RELAPSED again...Sick & Tired & utterly confused...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I think using the thought of what others might be at AA as an excuse not to go is a pretty clearly flawed premise.
AA is a proven program and a place of strength and support if you walk through the doors with honesty and clarity of purpose.
Sure, if you walk in with false commitment and a desire to remain in addiction, that's likely what you'll find. There are those who do. For those who are ready, they serve as powerful examples of how addiction continues to roll. Eventually, even they learn- or perish.
AA is a proven program and a place of strength and support if you walk through the doors with honesty and clarity of purpose.
Sure, if you walk in with false commitment and a desire to remain in addiction, that's likely what you'll find. There are those who do. For those who are ready, they serve as powerful examples of how addiction continues to roll. Eventually, even they learn- or perish.
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Originally Posted by FreeOwl 
I think using the thought of what others might be at AA as an excuse not to go is a pretty clearly flawed premise. AA is a proven program and a place of strength and support if you walk through the doors with honesty and clarity of purpose. Sure, if you walk in with false commitment and a desire to remain in addiction, that's likely what you'll find. There are those who do. For those who are ready, they serve as powerful examples of how addiction continues to roll. Eventually, even they learn- or perish.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 608
Agreed
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
I think using the thought of what others might be at AA as an excuse not to go is a pretty clearly flawed premise.
AA is a proven program and a place of strength and support if you walk through the doors with honesty and clarity of purpose.
Sure, if you walk in with false commitment and a desire to remain in addiction, that's likely what you'll find. There are those who do. For those who are ready, they serve as powerful examples of how addiction continues to roll. Eventually, even they learn- or perish.
AA is a proven program and a place of strength and support if you walk through the doors with honesty and clarity of purpose.
Sure, if you walk in with false commitment and a desire to remain in addiction, that's likely what you'll find. There are those who do. For those who are ready, they serve as powerful examples of how addiction continues to roll. Eventually, even they learn- or perish.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 608
While I figure out recovery programs/rehabs I plan on doing 90 meetings in 90 days & also will go ahead with taking my summer class to keep me busy ...
No matter how much anxiety, fear I have I will go to a meeting everyday for 90 days...
I truly hope God is with me on this journey/goal
I will post every day after the meeting about how I feel afterwards/check in with you guys
No matter how much anxiety, fear I have I will go to a meeting everyday for 90 days...
I truly hope God is with me on this journey/goal
I will post every day after the meeting about how I feel afterwards/check in with you guys
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
Originally Posted by skywalker91
While I figure out recovery programs/rehabs I plan on doing 90 meetings in 90 days & also will go ahead with taking my summer class to keep me busy ...
No matter how much anxiety, fear I have I will go to a meeting everyday for 90 days...
I truly hope God is with me on this journey/goal
I will post every day after the meeting about how I feel afterwards/check in with you guys
No matter how much anxiety, fear I have I will go to a meeting everyday for 90 days...
I truly hope God is with me on this journey/goal
I will post every day after the meeting about how I feel afterwards/check in with you guys
Don't just check in with us, find some guys there who have what you want and check in with them as well. Call them before you use, not after. Worked for me.
If you're like me you really don't think that recovery will work, and even if it does, it won't work for you. Turns out I was wrong on both counts. Part of recovery is persevering even when you think nothing is happening and when you still feel that it is hopeless.
Hang in there.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 608
Thanks buddy
Originally Posted by IvanMike
The power of your understanding will always be there, you just have to show up for the relationship. Recovery isn't magical.
Don't just check in with us, find some guys there who have what you want and check in with them as well. Call them before you use, not after. Worked for me.
If you're like me you really don't think that recovery will work, and even if it does, it won't work for you. Turns out I was wrong on both counts. Part of recovery is persevering even when you think nothing is happening and when you still feel that it is hopeless.
Hang in there.
Don't just check in with us, find some guys there who have what you want and check in with them as well. Call them before you use, not after. Worked for me.
If you're like me you really don't think that recovery will work, and even if it does, it won't work for you. Turns out I was wrong on both counts. Part of recovery is persevering even when you think nothing is happening and when you still feel that it is hopeless.
Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by skywalker91
While I figure out recovery programs/rehabs I plan on doing 90 meetings in 90 days & also will go ahead with taking my summer class to keep me busy ...
No matter how much anxiety, fear I have I will go to a meeting everyday for 90 days...
I truly hope God is with me on this journey/goal
I will post every day after the meeting about how I feel afterwards/check in with you guys
No matter how much anxiety, fear I have I will go to a meeting everyday for 90 days...
I truly hope God is with me on this journey/goal
I will post every day after the meeting about how I feel afterwards/check in with you guys
what do you do for exercise?
I find that a regular exercise program really helps also....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by skywalker91
I don't know if going to meetings alone will be enough for me right now..I think I need a lot of structure and support..I don't even trust myself going on the subway to get to meetings
meeting makers make meetings.
meeting makers that work the program recover from the hopeless state of mind and body and stay sober.
however
like myself, had to take personal responsibility for recovery-no more putting our sobriety on the shoulders of others.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 608
Wow what a day. I went to a meeting at NYU and got some numbers. Then one of my buddies told me there will be another meeting starting after so I stayed. And that second meeting had an amazing speaker that made me laugh so hard. It was great to laugh today. It was great to feel safe today in the rooms and not awkward. One thing that made feel down is that every time I go to a meeting I remember the strong fellowship I had when I lived in LA. I have trouble letting things go as you can see haha. But I have to remind myself that maybe one day I will have even stronger camaraderie out here in NY. Fingers crossed. I am sober today and I finally took my medicine (meeting)!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 608
I used to love running and volley ball and I really want gain more muscle and start lifting...I stay skinny even though I eat like a pig...I bought a mass protein gainer and hopefully will join the gym soon...I am thinking it will be better to join a gym in Manhattan which is where all the meetings I go to are so then I can hit a meeting before/after a workout...I really want to stay consistent with the gym I always get these bursts of motivation for working out then I just forget about it but this time I REALLY want to get consistent with the gym...
Originally Posted by FreeOwl
this is fantastic!!
what do you do for exercise?
I find that a regular exercise program really helps also....
what do you do for exercise?
I find that a regular exercise program really helps also....
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: northern california
Posts: 740
as you have heard in AA half measures availed us nothing skywalker you have to be all in find a recovery program and stick with it AA Smart LifeRing professional help whatever works or use all of it and stay away from porn it will rot your soul
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 608
I really think I have to give up porn as well. It really is soul rotting poison for me.
Originally Posted by fred59
as you have heard in AA half measures availed us nothing skywalker you have to be all in find a recovery program and stick with it AA Smart LifeRing professional help whatever works or use all of it and stay away from porn it will rot your soul
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by skywalker91
I have been through rehab, sober living, and AA meetings. I have never fully committed to the program of AA or NA (except when I was in a very structured sober living in CA) …I really don’t know what to do anymore.
You have to commit to not using and getting sober, ongoing.
I don’t know how I can go through yet another rehab or another program. Am I just not getting something? I don’t understand how many relapses I need to realize that this just is not the way. I keep having this abnormal theory that using will lead me to becoming like a Hollywood actor or a famous porn star (one of my sister’s ex best friend was or is an escort and doing great financially so I always thought maybe it can work for me too). I know how crazy that sounds but that’s how my disease makes me think while using it is twisted…I am turning 25 in a month. I seriously don’t know what to do next you guys. I did therapy but was not consistent.
You do know what to do.
A majority of my family members are doctors/lawyers/teachers ( I did great in college too and love education but this addiction takes it all away so quickly) I feel like a loser because of this disease it is terrible! My mom is saying to ignore what happened and move on and focus on my summer class as it will keep me very busy. I haven’t told my sisters because they have just given birth to newborns and have done so much to help me already…I don’t want to hurt them. I am starting to feel very hopeless. This has been going on since I was 21 years old on/off. I managed to complete college but now I am being held back by addiction. Is it my hometown and all the associations of my traumatic childhood? I have tried leaving NY and starting over somewhere new but then came back to NY again because of how hard it was to start over on my own without family….
You know moving someplace or even visiting is not the solution.
I really need help and need you guys. I have been so weak since the relapse as well…afraid to leave my house and see a doctor. Afraid of all the judgement. I am still so excited for school starting is that wrong? Will I be able to handle the course is it a good decision to go ahead and take the class? So much is going on in my head you guys. I will appreciate the input….I am being rigorously honest here and it is scary
You have to commit to not using and getting sober, ongoing.
I don’t know how I can go through yet another rehab or another program. Am I just not getting something? I don’t understand how many relapses I need to realize that this just is not the way. I keep having this abnormal theory that using will lead me to becoming like a Hollywood actor or a famous porn star (one of my sister’s ex best friend was or is an escort and doing great financially so I always thought maybe it can work for me too). I know how crazy that sounds but that’s how my disease makes me think while using it is twisted…I am turning 25 in a month. I seriously don’t know what to do next you guys. I did therapy but was not consistent.
You do know what to do.
A majority of my family members are doctors/lawyers/teachers ( I did great in college too and love education but this addiction takes it all away so quickly) I feel like a loser because of this disease it is terrible! My mom is saying to ignore what happened and move on and focus on my summer class as it will keep me very busy. I haven’t told my sisters because they have just given birth to newborns and have done so much to help me already…I don’t want to hurt them. I am starting to feel very hopeless. This has been going on since I was 21 years old on/off. I managed to complete college but now I am being held back by addiction. Is it my hometown and all the associations of my traumatic childhood? I have tried leaving NY and starting over somewhere new but then came back to NY again because of how hard it was to start over on my own without family….
You know moving someplace or even visiting is not the solution.
I really need help and need you guys. I have been so weak since the relapse as well…afraid to leave my house and see a doctor. Afraid of all the judgement. I am still so excited for school starting is that wrong? Will I be able to handle the course is it a good decision to go ahead and take the class? So much is going on in my head you guys. I will appreciate the input….I am being rigorously honest here and it is scary
You are the only one who can recover. Put every single bad thing you did aside - it comes down to that. I am not preaching, I am talking to myself as much as to you- the specifics (and my specifics aren't the same as yours but damn, they were bad!) cannot keep you from getting well if that is what you want to do.
Good luck. Keep visiting!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Try to stay in the day Skywalker - the only day we can do anything about is today - don't miss it because your head is in next week.
Keep it simple - keep doing the next right thing - right?
D
Keep it simple - keep doing the next right thing - right?
D
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 608
Thank You Dee74 just got back from a meeting....a friend of mine suggested a sponsor to me today we didn't get to really get to know each yet so I felt a wall between us he had another newcomer with him today as well and they knew each other from college so I felt a bit left out however I put my feelings aside and tried to pay attention to the speaker and shares...I didn't share today so I felt a bit bad after the meeting was over but overall it was alright. I am glad I am sober today and went to my first Friday meeting in NY
Originally Posted by Dee74
Try to stay in the day Skywalker - the only day we can do anything about is today - don't miss it because your head is in next week.
Keep it simple - keep doing the next right thing - right?
D
Keep it simple - keep doing the next right thing - right?
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
