It's all about me Part 3
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Oh one more thing. I felt that same way TOD! Soverylost, what TOD is saying is correct. There was no way I could have cuddle time with my husband that early into recovery. I couldn't do anything except not use! Every bit of my strength and energy went into not taking pills. The same way as I felt giving up the cigs. I couldn't be there for anyone at that time. I'm sorry. I hope he comes home soon. But I will tell you that my husband understood exactly that I couldn't be there for him or for anyone and thank God he gave me my space! But the positive part is that it was temporary. It lasts for as long as it takes....but then it's over.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,606
I think what clean said makes total sense Soverlylost. When B told me about his relapse, he told me he couldn't be in a relationship with me because he needs to focus on himself and he couldn't be what i needed and deserved. It took me a while to understand that. And when i read thru clean's post to you, i remembered it and it makes even more sense now. I wanted to show you, like the others already did, that it's nothing uncommon.
Do you have a close friend or family member who could give you emotional support? I keep trying to think about what you and hubby could do, but i don't really know
Just hang in there, it's temporary and i think im a few weeks things will look better 
(((((hugs)))))
Do you have a close friend or family member who could give you emotional support? I keep trying to think about what you and hubby could do, but i don't really know
Just hang in there, it's temporary and i think im a few weeks things will look better (((((hugs)))))
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
Posts: 795
Thank you all...I knew that not only would you guys understand me but you'd help me understand H too.
He came home little before midnight. Sober. I was asleep so i didnt realize he had been sending texts asking if I was ok. So he assumed I wasn't because I wasn't answering.
This morning we were able to talk without the kids bugging us, dd watched Ds. He said he felt like he had napalm running through him yesterday and was ready to explode. He said he knew I was sad and needed support and he just couldn't.
I told him I am tired of him trying to assume my feelings, because he assumes them as negative. He was upset I didn't answer hid texts and assumed I was upset, in reality I was sleeping. I was upset, but i can't share that yet with him. He's not ready to hear.
I think you all are right. He just needs time. He can't handle his own emotions, much less mine. I am so tired of carrying both of us.
I guess my biggest problem is he doesn't realize that in himself. He thinks that it's me putting all this stuff on him, when he's putting it on himself. Does that make sense? He doesn't realize he can't handle stress and emotions yet, and he assumes negative things about me and what I'm thinking when it's not true, and then reacts to them and I'm left extremely confused because all of this has played out in his head. Does that make sense? I know it's a lot of withdrawal stuff and a lot of learning to deal with stress and other people without alcohol, but he doesn't realize that and that frustrates me.
I am so ready to have my husband back, i forget that he needs to relearn things, to have time to heal. I'm exhausted with work and kids and him and i feel left behind. I want a little bit for me. I think I'll have to learn that on my own and not rely on him, because he just can't do it.
So, this morning is ok. Not great, but ok. And thank you all for helping me to understand.
Butter, I'm glad you reached out to B and got a nice response. Shows that you are moving on and I'm sorry Mr S is living up to his Mr Stupid moniker.
Clean, enjoy your visit with your friend
Tod, lol, I've never heard that song before but I can relate!! Your mom played it a lot...was your dad a drinker?
Blue, I'm sorry to hear about Mr Blue's college friend. It really puts things in perspective.
Allfor, hope you have a wonderful weekend with your family and the newly found Mr Legs! I think your son is adorable
He came home little before midnight. Sober. I was asleep so i didnt realize he had been sending texts asking if I was ok. So he assumed I wasn't because I wasn't answering.
This morning we were able to talk without the kids bugging us, dd watched Ds. He said he felt like he had napalm running through him yesterday and was ready to explode. He said he knew I was sad and needed support and he just couldn't.
I told him I am tired of him trying to assume my feelings, because he assumes them as negative. He was upset I didn't answer hid texts and assumed I was upset, in reality I was sleeping. I was upset, but i can't share that yet with him. He's not ready to hear.
I think you all are right. He just needs time. He can't handle his own emotions, much less mine. I am so tired of carrying both of us.
I guess my biggest problem is he doesn't realize that in himself. He thinks that it's me putting all this stuff on him, when he's putting it on himself. Does that make sense? He doesn't realize he can't handle stress and emotions yet, and he assumes negative things about me and what I'm thinking when it's not true, and then reacts to them and I'm left extremely confused because all of this has played out in his head. Does that make sense? I know it's a lot of withdrawal stuff and a lot of learning to deal with stress and other people without alcohol, but he doesn't realize that and that frustrates me.
I am so ready to have my husband back, i forget that he needs to relearn things, to have time to heal. I'm exhausted with work and kids and him and i feel left behind. I want a little bit for me. I think I'll have to learn that on my own and not rely on him, because he just can't do it.
So, this morning is ok. Not great, but ok. And thank you all for helping me to understand.
Butter, I'm glad you reached out to B and got a nice response. Shows that you are moving on
and I'm sorry Mr S is living up to his Mr Stupid moniker. Clean, enjoy your visit with your friend
Tod, lol, I've never heard that song before but I can relate!! Your mom played it a lot...was your dad a drinker?
Blue, I'm sorry to hear about Mr Blue's college friend. It really puts things in perspective.
Allfor, hope you have a wonderful weekend with your family and the newly found Mr Legs!
I think your son is adorable
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Soverylost I do that!!! Yes! I do that exact same thing. I assume someone wants me to be there for them....or Needs me to act or be a certain way. I think this stems from my childhood and how important it was to behave a certain way depending on my Mom and her moods. She needed me to be there for her. I might not be explaining it very well though. So I'm sorry if I'm not.
I was discussing this with my husband (basically, asking him if he notices any similarities) he was the one who agreed with me that I do that too. But one thing he asked me is how does your husband feel about your manager? Does he harbor any resentments or insecurities of him? Another was what are you guys policies with regards to work and discussing work issues at home? Does he bring work (issues) home with him? Do you? How do you feel when he does? How does he feel when you do? Is there a certain time of day that you guys are more relaxed and can discuss more emotional /stressful issues? These questions are not really for me or my hubs to know the answer to...just stuff for you to think about. I can say for sure that timing is very important. I can tell my husband about the cut off notice while he's walking thru the door from work....or while in bed after watching a good movie and get a totally different reaction.
But , I'm glad it worked out ok...and he's still sober.
I was discussing this with my husband (basically, asking him if he notices any similarities) he was the one who agreed with me that I do that too. But one thing he asked me is how does your husband feel about your manager? Does he harbor any resentments or insecurities of him? Another was what are you guys policies with regards to work and discussing work issues at home? Does he bring work (issues) home with him? Do you? How do you feel when he does? How does he feel when you do? Is there a certain time of day that you guys are more relaxed and can discuss more emotional /stressful issues? These questions are not really for me or my hubs to know the answer to...just stuff for you to think about. I can say for sure that timing is very important. I can tell my husband about the cut off notice while he's walking thru the door from work....or while in bed after watching a good movie and get a totally different reaction.
But , I'm glad it worked out ok...and he's still sober.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
Have fun visiting your friend today Clean!
Im sorry about what happened yesterday Sovery! When I looked at Tod's first reply from last night it blew me away because I think she was spot on with his feelings and reaction. And Clean explained it well too. Haha even the example with the cigarettes, because I think all of us felt a difference when she was going through the worst of wd and had to step back from posting to us as much with the smoking/posting mental connection and for a while how she said her mind just wouldnt let her concentrate.
Mr Blue had problems too, and I think its normal. But u know what I feel is confusing, maybe u feel it too. At times in the first few months, he was OK and did have the ability to respond to my emotions and we had good talks and quiet times, BUT then without notice he would be like your husband said, ok not filled with napalm, hahaha but filled with anxiety or high energy and he couldnt relate to his own emotions much less mine. So its an up and down kind of thing, and we can get caught off balance one time expecting nothing, and another time expecting normal connections or even have a time when we feel we need them so much, but they dont have it to give at that moment. And then we confuse them if we are pulling back at a time when they want and are able to give. Its confusing and probably why some call early recovery like a roller-coaster? It will get easier I think, Mr Blues was temporary just like Clean and Tod said theirs was. And look at Clean now, shes chatting up husband right and left! Hahaa.
Timing is important too, and I think we each have our own knowledge of this with our partner even if there was no addiction or anything going on. If my husband is distracted by work, then I know I can slide in a piece of precarious info and he will be like ok and go about his business. But the same share at another time he would pick at it more. He sorta figured this one out though a long time back, and learned how to store my comment for when he was done working and then will say, and did you tell me? I cant use this one anymore! Hahaha
Im happy he came home before it got too late, and he was worried about you. He does care. Its not about his feelings for you or the kids, Some of it is just biological and surprises him too I think. I hope your weekend goes good and you can snuggle and watch a movie or something later.
Ive never heard the song Tod. Shes part of the Grand Ole Opry isnt she? I went there one time to Opryland and to the theater at night, and the Opryland hotel. Its really cool! I can see how your mom could play it over and over. For one its upbeat for such a sad topic. And I think she was practicing CRAFT too. No lovin if your drinkin! But hmm I bet he got a warmer reception if he wasnt! Hahahaha. IK IK
Hi Butter, Allfor, Eyes!
Mr Blue isnt working today! I still had to get up early like for work to feed the squirrels, but our house pets dont recognize saturday as a sleep in day either. They want their normal attention, food and to go outside for a few minutes. They cant get in the bedroom but they cause a lot of noise outside the door if not attended to!
Everyone have a good day!
Im sorry about what happened yesterday Sovery! When I looked at Tod's first reply from last night it blew me away because I think she was spot on with his feelings and reaction. And Clean explained it well too. Haha even the example with the cigarettes, because I think all of us felt a difference when she was going through the worst of wd and had to step back from posting to us as much with the smoking/posting mental connection and for a while how she said her mind just wouldnt let her concentrate.
Mr Blue had problems too, and I think its normal. But u know what I feel is confusing, maybe u feel it too. At times in the first few months, he was OK and did have the ability to respond to my emotions and we had good talks and quiet times, BUT then without notice he would be like your husband said, ok not filled with napalm, hahaha but filled with anxiety or high energy and he couldnt relate to his own emotions much less mine. So its an up and down kind of thing, and we can get caught off balance one time expecting nothing, and another time expecting normal connections or even have a time when we feel we need them so much, but they dont have it to give at that moment. And then we confuse them if we are pulling back at a time when they want and are able to give. Its confusing and probably why some call early recovery like a roller-coaster? It will get easier I think, Mr Blues was temporary just like Clean and Tod said theirs was. And look at Clean now, shes chatting up husband right and left! Hahaa.
Timing is important too, and I think we each have our own knowledge of this with our partner even if there was no addiction or anything going on. If my husband is distracted by work, then I know I can slide in a piece of precarious info and he will be like ok and go about his business. But the same share at another time he would pick at it more. He sorta figured this one out though a long time back, and learned how to store my comment for when he was done working and then will say, and did you tell me? I cant use this one anymore! Hahaha
Im happy he came home before it got too late, and he was worried about you. He does care. Its not about his feelings for you or the kids, Some of it is just biological and surprises him too I think. I hope your weekend goes good and you can snuggle and watch a movie or something later.
Ive never heard the song Tod. Shes part of the Grand Ole Opry isnt she? I went there one time to Opryland and to the theater at night, and the Opryland hotel. Its really cool! I can see how your mom could play it over and over. For one its upbeat for such a sad topic. And I think she was practicing CRAFT too. No lovin if your drinkin! But hmm I bet he got a warmer reception if he wasnt! Hahahaha. IK IK
Hi Butter, Allfor, Eyes!
Mr Blue isnt working today! I still had to get up early like for work to feed the squirrels, but our house pets dont recognize saturday as a sleep in day either. They want their normal attention, food and to go outside for a few minutes. They cant get in the bedroom but they cause a lot of noise outside the door if not attended to!
Everyone have a good day!
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
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Clean, it sounds like H grew up in a home quite similar to yours. Always making sure he didn't upset his parents, especially when they drank. They were only proud of him if they benefited somehow from what he did or they could brag about him to make themselves look better.
And good questions about work. I've never thought of it. I work at the university in a confidential area so i can't bring work home and can only talk about it in broad terms. It's an extremely tight knit office, these people are like a very good family to me but we don't do anything outside work, so H has only met my manager once. I've been there seven years. So perhaps he feels left out or marginalized. He knows how I thought of my manager, but never being able to come to my job has probably made him feel outside of the circle if that makes sense.
Blue, that's exactly what H does. One time I can say something and get a great response or support or whatever I need, and the next time it's complete opposite with no rhyme or reason. I try to catch H during those moments when he's open and responsive,and make a game plan for when he's not. It's hard to judge because it seems to come out of the blue for me, I'll have to watch and do some mapping. I've asked him to let me know before he's frustrated too but sometimes I guess he doesn't realize he is before he's too far gone.
I'm glad to hear though that if he continues to stay sober it will get better with time
Hope everyone is having a good weekend
And good questions about work. I've never thought of it. I work at the university in a confidential area so i can't bring work home and can only talk about it in broad terms. It's an extremely tight knit office, these people are like a very good family to me but we don't do anything outside work, so H has only met my manager once. I've been there seven years. So perhaps he feels left out or marginalized. He knows how I thought of my manager, but never being able to come to my job has probably made him feel outside of the circle if that makes sense.
Blue, that's exactly what H does. One time I can say something and get a great response or support or whatever I need, and the next time it's complete opposite with no rhyme or reason. I try to catch H during those moments when he's open and responsive,and make a game plan for when he's not. It's hard to judge because it seems to come out of the blue for me, I'll have to watch and do some mapping. I've asked him to let me know before he's frustrated too but sometimes I guess he doesn't realize he is before he's too far gone.
I'm glad to hear though that if he continues to stay sober it will get better with time
Hope everyone is having a good weekend
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Being the Recovering addict? I get to watch Jethro in his role using the opiates! And oh man do I get to see some negative stuff! I know his negative moods and his positive moods! I don't think he even tries to "read" me! I'm just an "out" there kind of person. Either I'm laughing, joyful, moody, hurting or just plain old pizzed! It only takes one certain look on my face for Jethro to know he needs to back off and leave me alone!
We've also gotten to the point while watching something on TV? If we are trying to listen to what's being said and the other interrupts? We'll say: "I'm watching this!" I zip it and walk off! He'll either come ask me what I wanted to say or will wait until I come back inside and ask me then! When he's got the opiate thrill going and I'm watching something I don't want to miss? I'll either say shhhhhhh and hold my finger up for wait a minute or say: "Just a minute!" It's like I don't say or do anything though and he continues talking getting louder and louder with each word! I finally pause the show and turn to look at him. Well then he gets pizzed because he knows I'm agitated! I mean REALLY? I respect you while you're watching TV, but you get pizzed for what I do? But when he's not on the opiate thrill? He understands my hand signals and waits for me to give him my full attention!
While at the doctor's office this past Thursday? He wasn't himself. So I figured he'd taken a pill! Although he denied it later and even said he'd not had one the day before either! Well he sure couldn't have proved it by me! I know the signs when he's using and not using! There was one point my stomach was in knots after leaving the VAH due to our conversation. If I could have opened the door and got out in the middle of the freeway going 70 mph? I'd done it! My nerves were raw and screaming to be calmed down. My heart was just a racing too! He was also driving and I just tried focusing on making sure he stayed between the lines!
We make it to walmart and I'm having to listen to him "Bch" in the parking lot about how much he hates walmart! WHAT? He doesn't have a problem with walmart! We get parked and get inside! I'm laughing and talking with ppl I know in the store. He's interacting some and then at times he'd get really pizzed over something I'd say and sull up like a bullfrog sitting on a stump! ARGH! I can't count how many times I told him: "Quit acting like an azz!" I finally handed him the list and went to the other side of the store to give us some space!
As for H trying to "read" your emotions? I've not had that problem with Jethro too much! I use the phrase on him: "I can't read your mind! You'll have to tell me what you're thinking!" That's worked well for us! If he's being moody? I ignore him and do my own things! His feelings are his to own. I haven't done anything to cause him to act that way so I'm not going to worry about it! We all have our own agenda's to tend to. If Jethro needs my help with something? He'll come ask! I do the same to him!
Be like a duck and let water slide off your back!
TOD
We've also gotten to the point while watching something on TV? If we are trying to listen to what's being said and the other interrupts? We'll say: "I'm watching this!" I zip it and walk off! He'll either come ask me what I wanted to say or will wait until I come back inside and ask me then! When he's got the opiate thrill going and I'm watching something I don't want to miss? I'll either say shhhhhhh and hold my finger up for wait a minute or say: "Just a minute!" It's like I don't say or do anything though and he continues talking getting louder and louder with each word! I finally pause the show and turn to look at him. Well then he gets pizzed because he knows I'm agitated! I mean REALLY? I respect you while you're watching TV, but you get pizzed for what I do? But when he's not on the opiate thrill? He understands my hand signals and waits for me to give him my full attention!
While at the doctor's office this past Thursday? He wasn't himself. So I figured he'd taken a pill! Although he denied it later and even said he'd not had one the day before either! Well he sure couldn't have proved it by me! I know the signs when he's using and not using! There was one point my stomach was in knots after leaving the VAH due to our conversation. If I could have opened the door and got out in the middle of the freeway going 70 mph? I'd done it! My nerves were raw and screaming to be calmed down. My heart was just a racing too! He was also driving and I just tried focusing on making sure he stayed between the lines!
We make it to walmart and I'm having to listen to him "Bch" in the parking lot about how much he hates walmart! WHAT? He doesn't have a problem with walmart! We get parked and get inside! I'm laughing and talking with ppl I know in the store. He's interacting some and then at times he'd get really pizzed over something I'd say and sull up like a bullfrog sitting on a stump! ARGH! I can't count how many times I told him: "Quit acting like an azz!" I finally handed him the list and went to the other side of the store to give us some space!
As for H trying to "read" your emotions? I've not had that problem with Jethro too much! I use the phrase on him: "I can't read your mind! You'll have to tell me what you're thinking!" That's worked well for us! If he's being moody? I ignore him and do my own things! His feelings are his to own. I haven't done anything to cause him to act that way so I'm not going to worry about it! We all have our own agenda's to tend to. If Jethro needs my help with something? He'll come ask! I do the same to him!
Be like a duck and let water slide off your back!
TOD
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Well I gotta give kudo's to Jethro tonight!
He went to Chili's and got us shrimp/steak Combo's for supper! For my birthday!
I got a video from my daughter with my two grandkids singing happy birthday to Meamaw!
Lot's of friends sending birthday wishes as well! Even talked with my SR friend in NYC by phone! Couldn't get over my Southern accent! LOL
It's been a nice day/evening here!
TOD
He went to Chili's and got us shrimp/steak Combo's for supper! For my birthday!
I got a video from my daughter with my two grandkids singing happy birthday to Meamaw!
Lot's of friends sending birthday wishes as well! Even talked with my SR friend in NYC by phone! Couldn't get over my Southern accent! LOL
It's been a nice day/evening here!
TOD
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,854
OmG I knew this too, I dont know how I let it slip my mind! Probably Mr Blue's fault! Haha! But I do care, I snuck off to write this from the restroom at the restaurant. I bet no one else wished you a happy day from the Lou!
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Originally Posted by BlueChair 
OmG I knew this too, I dont know how I let it slip my mind! Probably Mr Blue's fault! Haha! But I do care, I snuck off to write this from the restroom at the restaurant. I bet no one else wished you a happy day from the Lou!
Thank you too CleaninLI!
TOD
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Happy Birthday TOD. Sorry I missed it by a couple of hours, but I hope it was wonderful. It was thoughtful of Jethro to get a nice dinner for both of you, sounded delicious.
Are you feeling ok with the shingles? Hopefully you have a mild case... maybe its good you take a lot of supplements because they might be helping to boost your immune system.
SVL....Coming in at the tail end of the drama, but it sounds like you had a lot of good feedback from both sides here.. I think its very helpful in being able to see big picture...
I keep thinking, my husband was inpatient for almost 3 months. His moods fluctuated a lot but he didn't have the pressures of work, and daily concerns over our son.. so he was somewhat sheltered I guess you could say. When he came home directly after rehab, he was doing pretty good but going back to work did cause him stress, and there were fluctuations in moods, and this did lead to confusion with emotions, and out trying to stay on the same page. Especially hard since our son was only an infant and needed a lot of hands on care. My husband would want to care for him, and then when he wouldn't stop crying or something, he would begin to feel stressed.. this then led to feelings of guilt, inferiority and started a negative loop of thoughts in his mind which didn't help anything. I guess what Im trying to share is the whole emotional side of things is very complex for both sides especially in the early days. Im sorry your going through it, but I think the best choice for both of you is to stay the course and try to keep moving in a positive direction as your doing.. modify a little where you need to..
I think his coming home sober was wonderful news. I also think its positive that he knew he needed to get out of the house. Maybe he thought he would be able to get out for a short while, pick up dinner, and be ok.. but it didn't work that way.. It sounds like he tried to minimize his feelings and emotions around your daughter as to not involve her too much.
Blue... I doubt your the only one who has ever posting from the Lou area.. but probably the only one who would admit it.. I posted pics of Legs from our bathroom. LOL I had too as that's where he lived. (new one looks to be ok too.. still up high)... son is happy and peace is restored to his world.
Hope you having a good weekend Butter. Are you doing advance planning for your trip? I love that part.
Cleanin..
Its always fun to get together with an old friend.. I hope you had a good time.
My husband and I have talked about the whys of his addiction, and one of the things we always say is that we never know what will befall our kids one day.. maybe his having gone through this, and our both becoming aware of the dangers, signs, and understanding the treatments was meant to happen now.. in order to help us be better parents. Im sorry your daughter gave a jab there.. it doesn't really sound like her exactly.. maybe she was just in a mood? But I think her point was probably true.. your experience gave her awareness and hopefully has changed her thinking, and shes at an age, participating in college environment where she probably sees drug and alcohol use. If kids and adults only knew what could happen, and how it can start so simply... Another reason to keep my son in a bubble.. LOL
I think I will go stare at him now as he sleeps in his big boy bed.
Are you feeling ok with the shingles? Hopefully you have a mild case... maybe its good you take a lot of supplements because they might be helping to boost your immune system.
SVL....Coming in at the tail end of the drama, but it sounds like you had a lot of good feedback from both sides here.. I think its very helpful in being able to see big picture...
I keep thinking, my husband was inpatient for almost 3 months. His moods fluctuated a lot but he didn't have the pressures of work, and daily concerns over our son.. so he was somewhat sheltered I guess you could say. When he came home directly after rehab, he was doing pretty good but going back to work did cause him stress, and there were fluctuations in moods, and this did lead to confusion with emotions, and out trying to stay on the same page. Especially hard since our son was only an infant and needed a lot of hands on care. My husband would want to care for him, and then when he wouldn't stop crying or something, he would begin to feel stressed.. this then led to feelings of guilt, inferiority and started a negative loop of thoughts in his mind which didn't help anything. I guess what Im trying to share is the whole emotional side of things is very complex for both sides especially in the early days. Im sorry your going through it, but I think the best choice for both of you is to stay the course and try to keep moving in a positive direction as your doing.. modify a little where you need to..
I think his coming home sober was wonderful news. I also think its positive that he knew he needed to get out of the house. Maybe he thought he would be able to get out for a short while, pick up dinner, and be ok.. but it didn't work that way.. It sounds like he tried to minimize his feelings and emotions around your daughter as to not involve her too much.
Blue... I doubt your the only one who has ever posting from the Lou area.. but probably the only one who would admit it.. I posted pics of Legs from our bathroom. LOL I had too as that's where he lived. (new one looks to be ok too.. still up high)... son is happy and peace is restored to his world.
Hope you having a good weekend Butter. Are you doing advance planning for your trip? I love that part.
Cleanin..
Its always fun to get together with an old friend.. I hope you had a good time.
My husband and I have talked about the whys of his addiction, and one of the things we always say is that we never know what will befall our kids one day.. maybe his having gone through this, and our both becoming aware of the dangers, signs, and understanding the treatments was meant to happen now.. in order to help us be better parents. Im sorry your daughter gave a jab there.. it doesn't really sound like her exactly.. maybe she was just in a mood? But I think her point was probably true.. your experience gave her awareness and hopefully has changed her thinking, and shes at an age, participating in college environment where she probably sees drug and alcohol use. If kids and adults only knew what could happen, and how it can start so simply... Another reason to keep my son in a bubble.. LOL
I think I will go stare at him now as he sleeps in his big boy bed.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,606
Hey ladies!
I'm not having the best day today I miss my family so much. Yesterday they had a service in the church where they called the names of the people who passed away in the last 30 days (it's a catholic thing and i don't know what it's called in English, maybe one of you know what i'm talking about) so my family went to church and out for dinner. Today my mom sent me a text message telling me that they went to see my uncle's new kitchen today and she mentioned everyone who was ther: my uncle + gf, my aunt + husband, my parents, my grandma... someone's missing there i also thought about sending my grandma a card once when i'm in california and then i realized that i will only write one name on the card, that I will write the card in singular and i also kept thinking about Mr.S and it lead to the thought that my grandpa will never meet (my boyfriend (no matter whether it's Mr.S or someone else) I will be go home soon, and he won't be there. lt's just so painful. It's so weird, keep living my life, going out, having fun, and deep inside there's the fact that i lost one of my closest and most important people forever
Yesterday, i also got an email from my cousin saying that my gr.grandma's health is failing again. She had to be brought to the hospital, she will be released soon, but she seems to be very tired and can't really communicate anymore. I know, she's 95, so these things are to be expected, but it seemed as if she regained strength again. And i just found out, once i finally felt a little bit better. Does it never stop? Some of you know what i've been through in my life. It took me a long time to trust life and to enjoy the good moments, without being afraid something bad will happen. I finally got there, and now bad things after bad things seem to happen. And instead of things getting better,things get worse Same with Mr.S. It seemed to be goign well, now, not so much anymore. Don't i deserve something positive? See, now i feel bad to have these thoughts, because a lot of good things have happened. I came here, i got the chance to live my dream, but yeah, at the same time, other things keep being bad or bad things are happening.
I don't feel well. I didn't get my rhythm back, i'm falling behind in school, which makes me feel bad, i'm tired, i put pressure on myself, etc.
Sorry, for such a depressive post, but i had to let it out...
thank you for reading it
I'm not having the best day today
I miss my family so much. Yesterday they had a service in the church where they called the names of the people who passed away in the last 30 days (it's a catholic thing and i don't know what it's called in English, maybe one of you know what i'm talking about) so my family went to church and out for dinner. Today my mom sent me a text message telling me that they went to see my uncle's new kitchen today and she mentioned everyone who was ther: my uncle + gf, my aunt + husband, my parents, my grandma... someone's missing there i also thought about sending my grandma a card once when i'm in california and then i realized that i will only write one name on the card, that I will write the card in singular and i also kept thinking about Mr.S and it lead to the thought that my grandpa will never meet (my boyfriend (no matter whether it's Mr.S or someone else) I will be go home soon, and he won't be there. lt's just so painful. It's so weird, keep living my life, going out, having fun, and deep inside there's the fact that i lost one of my closest and most important people forever Yesterday, i also got an email from my cousin saying that my gr.grandma's health is failing again. She had to be brought to the hospital, she will be released soon, but she seems to be very tired and can't really communicate anymore. I know, she's 95, so these things are to be expected, but it seemed as if she regained strength again. And i just found out, once i finally felt a little bit better. Does it never stop? Some of you know what i've been through in my life. It took me a long time to trust life and to enjoy the good moments, without being afraid something bad will happen. I finally got there, and now bad things after bad things seem to happen. And instead of things getting better,things get worse
Same with Mr.S. It seemed to be goign well, now, not so much anymore. Don't i deserve something positive? See, now i feel bad to have these thoughts, because a lot of good things have happened. I came here, i got the chance to live my dream, but yeah, at the same time, other things keep being bad or bad things are happening. I don't feel well. I didn't get my rhythm back, i'm falling behind in school, which makes me feel bad, i'm tired, i put pressure on myself, etc.
Sorry, for such a depressive post, but i had to let it out...
thank you for reading it
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
Yawn Yawn! I went to bed at 6:30 am and slept until 5:30 PM! Had a wonderful day with all the well wishes and fun online with everybody from every where! LOL Thanks everyone for that!
Now I'm up the day after and like always? Time marches on regardless of what's happening in my world alone! The world doesn't evolve around myself! Although Little Maria thinks it should around herself! LOL She heard me up and came running to the kitchen so momma would see her and pick her up! Daddy's been absent all day working on the gas lines outside to get heat into his barn!
TOD
Had a wonderful day with all the well wishes and fun online with everybody from every where! LOL Thanks everyone for that!Now I'm up the day after and like always? Time marches on regardless of what's happening in my world alone! The world doesn't evolve around myself! Although Little Maria thinks it should around herself! LOL She heard me up and came running to the kitchen so momma would see her and pick her up! Daddy's been absent all day working on the gas lines outside to get heat into his barn!
TOD
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Canada.
Posts: 795
Big hugs Butter. Be kind to yourself, your grandpa passed so recently, of course it's going to be hard. You are where you are, in the grieving process, you need to move thru at your own pace. Some steps and stages will be harder, sometimes you need to go back and repeat one. That's OK. It can't be rushed, be kind and gentle to yourself. I think i know the part of the mass you are referring to, the names of the recently deceased and prayers for the sick. It's so hard to hear that name said, so final.
I know how hard it is with family not around. When Dad died, we came back to our home in the US and all my family was back in Canada. And it all felt different and like nothing happened at the same time. I would talk to my mom and siblings and miss them so much. Allow yourself time to heal.
As for Mr S? Men, blech, who needs them?!?! Maybe Blue can find some frownies for him.
Tod, i know it was your birthday, but whatcha doing going to bed in the morning and sleeping till supper? Do you have your days and nights mixed up? Lol! I had a kid like that!
hope jethro can get heat into the barn,have they stopped working?
I know how hard it is with family not around. When Dad died, we came back to our home in the US and all my family was back in Canada. And it all felt different and like nothing happened at the same time. I would talk to my mom and siblings and miss them so much. Allow yourself time to heal.
As for Mr S? Men, blech, who needs them?!?! Maybe Blue can find some frownies for him.
Tod, i know it was your birthday, but whatcha doing going to bed in the morning and sleeping till supper? Do you have your days and nights mixed up? Lol! I had a kid like that!
hope jethro can get heat into the barn,have they stopped working?
RIP Maria
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: AR
Posts: 7,654
SVL: I've always known; silence can be golden in more ways than one! With you going to bed and being asleep while he was texting you? He figured you weren't okay and he'd better get back home! He gets home and finds you peacefully asleep! I'm sure that was a relief to him!
.....I'm glad he was able to relate to you how he was feeling inside too! Yes he brought up the fact he was trying to read your thoughts too on you needing a hug due to your hard day. But the main thing is? He talked about his own feelings. They were his feelings and he shared them with you! He didn't turn to the bottle to wash them away! Woot Woot!
.....Now! After 23 years of being all over the place in the Army? I've been away from family and friends many a time when I needed support during things. I had to dig deep down to find the strength within myself to get thru them. We do have it within ourselves to do that! After getting to Basic Training and two weeks into the training? I get a letter from my mom with pictures. OMG! I just sat there crying on my bunk! The pictures were of my mom and daughter standing at the bathroom sink and she was CUTTING my daughters long hair off! My fellow room females came rushing over to see what the problem was! I held the pictures out to them and they all started shouting/chanting! It'll grow back! It'll grow back! We all started laughing! I was still sad, but they had true grit meaning! I had told mom before leaving: "DO NOT cut her hair!" Can we say I was pizzed for a little while? Well maybe a couple of hours! It's like crying over spilled milk.
.....Putting it on himself! Oh yeah! Setting oneself up to take the fall so we can have a reason for using/drinking! Only now we aren't using or drinking! So we are left to stew in the WTF's! As bad as I hate to say this: Sounds like he needs an anti-d for awhile! His mind seems to be going every which way but loose! Not able to hang on to reality!
.....As for thinking someone is always needing me to be there? I don't! The only thing I do at night that's something I feel required to do is fix Jethro's coffee pot to be ready for brewing when he gets up! Everybody else knows how to reach me by phone, email or snail mail. The more you do for somebody? The more they expect it to be done by you! They get lazier and you get more worn out!
My dad! He was an alcoholic! He wrecked multiple cars and whoreeed around on mom! He blew every dollar he made on beer. Mom wasn't working either and had three daughters to raise! She made most of our clothes and learned to cook food from everything! She would even boil the potato peelings to put in with the dog food to make it go further! When she got her belly full of dad's shanigan's! She told him the paychecks come home and she'd give him an allowance. After being married 38 years? She divorced him! They were divorced for two months and dad knew he didn't want to live w/o her! So they remarried! He finally quit drinking and then got hooked on pain meds! Sigh! After years of that life he finally quit those too. Mom stuck with him thru it all and in the end they were truly happy! She used music, like I do, to deal with life! It truly improves the moods when we are down and out!
Blue: If a person doesn't get a certain amount of exercise each day? Built up energy comes out in nervous energy! That's where the drugs and alcohol can come into play. It helps to calm us down! Ik Ik Cleanin! You're thinking! Not ME! LOL I could clean the entire house in five hours while on the opiates! I could too in the beginning of my use but not later on! I found being active helps to relieve that anxious energy!
.....Don't you know Blue that sneaky stuff you pull with Mr Blue is like putting a rubber snake in the desk drawer? LOL You give him a surprise but it comes back to bite you in the butt for it!
.....Yes Loretta Lynn is part of the Grand Old Opry! She sings the song: Cole miners daughter! It's about her growing up and her dad!
.....If you have animals or young children? They don't understand weekends or time off! LOL Our kids! Psssssttt Their on our schedules though! ROFL
SVL: My way of dealing with the stuff happening at home in the younger days was why I spent so much time outside! Roaming the countryside on horseback or bikes! Can't count the days I spent sitting on top the mountain behind the house on those huge boulders talking to my horse about all the crap going on! And crying too! I'd eventually get it all out and then head back down the mountain! I'd be the one screaming at my parent's to STOP IT and my two sisters would be hiding in their rooms! I told dad many a time to just leave for awhile! And then there are the good memories too! So it all equaled out along the way! I used to bring mom and dad coffee to their bedroom. They'd sit up in bed drinking their coffee and I'd climb up on the bed to listen sometimes.
.....I worked for three years as a Secretary II for the Radio, TV, Film department at a college! I loved my job and most of the seven Professors! The students always stopped by to say hello too. On my birthdays I'd go to lunch and come back to find birthday cards taped to my office door from everyone!
Allfor: Oh the Shingles! LOL It's drying up and itches more now than before! I told Jethro if he sees claw marks on the walls out here? It's just me! LOL
.....Thanks for the birthday wishes! It was truly a nice day! Even if Jethro did forget it was my birthday! ROFL I forgot his last year so we're equal! There's Christmas Day, then Jethro's BD and then my granddaughters! ARGH!
.....Due to me being addicted to the opiates and my XH being an alcoholic? My daughter doesn't take anything she doesn't have to! She doesn't want to become addicted to anything! She doesn't drink either! Or smoke! She has both kids in sports-soccer and puts them on time limits with the electronic stuff as well!
Cleanin: What you said about your daughter mentioning your addiction? That's a big announcement! She's paying attention to you and at school! She's learned that's not the way to live her life! Kudo's to the both of ya!
TOD
With you going to bed and being asleep while he was texting you? He figured you weren't okay and he'd better get back home! He gets home and finds you peacefully asleep! I'm sure that was a relief to him!.....I'm glad he was able to relate to you how he was feeling inside too! Yes he brought up the fact he was trying to read your thoughts too on you needing a hug due to your hard day. But the main thing is? He talked about his own feelings. They were his feelings and he shared them with you! He didn't turn to the bottle to wash them away! Woot Woot!
.....Now! After 23 years of being all over the place in the Army? I've been away from family and friends many a time when I needed support during things. I had to dig deep down to find the strength within myself to get thru them. We do have it within ourselves to do that! After getting to Basic Training and two weeks into the training? I get a letter from my mom with pictures. OMG! I just sat there crying on my bunk! The pictures were of my mom and daughter standing at the bathroom sink and she was CUTTING my daughters long hair off! My fellow room females came rushing over to see what the problem was! I held the pictures out to them and they all started shouting/chanting! It'll grow back! It'll grow back! We all started laughing! I was still sad, but they had true grit meaning! I had told mom before leaving: "DO NOT cut her hair!" Can we say I was pizzed for a little while? Well maybe a couple of hours! It's like crying over spilled milk.
.....Putting it on himself! Oh yeah! Setting oneself up to take the fall so we can have a reason for using/drinking! Only now we aren't using or drinking! So we are left to stew in the WTF's! As bad as I hate to say this: Sounds like he needs an anti-d for awhile! His mind seems to be going every which way but loose! Not able to hang on to reality!
.....As for thinking someone is always needing me to be there? I don't! The only thing I do at night that's something I feel required to do is fix Jethro's coffee pot to be ready for brewing when he gets up! Everybody else knows how to reach me by phone, email or snail mail. The more you do for somebody? The more they expect it to be done by you! They get lazier and you get more worn out!
My dad! He was an alcoholic! He wrecked multiple cars and whoreeed around on mom! He blew every dollar he made on beer. Mom wasn't working either and had three daughters to raise! She made most of our clothes and learned to cook food from everything! She would even boil the potato peelings to put in with the dog food to make it go further! When she got her belly full of dad's shanigan's! She told him the paychecks come home and she'd give him an allowance. After being married 38 years? She divorced him! They were divorced for two months and dad knew he didn't want to live w/o her!
So they remarried! He finally quit drinking and then got hooked on pain meds! Sigh! After years of that life he finally quit those too. Mom stuck with him thru it all and in the end they were truly happy! She used music, like I do, to deal with life! It truly improves the moods when we are down and out!Blue: If a person doesn't get a certain amount of exercise each day? Built up energy comes out in nervous energy! That's where the drugs and alcohol can come into play. It helps to calm us down! Ik Ik Cleanin! You're thinking! Not ME! LOL I could clean the entire house in five hours while on the opiates! I could too in the beginning of my use but not later on! I found being active helps to relieve that anxious energy!
.....Don't you know Blue that sneaky stuff you pull with Mr Blue is like putting a rubber snake in the desk drawer? LOL You give him a surprise but it comes back to bite you in the butt for it!
.....Yes Loretta Lynn is part of the Grand Old Opry! She sings the song: Cole miners daughter! It's about her growing up and her dad!
.....If you have animals or young children? They don't understand weekends or time off! LOL Our kids! Psssssttt Their on our schedules though! ROFL
SVL: My way of dealing with the stuff happening at home in the younger days was why I spent so much time outside! Roaming the countryside on horseback or bikes! Can't count the days I spent sitting on top the mountain behind the house on those huge boulders talking to my horse about all the crap going on! And crying too! I'd eventually get it all out and then head back down the mountain! I'd be the one screaming at my parent's to STOP IT and my two sisters would be hiding in their rooms! I told dad many a time to just leave for awhile! And then there are the good memories too! So it all equaled out along the way! I used to bring mom and dad coffee to their bedroom. They'd sit up in bed drinking their coffee and I'd climb up on the bed to listen sometimes.
.....I worked for three years as a Secretary II for the Radio, TV, Film department at a college! I loved my job and most of the seven Professors! The students always stopped by to say hello too. On my birthdays I'd go to lunch and come back to find birthday cards taped to my office door from everyone!
Allfor: Oh the Shingles! LOL It's drying up and itches more now than before! I told Jethro if he sees claw marks on the walls out here? It's just me! LOL
.....Thanks for the birthday wishes! It was truly a nice day! Even if Jethro did forget it was my birthday! ROFL I forgot his last year so we're equal! There's Christmas Day, then Jethro's BD and then my granddaughters! ARGH!
.....Due to me being addicted to the opiates and my XH being an alcoholic? My daughter doesn't take anything she doesn't have to! She doesn't want to become addicted to anything! She doesn't drink either! Or smoke! She has both kids in sports-soccer and puts them on time limits with the electronic stuff as well!
Cleanin: What you said about your daughter mentioning your addiction? That's a big announcement! She's paying attention to you and at school! She's learned that's not the way to live her life! Kudo's to the both of ya!
TOD
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