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Old 03-05-2012, 11:12 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Opiates are ruining my life

I'm in trouble. for the last 3 weeks I have realized that something has got to give. I have been addicted to opiates for 13 months. I really dont know how it started. A friend of mine had 50 vicoden and then it just took off from there. I use vicoden, percocet, oxy's and even 100mg fentanyll patches. At first I thoughT, wow..this is great..I can work 50 hrs a week, raise my two girls, keep my house spotless and still not be too tired to go to the park . I felt like super mom! I have a beautiful home, new car, and my daughters want for nothing. But, I have really came into major money troubles. I make around 1000.00 a week and I realize now that I am spending up to 600 a week on these pills. which means, I am putting 400 into my bills and home a week. I hate myself everytime i take them. I feel ashamed to even look at my daughters, knowing that they havent the slightest clue that their 31 year old mother is a junkie! A JUNKIE! I never thought i would say that about myself! I can take anywhere from 13-30 pills a day. thats just terrible! I am so scared to go through the withdrawl. I havent taken a pill in 8 hrs and am already feeling withdrawl. i have 12 pills in my bottle and I know that i have to save them to get through my work day tomorrow. Im scared...I have no time left off of work until April except for the two days i have off normally. How am I supposed to go through this WITHDRAWL and work. Im ready to stop, but scared. HELP!!
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Old 03-05-2012, 11:31 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hello, this is glad to be free. It is always scary to get out of our comfort zone, for so long you have relied on the opiate to suppress any and all feelings emotionally and physically. It is a very scary thing to worry about facing withdrawls. I was there just about one month ago. Now I have been clean since February 29 thanks to the help of suboxone. I don't know if you know anything about it but it is a very helpful tool in becoming free from opiate dependence. It keeps you from having any withdrawl at all. I don't know where you live but maybe you could google and find a dr that would perscribe it for you and join in on some recovery groups and sessions. I hope this helps, best of luck and I am definatly praying for you. Also, don't feel like your a bad mother, your not... you see that you need help and only a good mother would recognize that. I have two awsome boys of my own 2y and 6mo...both they and my husband are my motivation. You can do it!
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Old 03-05-2012, 11:49 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome, Susan!

Don't look down on yourself - addiction can affect anyone. It takes courage to admit our problem and reach out for help and you're doing that today. Have you talked to a doctor at all? There are some who specialize in addiction and might be able to help advise you about detox.

It's scary, I know, but getting clean is the best thing you can do for yourself and your daughters. And your worth it.....

You might want to check out our section on substance abuse, too:
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

The forum is often a little slow at this hour, but keep reading and posting - I promise you'll find many here who know what you're going through.
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Old 03-06-2012, 05:56 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I don't want to sound like I'm encouraging you to use,but you really need more than 2 days off.Its more like 4 until your able to least function.
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Old 03-06-2012, 07:00 AM   #5 (permalink)
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It sounds like you have hidden your addiction from your family - like I did - and MUCH of the anxiety of the entire situation comes from shame.

13 months may feel like a long, long time, but it is not too late to free yourself in the sense that the great struggle most addicts face isn't so much the physical withdrawal as it is the deep, deep depression that follows, and the duration of that depression is often in synch with your duration of use. There are thousands of opiate addicts out there that used heavily for DECADES. Their brains' reward mechanism, the natural "feel good" chemicals, have been co-opted by opiates, and it takes time for those to heal, for you to feel "normal" again.

Suboxone saved me. Find a good suboxone doctor. They will NOT talk down to you, judge you. They have seen it all, and simply want to help.

Best of luck, you are not alone. Please find help right away.
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Old 03-06-2012, 07:03 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Susan, so glad you are here. You will find so much support here. I would highly suggest coming clean to your doctor and asking for help immediately! You have been on opiates for a long time, and there are options for you so you don't need to suffer so much getting clean. Your doctor can help you! Please ask for help.
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Old 03-10-2012, 01:29 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Susan, i too was completly addicted to oxy for 2 years, and used it to be a supermom as well. I took between 250-350mg/day. My last use was 3/5 in the morning and i went through 2 days of hell on earth before I started my Suboxone. I went from hell to heaven in 30 min. The drug saved me. I reccommend it highly. Good luck and keep writing, its cathartic and nice to here from ppl, bc you are not alone.
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Old 03-10-2012, 01:37 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Susan
It sounds like you are going to go through some withdrawals, best see a doctor for meds that can let you down slowly.
I can sympathise with all your responsibilities and having to keep it all going when really you need to detox and have some time to yourself. It's hard but you realize the damage it is doing in your life and want to change that so good for you.

I wish you all the best in your recovery and I believe you can do it.

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Old 03-10-2012, 09:36 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Old 05-19-2012, 09:20 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Hello everyone! It was a couple of months since Ive been on here. I am now five days clean of opiates and have started on Suboxone. 2mg , three times a day. I felt relief in just a short hour. I came clean with the help of my Grandfather.He was very supportive and we got online and found a doctor right away. It is now Saturday and I havent taken a Vicoden since Monday evening. I feel very proud of myself, and havent even thought about buying pills. I erased all of my contacts in my cell phone that Im able to get pills from. I have had no withdrawls at all! Just a little tired, but Im getting up in the morning and having my coffee and enjoying the morning sunrise...just like I used to. I am thinking more clearly and not forgetting things as easily. The great thing is that I have made $1200.00 this week and spent absolutely none of it on Pills! Boy, that was a terrific feeling! Just what I had to spend on my suboxone and doctor appointment...which was more than worth it! I dont feel scared anymore. And I know that if I feel this great after only 5 days of sobriety, just think how I will feel after 10 days, 20 days, and thensome. Thank you everyone for you kind words and support. I will be checking in everyday now, for support and so I can also give kind words and supportive healing to others.
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Old 05-19-2012, 09:28 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Congratulations on your five days Susan.
Glad you are feeling fabulous! Keep at it!
We're all proud!
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Old 05-19-2012, 09:31 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Susan, it's good to hear that you're doing well.

You can always find support here, so I hope you keep posting.
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Old 05-19-2012, 09:55 AM   #13 (permalink)
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That is wonderful Susan. I am so happy for you.
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Old 05-19-2012, 10:09 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Congratulations, Susan!! That's great news and I'm so glad you were able to get some medical help and have the support of your grandfather. Awesome!:ghug3
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Old 05-19-2012, 03:08 PM   #15 (permalink)
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What a relief this must be! I am relieved for you, too, and happy to hear your fabulous news. Please keep posting, and sharing your journey with us, Susan. Well done!
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Old 05-19-2012, 03:15 PM   #16 (permalink)
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That is marvelous!!! Congrats on five days.
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Old 05-19-2012, 03:20 PM   #17 (permalink)
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welcome back Susan - and congratulations

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Old 05-19-2012, 06:22 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Susan,

I am so happy for you. It sounds like it was getting serious. And with kids, well you know how important it is to be present, etc.

You sure are fortunate to have a Grandfather like that! That is just great. Awesome that you reached out to him...very cool. Congratulations. Enjoy sobriety!!!!
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Old 05-30-2012, 10:08 AM   #19 (permalink)
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Thank you for all your support, my friends! Life just keeps getting better! 16 days of sobriety and i still do not have any cravings. The doctor has even lowered my dose of Suboxone and I still feel terrific. Some people say that suboxone will not work, and that it is trading one drug for another drug. For me, it does work...because I believe in it, and I am not abusing it. Doctors orders is what I am following and it is saving my life. I forgot to mention that I am a five year lymphoma cancer survior. If I can beat that, I can beat anything! I feel that I have friends out in the world that I have never even met through this website. Thank you for believing in me!
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