RELAPSED again...Sick & Tired & utterly confused...
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haha it's okay because your response was still extremely beneficial! I agree surrendering 100% is my priority now. After countless relapses and looking for happiness in unrequited relationships and soul crushing behavior I am giving it my all. It is tough though. Sometimes after meetings I don't really want to mingle because my insecurities kick in or I just don't want to open up. Or I really don't know if I will connect because I generally don't trust others. But these are all things I hope will subside as I keep showing up for meetings, taking numbers, and calling people. Honestly, with 10 days I am still trying to find the meetings I want to stick to long term. I hope others can relate to my insecurities and fears! 
Originally Posted by rc4dt1 
You're not a loser. You have a disease that will kill you, as do I. The only thing that works for me is to treat it with the respect that it deserves.
If I don't take care of my disease I will eventually die a premature death, as will you if you don't take care of yours.
Keep trying, take suggestions seriously, really consider if doing most of the work will be enough. For me it was not. I had to dive back into recovery again. I had been relapsing for 10 years trying to get and stay sober. 100% surrender and faith that everything else will take care of itself if I prioritize my recovery ahead of everything else.
Never give up.
Oh, and I have had those fantasies too about being a porn star or some other lifestyle that it would be acceptable to be an addict in, allowing me to continue destructive behavior. But in reality that's all it would be, an excuse to do something that I know is killing my soul and and my body.
Best wishes to you! You CAN do it with help.
EDIT: sorry I responded before reading the whole thread. Great job on the clean time and meetings. I need to read everything before responding lol :-/
If I don't take care of my disease I will eventually die a premature death, as will you if you don't take care of yours.
Keep trying, take suggestions seriously, really consider if doing most of the work will be enough. For me it was not. I had to dive back into recovery again. I had been relapsing for 10 years trying to get and stay sober. 100% surrender and faith that everything else will take care of itself if I prioritize my recovery ahead of everything else.
Never give up.
Oh, and I have had those fantasies too about being a porn star or some other lifestyle that it would be acceptable to be an addict in, allowing me to continue destructive behavior. But in reality that's all it would be, an excuse to do something that I know is killing my soul and and my body.
Best wishes to you! You CAN do it with help.
EDIT: sorry I responded before reading the whole thread. Great job on the clean time and meetings. I need to read everything before responding lol :-/
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I love what you said here--> "The only thing that works for me is to treat it with the respect that it deserves. 100% surrender and faith that everything else will take care of itself if I prioritize my recovery ahead of everything else."
Sweet!
Sweet!
Originally Posted by rc4dt1
You're not a loser. You have a disease that will kill you, as do I. The only thing that works for me is to treat it with the respect that it deserves.
If I don't take care of my disease I will eventually die a premature death, as will you if you don't take care of yours.
Keep trying, take suggestions seriously, really consider if doing most of the work will be enough. For me it was not. I had to dive back into recovery again. I had been relapsing for 10 years trying to get and stay sober. 100% surrender and faith that everything else will take care of itself if I prioritize my recovery ahead of everything else.
Never give up.
Oh, and I have had those fantasies too about being a porn star or some other lifestyle that it would be acceptable to be an addict in, allowing me to continue destructive behavior. But in reality that's all it would be, an excuse to do something that I know is killing my soul and and my body.
Best wishes to you! You CAN do it with help.
EDIT: sorry I responded before reading the whole thread. Great job on the clean time and meetings. I need to read everything before responding lol :-/
If I don't take care of my disease I will eventually die a premature death, as will you if you don't take care of yours.
Keep trying, take suggestions seriously, really consider if doing most of the work will be enough. For me it was not. I had to dive back into recovery again. I had been relapsing for 10 years trying to get and stay sober. 100% surrender and faith that everything else will take care of itself if I prioritize my recovery ahead of everything else.
Never give up.
Oh, and I have had those fantasies too about being a porn star or some other lifestyle that it would be acceptable to be an addict in, allowing me to continue destructive behavior. But in reality that's all it would be, an excuse to do something that I know is killing my soul and and my body.
Best wishes to you! You CAN do it with help.
EDIT: sorry I responded before reading the whole thread. Great job on the clean time and meetings. I need to read everything before responding lol :-/
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And another thing I wanted to share is that sometimes (not often) I have heard someone with a lot of clean time speak or share and although they are sober I feel as though they still don't have what I want or the things that would make me feel accomplished more so a dry life..but then again I know that may be a bit of ego or maybe what makes that person feel happy and accomplished is not what would make me happy and that's okay...just somethings that popped up in my head.
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Originally Posted by skywalker91
And another thing I wanted to share is that sometimes (not often) I have heard someone with a lot of clean time speak or share and although they are sober I feel as though they still don't have what I want or the things that would make me feel accomplished more so a dry life..but then again I know that may be a bit of ego or maybe what makes that person feel happy and accomplished is not what would make me happy and that's okay...just somethings that popped up in my head.
There are guys that have what I want. These are the guys I listen to and go to for guidance and direction. What they have is the ability to look in the mirror and to sleep at night. When the voice of their addiction shows up telling them that they are no good or that they should use, they have a volume knob for it. They are people that live with integrity. They cleaned up their past and stopped causing more damage, and they owned their part if they fell short. They're men that take responsibility for themselves and their actions. Guys that are actually comfortable in their own skin . People with a sense of purpose and direction. They're not afraid to ask for help, and they have a faith that no matter what happens, they'll be OK. They're the kind of people that when others talk about them, they say "he's a good guy."
That's what I wanted, so I found those people. I didn't have any of those things, and using was the only way that I could stand being me, and then the drugs didn't do that either.
What you want may vary.
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Prince died of accidental overdose of opioid fentanyl: Medical examiner - CNN.com
How unfortunate :/ I truly hope this raises more awareness on recovery and addiction..
How unfortunate :/ I truly hope this raises more awareness on recovery and addiction..
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Great speaker tonight I wanted to speak to him after the meeting but there was such a long line I decided to just head home gah hate when I do that...but so glad I went ..exchanged a number with someone today..I slept a lot today and I am a bit worried because I have feeling SO tired to the point where my body wants to just shut down...def seeing a doctor soon...
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Beautifully put---->People with a sense of purpose and direction. They're not afraid to ask for help, and they have a faith that no matter what happens, they'll be OK. They're the kind of people that when others talk about them, they say "he's a good guy."
That's what I wanted, so I found those people. I didn't have any of those things, and using was the only way that I could stand being me, and then the drugs didn't do that either.
Purpose, direction, feeling comfortable in my own skin finally...That's what I want too!
That's what I wanted, so I found those people. I didn't have any of those things, and using was the only way that I could stand being me, and then the drugs didn't do that either.
Purpose, direction, feeling comfortable in my own skin finally...That's what I want too!
Originally Posted by IvanMike
You won't click with everyone, but I have learned to take something away from most people's stories.
There are guys that have what I want. These are the guys I listen to and go to for guidance and direction. What they have is the ability to look in the mirror and to sleep at night. When the voice of their addiction shows up telling them that they are no good or that they should use, they have a volume knob for it. They are people that live with integrity. They cleaned up their past and stopped causing more damage, and they owned their part if they fell short. They're men that take responsibility for themselves and their actions. Guys that are actually comfortable in their own skin . People with a sense of purpose and direction. They're not afraid to ask for help, and they have a faith that no matter what happens, they'll be OK. They're the kind of people that when others talk about them, they say "he's a good guy."
That's what I wanted, so I found those people. I didn't have any of those things, and using was the only way that I could stand being me, and then the drugs didn't do that either.
What you want may vary.
There are guys that have what I want. These are the guys I listen to and go to for guidance and direction. What they have is the ability to look in the mirror and to sleep at night. When the voice of their addiction shows up telling them that they are no good or that they should use, they have a volume knob for it. They are people that live with integrity. They cleaned up their past and stopped causing more damage, and they owned their part if they fell short. They're men that take responsibility for themselves and their actions. Guys that are actually comfortable in their own skin . People with a sense of purpose and direction. They're not afraid to ask for help, and they have a faith that no matter what happens, they'll be OK. They're the kind of people that when others talk about them, they say "he's a good guy."
That's what I wanted, so I found those people. I didn't have any of those things, and using was the only way that I could stand being me, and then the drugs didn't do that either.
What you want may vary.
haven't checked in for a while! got caught up w work and fasting for Ramadan ...nice to post on here again
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