gaffo

I miss waking up in the middle of the night full of dread for no apparent reason.

I miss comparing my alcoholism with others.

I do miss my little empty buddies everywhere.

I miss the smell.

It's holiday season, I miss the extra extra strength holiday beers that give me a hangover every day until the end of January. Hangovers are such a luxury!

EndGameNYC

I've grown weary of telling the truth. It makes me feel like an outsider, a stranger in strange land. And I hate it now that people rely on me to be there for them and get things done.

I no longer know what to do myself, what with the disappearance of reliable and near-constant streams of karmic paybacks.

I long for the days when my favorite phrases included:

"I'll be there in five minutes."

"That's not what I meant."

"I wasn't laughing at you..."

"If you'd have reminded me that your family was having a surprise birthday party for you, I would have been there."

"I'll be there in ten minutes."

"When did we get a dog?"

"I only lock the door to the den because I don't want you to trip on something when I have the lights off while I'm meditating."

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

"How was I supposed to know that was your mother?"

"When did we get a car?"

"Calm down. Our anniversary will come around in another twelve months."

"So, I'm supposed to read your mind to find out that you'd rather I didn't puke on your side of the bed?! Who's being selfish now?!"

"I just got a flat. I'll be there in half-an-hour."

"Why do you always get so upset when I can't remember where I parked the car? (We do have a car...don't we?)"

"There's lipstick on my neck because I stopped at Macy's because I wanted to pick out something nice for you in the Cosmetics Department for our anniversary twelve months from now."

"I'll be there in an hour. I can't get these stupid lug nuts off."

"So I missed your son's birthday party. He's only three...he'll have plenty more birthdays."

"You said you were having your friends over on Friday, and that you wanted me out of the house. You didn't say anything at all about me coming home by Monday. Again, I can't read your mind."

"What makes you think I'm being sarcastic? Now you can read my mind?"

"I didn't lose my wallet, smartass. I gave it to a friend for safe keeping."

"You never woke up on your neighbor's lawn before? If you had, you would have known that it's proper etiquette to do so without your pants on."

"If you didn't want me to drink at parent-teacher night, you should have said so. I can't read your mind."

"So now I'm not allowed to order pizza at three o'clock in the morning? You need to loosen up."

"I didn't p*ss myself. My pants are wet because I fell in the snow. Must be great to be so cynical all the time. And yes, I am being sarcastic."

"I've been drinking?! You think I've been drinking? Must be great to know everything."

"Look, it's not like I've ever missed your father's funeral before. People die every day. Get over it."

"I'm not coming in at all. I was hit by a car while I was trying to change that stupid tire. Doc says I need to stay home for at least a week."

margherita

I miss going to great lengths to hide the fact that I'm totally drunk, thinking that I was so smart and fooling everyone! Such as, I miss going on a first date after having drunk a bottle of wine at home by myself while getting ready and being already drunk..trying to find the address, however I can't see clearly the bar names and I can't figure out the address being totally confused, asking stranger after stranger on the street for the address and one man telling me "Darling, you're drunk, go home." -- when I totally thought I could keep a straight face on.
On, and I also can't express how lovely it was when guys would never call me again after the first date being so horrified of my drunkness. I guess they are the ones missing out for not wanting to date such a fun loving girl. I also miss messing up every relationship I had due to erratic and overly emotional behavior thanks to my BFF alcohol.

I miss having zero physical energy to do anything all day from the moment I woke up, and only gathering up my energy to get dressed up nicely, putting on makeup, and doing my hair just to go to the liquor store so that the cashier would think I'm "normal"
Once at the liquor store, it was so fun pretending not to know what I wanted to buy and asking for advice about different bottles if they were good quality - when I knew exactly what I was going to buy. And the quality really mattered since I would sip my wine slowly for its taste, and not to get drunk ASAP.

I miss constantly having to wonder if people could smell my breath, if they knew I was drinking, if I looked normal, if they were commenting about me and my drinking, if they could notice how fast or how much I was drinking.

But most of all, I truly miss waking up each morning TERRIFIED to look at my phone, for fear of facing the charming messages I sent people the night before which I had no memory of.

Same with waking up in the morning feeling everything is all good just for a split second, and slowly remembering right after what I did or said the night before and that horrible, horrible sinking feeling in my heart along with shame and embarrassment. What a dignified existence that was.

StarXI

-I'm gunna miss the shaking, vomiting, sweating panic of the "Should I go to the ER today or try and wait it out?" game.
-I miss the 5 day hospital stay I had last year.
-Jail was fun. Great food.
-Waking up and discovering what I had broken of my boyfriends in a drunken rage the night before. I love waisting money.
-Choking down my own wine vomit just to stop the shaking. How attractive!

izzy8

Because I really want to set an example for my kids that drinking is the way to go.

I want them to learn that skill so they can carry on the family tradition!

We come from a long line of drinking. I can't let that stop with me and be the first one in my family to live past 60! Who wants to enjoy golden years doing what you love and with grandchildren anyway?

I want to throw my life away. It's just easier that way.

hiddenzebra

I miss waking up with the shakes and heaves. And I miss the fear of getting into the shower without a couple of seizure-preventing drinks

Meraviglioso

Ugh, I now have to actually pay attention to my friends when they invite me to their home and prepare me a nice meal. I definitely prefer zoning out and obsessing/panicing about the amount of wine available to me, with absolutely nothing else coming in between me and those thoughts.

On that note, who needs friends anyway? With wine I can just drink myself into oblivion and rapidly destroy any possibility of receiving a repeat invitation.

Nothing says "class" like a 35 year old mother of 2 grabbing at wine glasses of others asking "are you going to drink that?"

Is something serious going on in your life? Did someone die or are you deeply concerned about something? It sounds like the perfect time for me to turn up the music and insist on a dance party!

alphaomega

ENDGAME !

You just made me LOL !!! In a kinda sad and horrified way...

SnowDawg

I miss the acid reflux and the irritated esophagus. Eating in a restaurant and the panic of food not going down the hatch the way it should. One of the worst memories I have!

dcrr

I think I want an unproductive wasteful day today. I chance to show my friends and strangers around me how much of an idiot I can be. Then, with any luck, I can wake up feeling ashamed, embarrassed and disappointed in myself. Yes, those are perfect reasons to have a drink today.

gaffo

I miss those complex hangovers that play themselves out like a crossword puzzle from hell as you slowly remember things from the day/night before, like horrible monsters coming in from the fog.

MelindaFlowers

I miss the morning inventory of just what kind and just how severe the hangover would be. My God I could write 15 pages a day about how much I don't miss hangovers.

And then there were the real whoppers which were usually only on weekends because I planned so well. This type of hangover made it so I could barely walk. I could barely talk. I could barely send a text message. Watching a movie was painful and I couldn't even pay attention to what was going on. It was impossible to keep track of what the actors were saying or doing. Lying on the couch was painful. These were the ones where actually thought I might die that day. I probably should've gone to the ER almost every weekend. My head did not even really hurt during these. It felt like my brain was melting and I could not even enunciate my words correctly. I would drink water, tons of water, all day and not urinate until 10 PM. It would feel like my insides were shaking like every organ in my body was fidgety. There was no rest, no peace. Mind and body in pure unfiltered hell..

In the meanwhile, people are outside jogging, walking their dogs, going to the park. I would get text messages saying hey what's up? These were from people who were out in public maybe at the mall shopping, feeling good, trying on clothes, browsing, feeling normal, just having a normal Saturday and happy that they weren't at work. Other people spent their weekends playing tennis or rollerskating or going to a movie. As I would lay there thinking I was going to die I didn't know if I would ever have a normal weekend again. Was that the ice cream truck that just drove by? It felt the most bizarre during the summer when it was 90° outside and sunny and I was at home with the air conditioning cranked up shivering under a down comforter and sweating at the same time Who were those people outside riding bicycles? How did they do that? Did they really not drink on Friday night? What did they do instead? What would that even feel like?

I've been sober for four months and I can tell you now it feels a whole lot :::::::::: better to be part of the living breathing human race again!

Fly N Buy

Seems there's a pretty consistent theme!

Reasons to drink......
Really tired of my body, mind and soul working in unison to be a better person to my fellow man and loving ( at least starting to like ) myself. I am so much better off when they fight amongst themselves like crabs in a barrel.....


fly

MelindaFlowers

I miss chugging two liters of water during my 15 minute drive to work. Do you think it looked weird to have empty 2 L soda bottles in my backseat? Last night's mixer, this morning's water bottle.

Aellyce

I'm so good at generating creative excuses, I feel it's really a shame not having the courage to use this talent of mine, I developed this art to such a pro level during the past two years before I quit drinking. My father likes to ask me, for some reason, when I would be visiting next time, or perhaps he could visit me and we could travel together. I think I can't be myself without:

"I'm not sure... I'm having some visa issues at the moment. If I go, they won't let me back home. Will let you know..."

"Oh, dad, imagine the *** office just screwed up my visa documents. I don't know when they will fix it. I really, really wanted to go..."

"Dad, we just talked about this last week and I explained, please don't ask each time I will let you know."

"I just happened to get a lot of unexpected work for the next few months..."

"Dad, I call you regularly like clockwork and we always chat for two hours about everything we want to talk about. I would talk more if you wanted me, what is it that we cannot discuss over the phone?"

"I am so proud of how you are handling these fears... and so happy for your health and good spirits. There really aren't many men at this age being at such a peace with everything."
(Means it's not necessary that I be there with you. And there is the phone in the worst case.)

"Dad, you know I'm not the kind of person who usually celebrates holidays. Christmas is just a time airlines and others use to raise money. I will visit later in the spring."

"Oh dad, maybe later in the fall, summer is sooo hot over there."
(Lucky he does not know how summer is in NY.)

"Oh jeez, imagine, dad, I signed up for a new course, so excited! The only problem is that it'll run through the Christmas holidays..."

And I'm such a loser not taking two weeks off work because I am visiting my father abroad when I am not. All this waste of creative talent!

SnowDawg

I really miss rating each hangover from one to ten. Ten being worst. The last few hangovers I had went beyond ten.

EndGameNYC

I think all of us are often keenly aware when we're making excuses for things, drunk or not, and that we cringe internally whenever we say such things or when we catch ourselves moving in that humiliating direction.

One of the many benefits of sobriety is that I'm now able to think back on the things I used to say and laugh, albeit in a derisive or cynical way, though the people on the other end of them still might not think they're very funny.

Fly N Buy

Dark humor/sarcasm sometimes has a purpose for sure. It's a deadly problem we are all aware and thus remembering WHY we don't drink is important.

Ruby2

I've enjoyed reading all these and see myself in so many of them. Alphaomega and the anxiety and trying not to fall over and die in the bathroom. I so miss praying that I wouldn't pass out from anxiety on the train platform on the way home.

I'm sure the first people who noticed I quit drinking were the recycling crew. No thunderous cascade of glass anymore.

MelindaFlowers

Ahhh yes. I had a handful of 11's and 12's. Once I think I had a 13! Love having the zeros everyday!