kudzujean

Forgiveness. IMO, most of us learned, were taught, or absorbed a lot about forgiveness that would turn off just about anybody. For instance, I used to think it was like absolution, like pretending it never happened, etc., and a lot of another totally infuriating things.

The following seems to make a lot of sense.

What is Forgiveness?
By Lynn Ponton, MD

Forgiveness is letting go of the need for revenge and releasing negative thoughts of bitterness and resentment…

Forgiveness can be a gift that we give to ourselves. Here are some easy (That word should have been edited out, IMO) steps towards forgiveness:

· Acknowledge your own inner pain

(snip)

· Decide whether to remain in the relationship.


(Now, here’s where it really gets good…)

What Forgiveness Is Not…

· Forgiveness is not forgetting or pretending it didn’t happen. It did happen, and we need to retain the lesson learned without holding onto the pain.

(snip)

· Forgiveness is not reconciliation. We have to make a separate decision about whether to reconcile with the person we are forgiving or whether to maintain our distance.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/what-is-forgiveness/

lizatola

Thank you for sharing. My alcoholic dad passed away a few months ago and I was so glad that I forgave him months before his death. I worked through a book on forgiveness, I prayed and I released him from my bondage of revenge and negative thoughts. It was very healing and I can say that I have no negative anything towards him or towards our relationship now that he's dead. My sister, on the other hand, had never worked through anything. She was holding onto pain, guilt, anger, and bitterness and it was eating her up. Now that he's gone she's suffering terrible guilt at never having made amends with him and at never allowing herself to work through forgiving.

It's been very painful for her and I can only hold her hand and tell her that she will find peace one day, but she can still work on that forgiveness. Forgiving herself first and then working on forgiving him, even though he's gone.

Kialua

Yes forgiveness is really the only way to heal ourselves and move forward, whether our alcoholic parents deserve it or not --WE DO.

lizatola can you tell us the name of the book? We are collecting some useful resources and this sounds interesting.

frances2011

Love this.