I miss the morning inventory of just what kind and just how severe the hangover would be. My God I could write 15 pages a day about how much I don't miss hangovers.
And then there were the real whoppers which were usually only on weekends because I planned so well. This type of hangover made it so I could barely walk. I could barely talk. I could barely send a text message. Watching a movie was painful and I couldn't even pay attention to what was going on. It was impossible to keep track of what the actors were saying or doing. Lying on the couch was painful. These were the ones where actually thought I might die that day. I probably should've gone to the ER almost every weekend. My head did not even really hurt during these. It felt like my brain was melting and I could not even enunciate my words correctly. I would drink water, tons of water, all day and not urinate until 10 PM. It would feel like my insides were shaking like every organ in my body was fidgety. There was no rest, no peace. Mind and body in pure unfiltered hell..
In the meanwhile, people are outside jogging, walking their dogs, going to the park. I would get text messages saying hey what's up? These were from people who were out in public maybe at the mall shopping, feeling good, trying on clothes, browsing, feeling normal, just having a normal Saturday and happy that they weren't at work. Other people spent their weekends playing tennis or rollerskating or going to a movie. As I would lay there thinking I was going to die I didn't know if I would ever have a normal weekend again. Was that the ice cream truck that just drove by? It felt the most bizarre during the summer when it was 90° outside and sunny and I was at home with the air conditioning cranked up shivering under a down comforter and sweating at the same time Who were those people outside riding bicycles? How did they do that? Did they really not drink on Friday night? What did they do instead? What would that even feel like?
I've been sober for four months and I can tell you now it feels a whole lot :::::::::: better to be part of the living breathing human race again!