Forgiving my parents.
:-(
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Toowoomba, Queensland
Posts: 160
This has been on my mind a lot lately, I love my A mother, however I do not like her and have not for a long time, I have moved 12 thousand miles away and have started a new life for myself, but now she has found me on stupid facebook, and it has brought back all the old memories and sent me off searching for all the pictures and video proof I have of her at her worst, I still feel I can never forgive or forget the things she said and did to me. I have a lot of hate inside me towards her and find it hard communicating with her.
I just want her to acknowledge the pain and suffering she put me through and say sorry, but I know she never will. She is still in the same place, still drinking, still being her disgusting self. So I must do what I can to make myself happy and somehow try to forgive her, not for her, for my own sense of well being..........
One day.....................
I just want her to acknowledge the pain and suffering she put me through and say sorry, but I know she never will. She is still in the same place, still drinking, still being her disgusting self. So I must do what I can to make myself happy and somehow try to forgive her, not for her, for my own sense of well being..........
One day.....................
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
renegayd,
I am sorry for the things your mother did that hurt you. You did not deserve that, and I am sorry for that child inside you, who did not get needs met.
Someday she will be gone. It is so much easier to forgive then. It is hard when you wait and hope beyond reason that they will be honest, and brave enough to face the truth, and acknowledge your pain, and apologize, or just show they care.
I often think my mom could not admit it to us, because if she admitted it to us, she would first have to admit it to herself. and it would probably have been too painful for her. It would have broken her, to have to face how much she hurt her children.
I think that was her protection.. to put it out of her mind, to avoid the pain of the truth.
That totally stinks, though. How selfish, you know?
Your mom probably knows, don't you think? and feels a failure. perhaps she cannot face it either.
hugs,
chicory
I am sorry for the things your mother did that hurt you. You did not deserve that, and I am sorry for that child inside you, who did not get needs met.
Someday she will be gone. It is so much easier to forgive then. It is hard when you wait and hope beyond reason that they will be honest, and brave enough to face the truth, and acknowledge your pain, and apologize, or just show they care.
I often think my mom could not admit it to us, because if she admitted it to us, she would first have to admit it to herself. and it would probably have been too painful for her. It would have broken her, to have to face how much she hurt her children.
I think that was her protection.. to put it out of her mind, to avoid the pain of the truth.
That totally stinks, though. How selfish, you know?
Your mom probably knows, don't you think? and feels a failure. perhaps she cannot face it either.
hugs,
chicory
:-(
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Toowoomba, Queensland
Posts: 160
Originally Posted by chicory 
renegayd,
I am sorry for the things your mother did that hurt you. You did not deserve that, and I am sorry for that child inside you, who did not get needs met.
Someday she will be gone. It is so much easier to forgive then. It is hard when you wait and hope beyond reason that they will be honest, and brave enough to face the truth, and acknowledge your pain, and apologize, or just show they care.
I often think my mom could not admit it to us, because if she admitted it to us, she would first have to admit it to herself. and it would probably have been too painful for her. It would have broken her, to have to face how much she hurt her children.
I think that was her protection.. to put it out of her mind, to avoid the pain of the truth.
That totally stinks, though. How selfish, you know?
Your mom probably knows, don't you think? and feels a failure. perhaps she cannot face it either.
hugs,
chicory
I am sorry for the things your mother did that hurt you. You did not deserve that, and I am sorry for that child inside you, who did not get needs met.
Someday she will be gone. It is so much easier to forgive then. It is hard when you wait and hope beyond reason that they will be honest, and brave enough to face the truth, and acknowledge your pain, and apologize, or just show they care.
I often think my mom could not admit it to us, because if she admitted it to us, she would first have to admit it to herself. and it would probably have been too painful for her. It would have broken her, to have to face how much she hurt her children.
I think that was her protection.. to put it out of her mind, to avoid the pain of the truth.
That totally stinks, though. How selfish, you know?
Your mom probably knows, don't you think? and feels a failure. perhaps she cannot face it either.
hugs,
chicory
I understand that she has a disease and it is not her fault, but it hurts. She also never wanted to admit to being the lady with 2 failed marriages, but had no choice when she cheated on the 2 blokes who loved her more than life itself and she is now with a guy who treats her like dirt.
I just wish her morals and self respect would come back, for her own sake.
Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
Thank you so much for posting everyone. I too am struggling with my thoughts and feelings in regards to my Father's alcoholism (thankfully he is sober today) and how it affected our family. I too am an addict/alcoholic and after reading a book the other day about Adult Children of Alcoholics, it was actually nice to read about myself in a book. Now, like Desert Eyes, I have to come to some sort of peace so that I can move on.
I gave up my family (a husband and children) during my active addictions and I struggle with owning everything and staying away from the blame game.
Thank you for talking about this. It is so nice to know I am not alone.
I gave up my family (a husband and children) during my active addictions and I struggle with owning everything and staying away from the blame game.
Thank you for talking about this. It is so nice to know I am not alone.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 765
God doesn't kill people for being sick, their disease killed them
But it doesn't have to be that way with us
All we have to do is forgive the behavior and learn about their diseases
And ours
Thinking we can absolve them is playing God
Only God can forgive a whole human being
But they have to ask for it hence the 12 steps
We become absolved of our anger and our reactions to it and our own defects if we work the steps
But it doesn't have to be that way with us
All we have to do is forgive the behavior and learn about their diseases
And ours
Thinking we can absolve them is playing God
Only God can forgive a whole human being
But they have to ask for it hence the 12 steps
We become absolved of our anger and our reactions to it and our own defects if we work the steps
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