Whan addicts relapse they sometimes die, and their peers in support groups will jump all over them, "kick their butt" and tell them to get honest. That's not how ACoA works. I've heard some people in meets say "I lost patience with myself... ", or "I repeated the same behavior expecting different results"
Whatever you want to call it, welcome back. Nobody is going to jump all over you, kick anything or tell you anything. Me? I'm just nodding my head, been there, done that. Took me a long time before I recovered enough to be able to say what you just shared in your post.
Oh and thank you for that link to that book, I put it up in the stickies.
Mike
In ACoA we don't usually use the word "relapse". Feel free to use it if you care to, it's just that it's more relevant to the disease of addiction. What we ACoA's do is more like picking at an old wound that still needs time to heal, like running out of patience and peeking under a bandage knowing full well that it's not ready for exposure.
Whan addicts relapse they sometimes die, and their peers in support groups will jump all over them, "kick their butt" and tell them to get honest. That's not how ACoA works. I've heard some people in meets say "I lost patience with myself... ", or "I repeated the same behavior expecting different results"
Whatever you want to call it, welcome back. Nobody is going to jump all over you, kick anything or tell you anything. Me? I'm just nodding my head, been there, done that. Took me a long time before I recovered enough to be able to say what you just shared in your post.
Oh and thank you for that link to that book, I put it up in the stickies.
Mike
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Thank you, Willy Blue Dog and Desert Eyes! Your support means the world to me. WBD, I know you have been through so much trauma with your own family of origin and I know you understand this on a very visceral level. Thank you for that saying, I am going to put it on my computer too! I really like it!
I know it's kind of a weird word to use but I feel like whenever I have contact with my sister and father in particular, I get sick again, I get pulled into feeling bad about myself and low self-esteem again. The only hope I have of keeping my balance and keeping my recovery is to not give them any opportunities to take pot-shots at me any more. Just too toxic for me.
I even went so far before as to ask my slapster to stop being abusive to me. I explained how much it hurt me, etc. She ignored my request. Didn't even reply to it, let alone dial down the abuse. In fact it increased after that. So really I have done everything I could to make things work, and now it's time for the divorce to stay a divorce forever.
Thank you guys again, you are the best! DE., I'm glad you liked that link too, I think the suggestions are helpful! I hope that these posts might be helpful to anyone who is trying to leave abuse in their FOO's and get free and stay free. I'm getting a lot of support from my husband, too, which really helps.
I expect I will get a lot of pressure from others in the family but I am resolute and I will stand my ground, no matter what.
I really like it! I know it's kind of a weird word to use but I feel like whenever I have contact with my sister and father in particular, I get sick again, I get pulled into feeling bad about myself and low self-esteem again. The only hope I have of keeping my balance and keeping my recovery is to not give them any opportunities to take pot-shots at me any more. Just too toxic for me.
I even went so far before as to ask my slapster to stop being abusive to me. I explained how much it hurt me, etc. She ignored my request. Didn't even reply to it, let alone dial down the abuse. In fact it increased after that. So really I have done everything I could to make things work, and now it's time for the divorce to stay a divorce forever.
Thank you guys again, you are the best! DE., I'm glad you liked that link too, I think the suggestions are helpful! I hope that these posts might be helpful to anyone who is trying to leave abuse in their FOO's and get free and stay free. I'm getting a lot of support from my husband, too, which really helps.
I expect I will get a lot of pressure from others in the family but I am resolute and I will stand my ground, no matter what.
Lot Of Love Out There, Man.
Join Date: Mar 2012
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ACOAHappyNow, Good for you. Schön für Sie. I have not had contact with my bio-parents for 30 years or so. It was only a year ago I started talking to my bio-sister. Someone had to tell me she had been clean for more than a year. As a kid, I wanted a family but now being where I’m at, I’m thankful my family is my friends that I chose to adopt. I hate doing it but some bridges are worth burning.
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Thank you, Chris! And good for you for having had the strength to walk away! I'm grieving too that I couldn't have the family I wished for. It's a loss. But I see so clearly now that I have no choice, that there is nothing good for me there, only bad things.
Sometimes we truly don't have a choice. When someone comes at us with a knife, always slashing away, what choice do we have but to remove ourselves from their company?
I like the German - you can use the "du" form with me though if you'd like! I figure we are all family here, at least that's what it feels like to me - it feels like a real, caring family, supportive, REAL non-game playing family, just like I always wished my own family had been.
And good for you for having had the strength to walk away! I'm grieving too that I couldn't have the family I wished for. It's a loss. But I see so clearly now that I have no choice, that there is nothing good for me there, only bad things. Sometimes we truly don't have a choice. When someone comes at us with a knife, always slashing away, what choice do we have but to remove ourselves from their company?
I like the German - you can use the "du" form with me though if you'd like!
I figure we are all family here, at least that's what it feels like to me - it feels like a real, caring family, supportive, REAL non-game playing family, just like I always wished my own family had been.
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Originally Posted by ACOAHappyNow 
I know it's kind of a weird word to use but I feel like whenever I have contact with my sister and father in particular, I get sick again, I get pulled into feeling bad about myself and low self-esteem again. The only hope I have of keeping my balance and keeping my recovery is to not give them any opportunities to take pot-shots at me any more. Just too toxic for me.
It's so weird. I could have written these exact same words. To-a-T.
I have an older Queen Bee bully-sister. She is a bully and I used to let her bully me.
It's funny (not ha-ha but you know what I mean) how when things are finally, finally DONE, that they are DONE.
Wishing you all peace and comfort today.
Lot Of Love Out There, Man.
Join Date: Mar 2012
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ACOAHappyNow, When I was first separated from my bio-family it wasn’t by my choice, it was children services at the hospital. I had several years of rage, hate and anger driving me. For a while now I have been able to look back and honestly admit, that had sis and I stayed one of us if not both would be dead today. I don’t remember exactly when it was but I finally realized there was a better way to live my life and I wanted it. It was at that time I had also unconsciously decided that I was done with everyone and everything from my past. Without forcing it, a little at a time it went away. I still have memories and some of them I wish I could forget, but I also know that it’s because of my experiences that I am who I am today. It takes time and it does get better. I’m still new to this discussion board but I do know from experience that the 12 step rooms are usually a safe place to share. It’s the only place I can find others that I can relate to. Good luck on your journey!
„du“ - Danke!
Good luck on your journey! „du“ - Danke!
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I'm sorry for what you went through, Chris. I hope that you are in a safe and happy and peaceful place in life right now though. I'm grateful for your support!
My sister's husband is trying to test my boundaries but I am standing firm. I talked to my husband about it and he said, "delete anything from an e-mail address you don't recognize, without reading it." Good advice. The most important thing of all is that I don't respond. I can not have contact with anyone who is on her side, who might try to get me back into her web of harm. I'm really fighting for my life here. I feel as if my very survival depends on this, honestly.
My sister's husband is trying to test my boundaries but I am standing firm. I talked to my husband about it and he said, "delete anything from an e-mail address you don't recognize, without reading it." Good advice. The most important thing of all is that I don't respond. I can not have contact with anyone who is on her side, who might try to get me back into her web of harm. I'm really fighting for my life here. I feel as if my very survival depends on this, honestly.
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Frances, I'm sorry for what you've gone through, too. I guess a whole lot of us have had some problems with our family of origin. The thing is, when we grow up being the abused one in the household, sometimes our siblings can't or won't break out of the pattern of abusing us. And when that is the case, as in the case with my sister, we have to decide - will we continue to accept the abuse, or will we protect ourselves and walk away, even if it means cutting out a huge swath of other people from our lives? I choose to do what I have to do to protect myself now.
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I figured it out, they are trying to get as many people as possible to drop communications with me in order to get me to cave and be a good little victim again, to play my assigned role.
I don't care how many people they convince to drop out of my life, I am determined to protect myself from harm, and I am not going to cave. This is not a snit I am having, this is honest to god years and years of subtle put-downs, frank physical abuse (slappings, some other stuff) and not having even ever had one time I can remember in my life when I didn't come away from an encounter with my abusive sibling, feeling like absolute scum of the earth. Feeling bad about myself and depressed.
I don't want that any more. I don't care how many people I lose by doing this - if they side with the abuser, I don't want them in my life anyway.
I have reached a snapping point, just like I did with an abusive ex-husband. I tried so many times to leave him, no wonder he thought I would never go through with it. But I finally did. Something just snapped - the picture cleared in my mind - and I could see very clearly that what he was doing was abusive and that he would never change, that nothing I could do would change the abuse. When that realization came to my mind, I left.
A similar thing has happened this time with my abusive sister. Everything finally snapped into place and I saw the whole picture, saw things clearly, for the first time.
And just like my ex-husband who felt certain I would return to him - boy are they ever in for a surprise.
I have ordered some books about leaving abusive families of origin (FOO) and am going to follow their guidelines. I will have to wait and see if I need to get a new unlisted number or a new e-mail - depends on how badly they try to manipulate me and how much it affects me. Right now, it's not affecting me at all so I don't feel terribly threatened. But I am determined to take whatever steps I need to, up to and including restraining orders, in order to protect myself.
Right now, they are feeling confident, and certain I will come crawling back.
They think they know me better than I know myself.
I don't think so
I don't care how many people they convince to drop out of my life, I am determined to protect myself from harm, and I am not going to cave. This is not a snit I am having, this is honest to god years and years of subtle put-downs, frank physical abuse (slappings, some other stuff) and not having even ever had one time I can remember in my life when I didn't come away from an encounter with my abusive sibling, feeling like absolute scum of the earth. Feeling bad about myself and depressed.
I don't want that any more. I don't care how many people I lose by doing this - if they side with the abuser, I don't want them in my life anyway.
I have reached a snapping point, just like I did with an abusive ex-husband. I tried so many times to leave him, no wonder he thought I would never go through with it. But I finally did. Something just snapped - the picture cleared in my mind - and I could see very clearly that what he was doing was abusive and that he would never change, that nothing I could do would change the abuse. When that realization came to my mind, I left.
A similar thing has happened this time with my abusive sister. Everything finally snapped into place and I saw the whole picture, saw things clearly, for the first time.
And just like my ex-husband who felt certain I would return to him - boy are they ever in for a surprise.
I have ordered some books about leaving abusive families of origin (FOO) and am going to follow their guidelines. I will have to wait and see if I need to get a new unlisted number or a new e-mail - depends on how badly they try to manipulate me and how much it affects me. Right now, it's not affecting me at all so I don't feel terribly threatened. But I am determined to take whatever steps I need to, up to and including restraining orders, in order to protect myself.
Right now, they are feeling confident, and certain I will come crawling back.
They think they know me better than I know myself.
I don't think so
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One thing that really sticks in my mind right now is when my sister offered to come be with me while I was in the ICU with Guillain Barre Syndrome, facing the possibility I would soon be on a respirator, and fully paralyzed from the waist down.
That sounds like a caring, loving thing, right? But I remember all the times she took so much joy in my childhood whenever I was getting abused, or whenever I was miserably sick.
I knew that her only motive in wanting to come out was to take joy again in my suffering, and my reaction really was a physical one, I shuddered in horror at the thought. I thought, "oh, that's the last thing I need right now, is my sister on top of all of this."
I have kept ties with my family only out of a sense of obligation, and feeling sorry for them, not because I enjoyed being around them or having a relationship with them.
And it's at that point where feeling sorry for them and feeling obligated, aren't enough to keep me chained to the abusive system any more.
That sounds like a caring, loving thing, right? But I remember all the times she took so much joy in my childhood whenever I was getting abused, or whenever I was miserably sick.
I knew that her only motive in wanting to come out was to take joy again in my suffering, and my reaction really was a physical one, I shuddered in horror at the thought. I thought, "oh, that's the last thing I need right now, is my sister on top of all of this."
I have kept ties with my family only out of a sense of obligation, and feeling sorry for them, not because I enjoyed being around them or having a relationship with them.
And it's at that point where feeling sorry for them and feeling obligated, aren't enough to keep me chained to the abusive system any more.
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ACOA, I'm sorry for the struggles today and for what happened to you in the past. I hope you find this place as comforting as I do.
HOo boy do I know about the "We'll cut her off and she'll PANIC and come running back!"
Being "banished" is one of my deepest fears, and my sister knew how to play me on that one.
Guess what? I have my own life, wonderful friends, and a loving supportive husband. AND, I have the growing knowledge that I'm pretty wonderful just as I am.
I went No Contact two years ago this June. I remember the first volley after I had decided to go No Contact. (I never told her, it was just a boundary I set for myself.)
She didn't invite me to something important to the family and then waited for me to take the bait and beg for an invitation. And. I. Didn't. I figured, "She didn't invite me. OK. Then I'm not invited. *shrug*"
When I was asked why I wasn't there, I said, "Because I wasn't invited. *shrug*" There was an expectation that I would feel shameful that I missed an important event. But in the Sane World, people don't go to things to which they aren't invited.
Instead of feeling like I was banished outside the family safety walls, I felt kinda like I was out of jail. I looked around and the world was big, sure, but also pretty great and full of new people to meet.
I am sorry you were so sick and in the ICU. I can relate to feeling like the Rescuer's kindnesses come at too high a cost.
I had the experience last year of being bedside for a gravely ill friend. Every. Single. Minute felt like being in service. I was EXACTLY where I wanted to be. I didn't expect anything from her in return and it was my joy to help her. No Strings. It was the first time I realized that Being of Great Service could be like that.
There are AMAZING gifts to be found once I stopped going back to the poison well.
Wishing everyone a good day and thank you for letting me share.
HOo boy do I know about the "We'll cut her off and she'll PANIC and come running back!"
Being "banished" is one of my deepest fears, and my sister knew how to play me on that one.
Guess what? I have my own life, wonderful friends, and a loving supportive husband. AND, I have the growing knowledge that I'm pretty wonderful just as I am.
I went No Contact two years ago this June. I remember the first volley after I had decided to go No Contact. (I never told her, it was just a boundary I set for myself.)
She didn't invite me to something important to the family and then waited for me to take the bait and beg for an invitation. And. I. Didn't. I figured, "She didn't invite me. OK. Then I'm not invited. *shrug*"
When I was asked why I wasn't there, I said, "Because I wasn't invited. *shrug*" There was an expectation that I would feel shameful that I missed an important event. But in the Sane World, people don't go to things to which they aren't invited.
Instead of feeling like I was banished outside the family safety walls, I felt kinda like I was out of jail. I looked around and the world was big, sure, but also pretty great and full of new people to meet.
I am sorry you were so sick and in the ICU. I can relate to feeling like the Rescuer's kindnesses come at too high a cost.
I had the experience last year of being bedside for a gravely ill friend. Every. Single. Minute felt like being in service. I was EXACTLY where I wanted to be. I didn't expect anything from her in return and it was my joy to help her. No Strings. It was the first time I realized that Being of Great Service could be like that.
There are AMAZING gifts to be found once I stopped going back to the poison well.
Wishing everyone a good day and thank you for letting me share.
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I'm sorry for being so posty on this thread, but I wanted to say too that I totally get the "A HA. I've figured out the game" moment.
I also am learning that my understanding can be even bigger than the game they are playing. With Recovery, I'm learning to see the bigger, bigger picture. This bigger understanding lets me act with even great love for myself, and kindness towards others.
I also am learning that my understanding can be even bigger than the game they are playing. With Recovery, I'm learning to see the bigger, bigger picture. This bigger understanding lets me act with even great love for myself, and kindness towards others.
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Frances, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR POSTING! Thank everyone for posting! Oh I don't even have words to express how much it means to me and helps me to see others have had similar experiences. To have my reality validated. To be reassured that this is something I can get through, I can remain strong through. That the bullies won't always win.
I felt guilty for posting so much about this, but then I thought, what if there is someone else out there who needs to hear this, who needs to see that this is how abusive families act? So that if they leave their abusive family of origin, they will be forewarned and prepared to defend themselves against the volleys. To stay in the sane world and not be part of the sick abusive world.
Not all alcoholic families are abusive, I don't think. Or maybe they are. But I know mine was, and as the youngest, I got the worst ration of abuse of all, because I was the weakest.
My sister would not have performed any kindnesses at all if she had flown out. Believe me, I would not have found one second of her company comforting in the least. It's not that she gives me good things in the relationship at too high a price - it's that I don't get anything good out of the relationship AT ALL. Because of the abuse in my childhood, I know her too well, I know what she is up to. And seeing that malicious glee on her face at my fear and suffering - I don't want to see that ever again, if I can help it.
Actually, I don't want to see her ever again.
Thank you guys for being here, for posting. For letting me sort out my thoughts in these posts. I'm sort of "talking to myself" using these posts, sorting things out for myself, and I hope that is okay. Because I am going to need to stay strong during this time and resolute and not give in to the abusive FOO.
I felt guilty for posting so much about this, but then I thought, what if there is someone else out there who needs to hear this, who needs to see that this is how abusive families act? So that if they leave their abusive family of origin, they will be forewarned and prepared to defend themselves against the volleys. To stay in the sane world and not be part of the sick abusive world.
Not all alcoholic families are abusive, I don't think. Or maybe they are. But I know mine was, and as the youngest, I got the worst ration of abuse of all, because I was the weakest.
My sister would not have performed any kindnesses at all if she had flown out. Believe me, I would not have found one second of her company comforting in the least. It's not that she gives me good things in the relationship at too high a price - it's that I don't get anything good out of the relationship AT ALL. Because of the abuse in my childhood, I know her too well, I know what she is up to. And seeing that malicious glee on her face at my fear and suffering - I don't want to see that ever again, if I can help it.
Actually, I don't want to see her ever again.
Thank you guys for being here, for posting. For letting me sort out my thoughts in these posts. I'm sort of "talking to myself" using these posts, sorting things out for myself, and I hope that is okay. Because I am going to need to stay strong during this time and resolute and not give in to the abusive FOO.
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