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I just started lurking here......

Old 05-19-2003, 05:46 AM
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I just started lurking here......

I just realized we had this forum for Adult Children, so I've been lurking on and off. I must say, it has caused me some anguish.

I know having an alcoholic husband has been difficult, but coming from someone who tends to be a perfectionist, it is hard to realize I may be part of the problem--because I always try to do the right thing--no matter what!

After reading some of these posts, I realized I had a lot of changing to do, and I need to come to grips with my past.

I have a really good memory about my growing up years, and don't feel I've blocked anything out. My sister on the other hand says all the time "How do you remember so much?" She has blocked a lot out.

Our Dad was an alcoholic. When we were little, he just liked to party some, but was in the Navy, and duty bound. Then when I was about 5, he started being shipped around, leaving us at "home", or a port, while he had to go to Okinawa and Vietnam. He came back for good when I was 10. The short times he was home during those 5 years were only a few weekends or to move. But when he came home when I was 10, he was a full-blown alcoholic--a completely different man. It was awful. My mother died a year later, from Multiple Sclerosis, and a month after she died, my Dad married a woman he had been living with (and had us children living with) for 6 months, a crazy-woman.

We were taken away from the home when I was 13, and put in foster homes. There was no alcoholism or weirdness going on in either of our foster homes.... so this was a time of healing.... to an extent. But the 4 nightmarish years with my Dad evidently took it's toll.

Well, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it!

Guess I'll be "digging" for awhile.

Lyn
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Old 05-19-2003, 06:55 AM
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Lyn,

It's good to have you!

I'm finding that a lot of things that seemed normal to me growing up were very damaging, and that children shouldn't have to live through the things that all of us grew up with. It's been very helpful to see that even though some things don't seem all that bad now, through the eyes of a child it was devastating and life-altering.

I don't remember a lot of stuff from my childhood either, so it will be interesting to see if more details start coming out - I think!

Keep coming back - we're all in this together.

Hugs,
JG
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Old 05-20-2003, 04:35 AM
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JT
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Lyn,

Discovering my part in the problem what the most painfully emotional thing I have ever gone through. We believe if only they would get sober all would be well with the world. Not true.

We have developed tools for living that are a bit skewed...either in childhood or after living with addition as an adult. The most amazing thing for me was when I began to recognize and change some of those behaviors things began to change around me. My son and husband still drink but our way of relating began to change almost immediately when I began to change myself. That was the clincher for me that this program works.

The important thing to remember is not beat yourself up. The stategies we learned were survival responses that no longer work for us. It is that hard and that simple.

Hugs and welcome,
JT
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