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Old 07-02-2003, 06:18 AM
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confused

Ok, since my dad has stopped drinking, he has atually been working really hard to be nice all the time. Unfortunately he naturally isn't a nice person so it is a stretch. I know that he is doing all he can right now, but he still seems to snap at the dumbest things, example: my sister get her hair cut and highlighted. He said it was a waste of money since it is summer and noone will see it. Well, my sister and Mom were irritated because he was yelling at them. After they left, he came in and asked me why he was always the bad guy. Ever since he quit drinking he has been asking me about everything. I feel like telling him to go find someone else to dump his problems on. How do I tell him that I am not an innocent bystander that can give him advice from an impartial view. I wanted to tell him last night that the reason she is getting her hair done is because she is now really tan and looking good and her ex-boyfriend comes home from vacation this week. She wants to look incredible so he misses what he had. I couldn't explain that to him so I just said she wanted to look good for fair and that you don't want people to see your hair right after it is done because you need to learn how to do it that way first. I know it was lame, but I don't know how to answer when he asks loaded questions. I'm afraid I will say the wrong thing and he'll explode.
Love you,
--Ångel
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Old 07-03-2003, 05:12 AM
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JT
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Angel,

What I do is try and think ahead of some possible responses so I am prepared and not caught off guard.

I had to laugh when you said that being nice is a stretch because he is not nice by nature. That is my Ward. And I have just learned to let alot blow by...Ward is nice inside but for some strange reason he has to appear tough.

You are right to not want to be dumped on. It almost seems as tho...like a child...he is playing a divide and conquer game. Just give some thought to some generic answers ahead of time.

Hugs,
JT
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Old 07-03-2003, 07:31 AM
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Thanks JT,
I'm trying to come up with some random answers that will apply to almost any question. I'm also pretty good at manipulating the conversation (manipulative codependent).
I also just recieved some pretty good kiss-up news that will keep us on good terms for awhile. I got my final transcript in the mail and I graduated 11 in my class of 145.
Unfurtunately when we are on good terms, he tends to speak to me more, putting me ever in more awkward situations. Grrrrr. Sometimes I wonder what I would be like if I grew up under normal conditions, then I wonder if there is such a thing.
Love you, thanks for listening.
--Ångel
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Old 07-03-2003, 08:45 AM
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JT
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I don't recall ever being manipulated in that way by a parent but my husband and my son could play me like a...harmonica. It is horrible to be in the situation. It makes me not like the person very much when they have manipulated me. And myself when I have let myself get manipulated....again. It happens. I guess we can't avoid it sometimes so why beat ourselves up.

I got to where I would freeze up and not speak at all because I didn't know what to say. That makes them mad...so now I say "I don't know what to say"

I used to jump in and say whatever came to mind...funny...I got myself so trained that I don't speak at all...it is automatic.

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JT
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