Rar

Keep visiting and posting Skywalker. Hang in there - one day at a time.

IvanMike

Good. Have you given NA a try as well? It doesn't matter which fellowship you feel comfortable in (or both), but it helps to check stuff out. I wouldn't go crazy looking for a sponsor in the first week or so. However, what I would do is get some numbers of guys with time that sort of scare you. Get there whenever they open the meeting place (usually an hour to a half hour before), and hang out after the meeting.

Many people helped me stay clean in early recovery. I just had to show up and ask for help. Keep showing up and they start to take you seriously. Get a coffee commitment and see what happens.

skywalker91

Did my first Saturday morning meeting in NY today...I was late but luckily a buddy saved me a seat....I really couldn't hear the speaker because it was a pretty crowded meeting and I was in the back BUT it was so nice to hear some of the shares..My friend is pushing towards this one guy to be my sponsor he is two years younger than me..so far its just awkward between us but he did invite me to hang out after the meeting and I said next time because I was a nervous wreck but I promise the next fellowship invite I get I will take it! I am meeting someone I met from the rooms for dinner tonight we are going to different meetings afterwards but I am excited/nervous about it...lets see how it goes.

IvanMike

Keep showing up. Who your sponsor ends up being is between you and them.

FWIW, my sponsor didn't agree to sponsor me for a long time. I started calling him every day and showing up for the relationship. He had a list of expectations. For a long time I didn't know where he lived. Then one day I helped him pick up a new truck and I followed him home in his car (i knew where it was by then!).

skywalker91

Oh wow sweet! I guess this process will be a good test of my patience....ahh

skywalker91

Ended up hitting another meeting last night..hitting one in a few minutes and then going to babysit my nephew tonight..last nights meeting def felt a bit strange the speaker was great but the crowd just didn't feel right but I am glad I checked that meeting out because I have been meaning to for a while..hope everyones weekend is going great. One week today.

IvanMike

Often the crowd doesn't "feel right", a lot of us are pretty sick! I sure was (and still am a bit - it varies from day to day). Then there are those who have been where you are, who have put the work in, and who have found a way out.

Those are the ones to hang around and ask for help.

And the message? That can come from anywhere.

Keep at it.

skywalker91

todays meeting was pretty cool it reminded me of the vibe I got at the Sunday meeting I used to go to in LA because of the large crowd/speaker with a lot of sober time...Also, a little issue with one of the people I met in the rooms..he seems a bit aggressive in his demeanor and made a comment re: my family that made me feel uncomfortable...he did help me a lot in my first week into the rooms so the good outweighs the bad here. I know I won't like what everyone has to say and I won't always see eye to eye in every encounter that's LIFE. But it always feels good to vent

skywalker91

Also got my first grapevine today

skywalker91

first day of class tomorrow...kind of excited and nervous but overall happy to have another reason to be out of the house 4 days a week in the early morning Just called some people from the rooms to check and will call a few more soon.

skywalker91

^ *to check in

Soberwolf

Good job Skywalker

skywalker91

Thanks. Feeling so tired and drained today ...cloudy here...debating on missing a meeting because tomorrow is the first day of class but decided to just go!! will update on how it was when I get back tonight

IvanMike

Right on. To be honest I never missed using no matter what was going on. Ever. Keep at it.

Don't confuse people at meetings saying things you don't like (within reason) with them being the wrong people to associate with. A lot of the people that helped me the most told me some pretty harsh truths at times. They still do. The people I steer clear of are those who are obviously not serious, and those that live their lives in a manner contrary to how they share. I had my share of friends in early recovery with my amount of clean time, but they weren't the people I went to for advice. They knew about as much as I did, which was zip.

This is the end of the month, which is business meeting season. This is an excellent time to get a coffee commitment.

skywalker91

a commitment sure sounds like a good idea I don't know how to make coffee so I will probably take on another commitment haha ...I am glad I went to the meeting today because I was feeling pretty down beforehand...starting class tomorrow I hope with only over a week sober I can still do well in this course....prayers

Hawkeye13

excellent leg work on your recovery skywalker

skywalker91

Thanks Hawkeye!

Off to class now :X

skywalker91

Class was alright. I definitely kept second guessing myself and stayed in my thoughts a lot more than usual in class...hopefully I can get into study mode soon enough...REALLY was exhausted today but hit a meeting and met a cool guy. Someone came drunk/high out of their minds to the meeting today and he left half way through...he was pretty disruptive and was taken out however...I told myself that he is just suffering like all of us and paid attention to some pretty awesome shares...

skywalker91

Just got back from a meeting..hopefully can get the energy to study now! I didn't really mingle with anyone at this meeting it was late! didn't really relate too much with the speaker...but some shares were great! Moreover, my interim sponsor was not able to make it tonight so I was a bit bummed but I am glad I went. Here is to 10 days...

rc4dt1

You're not a loser. You have a disease that will kill you, as do I. The only thing that works for me is to treat it with the respect that it deserves.

If I don't take care of my disease I will eventually die a premature death, as will you if you don't take care of yours.

Keep trying, take suggestions seriously, really consider if doing most of the work will be enough. For me it was not. I had to dive back into recovery again. I had been relapsing for 10 years trying to get and stay sober. 100% surrender and faith that everything else will take care of itself if I prioritize my recovery ahead of everything else.

Never give up.

Oh, and I have had those fantasies too about being a porn star or some other lifestyle that it would be acceptable to be an addict in, allowing me to continue destructive behavior. But in reality that's all it would be, an excuse to do something that I know is killing my soul and and my body.

Best wishes to you! You CAN do it with help.

EDIT: sorry I responded before reading the whole thread. Great job on the clean time and meetings. I need to read everything before responding lol :-/